HAVING TO APPEAR CHASTE...
 

my boyfriend is home--after a 6 week long idyll in Berekey--and how does one play it when one has found another...idyll???????? any comers welcome

I believe idle is what you are looking for.

And if any comers are welcome I doubt that you were.

beat me too it. damn.

here is one. when you see him, just pretend you've never met. make sure that he understands that he is clearly a complete and total stranger to you and suggest to him psychiatric care if he still thinks you had a relationship.

but there may be a better way... if i could only think of it.

Yeah I think the wrong words were used there too. But let me make sure I understand. You cheated on your boyfriend while he was out of town, and now you're asking for advice on getting away with it?

Did HE cheat on you? Or did anybody cheat on anybody? We need more juicy details...

Sorry, that's just too easy! :eyebrow:

ohfortheloveofgod---HE cheated on ME. OK? NOW is clear?

He (him) had a chicka (girl much younger than) in Berkeley. NOW. What do I do???
PS-I lovest him in formula only----but, It is still love!

How long have the two of you been dating? And how did you find out about it--on your own, or did he confess?

I personally don't really stand for that kind of stuff. I've only ever had one girlfriend cheat on me. We had only been dating for a few months, and she called from where she was to tell me ... I dumped her on the spot and haven't talked to/seen her since, though she tried to call/email me a few times. Fortunately not a huge deal.

Nor have I ever cheated on anyone (I am a man of my morals). Except once - which wasn't really cheating either.

Then stick to the formula, make him pay. Pearls, at least. :yelgreedy

Apologies, Brianna, I misunderstood.

That said, I do believe in the idea of "once a cheater, always a cheater", and the only thing a cheater deserves is another cheater. If it were me, I would leave on the spot. Even if you decide to stay, the pain of dealing with it may be too much to bear. Whatever anyone says, cheating is a form of rejection, and no one deserves to be rejected like that by someone who supposedly "loves" them.

Hate to say it, but once they cheat they almost always do it again. If it were me in this situation, I'd cut my losses and ditch the guy. You'll never be able to trust him again.

You deseve better!

Exactly. No faithful person EVER deserves to have this foisted on them. It was their fuck-up, it's their problem. As he is not a spouse, it's that much easier to do. Kick his ass out. Give yourself time. You'll find someone better, someone who wouldn't dream of doing this to you, in your own time.

you could always give him the bobbitt treatment, but the best thing would probably be to just move on. you're too good for him anyway.

thanks for being so supportive, you guys....now, i think i will go throw up and then spend 3 days in bed...

Please don't do that. It sucks, and it's painful, but the best thing, the absolute best thing you can do right now, is surround yourself with supportive friends. Go out, get your little circle of friends together and go somewhere you haven't been, at least somewhere you haven't been with him. Vent, cry, yell, complain, laugh and even ogle a bit, but do it with true friends. You'll get through it. My thoughts are with you and we're all rooting for you.

The guy ain't even worth puking over. He was a damn fool who played fast and loose with a very special person -YOU. Now he's lost you and you've gotten rid of a negative in your life. The subtraction of a negative results in a plus in life as well as math. You don't feel that way now, but you are better off for having discovered his true colors and being done with him. Send him back to the pound. I'm sure he'll fool yet another woman with that cute puppy dog grin, and he'll be just fine. You'll never be able to trust him again. Chalk it up to experience and move forward even though you don't feel like it at the moment. Better days await you (and better men, as well).

How did you find out? :confused:

What marichiko said. :thumbsup: :D :)

Brianna,

Have yourself some comfort food like mac and cheese (I know where to find some outstanding recipes!) and a beer or two (I know where there's a list of some pretty good ones!) ;) You'll get through it--just take care of yourself...

Not to be too much of an asshole, but we know dick about the situation and we're telling her to remove his, well, dick.

Consolation is one thing, but...

No, we don't know the whole story (and it's probably none of our business...). What we do know is that she was in a relationship this guy and he cheated on her. That, I would say, really sucks. I'm not for Bobbetizing the guy, but in my opinion an "adios" is in order here.

Man Brianna, I am really sorry to hear what happened to you. I have been in your shoes and I know it ain't pretty. My advise is don't stay with the guy. Your trust is broken now and there really is no way to get it back. I am speaking with experience here as I stayed with my boyfriend for several months after he cheated on me. The relationship was never the same and I found myself being the psycho girlfriend and asking where he was at every moment. Breaking into his email account and checking his phone messages just to make sure he wasn't doing it again. It's a shitty thing to live in constant fear that he will cheat on you again, best to not even go down that road.

Go have a girls night out, just the girls. If you have a bunch of single friend even better. Do things to keep your mind off him. After my boyfriend and I finally broke up, I went and got my hair cut in a totally different style and then went on a mini vacation with a few female friends. I went to Vegas and had a blast just being with a bunch of girls. We flirted with guys, we got loud and obnoxious, we just had a shit load of fun. It was just what I needed to forget about that jerk.

If you want to talk or anything just PM me and I will send you my email address. Just know some of us know what you are going through, and are here to help however you need it. Time will make it better.

I disagree with the idea "once a cheater always a cheater". I cheated on my fella once a long time ago. I was 19 years old and had a one night stand with a man I worked with. It almost destroyed my relationship. We split up for about a week, but thankfully my ex ( as he is now ;P) was understanding enough to realise I was in a bit of a mixed up state and give me another chance. In the next 11 years together I never played away again.

Brianna,
If you're going to attach yourself to someone in all ways, be sure you attach yourself to someone who thinks you're the most important person in his life. This character obviously doesn't think so, or he would have been pining for you the whole time he was away from you. Cut him loose. Have yourself a good time. Show him that you don't NEED him to have fun, just like he appearently didn't need you. Let yourself work through this and whatever you do, don't dwell on it and don't forget that life does go on, despite how you feel. It wouldn't be right if your world ended while his went on, relatively unaffected. Don't let him have that satisfaction.

Now, after you've calmed down (i say after, because rebounding into a relationship is never a good thing), if he can prove to a reasonable extent to you that you're trust worthy, then perhaps...just perhaps there can be a future for the two of you. But don't make it easy on him. He broke your trust so he needs to jump through a few flaming hoops before he can have you again. And never give in to puppy-dog eyes, dazzling smiles and soft crooning voices. Plenty of men have some or all of those. Your proof needs to be deeper than all of those superficial traits.

The other woman told me. Nice of her, eh? Nothing like that for feeling stupid...but you guys have been great. Thanks for caring so much and all your good advice. I think I'm going to go to the Jewish festival on sunday (food! and antiques!) and look around. Maybe in between the latke's there will be a new friend...I just really liked this man a lot. He's too smart for me, though. And, actually, kind of a snob.

I'm guessing Bri is engaged in using poetry as medication right now, a very dangerous activity: booze is safer. I heard some lines from Wendy Cope on the radio this morning...
"Asked to imagine heaven, I see us there
The way we have been, the way we sometimes are."

Keep your head B.

To be fair, I do believe there are exceptions to most every rule. But by and large, people who do it once are very likely to do it again.

You were on a break? :D

[advice from an fool]I'd dump him and move on. I put up with a cheater for too long. Always happened when she was 'drunk and wasn't thinking.' Yeah it sucks/is painful/feels like you should stab your heart for betraying you. It gets better, I promise. Having lots of friends around and a good routine make life easier, as well. [/advice from fool]

Dr. Drew was on a talk show last night and mentioned this scenario in particular. He said this is the second-most common scenario with women sleeping around, where she sleeps with someone else specifically to make a point to the man about the relationship. Which is pretty messed up. "Hey, I just cheated on you, what do you think about that!?"

Dr. Drew said women generally sleep around because their emotional needs are not being fulfilled in the relationship. Men do it "because they can" (Clinton's words) without consideration for the larger impact on the relationship and the people around them etc.

I dunno if I buy it all. But I always enjoy Dr. Drew. He's a good guy.

Oh he's completely useless... I used to see him on Lovelines sometimes when it was right after Daria on MTV, and I thought he was kind of self-righteous and didn't give very useful advice.

Well---the question now is: should I drown my sorrows? Or, since I recently drowned my nervous breakdown (ie: work nervous breakdown) maybe that would be redundant? I would hate to be redundant...

Well ...

My advice as a professional and as a chick would be ...

Go buy some shoes*.

Oh, and steer clear of happy, romantic movies for a couple weeks.

___________
* If you don't find comfort and solace in shoe shopping, go buy something else. I, for example, buy firearms. Don't overspend, but make sure it's something that you REALLY like.

YEAH! I never thought about firearms! Might just do the trick! :rattat:

Definitely don't go booze redundant, especially with firearms.

Yeah, I'm kidding. I'm a big wuss anyway. If you step on my foot I say, "Oh! sorry!" It's just a fantasy--me, actually getting someone back. I usually send a nice "thank-you" card to the one who hurt me...

I always thought Dr. Drew was sorta hot. It might be the whole doctor/smart guy thing, I'm not sure. His advice always seemed pretty legit, too.

Send him a "used" condom with that "thank-you" card. Take some egg whites and put them in the condom then put the condom in the card. When he opens the card the condom should fall out on his lap. Nothing says "I'm over you" like a used condom in the lap. That, and its super gross so its a nice, get them back type of thing. :)

I love it!! :king:

Uh...was this a mutual acquaintance, or did the bitch just call you up to rub your face in it? If the former, did she have reason to believe that you were okay with sharing (some are, at least, in my community, they are)? If the latter, well...dump the jerk.

the 'ho just called me up to rub it in my face b/c said "man" is a sort of (or was,)"catch" as in politically, economically, and socially "placed"--much like an olive.

The question must be asked ... has said man confirmed catty-bitch's report?

are you insane, wolf???? come ON! I, being a source of (ahem--close your eyes, baby, close your eyes...) NOOKIE----I'd imagine we (said 'ho) have pics or video. Why else bother? I am nobody (tho I can't say that for the rest of 'em...)

Well ... you said that she identifies himself as a "catch". What better way to make him available on the market than to screw with YOUR head.

Think.

How does she know?

Is she in Berkeley? Did she see him in flagrante delicto.

Is she the offender in the situation?

What's the real deal.

What do you know vs. what do you suspect?

Yeah, and if there are pictures or videos, I think we're going to need to examine them closely to determine their validity. :angel:

Like, who? Who are they that they are any more important than you? Are they famous or something? If so, then scandalize them. Hit them where it hurts...in the opinion of the public. Especially if they derive their wealth from the public. Rich famous inconsiderate people piss me off when they act like they are somehow better than others anyway. You're probably ten times more real than they are.

You make these people sound like people that you should be waaayyy above. How good/rich/politically desireable can this guy be if he's such a lowlife? And why would it matter? If he sucks, looks, money and who-knows-who is only going to go so far in the grand scheme of things.

Just go do somebody and tell him about it. Then you'll be on the same footing. Might be the best thing that ever happened to both of you?