How stubborn we can be
 

My husband and I agreed to split the apartment down the middle for cleaning. I get the kitchen and bedroom, he gets the bathroom and living room. I told him I'll do my half when he does his half. Every once in a while, he'll say "we really have to do something about this apartment" and I'll say "no problem, honey. As soon as you get your two rooms done, I'll have mine done by the next day".
These two pictures are his half of the apartment.

and my half:
WHEN will this end? It's starting to get really dirty in here!

Ew. Grody.

I can't stand untidiness. Something I picked up from my mother. She never made me do much cleaning beyond my own bedroom, but I'll be damned if when I started living in a dorm I nearly went insane trying to keep the place clean.

Admittedly, I'll let the mess rot for a while, but never more than 3-4 days. Then in a midnight fit of OCD, I'll clean everything twice over.

Good luck, stacey.

Time to get childish.

I'd recommend shaving off his eyebrows while he's asleep, laxative in his coffee or something similarly irritating.

What's written on the toilet? I can only make out "I just ..."

You have an interesting marriage.

Arsen wrote "I just did" on the toilet seat a while back, because I wrote under the lid :"Put the fucking seat down".

So do you guys rent, or own?

this is a rented apartment. It really sucks- even when we clean it- but it's cheap for Newport. We only pay $525 mo plus all utilities, and you can't find anything in the paper for less that $900 a month. (And it's in a great location).
I really want a house within the next five years, and I'll do a good job of cleaning it :) We have an agreement that when I don't have to work anymore, I'll do ALL the housework, so there is hope.
I hate to live in filth like this, and I do keep the sink and kitchen counters clean, as well as the bed stuff, but I refuse to do the rest for him. God, I already take the dog out twice a day even though he promised me he would be in charge of that. That can't be avoided, but the apartment- well, I CAN be stubborn about that!

Think you should have got a dog. :smack:

I, uh, wouldn't count on getting your deposit back. :)

I've been living with my boyfriend for about a year now and I still don't know how to get him to help out with the cleaning. We both have jobs (although mine is full-time and his is only part-time), but somehow I wind up doing all the cleaning. I've tried talking to him rationally: "I don't see any reason why I should be doing extra work when we could split the cleaning and both be happier." I've tried making him feel bad for it: "It hurts that you would sit there and watch me clean the kitchen when I've just gotten home from a job I hate and you were off all day." And of course, I've tried screaming at him to just do it. Nothing works. He always seems to "forget" or "get sidetracked" or some such bullshit... I really don't know what to do. I HATE to clean, but do it anyway because a dirty apartment just makes me depressed. So Stacy, I wish you luck and beg you to PLEASE let me know if you ever find a way to get him to do his share (I promise to reciprocate :))

The fundamental problem in these types of situations is that one partner doesn't see the NEED to clean, so they're never going to do it on their own. Personally, I have to do all the cleaning in my house too, but A.) I like doing it, because I'm neurotic like that, and B.) my husband cooks and mows the lawn, which is more than enough of a tradeoff for me.

If you really hate to clean so much, but can't live in a dirty home like your significant others clearly can, why not hire a maid to come once a month? They're not just for the rich, you know. :) You can find $50 a month somewhere in your budget if you really try. Cook on two nights that you would normally have eaten out, lower your cellphone plan, whatever. It's well worth it (at least my friends who use an occasional maid tell me it is.) ;)

Stacey , might i suggest you introduce Arsen to the tradition of SPRING Cleaning , otherwise know as a good old fasion Marine Field Day .
Get up early , make a big breakfast with LOTS of coffie :coffee: , drag his ass out of bed .
Scrape all the shit :turd: and furniture to one side in one room , open the windows to air out the place , scrub and clean the walls, floor, celing ,windows etc,,,,,
NOTHING goes back on the clean side untill it is cleaned , I meen EVERY thing , under chairs and tables , drag the rugs out side for a good beating and airing out( good job for Aresn ) , pictures go back on the wall ONLY when they have been cleaned and dusted .
Start in one room and carry on thru the whole house .
He WILL bitch and moan , but MAKE him help . :rar: :confused:
TV off , stereo on blast with some good tunes that will MAKE you move .
Start and don't stop untill you have made at least a LARGE dent in it .
That nite , shower , steaks , taters and good beer ( or wine ) for dinner , sex :doit: and sleep at a reasonable hour .
The next day , rinse and repete untill you live in a clean enviroment !!!!!!!

Just my :2cents:

God zippy, that made me tired just reading it!!
It's a nice idea, but it'll never happen. If I tried to make him get out of bed and clean, he would say "no" and roll over and fall back asleep. If I ripped the covers away, jumped on the bed, etc, he would get very offended. Then we'd probably end up in an argument. I can't force him to do anything and I can't sweet talk him into it,either.
The last time we cleaned the apartment together, it took him THREE days to do his half. he did the tub on day 1, the rest of the bathroom on day 2 and vaccumed the living room on day 3. If we were to do all that you suggested, he would need to take off 10 days from work.

We can't afford a maid. We NEVER go out to eat, neither one of us has a cell phone, I bought his work clothes at the thrift store. Our car insurance is going up and we are desperately trying to pay off the credit card...

Monicakat, I like your idea! I will let you know if I ever find a way. The last time we cleaned, I had to let the apartment go for SIX months before he broke down and did his half. it has been 4 months since we cleaned. Maybe the time periods will keep getting shorter until he gives up and cleans his half regularly? Who knows.
But his attitude is a lot like your boyfrien'd. It's very frustrating.
Oh god, and my mom and her fiance just stopped by a few minutes ago, I was MORTIFIED!

If I tried to make him get out of bed and clean, he would say "no" and roll over and fall back asleep.

stereo on BLAST with some good tunes that will MAKE you move

Oh and burry his lazy ass in dirty laundry , if he bitches , flash him some beaver and say "if you EVER want to see this again you WILL help !!!!!"

So that's how the wife gets you out of the hammock.

what the hell kind of men do you people get locked up with? I'm totally serious! When i was a single guy, I lived in absolute filth - nothing was ever cleaned, I did laundry only when I couldn't walk from my bed to the door without stepping on dirty clothes. My kitchen was filled up with dirty dishes and old pizza boxes. It doesn't bother me all that much.

We both work an insane number of hours, but we split the housework as evenly as we can. I clean the bathroom top to bottom every saturday morning, make dinner and clean the kitchen about 1/2 the time, and the ONLY reason is because I love my wife, and it's important to her.

I don't care how squishy a guy makes you feel in your girl parts, if his love for you doesn't motivate him to actions that demonstrate selflessness and compassion, it's not good enough. Respect yourself. Expect more from the guys you throw in with.

-ml

Problem is, the one who hates cleaning always wins. Find something else the knucklehead can contribute to make it worth your while to do all the cleaning.

The hardball stuff never works.

No, SM hit the nail here.

If Arsen cared about and respect Stacey's need for a decently clean environment, he would make it a priority himself.

And I think instead of Stacey acting like a child about her half of the cleaning, don't make it a condition of "If you do yours, I'll do mine." Make it "I'm doing what I promised you I'd do, whether or not you follow through on your promise." Maybe that will shame him into doing his part.

And you know, this is a direct correlation to your relationship, back from the reading-emails period of your marriage. Things have not changed fundamentally, Stacey. They've just had a change of how they are expressed.

arsen is a piece of shit. i spit on his soul!

P'tooey!

LJ, you took the words right out of my mouth.


Stacey, time to work on those self esteem issues.

Don't you people forget ANYthing???!

Quite, sm. You marry someone for who they are. If you don't like it, you shouldn't have married them. Now, you decide whether to lie in the bed that you've made or move on and not repeat the mistake. Would you still want to be in this relationship if you ALWAYS had to do ALL the housework? If yes, cool, carry on. If not, whoops, should have thought of that, nevermind, move on; because he will never change.

Aye.

It's not the sex that makes me love him. I don't get hung up on guys over sex. Anyone can screw me, and most men are pretty good at it. That part's easily exchangeable.

I don't mind having the cleaning be all my job- IF I don't have to work. Now, my husband has promised me that this will be my last year waitressing.
If he would pay all the bills and I didn't have to work, that would be enough for me!
I want to get out of the rat-race, stop rushing around so much, being irritable and stressed out. I really want to be a homemaker and do some volunteer work. I know my husband is somewhat irresponsible and immature, but if he wants to support me financially, I can let that go!
I love him for many other qualities he has- like the fact that he is always KIND to me, he doesn't overreact when I have my little temper tantrums, and he accepts me as I am. We have fun when we go out, he makes me laugh, he'll go to the store for me at 2 am if I "need" chips, and he doesn't complain a lot. He is also a great salesperson and he lets me hold all of his money so he won't piss it away, he never wants to buy anything for himself, and he will send off every extra dime that he makes to pay off debt.
So I guess I'll have to wait and see if he follows through with the whole "housewife" plan...But until then, we just might have to live in filth. I don't want to do my half until he does his, because what's the point? A clean kitchen and a filthy bathroom? Orderly bedroom and disgusting living room? This place would still be depressingly dirty and not clean enough to have company, plus, I might be tempted to do it all after I get my half done. I have to stand strong on this, because if I'm already cleaning the whole apartment, cooking, etc, etc, he wouldn't feel like he was getting any benefit from me being a full-time housewife- kind of like when women won't screw a guy until they get married.. and,the fact that it's just plain not fair, and I really don't have the time/ energy.

I wrote a proper response to this but my piece of shit computer cut me off. To summarise:

- It is not kind to not clean,
- I think you feel that your 'temper tantrums' are a burden and you should be grateful to any man willing to 'put up' with you, and
- clean up or get ill. He won't do it. Battles and games in relationships are a recipe for disaster.

So, good luck! :thumbsup:

yeah, that's true to an extent. I don't want to be with somebody that I have to act fake around, and the real me is a bitch. And I would like to change that, but I feel like I can't help it at times.

Oh, and Arsen LOVES a challenge. So maybe he loves me for not cleaning? :love: :guinea:

No, he loves you because he can be an assclown and still get laid regularly. And he doesn't have to do shit. I disagree with the people who don't want you to get tough. Screw all that happy psychological shit. Put a bucket and a mop in the room with him, and barricade the door until the room he's locked in is clean. Or call the cops and have them put handcuffs on him, like the little girl throwing the tantrum.

By the way I am single, so no, I don't know what I'm talking about.

and I love him because I can be a raging bitch, throw things, be stubborn, lose my temper, complain, walk around with messy hair and no makeup, and call him "buttface", and he still loves me. :)

While true, I don't think that bit of wisdom applies in this case.

Its a basic human responsibility to clean the damn toilet. Cleanliness in general is a basic human dignity and I certainly don't think that having an expectation of at least a sanitary level of tidiness is being unfair/bitchy/suffering-from-esteem-issues/obsessive-compulsive or even out of the ordinary.

But I will say this: you (SV) are making awfully easy for him to get away with it. When you buy a house, get ready to do ALL the yardwork and when you have kids, get ready to do ALL the diapers in addition to all the stuff you already do in addition to working. And cooking and packing Arsen five course lunches. And ALL the laundry. Plus the dog. Ten years from now, you will look back at today and wish you had it that easy again.

staceyv - i enjoy your posts in here. you sound pretty nice and fun. that being said.... Grow the fuck up!

Arsen is a piece of shit - send his ass back to Russia. being a a lazy disgusting pig willing to wallow in one's own filth is repulsive, but it remains one's right. the bigger issue is that he is so lazy and worthless that he can't even overcome his natural tendencies out of love and respect for his wife? BS!

if he is this overthetop lazy don't count on ever finding a time where you can be a stay at home mom or live in any other way than you already are. if cleaning up his own toilet is too much work for him, there is exactly ZERO chance that he will ever be fruitful and successful in any job.

show yourself some love - you would be much better off without him. he already knows this fact, he is just hoping and praying that you don't figure it out.

The point was obvious and it distresses me that you missed it.

This POINT is, Stacey, that since Arsen makes promises he doesn't keep, (RED FLAG: can't trust his word! Unreliable!) you should at the very least keep your own promise. Keep your own word. Like grown ups do.

So you'd rather live in complete filth and squalor rather than 1/2 filth and squalor because...why again??

Um....hello... let's focus on Stacey, hmm?? Stacey doesn't like dirty house. Stacey doesn't like filth and squalor. Stacey likes a clean, tidy house. Stacey works like a dog at work, comes home tired. Stacey wanted a little help from the person that is supposed to be her partner.

He listened, made promises to Stacey, and then didn't follow through. Stacey felt let down. Hurt. Broken promises do that. Then, when she points out to him that he had made promises, he tells her he's tired of her bitching at him. (RED FLAG: HE IS INSENSITVE TO YOUR NEEDS AND IS DISRESPECTING YOU AND YOUR MARRIAGE BY BLOWING YOUR VALID REQUESTS OFF.)

That's usually a moral choice. And I'll leave that statement there.

Life is not fair. It's not fair that you're trying to change Arsen and make him take personal responsiblity for his own living conditions and how he treats your wants and needs. (RED FLAG: HE DOESN'T GIVE A SHIT AND YOU CAN'T MAKE HIM GIVE A SHIT.)

That's because you work your ass off and you deserve help around the house.


Enough red flags? If this was your best friend, and she was telling you all this shit, you'd be all about "Leave the bastard." And you know it.



If I was Arsen, I'd be loving life right now. I have a woman that will fuck me when I want, doesn't make me clean up after myself, doesn't make me hold to my word (even after I've proven multiple times my word means nothing), cooks, cleans up when she finally gets tired of looking at it, walks the dog...shit. All I have to do is deal with her bitchyness and cramps, and go out to buy her chips occasionally. Hell yeah!

this is how any normal relationship is. i love my wife absolutely and she loves me. she doesn't have to have her hair and makeup done, she gets bitchy sometimes, you haven't seen temper until you've met her, and ...
these things are called being human. he isn't doing you any favors - he is taking advantage for letting you believe he is going above and beyond by "putting up" with these aspects of your personality.

from your descriptions of him he is a selfish, selfcentered, lazy piece of shit who is praying every single moment of every day that his beautiful wife doesn't get wise to the fact that he is worthless.

You give him too much credit. He takes her for granted. He isn't praying that she doesn't get wise. He thinks so little of her that it doesn't even occur to him that she will ever get wise.

you're probably right. but the important question is where were the young ladies like stacey when i was on the open market? all the girls i could find at the time were completely different. sure, they were attractive - like stacey, but they weren't interested in commitment, all they wanted was a casual sex partner who they could share with their roommates, with no strings attached...oh well, we all had our struggles i suppose. :D

Oh well. Fact of the matter is, when you want something to change badly enough, you'll change it. The discussion is all well and good, but when you really want a clean house and a partner that pulls his weight, you'll make it happen. Till then, you won't. And that's all good, as long as you realize that the only person who can really direct your life is ewe.

What about this stuff?? Are you saying I should DIVORCE my husband because he is lazy?
Did I mention that I smoke cigarettes(HUGE turnoff), we are sexually compatible because we both only like to screw every 7-10 days(most guys want to screw ALL the time and it bugs me to the point of breaking up with them, not to mention, I only let him screw me if he chases me around the house, rips my panties off and forces himself on me), and I have no career goals other than to be a housewife and do volunteer work (HUGE turnoff).

I'm a piece of work, too. I've dated a LOT of guys. I either had to act fake, screw them when I wasn't in the mood, and/or answer their stupid questions about what I want to do with my life.

Do you really think he's so bad that I should divorce him??!!

Just couldn't help it could you?

i'm not saying divorce him. i am saying to evaluate this situation. is it just this one little area that you find him to be lacking? most people i've encountered who exhibit the behaviors you are talking about let this type of thing creep into other areas of life. they are always waiting for their big break, and when it doesn't come it is someone else's fault or it wasn't what they wanted to do anyway. someone who won't even clean his own excrement from a toilet is not exactly a go getter who is going to provide a stable life where you can rest easy in your ability to be a housewife or pursue whatever it is that you want.

sex? so what, you're not that active. the older you get the less important it is to have sex 2-3 times everyday. it works for guys too. something about quality over quantity. and maybe.. just maybe if you weren't so damned tired, depressed, and disgusted by certain cleanliness issues you would find you actually do want to have sex more - but whatever floats your boat in that area.

i don't like cigarrettes. hate 'em actually. my wife smokes when she drinks. so what? does that eliminate you from the running for a guy who will treat you right?

career goals? you want to be a stay at home and take care of your family? how the hell is that a turn-off? i think that is pretty damn attractive, actually. someone who isn't going to always compare their career with mine, who is willing to do something that i don't want to do?

so what if you've dated LOTS of guys. as long as your first date conversation isn't..." so after screwing john for a couple weeks, i fucked dwayne for awhile...or was jason in between?" you should be just fine. most guys you are going to date aren't exactly saints, so they probably don't expect you to be virginal. in fact, they might just like someone who is confident in knowing what she wants, how she wants it, and when she wants it.

but talking about who to replace him with is putting the cart way out in front. you've got to get your head on straight and develop some positive self esteem here. how can you expect someone to love, honor, and respect you, when it doesn't sound like you really love and respect yourself? that is probably why arsen is able to treat you like a doormat right now - because he can. because for some strange reason you think it is ok. and the even stranger thought that it will just, kind of "be ok" someday when you can be a stay at home.

edit: maybe i'm making some unfair assumptions here. all i know is that i had an ex-wife that broke my selfconfidence to the point that i thought i deserved the shitty situation i was living in. it took some serious alone-time to put myself back together. i see some similarities here.

Screw. What a romantic word.

I don't think anyone here is the authority on who you should or should not spend your life with. However, the limited information we've received tends to be negative. He won't keep the house even remotely sanitary, you have to safeguard the rent money or he will piss it away, he (used to) spend all his emotional capital on another woman even though he was with you, he doesn't meet this need or that need. You, on the other hand, play power games with towels hanging on the shower and nastygrams written on the seat of the shitter. You'll let him "make love" to you only in mock rape scenarios every week and a half, and then only out of gratitude that he hasn't dumped you because of your propensity to "be a raging bitch, throw things, be stubborn, lose my temper, complain, walk around with messy hair and no makeup, and call him "buttface."

The positives? You have fun when you go out, he buys you stuff when you "need" it, doesn't buy anything for himself, and puts every spare cent he makes towards debt.

The last thing is a good "husband" quality. The preceding three are "boyfriend" qualities, and everything up to then is "codependent". Unless you're leaving out a major part of your relationship that you haven't shared with us (and that's certainly your right -- it's your personal life), it just sounds like you are getting a raw deal.

Well, you guys are right. I'll probably accept any treatment from him. You know why? The best job skill I have is as a waitress and I HATE waitressing. He is my only hope of getting out of this rut. I can't manage going to school and working, and it's very difficult to impossible for me to get another job because I need time off every month for my period. If I don't have a man to take care of me, I am totally fucked. I already went through that- trying to support myself by waitressing. I was so behind on the bills, racked up so much credit card debt, I almost married an illegal Brazilian guy for $5,000. That's desperate. I don't want to do it on my own. I just can't. And I won't go and live with family like a bum. And I can't be with just any man. I have genuine feelings for Arsen and I'm attracted to him. So yeah, I am dependent on him for my financial security, and I am deathly afraid of having to support myself and be a waitress forever. All I want is for him to pay the bills and let me be domestic. I guess I can deal with any bad habits he has, because anything is better than being on my own, supporting myself as a waitress. He is helping me a lot, even now, by paying half of the bills and holding me at night. And I love him for being nice to me, and never making demands of me, and making me laugh. Even if he's never able to manage paying for everything, and I have to bring in some money, It's still a whole lot better than supporting myself waiting tables.
And I've already tried dating "successful" men. I even dated two millionares. One of them, I didn't trust for various reasons, and the other one was 44 and I just didn't want to kiss him. And I realized that I need to have REAL feelings for somebody to be with them, no matter how successful they were. So, I went for love instead of money and fell head over heels for Arsen. I still love him, and my life is better off with him than without him. So I guess I'd better get used to the idea of cleaning the whole apartment or living in filth, because I'm not leaving him...That doesn't mean I am a total pushover- he doesn't know how much I need him. I act pretty self-confident, because I know that being needy and dependent is NOT attractive. But yeah, the sad truth is, I feel like my life is going nowhere and I need a man to support me. Ugh.

So, I guess the question you need to ask yourself is:

Do you hate the dirty mess and cleaning and shit worse than you hate struggling to support yourself? None of us can answer that question for you, but whichever you dislike less should pale in comparison to the other. I suppose that sounds sort of pathetic, but it is a normal human rationalization, in my book. Maybe it would help you to remind yourself of times in the past, where a dirty toilet sure as hell beats the shit you were dealing with back then. Yeah, again, maybe it sounds pathetic, but sometimes it is necessary to put your problems in perspective.

edit: I think you have already answered the first question with your explanation about your relationship with Arsen. You love him, and that is what matters to you. You won't leave him because you feel like the dirty toilets and shit are worth what you feel being with him. Am I right?

dating millionaires? what the hell does that have to do with having a husband who can support you?

there are good husbands and fathers in this country who manage to love and support their families on $30,000 a year(and less). the person is more important than the paycheck. i was talking about certain personality types that share some common ground with your descriptions of arsen - they tend to go nowhere, because it is just too hard or they never catch their "lucky break".

you are mistaking your current husband for a good supporter because he can pay half the bills and doesn't abuse you. considering that he won't use the same towel to dry his face and ass after a shower, might we conclude that he is too lazy to even properly wipe his own ass?

you are mistaking the millionaires as good supporters because they have $$$.

it sounds like you are probably a good person and you deserve some happiness. you are carrying a lot of baggage, but the nice thing about bags? you can always set them down and leave them behind.

you constantly tell us that you are "just a waitress". what is wrong with being a waitress? if you enjoy it stick with it. especially if medical issues prevent you from doing anything else. or seek medical help so you can find another job. it really doesn't take a lot of skill to break into office work. it would require going to work every week, so you would have to deal with that. but anyway, this is more about your self esteem than anything.

you don't NEED arsen. you don't NEED a husband. it sounds like you want a husband and a traditional family life. good for you. i hope you get it. but anytime you think you desperately NEED something, you can count on it remaining just out of reach. you may not think you let him know how dependent you are on him, but you are only fooling yourself. no one would treat you that way unless they thought you were too dependent or afraid to break out on your own.

i'm not telling you that leaving your husband is the solution, but you are in an extremely unhealthy situation and they longer you let it go, the harder it will be to correct.

Hey Staceyv,

Take a look at your keyboard. Three keys to the right of the "L" key should be one that says return.

Every now and then give it a little tap. ;)

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Stacey I really feel I need to comment on the waitress thing. Before I do, please listen to lookout and noodle, I think they've said it all.

I have a pretty successful job, and I get paid a pretty good salary for someone my age. The ad industry is incredibly competitive, and very 'cool'. Most people would say I'm really 'making it'.

Leaving aside the fact that I HATE this job, do you know what I do at the weekends? I waitress.

It's a smallish bar/cafe that is sometimes busy and sometimes quiet. You sometimes get wankers in there, and you sometimes get interesting, nice people. Sometimes I have an opportunity to talk to them, sometimes I don't. Sometimes I have to clean the toilets.

Now, I'm earning good money in my day job, why the fuck would I want to clean toilets at the weekend for £5 an hour?

I watch people. Even if I don't get to talk to them, I watch everything. Couples who hate each other, people making polite conversation, drunk old women, wise old men, different languages, people on their own reading newspapers, women doing their mating dance, men doing their mating shuffle. It's fascinating, you see so much of human nature in this one little bar, and I get paid for it too!

If you like watching people (and we all do) this is the perfect environment. Working in my little bar has taught me loads about other people, and myself. Try talking to someone about something real to you, ask them about love, about life. Ask what they can tell you, you'd be surprised, and even if you don't directly learn from what they say, watch how they say it, this will probably tell you more.

'Only' a waitress? I can't think of any other occupation (apart from maybe hairdressing) that allows you such open access to people and life. Make the most of it.

People can think you're a bit dim if you're a waitress. But you know what this means? They're happy to tell you things, think they can teach you, they're not worried about opening up to you. Take advantage of this and learn as much as you can. This is what I'm doing, not for money, for enjoyment.

Stop thinking you're a 'difficult' person. You're no different to anyone else - if anything you have a slight edge over the competition: you're open and honest, which is rare, believe me.

You also have the self-awareness to know you need someone to support you. Many women would never admit to this. Your choice is between safe and risk. Be safe in your miserable relationship, or risk your happiness by getting the fuck on with your own life, stop thinking about men, look around you and wonder at everything, with no ties to hold you back.

I admire your outlook. I really, really do.
I guess you're more of a people person than I am.
Being around people just stresses me out.
When I'm working, I love to go in the bathroom where I am all alone, or outside in the dark alley where it's quiet and I'm by myself.
I love peace and quiet, and spending time alone, reading books, playing guitar, cooking, writing or hanging out with my dog.
I don't watch people, but I am very intuitive, and I can tell when people are in a bad mood, or if they're nervous or they think they're better than me, or if they are genuinely happy.
All of these vibes really wear me out and I crave alone time.
I think I am highly in tune with people's negative energy, because my mother was very moody and I had to learn as a child when to talk to her and when to leave her alone!

I have taken many personality tests, in books and online. I am an introvert.
As far as all these career quizzes go, they say I am good at working with my hands, animals, plants, nature and outdoors, and writing.
I don't have innate people skills, it's a constant struggle.
And I only like to be around people if I've spent a lot of time alone, and even then, only for a few hours.
Why am I rambling? I'm sorry.
I guess my point is, that I don't find enjoyment in being around people, unless it's my family, or I'm drinking. I like talking to people online or with emails, though. But if the Cellar had a telephone club, I wouldn't be in it!

And stability is one of my highest priorities. I hate risk.

The only thing making me truly unhappy in my life is my job, not my husband.

I think everyone bitches about thier husband, and no one's perfect.
He is good to me in many ways. It's too bad that his mother spoiled him.

We had a talk last night.
He says that when he was growing up, he had household chores that he never did.
I said "what did your mother do?"
He said "she nagged me"
I said "did you do them?
He said "no."
"did she do them for you?"
"yeah, sometimes"
Me: "well, I'm not your mother and I'm not doing them for you.'
him: "yeah, I know, I need to change."
And he took the dog out twice yesterday and this morning, and hung my towel up this morning.

I don't have a "miserable relationship". I have a young husband whow needs to grow up a little and learn a few things. But, he does learn from his mistakes.

I could cite a few examples of that, but this post is getting a little long.

Either way, the risk I need to take is to leave my job, not my husband.

It's amazing how differently people see the world!

I think you are lucky, cat. Your views and personality make it easy for you to be happy.

Very interesting post. I think we may be more similar than you think.

I am not remotely a 'people person'. In fact I can't stand the company of most people: the pettiness, stupidity, loudness. I would much rather be alone, doing whatever occurs to me at the time. Like you, I absorb beaucoup bad shit, and need time to recover.

If I spend extended periods of time with someone, they must be pretty special. Like you, perhaps, I can hang onto this, thinking 'there's no one else who understands me/gets it/I like spending time with.' Hanging on generally causes this person to leave through fright, or clouds the time you spend together because you're constantly awed/forgiving/scared of losing them.

When you watch people you don't have to talk to them, although this can be very rewarding. You don't have to 'be' anything to them, if you know what I mean. You can be a passive observer - and no one will expect anything else from you. Oh and I don't have 'innate people skills' either - you can tell by how much I tend to offend people or say things wrong here. I don't actually care though - I'm learning in the process.

Ignore the personality tests.

Wow what a compliment, thanks. There's no secret or uniqueness in it though, anyone can do it. I don't have a special way of seeing the world, I try to only see what's there. How can that make anyone unhappy?

The only thing truly making you unhappy in your life is not your job, or your husband. It's the fact that you react to the world instead of just seeing it. You don't need that pressure of trying to work out what your role is on this planet - just watch what happens.

That probably didn't make sense. See, crap people skills. :rolleyes:

if you guys haven't thought this one through, you might want to: most of us are in the cellar as much as we are because we are either, A) not extroverts, or B) burned out extroverts.

if we were extroverts and had so much to say we would be talking to people around us, rather than tapping on a keyboard. I am a former extrovert who has been in sales for a very long time. i am just burned out and too tired to really take the time to get to know new people anymore. i enjoy my job very much, but i have found that i don't enjoy talking to people socially as much as i did before... voila! instant addiction to the cellar.

Stacey, he picked up your towel, but what did he do with his own?

when I saw that the last post in this thread was made by wolf, I thought to myself "it'll be very short and sarcastic."
So I looked, and I was right. It made me smile. He always hangs his towel up right after he uses it. The time frame between him taking mine off the rod, showering and shaving must be too long for him to remember he took mine down.

and yes, I am overreactive. You guys are pretty smart.

We all love staceyv.

We give her soul a foot rub.

Arsen is so proud that his statement "you spit on my soul" has been remembered.
Isn't he poetic?
wow, I am really drunk right now. It took me 4 tries to spell poetic.

So that's why xobruce asked me for a translation of it into Russian way back .... :lol:

Yeah, it was my sig line for a while. ;)

wait a minute. I am. well, i'm an authority for me, anyway.

I think stacy and arsen fit well together. yin and yang. stacey's Ren to Arsen's Stimpy. 'you fat bloated eeediot!' just clean that fucking nasy ass apartment. what the fuck do you do when you have company?!

i want to see clean pictures up here by sunday morning, or im coming over there and spitting on both of your souls. or maybe we'll call one of those gay tv shows that come in and embarrass your ass on national cable tv. ?clean sweep? or some shit?

Sick -em Jimbo !!!!!!!

NO!! Don't call the gay guys!
We worked this thing out :)
Two days ago, Arsen gave me a debit card that had $200 on it (work bonus) and said "here, go buy yourself whatever you want, makeup, clothes, hey, I don't care if you buy $200 worth of steaks and wine, just make yourself happy"

So I cleaned the whole apartment by myself.

I don't know what will happen when it gets dirty again. Hopefully he'll throw some more money at me and I'll clean it to make him happy...

And thank you, LJ, for your faith in our relationship :)