Oct 2, 2009: Pygmy Hippo
 

The Pygmy Hippopotamus is a "greener", lower carbon footprint, politically correct version, of the big ol' Hippos that kill more Africans than any other animal. Except mosquitos, but they're insects.

In this case a baby Pygmy Hippo.

http://cellar.org/2009/pygmyhippo.jpg

This guy will grow up to about the size of a hog, which would make a nice BBQ.
So we ought to wait awhile because he only the size of a sandwich, now.

link

But, the lettuce is already there! All we need is a bun!

I can't wait for the baby dwarf pygmy hippos.

Hippo Ham? Why not go for the big ones?

You eat that cute little hippo over my dead body. And I don't mean that as a bread alternative. I want him. He'd make a great bath toy, and then after we could curl up together and watch movies. And I could call him George. And he wouldn't shed. Do hippos purr?

No, but they do that adorable shit spraying thing to mark their territory... it's so cute.

...and the slime that covers their bodies has some great health benefits too!

I can finally have a real house hippo??!!

Ok. But you have to wait for Christmas.

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedi...n_Straight.jpg

In keeping with monster's request... We could most assuredly still eat this hippo!

See here: http://images36.fotki.com/v1352/phot...giftshp-vi.jpg

(NOTE: Not necessarily safe for work.)

So, with monster dead, and their body used to prop up a table, similar to the above link, we could begin preparing, then eating, this bite-sized marvel.

I'd suggest preparing it much like you would a small bird, with some modifications.

1.) Skin it, save the skin. (Thick blubber would surely make great crackling.)

2.) Break the bones, spread it flat. (During this step, you may wish to remove the limbs, and head. There's little meat worth saving, so I'd just discard these to the bin.)

3.) Remove internal organs; Keep if you wish, if your tastes venture to the more "exotic," else, discard by feeding to your pet dog, cat, or other semi-carnivorous pet.

4.) Brush with a rosemary-infused oil.

5.) Place directly above the coals on a BBQ, or on a well-heated griddle pan, on your stove.

6.) Ensure even cooking, flipping half way through. Half way through each side, rotate 90 degrees; This way, you'll get that nice little criss-cross pattern over your meat.

7.) When cooked, cut to desired size, and serve on whole-meal bread, with a medley of crisp salad vegetables; I'd suggest picking up some of those lettuce leaves, and baby carrots. You could make a bed, on the bread, with the lettuce, wherein you could then place some mayonnaise (or miracle whip, if you can get it,) a little mustard, ketchup, etc... Shred the baby carrots, and place them atop the meat, perhaps with a little bit of corn (I love corn,) and, should the carnivore in you want out, some freshly cooked, crisp bacon! (Although this would take away from the health benefits of this sandwich!)

The meat, so young, would be so soft, and tender... You'd never go back to plain-old-boring chicken breast sandwiches, ever again... You'll find yourself stocking your freezer with frozen pygmy hippos! (Which, by the way, with heads still attached, would look ADORABLE!)

8.) To prepare the skin/crackling, merely season it to your liking (salt/pepper/spices,) and fry until crispy. It'd make a nice side-dish to this sandwich, as the difference in taste/texture, would really excite your senses.

--

... I'm hungry. Anyone know where I can get one of these Baby Pygmy Hippopotami?

I'm a vegetarian. Now I'm upset!!!!

But he is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO damn CUTE!

We'll save you some salad? :D

Or... dare we imagine... hippo bacon?

Thanks thats so nice of you but I just have to ask is that with the hippo or with out?

Well, with the bulk of the meat being used in the sandwich, we'd not have much left for your salad...

We could, perhaps, toss in the limbs, deep-fried, as croûtons?

They'd be a bit crunchy, bone 'n' all, but I imagine rather tasty, with a good salad dressing!