Raising Boys (Funny)
 

Some of you may have seen this before, but it's worth sharing for a laugh. It's called "RAISING BOYS"
a) For those with no children - this is totally hysterical! :lol: b) For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious.:lol: c) For those who have children this age, this is not funny. :rar: d) For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning. :headshake e) For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control.:question:
The following came from an anonymous Mother in Austin, Texas...! Things I've learned from my 4 Boys (honest and not kidding):

1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep. 2.) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

3.) A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.

5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit.A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

6.) The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's already too late. 8.) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

9.) A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old Man says they can only do it in the movies.

10.) Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old Boy.

11.) Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.

12.) Super glue is forever.

13.) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water. 1

4.) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

15.) VCR's do not eject "PB &J" sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

16.) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes. 17.) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

18.) You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.

19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.

20.) The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time. 21.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.

22.) It will, however, make cats dizzy.

23.) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

24.) 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.

25.) 80% of Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without kids.

I'm an 80%er

Brake fluid and dry pool chorline will burn down your house. :eek:

I went home last night and mixed Bleach with Brake fluid and got nothing.

So this is what they mean when they talk about the things you read on the internet...

I'm so disappointed.

I think you want ammonia and chlorine, not too sure though and the one cubemate that would know has already split for night classes. to be continued........

Continued, indeed. Or ended.

BigV so if it's ammonia and chlorine do you have any lawn fertilizer and chlorine. Psst. At this rate we'll have the Homeland Security boys on the Cellar!!

lmao!

let's hope it's not my last :eek:

Good luck. Hope to hear from you again.

According to David Sedaris, ammonia and clorox make a very good cleanser when mixed together. You just need to keep saying to yourself: "I want to live, I want to live..."

I think the combo makes ammonium chloride.

You need to use the shock chlorinators (calcium hypochlorite), not the stablized stuff, when making a big fire with brake fluid and swimming pool chlorine.

Ammonia and chlorine make all sorts of stuff, generally called chloramines -- NH2Cl, NHCl2, NCl3 (which is not as much fun as NI3, but similar; it disassociates and releases free chlorine gas). Probably not NH4Cl (ammonium chloride), you need an acid for that and bleach and ammonia are both basic.

I need some remedial chem classes, thanks.

Chem? I learned everything I know about explosions from Sluggy Freelance.

My 13 year-old darling son has his equally 13 year-old best buddy over. Their conversation for the past half-hour has been "Tactical Strategies In Case You Are Ever Attacked in Any Manner, on Land, Sea, Sky." As a female I must say that I never once during my growing up time ever EVER thought of such things. They are very detailed about it and taking it all Very Seriously as though they expect, any minute, to be assailed from all sides.

This is normal for boys, right?

Yes.

Absolutely! That stuff completely consumed me and my best friend at that age. Only a few years until that imagination is lost forever. Let them roll around in their fantasy world while they may.

I remember one time we got caught up in the notion of being James Bond-like spies. It was all women, skiing, and exotic cars. We even (and this is still painful to admit) wore suits to school one day to impress girls with our suaveness and debonair ways. Practically bathed in Pierre Cardin aftershave, as well.

Wasn't pretty. We ended up making up some story about having an appointment for family portraits at the same time right after school, so we wouldn't have time to change. I wish I could say that was the dorkiest thing I did in school.....

Pretty much.. those days are none too distant in my past :rattat:

Just got this in my inbox, made me laugh out loud...enjoy:

>>>>>A mother was working in the kitchen listening to her
>>>>>5-year-old son playing with his new electric train in the living
>>>>>room.
>>>>>
>>>>>She heard the train stop and her son saying,
>>>>>"All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now ..
>>>>>cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are
>>>>>getting on, get your asses in the train ... cause we're going down
>>>>>the tracks."
>>>>>
>>>>>The horrified mother went in and told her son,
>>>>>"We don't use that kind of language in this house.
>>>>>Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO
>>>>>HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train ... but I
>>>>>want you to use nice language."
>>>>>
>>>>>Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroom and resumed
>>>>>playing with his train.
>>>>>
>>>>>Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say ... "All
>>>>>passengers, please remember your things, thank you, and hope your
>>>>>trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon.
>>>>>"She heard her little darling continue .."For those of you just
>>>>>boarding, remember, there is no smoking in the train. We hope you
>>>>>will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."
>>>>>
>>>>>As the mother began to smile, the child added,
>>>>>"For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay,
>>>>>please see the bitch in the kitchen .."

:lol: :joint:

For someone who claims to not be a dopehead, you sure are fond of that smiley... :rolleyes: