Father in law comes home from Iraq next week!
 

After nine long months my father in law is coming home. He has been in Fallujah. He is a master chief in the seabee division of the navy and has been working on the rebuilding. Anyone out there have any advice on how I can make his transition to "normal" life any easier? :us:

Wean him off the beans and roast beef slowly.

Sneak in his room at night and bang some pots together.

Question, which is sadder? A--That I found this funny? or B--That it may work?

C-All of the above! :lol2:

:rolleyes: yoooou guys

What? We're trying, honest we are!

Welcome him home and let him chose the topics for discussion. ;)

think chill and relaxed , hell throw a sholder on the smoker and let him sit around with his friends and family drinking and talking while it cooks , the smells and sounds will bring him back to reality

Now that is some advice!
Thanks guys. He has been hankering for some Jack Daniels. I have always delegated myself as his bartender so I am going to mix him up some stiffys.
We are having a party for him as he arrives home from the airport...all his good friends and his family-burgers-brats etc...He deserves a hero's welcome.

Alright, make up your mind. Are you gonna fix him up some stiffys or get him drunk? And where does one go with a bunch of stiffy's in Utah, anyway?

Seriously, make sure you tell him thanks for his service from The Cellarites.

I have no doubt my mother in law will take care of the stiffys.
One may have to make an effort but there is booze to be had here. We have to buy it from a specially designated liquor outlet. You'd think there'd be people there throwing rocks and calling names but there aren't. I'll be sure and tell him thanks from you guys.

Booze IS available in SLS and not just in the ski areas. These outlets, which often sell at twice the price elsewhere in the country, are even owned by Mormons. You see, a Mormon is not obliged to worry about saving the "gentiles" from their vices, they just police other Mormons (and monetary gain is a prime directive anyway). Their handbook for conversions by their missionaries tells them to go for the easy shot, the sick and lonley and weak. You aren't going to be brought into their fold anyway so basically you don't exist, you are just one of the damned. Drink up! :beer:

So, if you walk into a Mormon-owned purveyor of adult beverages, do they check you for Jesus Drawers before allowing you to make your purchase?

The way I understand it, it's not the merchant's job to police the morality, he just makes as much money as possible because that proves the extent to which God loves him. I doubt many members would admit how much ratting out goes on, but anybody backsliding is definitely fair game for constant lecturing from any of the other "devout". Checking up on (male) members is very well handled by the stake presidents (or his designee, can't remember all the fine points just now), who keep a detailed file on every single stake member and can call them in for a regular review and "correction" or "attitude adjustment". Participation is not optional. Enforcement tools include the ability to prevent marriages, job advancement, or participation in the community or family you belong to. Better not get me started on what I think about this, umm, "church", I have learned ten times what my Mormon relatives have been allowed to know and that is probably the only reason they have put up with this control all their lives :eyeball:

:biglaugha Reminds me of an old joke:
Why do you take more than one mormon fishing?
Because if you take just one he will drink all your beer.
:lol:

Okay, since Tonchi brought the whole thing up.
I grew up a Mo, know all the ins and outs so to speak. Not a Mo now. Not raising kids to be Mos. The Mos are very prevalent but dont' bug me. I haven't heard a whisper from the ward house closest to my new neighborhood. No one has stopped by with a jello salad or a cassarole to invite us to the neighborhood. It has been very nice.
My family wasn't surprised when I left the flock, I am not the first and won't be the last in the family to do so. My husband's family is split too, some are Mos some aren't. No big deal. I drink around my family. We all still love each other and get along fine. The only complaining I heard was when I refused to baptise my kids into the Mos church when they were born. We don't go to church at all and I wonder if I am neglecting some parental duty to give them some spiritual guidance. I honestly don't feel any kinship with any religion and am fine without. I wish my folks would have let me get by without it but back in the day if you weren't a Mo you might as well be a leper. The kids were cruel. My best friend is greek orthadox and she grew up 2 houses away from me. I was unacceptable as far as the Mos were concerned because of my parentage so it wouldn't have hurt me a bit if they would have let me stop attending each Sunday. But they felt the obligation to make me go (even though they didn't go) Hippocrites. Anyway, Salt Lake isn't so stifled and controlled as one would think. It actually has some very cool people. The mayor of SL isn't even a Mo. He is getting into alot of trouble lately too but it has been fun while he was in office.

Every bit of this "progress" and integration of the gentiles into SLC residence has taken place since the 1960's, when their Prophet received a revelation straight from God that Black people were really human after all and therefore were fit to give their money to the Mormon Church and "aspire" to the priesthood (not necessarily REACH it, but may "aspire"). Revelations like this always follow the Church leaders' being informed that the Feds will withhold money and contracts if they do not get themselves in line with the rest of the country and stop all the weird enforcement of laws to suit themselves (the last big Revelation was "get rid of those extra wives because they won't let us have statehood unless we do"). The state of Utah wanted all the bases and government facilities to stay and needed the federal funding for schools and highways and such, so God stepped in an saved the day. When they realized that they would actually be allowed to get jobs in SLC now, whereas previously positions were all reserved for Mormons, outsiders began to move there and large companies felt free to start branches there. The more visible barriers fell (or rather were moved out of sight) and the Mormon Church eventually made a huge leap into Asia, Africa, and other locations where the (previously) anathema races lived, to spread the truth of the one true AMERICAN religion, an ironic concept since after about 4 years ago the Mormon church now has more members enrolled OUTSIDE this country than homegrown ones. The Feds and the Mormons have several very interesting relationships now (I will not discuss Brigham Young's prophesy that the Mormons would take over the government of the US after a genocidal war which was to come, and usher in the kingdom of God and Joseph Smith on this continent, which when it didn't come true in 1898, led to the Revelation about plural marriage instead) because Mormons are heavily represented in the FBI and the Presidential bodyguards. They also took over the Boy Scouts of America by requiring all of their boys to join, then ran into a brick wall with the Feds again when they tried to ban gays.

There are very few Mormons who know any factual version of their own history; actually, the Church busily rewrites it when inconvenient facts crop up. This does not bother the majority of the Utah faithful, anyway, who treasure the closeness of belonging much more than they bother with pesky facts. High youth suicide rates and divorce figures are also dirty little secrets that are swept under the rug. Actually, many people DO leave the church nowdays, but there are too many more, like my uncle, who get sucked in to replace them. You were very lucky that your parent's slack ties with the church insulated you from being shunned by your extended family in Utah, but many others are devestated by the way they are erased from the lives of everybody they knew since birth.

Discussing religion is more of a dead-end topic than even politics, but when I realize I dislike something strongly I make it my duty to find out as much as possible so that I am not just led by emotion. After considerable experience and investigation, I consider this "religion" to be a cult instead, and an evil one at that. Not as dangerous as Scientology at least, but a plague anyway.

I don't have any family in the Mormon Church (thank God!), but I get around - especially since Utah is right next door and I have lived in places a mere 50 or 60 miles from that dreaded state line. The Utah of Salt Lake versus the Utah of, say, Blanding is a whole different world. It is my understanding that a non-Mormon can limp by in Salt Lake without too much difficulty. Small towns in rural Utah are an entirely different tale, and not a pretty one at that.

The oppression that women in these little Mormon communities endure is outrageous. I could tell story after story. The state liquor laws are insane, and try, oh just try, being a non Mormon tourist looking for anything, even WATER! I was on one of my camping adventures in eastern Utah when I realized my sturdy 10 gallon water container was almost empty and I was in desert country and it was pretty darn hot and dry. It was around 8:00pm on a warm summer evening and everything in Blanding, Utah (where I realized I was low on water) was closed. I cruised the main street looking thirstily around for so much as a single water tap, ANYWHERE. Nothing. Every public place was dark and shut down.

Then I saw that there was a light on in the local LDS Church as I drove by. I whipped a U-Turn, drove back to the church and stopped and knocked at the door round back. A thin woman with a sour expression peered out. "May I fill up my water container from your outdoor tap?" I asked politely.

Ms. Lemon Lips regarded me as if I was a space alien who had just demanded her first born child.

"They have water at Natural Bridges National Monument. Its about 80 miles down the road." Then she shut the door.

As I drove away, someone turned the lawn sprinklers on and showers of water began to dance on the church lawn. I drove the 80 miles to Bridges and have felt a strong dislike for Mormons every since.

I figured :tinfoil: that sending the planeloads of NO evacuees to Utah was intentional, with the expectation that a goodly number of them would choose to remain and change the demographics in the state.

The news I picked up about that from AP articles said people were demanding to be let off when they discovered they were scheduled for Utah. I don't suppose it was unknown to Blacks in NO that Utah was not exactly a place where they would fit in without friction.

I sense a little animosity.
Maybe it's just me.

I assure you, I am normal in every way. Growing up here hasn't been a bowl of cherries but it hasn't been all that bad either. I am sure growing up in a small town would suck, Utah or anywhere, if you're different you are an outcast. There are assholes who would deny a person a drink of water wherever you go. It's a pity that woman even exists on the planet. Mormons are supposed to represent their church and be the good Sam. I am sure this happens about 1/2 the time. But come on you guys have to admit, there are shitheels as well as good people everywhere you go. There are over the top bible pounding religious freaks everywhere you go.
You are entitled to your opinion of Utah and it's strange inhabitants. I guess I just figured the folks here at the Cellar would be a tad more open minded. Geez, I feel like I walked into a witch burning

oh, and I could give two shits about the factual history. Religion by it's very nature has skeletons in its closet, under the bed, buried under the front porch.

I am pretty sure the NO refugees haven't been forced to attend church on Sunday. I think they were put up at an army base up north of SLC. How dare those fucking mormons try and help someone in need. Those fuckers just wanted to gain a few more lambs for their flock.