Learned Helplessness
 

So, we admitted this guy to the hospital today ... late forties, has some stuff going on, etc. etc.

Not an overly unusual case as far as that goes. Sad. Depressed. Suicidal. Needs hospitalization.

So, he's being admitted.

His kid shows up ... the son.

Kid is very distressed over dad being put in the hospital.

I'm not dealing with his dad at all, the crisis worker is ... but I'm available, so I end up talking to the boy.

Why is the boy so distressed (other than the obvious reason of dad being locked in the nuthouse for the next couple days?)

"I'll starve. There's no one to take care of me."

Mind you, these things are NOT said in a calm tone of voice. The kid's bawling his eyes out.

Panicked.

Sogging up his tee-shirt level of crying.

Big, made-for-Lifetime-TV, you just ran over my puppy sobbing.

"Starve?" I say. "Isn't there any food in the house at all?"

"There's like TV dinners and stuff. But I've never been alone."

"Where's your mom?"

"She's down the shore with my sister."

Great, I'm thinking at this point ... I'm going to have to get children and youth services involved for this child who thinks he's going to starve and be eaten by tigers.

"What am I going to do?? "

"Kid, we'll figure something out here."

"There's no food and I don't have any money!!"

"Kid, how old are you?"

"I'm *sob* *sniff* *sniff* twenty-one."

Two thoughts resulted from this information. The first was, "Outstanding! I don't have to call Children and Youth!! They are a pain in the ass to deal with!" The second thought was, "He did not just say he was twenty-one years old and incapable of feeding himself, did he?"

It does indeed get better ...

"What am I going to do, I don't have any money!"

"Kid, you're twenty one. Do you have a job?"

"Yes."

"So then you have money."

"No, I don't. I bought an '06 car. So I don't have any money ..."

*sob* *weep* *wail* *sob*

I ran out of professionalism at that point and handed him off to someone else.

Well shit, why doesn't he just have the chauffeur fix him something to eat? Honestly.

HAHA! The lad is the merest pupster when it comes to creating sad stories. If he or another of his ilk darkens your doorway again and interrupts your throwing slinky at fan studies, I would suggest that you hand him a list of local food banks. Some places even serve up a hot cooked meal to all who show up. You might also mention to this young gentleman that showing up at the soup kitchen in his '06 car will not win him many friends (other than the professional con element).

On a more serious note, this just goes to show how mental illness can be passed down the generations. Whacko Dad, whacko Son. Whatcha gonna do? Beats me!

I myself must admit that it hard to shed too many tears since the young man seems to be shedding more than enough of his own.

Very strange.

Was that guy just ignorant or does he have something wrong (without going to the extent of calling him a wacko :eyebrow: )

Seeing how he can buy a car I guess it's safe to say he's just an idiot.

All I can say is "Wow".

If I ever stand trial for anything, a guaranteed "jury of my peers" does not sound so appealing anymore...
:worried:

So many confusing messages, particularly:

so his mother doesn't know a bout the father's situation?

he has access to money and the ability to sign up for a new car?

Maybe he is just traumatised by what has happened to his father - he feels helpless and there is a strange logic in the way he recounts what is jumping into his mind as matters for immediate concern. The sequence of events shows no continuity as one might expect of someone who was otherwise mentally perturbed/deficient, but then thankfully who am I to really know...

Unnervingly strange....

Sounds like a case of Adult Fetal Syndrome, or whatever it is called. Kid needs to be taken care of. OR some of that uber-lax child raising, "I can't interfere with the child's development" for all who've been to the PETA thread.

See, this is why I HAD to get OUT! That kind of stuff happened to me on an hourly basis. I could no longer deal with that level of bull-effing-shit. I was so sick of the piles of shite that presented themselves, the surreal neediness of them all..! I've got PTSD from being a nurse!

Yes, she does.

Somebody had to call the police to get this particular ball rolling.

Dad's stress came from somewhere, and it wasn't just the boy's overwhelming naivete.

And the situation is such that helpless young man doesn't want anything to do with his mother right now.

I can't get more specific than that.

If you're going to be serious, please be serious.

In this case only stupidity has been identified as being genetically transmitted.

I didn't, incidentally, say dad was crazy-crazy. I said he needed treatment.

Dad is not tearing apart walls looking for transmitters, he isn't building a landing pad for the venusians in his back yard, nor is he turning into a wombat on nights of the new moon. he's under an extreme amount stress, and it got to him.

I hope the whole family comes through this okay.
Do you know if young man have any other relatives around he can be with while dad gets through this?

Those were the kind I liked. I could handle the ones looking for transmitters.

Having worked with University students for quite sometime, I can say that this young man is not a rare case. Many people between the ages of 18-21 have been so coddled that they can't do anything for themselves. It is very frustrating and it makes me concerned for the world.

If you have children that are this age or going to be this age soon - CUT THE FLIPPIN' CORD!

First off, I'd have to say this guy needs to get motivated. Oh, sure, it might take some time to work up to the wombat transformation, but he could easily be working on that landing pad in his spare time. A little concrete, some patio blocks, couple of klieg lights and a teaspoon of neutronium, and he's halfway there.

Stress is bad. Extreme stress is extremely bad. I've been there. Not pretty.

Who knows what the background was to all this - boys emotional homelife, father's general state of mind, how this presented on a day-to-day basis. Sounds like the boy had a temporary mind flip as a result of finding himself in a situation he could not handle. The most unimportant, relatively trivial and essentially selfish thoughts that rushed into his mind being communicated.

The mind can play nasty tricks in moments of stress and take over from rational behaviour. Nothing so bad as this, but I can still recall how when I was 15, flying for the first time (yes, all right, they had commercial flights even that long ago!) and on a particularly bad flight. We hit an air pocket or something during an electrical storm and the plane dropped about a thousand feet. Stuff went everywhere. I was really s**t scared and my mind was telling me I had to get off that plane. Came to my senses when someone asked me why I had unbuckled my seat belt and was standing up to get out of my seat, my eyes set on the aircraft door. Spooky.

I don't really need to say anything to make this funny, do I?

I think the boy was upset because unlike his sister, he backed the wrong horse. :cool:

What? You're never going PC on me, are you Wolf? :eek:

Fine, I'll be serious. I never said anything about genetics. It may have seemed that way, since I wrote "from one generation to the next." I apologize for my unclear wording. Environmental conditions play as greater or greater role in emotional dysfunction as genetics does.

I was merely commenting that a parent who lacks coping skills to the extent tha he finds himself having to spend several days on a psychiatric unit, has probably not been able to give his children adequate coping skills either. (I'm assuming the father was not recently held hostage at gun point or experienced some other extreme event that would put ANYBODY on the psych ward).

I was actually thinking of the ax murderer when I made my original reply. The A.M. was present for his eldest daughter's first three years of life - in fact, he was her primary care giver up to the time she was almost 4 - until the A.M. absconded with a younger woman and deserted his wife (then pregnant with his second daughter) and little girl. (I've been finding out all kinds of horrid information about the AM since I am trying to get together evidence for a case that the DA will accept). Anyhow, the daughter born AFTER the AM left seems normal in every way - in fact she excels. Got a scholarship to a private colllege, got accepted to med school, goes rock climbing, and has an active social life. The daughter raised by the AM in her 1st three years still lives with her mom at age 26, has a brand new car that she's afraid to drive anywhere, works in a video store, and has never been on a date in her life. Go figure.

There. Serious enough for you?

The cool thing is you could probably get the kid's car for a great price if you sell him on the idea he is going to starve to death unless he sells it immediately.

NG, you're active military in Iraq, right? Surely you guys could find a use for a strapping young lad of this caliber.

Three words: Live Fire Practice.

Another two: Mine Detector.

I swear, it's all he'd be good for.

I was laboring under the delusion that you were compassionate , wolf!

Good to know you're more like me: Heartless Wench City!

Oh, and I agree. About him being good for target, etc. True.

ummmmm...

My bet's on Wolf, she's got you out-gunned, Brianna. :rattat:

I'm sorry, Mari--I don't get it. I'm currently more stupid than ever. ie-
Uber-Dumb. Naturally wolf has me out-gunned. That's the joke. I'm stupid.

Lots of folks will endorse me! :) :) :) LOTS!

Plus, Mari--you're mean. For a member of the intelligensia. And for a librarian. And whatever the hell else you are.

Hell, Brianna, I'll endorse you. Just trying to say that you're a different sort of tough girl than Wolf. And you wouldn't believe the number of mean librarians out there. Some of 'em are downright EVIL! Don't let that hair pulled back in a bun and spectacles fool you! :eek:

I've never let looks fool or bother me.

you're intelligent, mari, but you don't share it. You aim it.

And my ignorance can be easily corrected. Your arrogance and elitism is not so easily overcome.

Yeah, I know. Its a heavy burden, but SOMEONE's gotta carry it. Might as well be me. :queen:

I heard something kind of interesting the other day about these kids that grow up never getting spanked or "hit" by their parents, and then at the age of 13 they go out and get their genitals pierced. Wanting to feel pain.....or feel something.....??
(Or they may just want their gentials pierced, I don't know. I have a headache, probably shouldn't even be posting...I'll stop until I can think straight.)

Nice response. What I expected.

OH my gosh yes. Someone who needs constant attention and would lose their head if it was not attached would be a perfect addition to the family..That man has General written all over him. Thank you for the laugh Mr. Noodle. I needed that. I got dibs on the car, though.

Damn straight I'm compassionate. Just today a woman who after a Near Death Experience she became able to look into a person's eyes and see their soul
told me that I was kind and compassionate and caring and very comfortable with myself.

She also told me in Greek that my shoes were lovely and small, possibly a size 6.

I nearly wept when I told her that she was off by half. Not half a size ... half.

I read the thread.

I agree with Marichiko.

:3_eyes: