Eulogy
 

I've wrestled with the idea of this thread for a long time now. It's clear to me that I'll never have it all figured out enough to post the thread, start to finish, complete. So I'm going to simply start it.

*deep breath*

I have to write a eulogy and it's stressing me out. It sounds so pathetic, compared to the burdens the others involved bear, not to mention the subject who, you know, dies. The whole thing is incredibly sad.

I've managed to make this start just as I have to leave the house for work. Intentionally. So I actually get something started and not just overwhelmed with no ability to see a logical stopping point.

When I return, I'll give more details. Not a tease, not a flounce or a flibberty-jibber-bit or whatthefuck ever. I just can't do more at this moment.

I'm sorry for your loss, BigV.

I've never written one, but I've heard a few. The best ones have a kind of a theme that summarizes the person and also throw a few anecdotes in.

I'd start by listing anecdotes about them, and then when you see a pattern emerge, you have your theme.

Your audience will not be hostile. They will be eager to come to what you are saying and give you an amen. They want to hear positive stuff to remember. The sadness is there too, but doesn't need to be examined in detail. It goes without saying.

I'm having a brain crushing deja vu. Didn't you go through this a few years ago?

glatt's on track. Funerals are not joyous occasions, but that doesn't mean you have to be a downer. You can speak well of the deceased without doing a John Cleese, just remind people why they liked the dear departed.

Oh, and keep it mini-skirt length, long enough to cover everything but short enough to be interesting.

Call and tell Elspode about it. He can help write it.

This.

Try going at it like a summary of a book. Do a basic outline. Think on each point for a moment, flesh out some details, personal observations, and build from that.

I once heard a 'eulogy' delivered in straight biography fashion. They guy walked up there, and just started like he was telling you about someone you never met. "Bill was born in 1938, in Winslow, Arizona to William and Betty Smithee, Dad was a carpenter, and mom was a housewife, yadayadayada...". When he got to the point in dude's life where they (dead guy and eulogist) met, he broke off into anecdotal stories regarding the two of them, and then family anecdotes. He then worked his way up to the guy's sickness and finally, how the man died.

It was a great eulogy, if there is such a thing.

That, also.

:blackr:

Why? Wouldn't anyone at the funeral already know that stuff, even from just reading the obit in the paper. Why not start when the eulogist and deceased met and carry on from there with the anecdotes and stuff?

Last funeral I went to was for my wife's aunt. And I learned a few things about her that she never talked about in the 20 years I knew her and that weren't in the paper when she died. I knew her as an old lady, but she kicked some ass in her youth and never talked about it.

So I can see it in that sort of a situation. Trying to paint a more complete picture of the person.

But generally, I wouldn't do a long biography in the Eulogy.

OK, that makes sense.
Ahem, some of you gathered here today may not know dear old Aunt Olivia worked at a tent Brothel, during the gold rush of '98, before becoming a prostitute in a WW I field hospital... ;)

Because, I guess. I didn't ask him.

ETA: Also, the guy spoke a good deal more than fifteen seconds, which is about what it takes to read an obit.

Maybe he felt he needed some frills and dressing.

I was just trying to help BigV find a direction to start in.

Thanks *all* of you. You are good friends. Your support means a great deal to me, thank you.

I've shared this with Twil, of course, but not with anyone else around here, no one that isn't already directly involved. And I needed some more sounding boards, support, critical and non-critical contact, etc. Gah.

Tink, my ex-wife is very sick. (The right way to say this is "Tink is dying" but I can't really say it like that very easily.) She has ALS. Some of you know what ALS is, for the benefit of those who don't it stands for Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis, also commonly known as Lou Gerhig's Disease. The "Ice Bucket Challenge" that was all the rage last summer was the hook for raising money to study and cure this disease. It is a heartbreaking disease to suffer and heartbreaking to watch.

The disease causes weakness in the muscles, which gradually (or not so gradually) weaken to the point of atrophy. First in the extremities, then further up the limbs, then difficulty swallowing (and much more importantly and dangerously, coughing), then breathing... Fuck. Tink's family has been ravaged by this fucking disease. When we got married in 1990, her mother began to display symptoms a couple years later. I don't think Tink's mom ever saw SonofV. Then Tink's brother. Her aunts. In 2010, Tink's twin sister succumbed. Now Tink.

The progress of the disease affects only the body, Tink's as sharp and alert as she's always been. But now she can't transfer herself from her wheelchair to another seat (or vice versa). Before Christmas, her "bedroom" was transplanted downstairs. She's climbed her last set of stairs. SonofV is living with her full time. I saw him Sunday, he looked pretty good except for the brace on his wrist. He said he can't lift his mom anymore without it hurting too much, so he needs the brace.

Godammit. I have to go back to work now. More later.

HOly Shit, V. I know exactly what that shit is all about. We took care of my late FIL in his final months of ALS.

Fucking cancer is a rainy day compared to ALS.

That's a big bucket of damn. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, V. Terrible for SonofV, awful for you, awful for everyone. So sorry.