Eat your heart out.
 

http://www.canoe.ca/Jan17/lizardsbig.jpg
DOVER, Del. (AP) -- Several flesh-eating pet lizards
were found feasting on the corpse of their owner
in his apartment, police said.

Again -

You really don't want pets that may like to feast on you. Monitors can get to be pretty big. That looks like a Nile Monitor - you can find care information at http://www.anapsid.org/nile.html

Philly steaks out this story. :)

Man. That's an awesome article. Very well written.

Nile monitors too. Man.

It mentions he had a cat - I wonder if it had to live its life in fear or what? It's like "ah, think I'll take a nap.... FUCK! Goddamn lizard on me again! I'll scratch him, that'll teach him... Oooh, maybe not. Ow. Good thing my paws are tough... Guess I'm sleeping up on the counter again."

Badly damaged his face... I guess he shoulda died face-down...

Wouldn't surprise me if some guy killed him and left them there with the lizards as a sort of revenge...

An officer who helped evacuate the lizards, when questioned about their health, said "Oh, they appear to be very healthy. He fed them well. Wait. Shit, strike that from the record. 'He <b>fed</b> them well' sounds really bad, considering they ate him. Hmm. I don't know how to say it. Just say that they appear to be very healthy. Yeah."

I sent the story to my son, who's in funeral services.

His comment was that the lizards make this a weird news story, but it is actually quite common that pets, especially dogs, regard their deceased masters as food.

His advice ... either get a cat, or leave extra kibble where fido can find it if you won't be getting up to feed him.

Cats are evil. They will kill you and eat you, then they will frame the dog.

cats are not evil! -my- cat is too fat and lazy to want to rip me apart after i die, anyway.

and everyone HERE knows that our dog would never eat one of us. he's such a sweetheart that they would immediately blame rabies (one of the cats) because...well, okay. she is evil. shaddup.

this is harry.

My cat is awesome. She's not evil either. She's very laid back. But she definitely has it in for Joann and Howard.

After hearing about Howard's numerous attempts to kidnap Jeni's cat, I'm not terribly surprised that animals would fear and loathe him.

i most certainly hope that shadow would not stoop as low as to let howard kidnap him.

but i've said it before and i will say it again, as true as ever, my cat will make love to anything that shows him affection. anything, anyone. despite smells and looks.

Howard moving out at end of month. Hopefully cat will still be here. If he touch Tinkerbell, I murder.

Geeehh... even whores have higher standards than that.

In case you don't know, she's referring to a man that lives in our basement. He smells awful, he's inconsiderate, and he wants to play with others' toys without offering up any of his. He doesn't try to be friendly at all. Yet he plays with the cats. Shadow, my sister's cat, was suffering from not having her around as he has for the entirety of his life. Howard showed him affection (after all, Howard doesn't get any affection, so something as simple as a cat "loving" him makes him feel special), and Shadow took to him. We're slowly breaking that habit, of course. But yeah. That's what it referred to, in case you hadn't picked it up.

Update on Howard: his application for the place he was moving into was denied. So it'll be another month, it looks like.

............how did he end up there in the first place, and how does tokenidiot know dham?

tokenidiot is paul, and i live with him. dham is my brother. therefore, dham knows paul because i live with paul, and paul knows dham because dham is my brother.

I do her laundry.

*laughz
man this place is like dham's extended family chat site or something.

and i'm still curious how a smelly man ended up living in your basement

he -does- do my laundry, however he does not dry it fully :)

"smelly man", jag, since no one else will answer you, ended up living at my dad's house because my dad put an ad in the newspaper looking for a tenant. this was 8 or so years ago, and he has been living there ever since. how he got to the basement is like this: he had been living in the bedroom beside my dad's, and i guess my dad either figured that he'd like the entire upstairs to himself, or that he needed a place for his computer stuff, or whatever he figured, and so howard took a room downstairs, and my dad's computer stuff went into the room that howard had been staying in. and it's his "office" area now.

this is all i know. dave might know exact reasons, but they don't really matter, the point is that howard is money for my dad every month, he rents out the basement room that he is staying in.

ta-da.

He's been living there since about a year after Dad bought the house. Dad wasn't using all of it at the time (we're about to now, though) and so he thought he could make up some of the stiff mortgage by taking on some people in the basement. Howard originally rented an upstairs room, and three people lived downstairs. Eventually, after a number of tenants switching downstairs and whatnot, Howard was the only one left. Dad had Howard move downstairs. About a year ago, I came to live here and took the room adjacent Howard's. Three months later, Jenni came to live with me and we quickly ran out of space. So now, Howard will be leaving by the end of next month (hopefully) and I will be picking up the rent burden that Howard is leaving, meaning that my total rent to Dad will be $700 monthly and I will have basically the entire basement as my domain. Of course, this is shared with Jenni. So soon, it will only be Dad, Joann the Horrible, David (that's me!) and Jenni (jennofay). Now all we have to do is get rid of Joann...

Truth be told, I don't mind Howard so much. Yes, he has a foul odor about him. He's inconsiderate. He's not friendly. But he's not fucking <b>annoying</b> like Joann. In other words, he leaves well enough alone. Joann has to meddle, and she has to find the most irritating way to do so.

Eventually, I'd like Jen (jeni) living back here as well, 'cause I think we had some fun times while she was down here. If that means that Paul (tokenidiot) needs to come back too, then so be it. Personally, I have no attachment to Paul as of yet - we've only talked a few times and although I like him and find him humorous, he hasn't been around enough to feel like a brother yet (unlike Brendan, my sister's ex, who lived with us for a year and a half and was a part of my life for four years before that). However, I think we'd quickly run out of space if that were the case - the only way that would be feasible is if Joann were no longer in the equation but, sadly, it seems as though that is not the case. She'll be here, at least for the next few years. The only other option, which I have been seriously considering, is raising the money to carry the entire mortgage & bills and then asking Dad if we can rent the entire house from him - meaning he and Joann would be freed up to get another place. I'm not at all convinced that they would even go for this, but it might be a possibility in a few years. We shall see.

Other people that are here because of relation to me: adny & meggen. Andrea (adny) is a good friend of mine, as is Megan (meggen). Incidentally, both of their nicknames are ones I came up with.

As far as I know, those are the registered users that I am directly responsible for. That should be a pretty good explanation of all of this.

This is a discussion about Monster Lizards. Right?

on cellar

The key word being "conversation". The dynamics of conversation are pretty neat, huh? Monster lizards to Who's Who on the Cellar (Dave Edition).

Back to pets eating you though... there have been a number of cases (though not <b>that</b> many) of large constrictors, which were free to roam the house (stupid idea) being ravenous (you need to give them a chicken or two a week, guys!) and making little Timmy their "dinner". At least in the "constriction" manner - they are never able to actually swallow the human.

People with roaming, human-eating pets are funny.

is this a problem? i can leave.

oh, and tragicmisery... i think thats right? is one of davids friends too.

im glad i dont have to worry about our rats eating me. they might nibble my fingers, but if i slack off on feeding them for a few hours, theyll just kind of sit there and wait, not eat me. this, i believe, is a good thing. now shadow on the other hand... wouldnt be surprised if he could eat a baby or two.

...? i pay some too. its not just your total rent. just wanted to make that point.

[Expletive Deleted]

Since its inception, the Cellar has been a place for anyone who enjoys communicating with other literate, intelligent people - nothing more, nothing less.

sounds good.

shadow wouldn't eat a baby! he might eat a moth, but he is NOT a babykiller. :p

dave - speaking of constrictors, do you remember ever watching a show about some guy who had a very large boa, and it ate the neighbor's poodle, or chihuahua, or other small dog? and the owner of the dog was an old woman, and she was talking about how the dog was yelping and there was nothing she could do, etc. i'm pretty sure she sued the guy and he had to have the snake killed, or taken away, or something. all i solidly remember besides that is that the woman kept calling the snake horrible and relating the fact that the guy listened to heavy metal. and i think the snake's name was alice.

and the dog had a stupid name, like "muffy" or something.

He got to keep the snake. It was indeed named "Alice", and it was a Red Tailed Boa Constrictor. The dog was an ugly poodle that it pooped out a few days later. I wonder if he gave her the stool so she could properly bury it.

he got to keep it? wow, that surprises me.

haha. if he gave her the stool. how horrible.

I'm nice, what can I say?

Seriously though. I wouldn't feel real good about that - my pet getting eaten. I guess she shouldn't have had a doggie door in her house. :P