Time to judge the capitalist pig
 

This is primarily a vent, so if you are looking for humor, look elsewhere.

Let's pretend that someone is more or less selfemployed. Let's call them Jimbob. They work for a company, in name, but the profit/loss, and everything that goes along with that are theirs. if there is a profit, they get it, if there is a loss, they get that too.

Now let's say Jimbob has an assistant. this assistant requires no more skill than a secretarial position, but does require more selfmotivation and dedication. the assistant, let's call her clementine.

clementine is competent at her job and fulfills all the blocks that are technically required. Jimbob is regularly frustrated though because clementine consistantly grumbles about anything out of the ordinary, such as learning new tasks, etc. in fact, she sometimes "forgets" to do said new tasks until she has been reminded several times. but, overall, she does a good job. the real sticking point is that Clementine, while a very nice compassionate individual, has a personality that just grates into Jimbob ceaselessly.

Well, Jimbob has been stressing out over Clementine's review for about 2 weeks now. he would really like to see her transfer elsewhere (but there are no other people with an opening) or retire. because that isn't possible, Jimbob knows that clementine is competent and gives her a positive review and a 6% payraise with some recommendations for areas to work on and some ideas how to score better the next time around.

Clementive is positively offended at the pittance of a payraise. she has bills. she is paid too little. she is responsible for Jimbob's success and accolades. she suggests repeatedly that she will give Jimbob a few minutes to reconsider. it would be important to know that there was only a possibility of a 7% total raise.

Jimbob, who is controlling his temper and, who likes to please people, is really wavering between embarrassment and his boiling point. he calmly reminds clementine that she has a very flexible schedule, she can come and go as she pleases. Jimbob also reminds her that he frequently sends her home for free halfdays on Friday (paid time off without dipping into her vacation). Jimbob also explains how the P&L works. for every dollar in raise that she receives it takes two dollars from Jimbob's own bonuses, bonuses that he already splits 70/30 with her, even though he isn't obligated to do so. JImbob explains that he has reached his decision and hopes that she can come to appreciate what she did receive without holding a grudge for what she didn't.

Clementine storms out and within minutes is on the phone with her peers throughout the region telling them how she got robbed.

Jimbob hasn't worked a job that had payraises and reviews in a very long time, so he continues to be very stressed about the situation. Is 6% (out of a possible 7%) an insult for an employee that isn't going above and beyond in any way? Is Jimbob just a typical capitalist prick holding down the little people? should Jimbob rethink the raise?

Does Clementine normally pull the "I'm entitled" attitude? Sounds like Jimbob has been more than fair, and Clem needs to understand the correlation between performance and rewards. I'd inform her that yes, I'm rethinking the raise, but not in the direction she wants. And I'd write her up for being stupid.

6% is very reasonable. The worst thing Jimbob could do right now would be to give in and increase the raise in any way.

Jimbob definitely won't change it. he is going to be doing some checking around to find out if he was completely offbase with his appraisal.

I'd fire her ass, end of story. 6% is a nice raise given the economy. I've only received an "annual" raise twice, 1% and 2.5% respectively. Granted, I've also worked for a lot of failing companies, but my husband works for a major, thriving computer company, and their raises last go-round maxed out at a possible 5%.

I'd ask her directly how her peers said their raises compared, and if she isn't very apologetic, I'd tell her to ask those other people in the regions for a job then.

Don't rethink the raise, rethink her job! Can her ass, and then hire someone who wants the job.

there is no possible way to fire her. she does work technically work for the firm, not just me. that is one of the drawbacks to our employee status. the pluses are getting a w2, group benefits, etc...

she does her job competantly.
she is a nice person.
she just pisses me off beyond belief and this raise issue has really set me off. i'm going to explore some "promotion" opportunities for her, but she likes my office. that is what i get for being nice to her. she is pissed about the raise, but not pissed enough to go away.

I have no sympathy for Clementine. Our "excellent performance" raise is 3%. Adequate performance gets you 2%. BFD.

Clementine cannot both do her job competently, as you say in your last statement, and need constant retraining on tasks at the same time. Nice is good, but if it's not getting your clerical stuff done right and on time, it's not totally essential.

Is Clementine related to Jimbob? That brings up a whole other set of issues.

Our standard raise is 4% and normally it tops out at 7% unless you walk on water or something.

Un-uh, you got that wrong. She is not doing her job competantly if she is spending the afternoon on the phone with personal calls and she is not a nice person if she smears you all over town and tells YOU how to run the office. You have basically let her get away with attempted murder, and I would advise that you start documenting every move she makes because you are going to need it when she files a complaint against you with the company you both report to. And she'll do it too, the next time she does not get her way.

She has NOTHING to bitch about! In my last two jobs a 3% raise was the max, a flexible work schedule and half days on some Fridays is rare and a very nice perk. It sounds as if she may not be happy unless she has something to bitch about. I think Jimbob should rethink her raise and appraisal - and NOT in her favor - considering she discussed it all with her peers. In most places, that stuff is supposed to be confidential.

Clementine needs to be kicked out on her whiny ass.

A suggestion.

Jimbob should her the extra %age, and remove some of the bonus, if not all of it, and let her know that her response, while possibly reflecting her initial feelings on the matter, was not that of a team player. Team players split the spoils, and she is not on the team anymore. Jimbob should not reward assholes, nor "promote" them into someone elses life. People should be rewarded for performance, not "opinions". Part of the problem we have in the professional world is that we reward non production.

Jimbob is doing her no favors by allowing her to attempt to dictate her own terms.

Promoted to the point of incompetence.

Just my 2C. Good of Jimbob to worry about his employees though.

Jimbob, the manager, needs to not be emotionally manipulated. He needs to be impassionate and clear. He calls the numbers, if Clem dont like, Clem can walk. Jimbob is the leader. If his superior suggest a rething, mediation, so be it. If not, stick. Further, if Clems actions are unprofessional in anyway, its grounds for dismissal. Best for all concerned. No one should labor under the illusion that they are indispensible or irreplaceable.

Cirocco has a point, give her her 1% and take the bonus.

The max at my job is 5%, and I got a 4%, because it's nearly impossible to get 5%.

The bitch needs to be grateful for what she got, because if I can't find a way to get her ass fired, I'm DAMN sure not giving her a good review NEXT year.

Hey lookout123:

I have thoughts that are generally in line with the rest of the group here. But there are a couple of important things that are not mentioned that are bothering me.

1 -- Is she getting paid fairly by the local market standards? If yes, then right on with the groupthink. Stop whining (Clementine) and just get to work.

2 -- Really the same question but with a different spin. is clementine's pay really low to begin with, especially compared to Jimbob's? I mean, another 1% means a lot when we're talking pennies an hour. For years I was underpaid by local market standards and the difference in my annual reviews and merit (HA!) increases were similarly small. So the difference between the 2% ("generously") offered to me compared to the max 3.5% the company gave to peak performers was big TO ME. But, shit, we're talking 1.5% approx= 250/year. Like <$10 per fucking paycheck, GROSS.

Come on.

I could see that kind of money being spend/wasted on plenty of other places in the company and NOT going into my pocket, and it chapped me bad. I complained and felt bitter to no avail. Frankly, it would probably have been cheaper for the company to just max my raise percentage for the morale bennies to the company. I didn't deliberately slow my productivity, but it was a bad call not in my favor that still pisses me off.

I knew that the slower my rate rose, that next year's chance at getting more money rested on this year's base plus raise. I was striving to max my money. This was my only option (at this company) and I was trying to get the pedal to the metal.

It doesn't hurt to be generous when the gross dollar difference is great.

Bottom line--fair pay for good work. Everyone want to feel valued. The universal method for expressing this value in our capitalist environment is money. In the absence of other positive reinforcements, show me the money. And sometimes, no non-money expressions will do. I can't take a free non-vacation half day to the grocery store and get food for my family, y'know.

Lookout123:

See, this is not a good idea. They call it an annual review, not a blood feud. Don't let this past year's performance plus her response to this year's review drive next year's review.

Wanna know why?

Do you seriously want to carry a grudge like this ALL YEAR LONG? No, you don't.

Make next year's review about the most recent year's perfformance.

Actually, I always thought an annual performance review, conducted in December, was really about how well I did during the autum. I mean really, are you going to bring up something I did in February in our December meeting? If you do, and you may and you might, it had better not be a surprise to either of us. DO NOT ambush people months after the fact. Bad bad idea.

*looks around....*
*thinks how the hell did I get up on this soapbox??*

This is good. Do your best. If you're responsible for her reviews and her raises, then I trust your judgement, even if Clementine clearly does not. You seem to have done your due diligence. Cut yourself some slack.

This whole unpleasantness seems to be about incompatible work attitudes, not about money. Having it come to blows about the difference between 6% and 7% is like turning up the radio to make the screeching sound of the engine "go away". Not. A. Good. Idea.

Deal with the problem not the symptom. Is the problem 1% of pay? Then deal with that. Is the problem a work performance issue? Deal with that. Is the problem different work styles? Felix versus Oscar? The complainer versus the stoic? Guess what... deal with the source of the problem. Keep in mind the source may well be a combination of more than one of these or many many others, but get to the source.

You may find the source and then discover that there is no common ground. Then you have jointly revealed that the company and the employee should go their separate ways. Certainly it happens every day.

Done this way, you can rest assured you've done your best by the company and the employee and this venting/second guessing will be minimized. You'll likely minimize your exposure to any improper termination actions, a good thing for everyone.

Print out this thread and give it to her and ask her what she would do in your position. Make her own her actions.

My standard raise is 0%, with an option for an extra $0. On the plus side, performance isn't tied to compensation.

No sympathy for clementine here, naturally. He should re-assess based on her reaction and reduce it to zero.

Ya know what, Lookout123? I think BigV's working in the same industry that I spent most of my life in, and I'm impressed that at least somewhere in this country employers are still teaching the fair and decent employee-relations practices that BigV has given you there. He really outlined the highest standards for you. For the most part, that kind of rational thinking was wiped out in the 80's and 90's, when companies were given the green light to treat their workers like so much used Kleenex. Most companies can laugh at an employee's claims of what they are "worth", because everybody is completely expendable. Thanks to the economy and our government's pandering to the upper echelons, there is a massive unemployed and skilled workforce out there and they won't have any problem filling your place if you have issues. When companies are laying off 50% of their workforce, you don't have much negotiating power with your boss. Many people aren't allowed to hold a job long enough to even reach a yearly evaluation with their new manager, because basically he is there to cut operating expenses to the bone so that the big bosses can take home more. If you Jimbob are an exception to that, which is how I certainly read it, that gal should be kissing your feet instead of stabbing you in the back. Maybe her job could not be outsourced to India, but she needs a reality check. You have been super fair all the way, so don't let her give you an ulcer or force you to walk on eggshells around her. Oh, and file a complete written report of your confrontation with her with the chief personnel officer of the company, it wont hurt to let them know that you are not what she is making you out to be in case she is talking to people higher up than you thought.

Cirocco and jag have it right. :thumbsup:
I've worked with lots of people who were, that are now retired or dead. You know, somehow we get by without them. Go figure. :)

I've worked with lots of people who were who are now fired and replaced with someone who works cheaper and bitches less.

time to dredge this one up.

the review issue was settled with one final sitdown.

Jimbob: To summarize, I don't believe your performance to this point has been worthy of a 6% raise, i chose to provide you with that raise as a motivator, a pat on the back if you will. your reaction and behavior over the last week have reminded me why i don't believe a 6% raise was earned, but i will honor my word and give it to you anyway.

CLEm: How dare you?! storms out.

Jimbob: 10 minutes later walks out and informs clem that he has completed 2 review packages. number 1 is completed with no payraise and a recommendation for probation and possible termination in 90 days, number 2 has the 6% payraise, some praise and some areas to work on. I'll leave it up to you which you prefer to sign and forward on to home office.

Clem: *crickets*

********************
since that day, i've had two sit down corrective action reviews with her. i have 4 different clients (including a close friend) inform me that they don't take phone calls from my office or call here before 4 PM because they don't want to talk to her. New tasks or restructured processes have been met with grumbling and resistance. small issues fall through the cracks with an "oops" attitude. an office opened up literally 4 minutes from her house, she chose to stay here. we spoke about retirment and she has stated that she plans on working til she dies. not because she needs to, but because she uses this as a social platform.

because she does just enough to avoid termination for productivity issues (i have to be careful of age discrimination issues here) she has to go away on her own or transfer. i dread coming into my own office and hide behind closed doors rather than speak with her. i despise this person.

i have spoken with HR and their recommendation is that the only way i can get rid of her is to absolutely overwhelm her with work until she chooses to leave or she really drops the ball and is able to be terminated. my office will be a living hell if i go that route. my clients will be able to sense this and i don't trust her not to say something to them. (the only good news is that if she did say something, i could terminate her with cause)

in the end i feel like an asshole because i don't want to take away someone's livelihood, but this is MY livelihood dammit! i am the one that took all the risk to start the business. i am the one that left a successful salary+ career to enter a production only P&L based lifestyle. i have 20-30 years ahead of me here and i can't let her set me back any farther.

WTF!?!?! i've given her every chance to step up to the plate, but "just good enough" is the order of the day. incentives are talked about but ignored. behavior doesn't change - what is a capitalist pig supposed to do.

i guess it would be important to know that i didn't hire her, she was inherited from someone who left the business when i assumed his building lease and remainder of his clients.

It seems to me that you have cause to fire her if clients are not calling you because she might answer the phone. That's very serious, in my opinion. The clients are your lifeblood. She is messing with the flow of your lifeblood. I would fire her.

the problem is that if it ever went to a hearing, only one of those clients would be willing to testify to that fact. the other 3 are middle aged women who wouldn't want to be involved in anything like that. so it is just a "he said, she said" situation. it is true, but costly to prove.

i just absolutely despise her as a person because she is so nosy and irritating, but she tries to cover everything with one of those "oh, i'm sorry i didn't know" acts.

example: for my birthday my wife and son sent me a really nice beautiful flower arrangement. the box was marked in HUGE bold letters - Pro Flowers.com. i was out of the office at the time so CLem called my cell phone and left me a message describing them to me.

then she opened the card and read it to me - on my voicemail. i was furious. the card was innocent and all, but what if my wife had sent me a card thanking me for letting her take part in a gang bang last night? is that something that she should have read? hell no. she just played her, "oh i thought you would want to know how nice it all was, I'm sorry" bit. i actually gathered my stuff and left for the day because i was concerned about what i would say if i had to speak with her. in the end, i reprimanded her and explained that there although she is required by law to open all business correspondence addressed to me, that she should know better than to open flowers addressed to me. GUH!

Well, your HR department probably knows more about the situation, and their advice is probably sound, but it seems to me that you should be on pretty firm footing. I assume you are keeping a file with all her screwups, updating it each time there is a new one? If that file gets thick enough, no lawyer will ever take her case to court.

yeah, i am. it isn't so much that i'm worried that i can't get rid of her, it is 70% that i feel bad about pushing someone out of a job - even if they deserve it. "take care of all your people, even the stupid ones" has been ingrained so deeply in me that it is hard to go against it even when it is the best option for my own future.

Hey, that's what probation's for. Outline your problems with her performance (in the presence of HR), and say she has 90 days to rectify the situation. If she fails to do so, you can assume that she is resigning from her position. You will lose the respect of your GOOD employees if you let one bad apple pwn you in front of them.

You aren't pushing her out. You are simply fulfilling your portion of the agreement between employer and employee. She agreed to meet certain standards to remain employed. She is failing in that so you are able to fulfill your commitment to the company by canning her.

And I said it was a waffle, not pancakes.

there is a difference between (by accident) opening someone's package, and being nosy and opening the package then opening the card, then dialing the phone, then reading the card into someone's voice mail.

mr noodle, i don't have any other employees. that is why i came to this firm. it is me and my assistant. that is why it is so important that we both be on the same page.

If there are tasks she's refusing to do, could you perhaps hire someone young (but up-and-coming, talented) and tell her that this young woman is her assistant--and then over the next two months give this younger woman all her tasks, and then when she is doing NOTHING, then could you fire her?

in theory, yes, but then i would be paying two salaries, benefits, etc. while my business is doing well, i'm not in a position to do that right now.

A 6% raise by itself and compared to others in the economy is massive. Most friends are offering their employees about 1% and never more than 2%. BTW inflation is running at what - 2%?

The question cannot be answered in terms of percent alone. Many bosses want to determine raise only in terms of previous pay. Some people are underpaid and eventually learn it. If the inequity is not corrected, a firm will have both an adversarial employee and then lose talent. High performance employees are often ones first brought in with low or moderate pay. They expect a raise to compensate for the job they are performing better than their peers - especially after learning how much others are getting paid and discovering how much better they were than they first thought.

IOW it is not reasonable to answer this question without information on peer performance and pay. But too often, bosses don't want to measure an employee to what others are doing. They want to restrict the analysis only to what the employee was paid previously.

Here's an idea:

1. Write up a list of policies you think slant out of her favor, for example, "In an effort to focus on our business goals, Jimbob Company expects all employees to spend no more than 30 minutes on personal telephone calls and make no more than 3 personal email correspondences each day with a possible exception of emergencies. Neglecting this policy is grounds for disciplinary action and may result in termination."

2. Try to come up with policies that are easy to prove were broken.

3. Print a copy for you and for her and ask her to sign both. It will have to be a condition of continued employment, or you have insubordination.

4. Watch her like a hawk. Write her up for everything. Make her become the problem that she is, instead of the other way around. IMHO you have done everything you can to keep her, but she insists that she deserves better. If she really feels that way, knock her down a few pegs. She will realize that some of the things she is doing are getting on your nerves and won't be tolerated anymore.

I would have killed for a job like that when I was looking. Even just admin work would have been nice for a small corporation and a decent boss.

they are salaried positions in the mid to upper $20's. not exciting but they are hired with no experience. as i said, pay raises are once a year based upon their performance and relationship with their broker. the broker may or may not share their bonuses withthe assistant. there are a few assistants making 6 figures. many making $50K+. it is based on the size of the brokers bonus, obviously.

tw, what other people make is irrelevant. beginning salary is based on skills and local market conditions. she can go elsewhere if she believes she can find abetter deal. if an employee agrees to do a job for $X and the next year they are expected to do the same job for $X + 6%, that is the employee's decision. if the person wants to leave the business owner has to decide if keeping that employee is worth more money - often they are, in this case, definitely not.

I accept a lot of flowers. Every delivery like that comes through my department.

We don't even tell the recipient that we have flowers for them, just tell them to come down to intake.

Reading the card is a MAJOR trust violation, IMHO. Not strictly against company policy, obviously, but not a good thing.

HAH! any percent is god in foodservice even if you are damn good and make them money eventually they will replace you with someone cheaper.. hey, you're in Austin.. I can make some calls and get you someone worth the trouble.

Lookout's in Arizona, not Austin.

Make her eat the mushrooms. ;)

You NEVER cease to crack me up.
Just when you thought it was safe to be serious.......... :lol:

update:

shortly after the last post Jimbob sat clementine down for a conference call with the HR people. when she figured out what was going on she refused to walk into the office demanding that i hang up the call and discuss this with just her, no HR involved. i pressed the speakerphone button so they could hear and she promptly shut up and sat down.

i presented very well documented inadequacies that ended up costing me and the business a chunk of change and some clients' trust. she didn't dispute any of the facts whatsoever but kept returning to the "you are just picking on me and i don't know why" bit. the call got ugly on her part with accusations, etc. in each case i looked at my notes and said - "do you mean on X date, when i asked you to do ____ and it didn't get done? is that the event you are talking about?" and then she would attack the HR people for always siding with the broker. at which point, her representative on the call(who happens to be THE director of HR), broke in and told her to be quiet, quit interrupting, or she would remove herself from the case so that she could write Clem up for insubordination herself. :mg:

in the end, Clem received a written warning. she was all tears and drama and demanded to know what i wanted from her. my response was that:

A) you will listen, learn, and comply and become a VERY good assistant
B) you will decide you can't do the job and resign
C) you will refuse to comply and we will continue the process through termination.

Clem was and is not a happy camper.

Clem is also unhappy because i removed her flex time schedule privileges due to abuse and a lack of confidence that she is working when i'm not here. she is working the same number of hours, but it is now an 8-4:30 sched. with mandatory 1/2 hour lunch. (she stays half an hour later now, but she had the option)
yesterday, at 2 she tells me that i have to change the schedule because there isn't enough work to justify keeping her an extra 1/2 hour. i just stared at her and reminded her that she is working the same number of hours as before. she made crack that the previous 2 broker's had tried to change her hours and she kept her schedule the same anyway. she kept pushing and pushing and pushing so i gave her the freedom to choose.
A) find a way to stay busy for the whole day (learning new skills, organizing, working on marketing, etc.)
B) cut her hours down to 35 so that she doesn't get bored.

then i told her to organize the product literature area to give her something to do - a task she has been saying she would do for a month. of course, she went home without doing it.
Yep, HR agreed with me - that was insubordination. i expect another conference call with HR tomorrow.

i no longer feel bad at all. she is pushing herself right out the door.

Wow Lookout - you're making me want to come work for you. Sounds like she has had plenty of opportunities to improve her performance. I've worked for the same FA for almost 10 years - if I EVER gave him attitude like that he would jump all over me. But I would never give him attitude. He is amazing and treats me like gold, so I afford him the same respect.

Watch out she doesn't knock you out, put you in a harness and hang you from a garage door opener. :lol:

Sounds like you are handling things just right.

thanks. now if i could just learn to spell right. how is that you always manage to quote something i've misspelled???

It's just a life skill.

If you didn't have to ride herd on your assistant so much, you'd have time to do things like proofread your own work.

Better yet, have Clementine proof your posts. That way, you're guaranteed that one problem will be solved. Either your posts are all spelled right or she closes the coffin door by failing to do so. Win win.


Plus I bet she'd make some entertaining posts of her own.. :hehehe:

it has happened. the day has finally come. actually it was supposed to be friday but Clementine called in sick (what a shock).

after she had been caught blatantly shirking her duties twice in one week, and acting in direct defiance of my directions I had a little discussion with HR and Clementine. She came unglued. yelling, screaming, transparent lies... while i was furious at the time, i was partially amused.

as of 8:05 tomorrow morning Clementine will be unemployed. (i am not happy about that). She will not be working for me (I am ecstatic about that).

na nana nanana...heyheyhey... get the eff out!


since all you fine cellarites were witness to my whining about the situation for most of the year, i thought i should at least fill you in about the conclusion.

i haven't been in the cellar much, and i miss it - but i've set a personal goal to triple my income for the next 12 months so i really have had to buckle down a bunch. there probably won't be anymore 20 post days from lookout, but i will check in whenever i get a chance.

until then, adieu

Happy days are here again.......well, there again, anyway. :jig: :celebrat: :band:

good things come to those who wait.

don't work too hard.

Congrats, lookout! Nothing like taking out the garbage! I have missed you, but I can see where work comes first and you've set an awesome goal for yourself--wish I had half that ambition! Best of everything and Kisses!

forgot to update. she didn't take termination well. i didn't really expect her too, but i was surprised at the idiocy.

I am:

stupid
asshole
stupid
jerk
stupid
brat
effing idiot
brat
incompetent
stupid brat
prick
stupid
dickhead
stupid
and...
lucky that my wife is stupid enough to fall in love with me (well, no shit)

in between each of these she pointed out that she had some choice words she could say about me, but she was "too much of a lady". classy bitch, ain't she.

i had to threaten to call the cops to get her to leave because an hour after she was terminated she was still sitting at the desk opening my mail telling me that only she "gets to decide when she is done working for the firm".

she then proceeded to inform me that my business was going to collapse without her and her expertise.

she is already replaced by a wonderful woman who is fully trained and has been working for a colleague. oh yeah, she is the one that has voluntarily trained all the newbies in her area too.

i'm pretty concerned about the business collapsing. :headshake

You could have had her arrested and charged with mail tampering, you know.

Sounds like it went well except for the parts that sucked.

I think it's great news. I'm pleased for you that she is out of your life.

It's not the employees you fire that usually give your work the most grief, but the ones you hesitate to fire. This one sounds irr... okay. Effin' crazy and headed for an institution.

strangely enough it does cause me great heartburn that she was terminated and is unemployed. but that heartburn is salved and overwhelmed by the utter joy i feel with the knowledge that she is out of my life - after the inevitable lawsuit.