"Cock" and other jargon
 

When you start at a new workplace, you meet a whole new group of people. You also meet a whole new group of sayings.

At CHN, instead of saying "damn!" or "crap!" when something goes wrong, they say "Caaaaaahhhhhhhkkk!" ('Cock' drawn out to sound like the "aaaww" in "aaaaaawww shucks!" when you really mean it) People get called "Cock" far more frequently than other, more mainstream 'friendly insult' words. A few of them will chirp 'cock!' randomly as they go about their business. It's ludicrous, innapropriate, and potentially offensive to an unseen customer. Yet, I catch myself playing along. I even have jinx saying it when she's frustrated.

Funny how we take on the local dialect. Sometimes, a new person will bring new jargon with them. I remember a salesman named 'JR' who brought us 'mook'. within months, all of the 'bad ups' were known as Mooks. At Family, they were geeches, At CHN, they're strappers. We also refer to them as Mr or Mrs [insert distinguishing characteristic here](er)man. ex: "Mrs Booberman" or "Mr Toupeeman"

ok, now you.


Cock!

I'm not sure why, but that just tickled the shit out of me. It made me want to sell cars. I'm a huge people watcher, and I remember hanging out at the mall as a kid with my best friend murmering insults under our breat a lot. "Hey check out the butter face", or "man you could show a movie on that ass....a double feature!", etc. My friend was really good at it. He would walk up on people and say it so loud I swore they could hear him, but they just kept walking.

i think we covered this in an old thread, but at the car store i was at
bad ups were "jags". "strokes" are the ones who would haggle and then walk away when we agreed to their numbers. we also referred to that as mental masturbation. and anytime either a really hot chick or a truly hideous hag stepped on the lot, 30 salesguys would say to each other "wooja" - as in "would you do her?"

then the really ballsy guys would try to throw in swear words or racial slurs into their conversations with customers in a way that would keep the customer in the dark. we had a really bizarre point keeping system for that.

After reading this I am never setting foot on another car lot for as long as I live.

When you've been away, you miss shit. Why is LumberJames in a new job?

I indentify with what hes saying though. Even to this day I'll say something that I never thought about in any way before, only to turn around and see people staring at me. Weird.

easy, Mrs Dikerman. :biggrin: This is not about car lots, it's about language.

Slow down there Mr. Lingoman I don't understand the term "bad ups".

Bigger money, bigger title, bigger excitement.

Some of our stuff ...

"genuinely crazy person" ... this is high praise. it means the person suffers from a major mental illness rather than stupidity, alcoholism or drug use.

"empathy free zone" ... the office itself.

"The rat turd does not fall far from the kumquat" ... second or third generation crazy person

We also will find some distinguishing characteristic about a patient and use that as a means of identifying to coworkers who you are working with, as in "I have Mind Control Man, Stinky Guy, and the Crack Whore. I think that The Princess of Darkness (a frequent flyer whose name we do not speak) needs to pee. Is she yours?"

OK, Mr. Dickerhead, but car lots are still not a fun place for most people to go to. And BTW, we like you lots better since you've been behaving lately. :love:

It's "Mr Dickheaderman"

and thanks. aint it just a great big love fest in here? :vomit:

LOL @ Mr. Dickheaderman!

we still don't know if garnet doesn't like carlots because she falls into one of the "wooja" categories, or not.

radar - bad up = a waste of time. probably falls into one or more of the 3B's 1) bankrupt, 2) broke, 3) bored (window shopper).

I guess I'd be a bad up. I have a bankruptcy on my record. The funny part is after I went to court and it finally went through, my mail box was filled with car companies, and credit cards begging to give me credit.

Yes I probably do fit into one of the "wooja" categories, but I'll let you use your imagination. ;)

The last time I was car shopping I encountered a charming salesman who stared at boobs the entire time. It was a lovely experience. I plan on keeping my current vehicle until its last dying breath.

radar - having a bk on the record isn't the end of the world. people who bk'd once generally are very dedicated about managing their debt in the future. being in the middle of bankruptcy and wasting a car guy's time is another thing.

Go on the internet and find out what the car should cost. Subtract $5,000, then write that number on your cleavage with lipstick. Be careful it's not backwards. Now if the salesman stares, he'll pick up the subliminal message and you'll get a deal. ;)
If you have to put up with 'em, you might as well use 'em.

Heh, carlot rhymes with harlot.

Shit, if it will save me $5000 I'll go in there with a bikini top on.

Course, they'll prolly charge ME $5000 indecency fee....

A saying of discust around the shop used to be " Fuck me with a chain saw !!!"
Now its just a loud out burst of " COCK FUCK !!!!!"
allthough i have always liked " Fuck'in A Skippy !"
or " fuck you , you fucking fucker !!!"
or "Yo FuckStick !!!!"

cock!

We used to say FLK (funny looking kid) when a kid was ugly but not necessarily medically deformed. The kidjust looked weird. The parents, inevitably, looked weird, too.

Medicine uses a lot of military jargon---Fubar, snafu, stfu...

Here's some more I found:

Some others....

ART = The patient died. Stands for "Assuming room temperature."

CC = Also used when the patient has died. Means "Cancel Christmas."

WUD = Woke-up dead.

GDA = "Gonna die anyway." Sometimes written as "F BUNDY" (@#$%ed, but unfortunately not dead yet.)

FDGB = "Fall down, go boom"

GOMER = It stands for "Get out of my emergency room", e.g. used in reference to junkies trying to scam drugs from the ER.

CCFCCP = Used when the patient is obviously not mentally cogent. It stands for "Coo-coo for coco puffs."

EMS = Of course this really stands for "Emergency medical services" but the joke is that it stands for "Earn money sleeping."

TMB = This is the cause of death indicated when the patient is very old. It stands for "Too many birthdays."

Heme = A slang term for blood, used when the patient or family is listening and it might upset them.

Occipital Implant = A gunshot wound in the head.

Terminal deceleration = Fatal car crash.

FLB = "Funny looking bumps", a way to describe an abnormal EKG.

MUH = Another nondescript way to indicate a coronary condition. Means "messed up heart."

WNL = It's supposed to stand for "Within normal limits", e.g. "BP WNL" is "blood pressure within normal limits", but the joke is that it really stands for "We never looked."

PAFO - "Pissed And Fell Over

Rule of Five - means that if more than five of the patient's orifices are obscured by tubing, they have no chance of survival.

UBI - "Unexplained Beer Injury.

Well, that's a tough act to follow. When Iworked in a bike shop we'd occasionally get junkers in that needed to be scrapped but for what ever reason the owners wanted us to keep the bike going. We knew the mechanic wouldn't be able to repair it to our specs, so we'd write MSR (make shit run) on the ticket.

Once a customer looked at the ticket and asked "What does MSR mean? I asked for a tune up."

"Uhh. It means 'make sure it runs well.'" They looked skeptical, but bought it.

occasionally a salesman will tell a customer that the car comes with the EAD package.

Never trust a car salesman. Eva.

In college, we called it "buying stock in Chesebrough-Ponds" when you knew you were going to get reamed on an exam...

Flint!

Frizzen!

Pan!

These're great!

My own acronyms
 

This applies to Texas city drivers:

SMALL - Slow Moving Asshole, Left Lane

Most of the main streets are 3 lanes wide and you generally make better time in the right lanes.

My favorite is "Great Googley Moogley", just because I like the way it sounds all strung together and I can say it anywhere without offending someone.
My favorite expletive, to be said with feeling, is: Fuck-a-diddle!

My Mother came to visit two years ago and HER favorite expletive at the time was: Crap-ass! ...sort of muttered under her breath. I've caught myself and my husband saying it, though we tend to use full voice and not mutter it. I was over at a friend's house a few months ago and I heard her teenage son yell "crap-ass!" at his truck while he was tinkering under the hood...
Great expletives just happen to travel well, I guess.

Here in the South, I haven't encountered ANY good expletives at work. Everyone just says a whimpy: "Oh, me!" What is up with that too-polite-to-say-shit-if-you-have-a-mouthful-of-it attitude?

The Deputies up in WA State would comment: Joke 'em. Which was shorthand for "Joke 'em if they can't take a fuck."

We've gotten a lot of sternly worded memos about abbreviations at work.

Not that we were ever actually using FLK, but we're not allowed to any longer, because it's not on the approved list.

What nobody ever explains is how things get on and off the approved list.

One of the most useful ones that we're banned from using ... h.s.

It means "hour of sleep." There is no other abbreviation for which it can be mistaken. None. We have to actually write out the entire word "bedtime" now, which is in danger of being confused for "bid."

We've also lost d/c, which can be "discontinue" or "discharge" depending on context.

They're taking all the good ones.

I'm not sure where they stand on SCUT, which doesn't mean what you think. It has nothing to do with unpleasant, menial, useless tasks, although SCUTs can cause scut.

It stands for "Schizophrenia, Chronic, Undifferentiated Type" and is obviously much easier to write on a chart.

And we write it a lot.

It's one of our more popular diagnoses.

Tell them that unless they want a staff full of trigger thumb, carpal tunnel and other hand/wrist CTD's (cumulative trauma disorders) on their hands they need to get you a STAMP with that dx on it. They need to be forward thinking in the ergonomics dept. !!

My ex boss will have 15 years at my old institution, and I am attending the employee recognition dinner. My sis in law organizes the event, and always asks for amusing or interesting stories about each person. I told her I would compose a fake letter from a student in response to a fake letter from my ex boss, who is known for speaking "Kathinese." Also we say that FA has more acronyms than the military. What I've written so far follows, though I may need to fix it up because I wrote it in like 5 minutes:

LOL! ;)

That's good.

Thanks. I see some errors in it but as a believer in accurate depiction of character I wouldn't want to try to make the student come off like a rocket scientist or something. ;)

I refrained from the angle of using actual conversations as it didn't seem in keeping with the "valuing people" agenda. lol

Sis in law wrote back and said it exceeded her expectations. I can't wait because my ex boss will love it! I do miss her!

Joint Commission has pushed most of this stuff wolf. I don't know if you guys use them as an accreditation agency but most hospitals do. They have made some good changes in standardization but their inspections still lack significant inter rater reliability.

My wife used to do network troubleshooting which included responding to calls from mgt execs having PC troubles.

Certain tickets got closed with a cryptic PICNIC written on them.

Problem In Chair Not In Computer. :-)

Other times she would need to "call down to the IT dept" to get some "expert advice" and would identify the problem as an ID TEN T."

This makes more sense if you substitute 10 in place of TEN and make it one word: ID10T. :-)

Pseudonavalese abbrevs: B1RD, PU55Y; recited, they sound a bit like they'd do something military, perhaps mobile or communications, for somebody military.

Then too, you can construct an AN equipment code designator to christen a submarine-launched carrier pigeon comms system. No shit. Recommended for littoral waters only... no, it wouldn't be AN/B1RD, sorry. There doesn't, incidentally, exist any distinctive AN designator for encyphering or encrypting equipment. Thus we bewilder spies.

Real Naval abbreviation: DicNavAb.

The US Navy's Dictionary of Naval Abbreviations, at least semiofficially. Got everything presently in use, and is about the size of a mediumish phone book.

I use to do that kind of work, too. We use to say we would accept the product back if they labeled it TFSTO. (Too fucking stupid to own.)

We have an acronym for new skiers/boarders at the ski hill where I work called LOFT. Stands for lack of fuckin talent and since it's meaning is only known to employees, we use it openly around customers. It's amazing how many people that come out have no sense of balance or coordination leaving them with no business being on one board or two.

How are you supposed to learn without actually doing it? Were you born knowing how to ski?

Bullitt must have been born here.

Actually, I am always kind of amused when people think because I live in Colorado I must ski. I use to ski when I was a kid, but I haven't in about 15 years. I tried learning to snowboard, once, but it is expensive, so I haven't gone since.

Nah was born in a coastal town in Southern California but I've been skiing since I was about 5. LOFT is used for people who just don't have the coordination abilities to learn how to ski. People are born with talent in some areas and sometimes significantly lacking in others. I've tried snowboarding too and I can say for certain that I have a significant amount of LOFT in that sport.

I am one of two people I know who have total LOFT on a bicycle.
My husband is the other one.

We have a phrase:

Oh you have a good one. (as in, terrible customer that you will have to deal with on your own because no one else here will handle that shit)

Or so and so has a good one!!

It is said right in front of customers, or after they have left. If it is a completely insane moron someone will stand there, or swing by, and mention it, to make you laugh so you can continue to plow through the ridiculous argument. lol

Sometimes it's yelled across the building from another work station when people can't hear it, but they sure as hell can see it from there ( the irritating customer ). Or the unfortunate moments they can hear it from there. No one has ever called anyone on it so far, so I suppose it works.

You would have been proud, lj. Last night I shouted "cock" in response to something going wrong.

Startled my cow orkers.

Then the guy started saying "titties" over and over and giggling maniacally.

Was "the guy" a cow orker or a guest?

No, he's in charge.

Cow orker. I don't actually recall any of the actual maniacs giggling maniacally.

::wipes a little tear away::

About a thousand years ago, I worked at a Sonic Drive-In restaurant.
Anytime every single drive-in slot had an order working, upon getting the next order, (@ the walk-up window), the manager (or someone else) would announce loudly and official-sounding "We Have Shaft." Or "Here Comes The Shaft". And everyone (all together) would moan/groan/make some kind of noise like you were getting something very large shoved somewhere very dark. It actually took some of the shaft out of getting the shaft.

At the end of the order confirmation we would frequently sign off with "Fuck you for choosing Sonic".

Seriously? that is pretty funny.

I'm about to do a deal for a customer (60yr old lady) that is buying a chocolate brown Cube. I'm going to ask her if she likes it in the brown. that never stops being funny.

They LOVED it in the brown

It's the simple pleasures in life.

yes, it sure fucking is.

that's kind of my specialty. the simple things.

A *cube* in the brown sounds mighty painful

This car has tilt wheel. More headroom.

I'm a little squicked out wondering from which eye the little tear originated, given the subject at hand.