Whatzat?
 

I bought a thingy with a storage capacity of 18,000 mAh.
As a bonus they include a cord that will charge your other toys.
It has a USB A cord that splits into a USB mini, micro, and something I haven't seen before.
It's a solid blade with 8 contacts on each side, maybe for apple stuff or something.

Your instincts are correct.

It's a Lightning connector.

What's with the forceps?

Has the gizmo been surgically removed from some poor soul?

I didn't want to take the time to teach it to sit, stay, give me your paw lightning connector.