The Cellar - 5/22/2006: Coors Light townhouse

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5/22/2006: Coors Light townhouse

http://cellar.org/2006/coorslight1.jpg

axlrosen suggests this bunch, which tell the story of a sad gentleman who consumed 70,000 Coors Light cans over 8 years and never threw any of the empties away.

http://cellar.org/2006/coorslight2.jpg

That's 24 "silver bullets" a day average.

http://cellar.org/2006/coorslight3.jpg

But you know, the most interesting part of the full story are these two details:

Quote:

To all outward appearances, the person who lived in the townhouse was the perfect tenant. He always paid on time and he never complained. He kept a low profile in the neighborhood.

Quote:

Property manager: "The man who lived there seems to be back on his feet. We spoke to him today and he says he's completely stopped drinking. He was welcomed back to his old job a few months ago, and his co-workers speak highly of him."

Oh

My

Fucking

God.

This actually isn't that bad. You hear about hoarders with houses filled with crap. Takes weeks to clean them out, and the houses are trashed afterwards.

These really appear to just be cans. You could use a plastic snow shovel to shovel them outside and into a dumpster. Then recycle them. Would only take a day or two. Open the windows for a while and the smell would probably go away.

The amazing story here is that he drank a case a day and was able to function.

it was coors light. 70,000x.05 = $3500.

Heh...that looks eerily familiar.

I had a tenant family once that totally trashed the place they rented from me.

Free curbside garbage pickup and they stuffed all their bags into the carport shed instead of walk 10 feet to the curb. It was so full that they were barely able to get the door closed...all the way up to the ceiling. It took me a week and 107 lawn garbage bags to empty it out. Had to bribe the garbage man to haul it all away too. You really don't want details of what kind of crud was crawling in there.

They emptied their ashtrays into the broom closet instead of the trash can which resulted in a 3 feet deep pile of nasty butts.

They took beer bottle caps and pushed them into the ceiling tiles, creating a sort of trashy new look. The entire ceiling was covered in beer caps.

They took down the custom drapes and nailed them over the screens on the screened in porch.

I don't think they once cleaned the bathroom. I've seen cleaner ones in abandoned industrial buildings. (It had to be torn out and completely rebuilt).

They smashed the outside walls by driving a vehicle into them. Apparently while fighting, the wife tried to run down the husband and got the building instead...repeatedly.

When I had the sheriff evict them, they left a lot of stuff behind including closets full of things with the price tags still attached (stolen?).

Lovely family :eek: . Mother, father, teenager, a pre-teen and a toddler.

Never again will I be a landlord. Ever.

Stormie

you said i could do the thing with the bottlecaps :(

Quote:

Originally Posted by glatt

You hear about hoarders with houses filled with crap.

I read about this in Popular Science, or Discover, or Scientific American, can't remember which. It's a specific type of behavior, it doesn't respond to the medications prescribed for Obsessive/Compulsive behavior. It appears to be a product of the resource-hoarding instinct we have evolved to be programmed with. Just like a squirell hoarding nuts for the winter, only these people lack the ability to make a distinction between useful and non-useful objects. Something in the way their brains are wired inappropriately attaches value to these items.

Quote:

Originally Posted by glatt

You could use a plastic snow shovel to shovel them outside and into a dumpster. Then recycle them.

No! I want those cans! I want to make suits of armor out of them! (Once, while camping out and tubing on the Guadalupe River, I made a suit of armor out of the boxes from 8 18-packs)

The beer cost him around 44,000 dollars. Wow

Quote:

Originally Posted by footfootfoot

it was coors light. 70,000x.05 = $3500.

And at 4.2% alcohol by volume, I calculate that that comes to 276 gallons of ethanol processed by one liver. That would have been an impressive collection of empties even if it had been in the form of fifths of vodka.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Flint

Just like a squirell hoarding nuts for the winter, only these people lack the ability to make a distinction between useful and non-useful objects. Something in the way their brains are wired inappropriately attaches value to these items.

Hmmm. I may have a low level case of that. Not to a pathological extent, but just a tad.

Stormie, my momma had a tenant like that once. Problem was they also were one of those weird folks who decide to hoard *dogs*. Aside from the den of garbage, SPCA removed some large number of setters from the place, in terrible condition. :sniff:

Now the bad news, the parts of the place that weren't ruined, we had to live in. It was our house that was temporarily rented out and we had to return to it.

It was my job to clean the dead rats up after our homemade rat poison+oats mixture did its job.

(Ma, it has been an interesting life so far and I do believe I am far richer for having gone through all that stuff.)

That's my only beef with rat poison. I prefer traps. You know where the dead rat will be, and it won't show up in some unfortunate place where it will die.

see what happens when you drink american light beer

Man, now I don't feel so bad about the two minor paint scuffs/scratches I caused moving in/out of my last place....

Quote:

Originally Posted by glatt

That's my only beef with rat poison. I prefer traps. You know where the dead rat will be, and it won't show up in some unfortunate place where it will die.

And you can't eat them if you poison them.;)