Somedays, I have to wonder about the reliability of news that I get from this here Internet thing.

Ya see, it says here that Mayor John Street, upon discovering that Philadelphia is the fattest city in the U.S., has appointed a Fat Czar. And that he's trying to get people to lose 76 tons of blubber by some date. And that part of how this is going to happen is by distributing tofu recipes. (Yo, Vito! Gimme soy wit'!)

The strange thing is that I saw this on Slate.com, not TheOnion. And there wasn't a hint of satire beyond words like "Fat Czar" (da na na na na na na na, Fat Czar!) or "76 Tons" (and whaddya get? Another day older and deeper in suet).

But I could see this working, if the Czar can get the cops working on it (ignoring, for now, the obvious hypocrisy). Can't you see the helicopters with Olestra bombs hovering over neighborhoods with heavy cheesesteak concentrations? Or the full SWAT teams demanding that obese fugitives PUT THE KRIMPET DOWN SLOWLY? It's a damn shame that John Kruk doesn't live in the area anymore...

Actually, Philly dropped to third fattest for last year, if I recall correctly. I haven't heard about the exact date, but I do know that it's 76 tons in 76 days...and that Pat Croce was involved in it. In fact, I celebrated yesterday by having a chicken cheesesteak from Ishkabibble's, with mayo and ketchup.

I may have a heart attack, but I'll die with a smile on my face...