I'm in the nut house..
 

my dog is gone. Killed. right in front of my eyes.


I am not doing so well.



I am drinking.

you know that is not going to help.

you know you know.

but I am bereft. I am soooooooooooo sad. I let her down. She was my baby.


i hate myself. and i hate the bitch who ran her over.

my baby. My Autumn



srsly-----I want to die, too. I hate myself. i can't keep anything good going. I ruined two perfectly good marriages, I killed my dog, my one solace.


I want a vegetable life. I deserve it.

You didn't let her down. It's just one of those things. An accident. If you did it on purpose hoping for this result, then you would have let her down, but this was an accident. You didn't want this.

My baby, who was until 12;45 alive and well and happy...

Trilby, this was not your fault. It was a terrible accident but an accident -- you cannot blame yourself.

Please take care of yourself. We are here to lend an ear to your grief.

Trilby crap! not in your control to prevent your dog from running in the street. Control what you can, I hate to think that you would use your poor dog as an excuse for the only thing you can control [not drinking] :(

Must be something in the air.

Best Friend buried Annie day before yesterday. Ran over by a neighbor.

Trilby, please - call someone who can come be with you physically. One of your sons; other family; AA (I know they didn't come through last time but try again); crisis team. If no one else, call crisis team to make a home visit. They might actually be your best choice.

You are not responsible for what happened. But you need someone with you right now. Please call your sons and let them know. And keep posting, we're here.

snow is falling on Autumn's grave.

I have support====my sister is a longtime dog love who has been thru this many times.

my dad came over to bury her and my mom's been on the phone as well as my sons.

Icannot tell you what that JRT meant to me. It went beyond words.

PS I'm drinking with valium on board. so far----no relief.

Trilby, please look after yourself. It is awful that you have lost your friend, your Autumn, but it was an accident and not your fault. Grieve by all means, but do not blame yourself and please look after yourself for your friends. We are all hurting for you.

You are lucky you could bury Autumn. My dog died last wed and the ground here is too frozen. So I have to think about him being in a box in the outside freezer. I loved that dog so much he went all over the United States with me. He was 13. I woke up to him seizing and he died on the way to the vet. They never live as long as we would like. I miss him so much :sniff: Breathe I know how hard this is for you...

Tril, every dog owner has had their dog get away from them, run through an open door, or escape from a garden where the gate's beenleft open or just seen something across the way and taken them by surprise.

It happens. However careful we are as owners, we cannot be 100 % vigililant to all dangers at all times.

Incidentally, earlier, when you asked about carrot running off and I said he doesnt get much of an opportunity to run off and not come back, because he isn't allowed off the lead.I thought afterwards that was probably a clumsy thing to say. I didn't mean because I am uber careful and making sure he isn't at risk of running off...that is a risk with any dog, especially a young one, but it's a necessary risk for most dog owners to take and it's one I take with him often. He's only not allowed off the lead because of his hip dysplasia. But because of that I don't really have a good take on how well he will respond to emergency stops and call backs.

You didn't take any greater risks than any dog owner does every day with their dog. Because you cannot protect against every eventuality and you cannot be permanently primed for disaster. You are no more responsible for this than a parent whose child has forgotten what they've been told about road safety and gone running into the road after a ball is responsible for their tragedy.

You don't deserve this pain.

You didn't let her down, this was not your fault. Not at all.

Hun, I just went through the car accident part, and the horrifying image it created, While we were lucky, please understand how devistated I am to hear you have lost your baby. I am so sorry.

Last I checked, it takes two to be in a marriage, and if you are thinking you you ruined it... think again. You left for a reason, you just can't remember what it is right now. when we are hurting we look back at all the bad and hardly ever remember all our accomplishments. We all make choices in our lives, some good, some good at the time... and then some bad ones too. Its what makes us, well US. You have helped so many people on here alone, I need to make sure you understand you are valuble, needed, and respected. I think over the years I have been on this site, you HAVE kept something good. Your integrety, your freindship and willingness to help others. Thats huge!

Take a deep breath, and find someone to talk to. Remember all the good times with your sweet baby and honour her the best way you can. She looked after you... now you have to look after YOU, for her.