My daughter likes to 'help' me get dressed in the morning, and is especially facinated with my bra. She knows that 'bests' go in there, and that she has NIP-ples, but not 'bests' yet. I told her when she was older, she will have breasts and get to wear a bra. Every once in awhile, if I am wearing a V-neck shirt, she'll whip it open and check to make sure everybody is where they belong :D She then will tell me she'll get to wear a bra later, when she's bigger. So far this hasn't happened in public, but I know I am asking for a major embarassment. Or, worse, a choice comment about a woman with very large breasts in a too small shirt sometime when were out and about (mine are little guys).

My neice is a little mimic- you can't say anything without it coming back to haunt you later- but sometimes she gets the words a little mixed up...
Ok, so when we want to shut her up (she's a drama queen and will go on and on if you let her) we say "Rachel, you're so rediculous." She seems to find this amusing, and it usually works. We were all at my brother-in-law's birthday party a couple weeks ago, and he's teasing her to no end, and she's giggling away, when she says as loud as she can "Daddy, you're so dickless!!!!"

When I was a small child (probably around age 5) I used to grab candy off the shelves at the store and my mom would say "put it back or I'll beat you..." (She never beat me, btw) Once we ran into a friend of hers and while they were talking I got really bored and restless, and started being obnoxious. I picked up some cans off the shelf and dropped them on the floor. My mom picked them up, swatted me on the behind, and continued talking to her friend. When I picked it up again, she gave me the look that said I was supposed to put it down OR ELSE. I screamed "Mommy don't beat me!!!! I'll put it back!!" What an evil child I was....she must have been so embarrased.

The art critic
 

A 10-year-old art critic disposes of the Brandywine River Museum:

"It had a lousy gift shop. There was nothing but books and postcards."

That's my daughter . . . . .

2 year old Inch3 has been chasing the cats, Ernie and Loretta around.
"Ernie, where going? Where going, Ernie?"
"Loretta, wanna read a story?" Waving green eggs and ham wildly at her.

In his sleep a few weeks ago he said:
"BIG HUGE DOWAS" (Boobs)

He is on a weaning program which invloves deflecting his nursing entreaties with:
"The Dowas are resting now, you can nurse at such and such a time."

The other day he walks up to our friend who dropped by for coffee and said somewhat seriously: "The dowas are resting" He thought Inch said "the pajamas are resting"

I was one time babysitting my little cousin for my Aunt, and I had to take her to Sunday School. When I went to pick her up, My grandmother interduced me to this new family who had just started going to the church. My little cousin hasn't had much interaction with any colored people, other then white. So she goes up to the little girl, licks her finger and goes to rub her face. Kind of like a mother does to a child when they have food or dirt around there mouth. And turns around to me and say's 'wow Ashley, She's really dirty' I was so embaressed. I was almost in tears I felt so bad.

My first husband and I split up when I was pregnant with my second child. She never knew her dad at all because we ended up living thousands of miles apart after she was born. She used to ask *any* man that I had a conversation with "are you my dad?"
Once in the grocery store there was an elderly gentleman in line in front of me, and since he only had a few items he let me go ahead of him. My daughter asked him if he was her dad, and he said "no honey, but I sure wish I was."

I could have just died.

Today:

"Did you hear me fart? It was a happy fart."

I think he is too young to know about unhappy farts.

When the incher falls and whacks himself, my wife is prompting him to rub the afflicted area and say really loudly: OOGA BOOGA. I think this is a little lame. As a lapsed Catholic, I have been coaching him to say: Holy mother of god.

Is this wrong? (Apart from the obvious; mom and dad are not on the same page)

OMG, that made me laugh out loud F3!!

A few days ago I stopped to pick up a gift after work, with Rugrat in tow. Leaving the parking lot, there was a stop sign, but no cars around so I just ignored it and turned the corner... Out of the backseat I hear "Hey! You didn't stop the car at that red sign back there!!" She totally caught me off guard and I burst out laughing. Hard to explain to a 3 year old that yes, it was naughty I didn't stop etc.

I thought after telling the story to a few friends and family members that that would be the end if it, but oh no. This morning I was in line with Rugrat at Panera Bread getting goodies to bring to work. The line was long, and we ended up chatting with the lady in front of us. During a lull in the conversation, Rugrat said to her, "Momma didn't stop at the stop sign, but it was a 'steak. It's OK to make 'steaks sometimes" Even the couple behind us got a giggle out of that.

I could have died.

It is always ok to make steaks.

OK complicated and poorly articulated tale. I was making a strange stream of consciousness point about gay marriage (gumint recognition there of) I was trying to say that the state needs to treat everyone the same. This was referenced by Santorums nonsense about marrying critters. Anyway the discussion slid into education and drifted into educating animals. To which little Griff says, "If we start teaching monkeys, they'll rob banks." :lol:

From my son (6).

"Umm... Dad, can you come here? There's something wack on the computer."

It makes sense in a zen sort of way. Kids are able to make these vast leaps of logic which are not bound by the constraints of duality that language imposes.

The rest of us have to smoke dope.

Ditto on the steaks.

Another one from the inch3:
HE was driving with SWMBO and someone cut her off, she tromped on the brakes and shouted "Jesus!" Silence in the back seat.

Two weeks later, I am driving while inch3 is nodding in and out of sleep in back. Someone cuts me off and I tromp on the brakes, behind me I hear the inch3 stir from sleep and slur "Jesus!"

(note: we often drive in westchester, ny. land of asshole me first drivers)

I should have spelled it 'stakes, she meant mis-stakes

Well, when it comes to camping with vampires, stakes get my vote every time.