limericks
 

lim·er·ick Audio pronunciation of limerick ( P ) Pronunciation Key (lmr-k)
n.

A light humorous, nonsensical, or bawdy verse of five anapestic lines usually with the rhyme scheme aabba.


can you write a funny limerick about another cellar dwellar?

there once was a poster named Jim
no topic was too trivial for him
out of the cellar he would lumber
trying to wake us all from our slumber
alas, it was just one more foolish whim!

In the cellar there once was a guy
Who sold cars in a suit and a tie
A Cruiser here,
and a Jeep, pre-owned, there,
just sign on the dotted line.


(ok, so it's near-rhyme *shrug*)

;)

Sidhe

psst....sidhe, could i get the phoenetic pronunciation of "sidhe"?

pretty please?

"Shee"

Limerick away...;) (as long as it doesn't involve "pee" I can take it...lol)

Sidhe

There once was a Toad from The Cellar
Who was a most agreeable feller
He paid out the ass
To serve us with class
He's the boss guy of all of us Dwellars.

there once was an evil slick feline
who could not ever find enough time,
to listen to cd's,
and rules? never read these,
she copied the disc and she felt fine.

it wouldn't let me insert my little picture when i tried to edit....

Don't know y'all well enough to get personal, but:

There once was a certain web forum
That rarely displayed much decorum
"Be wise for a bit
Or just talk about shit"
I was told, "and you'll never face boredom".

While strolling down to the celler
I met an interesting feller
His name was Jim
I chatted with him
And learned that he's a car seller.

There once was a woman named Lady
Whose views of the world were quite shady
One could only surmise
She told lots of lies
And supported guys like James Brady

A woman who called herself "Cat"
Made poems we could all laugh at
Though her rhymes were quite clever
I'd never endeavor
To waste time playing tit-for-tat

A gentleman, Nothing but Net
Liked having his camera all set.
He said to the chicks,
"Of you I'll take pics
And post to The Cellar, you bet!"

a young trollop named staceyV
laid her heart out for dwellars to see
hoping we'd sympathize
instead she was crucified
we spit on her soul, don't you see?

Needs work.. the rhythm isn't quite right.

oh. for someone who's name rhymes with phallus, that was awfully risky.

Radar can be a real meanie
usually acts just like a weenie
thinks he knows more
but is really a bore
my opinion of him is quite teeny.

Though some think Radar's mean
or rude, obnoxious, and obscene
they are just getting mad
'cause the ideas that he's had
are better than any they've scene

Not content to be boring as hell
Radar likes to show he can't spell
That "scene" should be "seen"
if you know what I mean
does spelling class ring any bell?

Good one, LJ. :D

Lady is trying to gripe
about a slip of my finger in type
but she only proves that
when she's up to bat
she's got nothing to offer but hype

Poor Lady should get lots of pity
'cause her poems are far less than witty
perhaps if she tries
She'll still win the prize
for those whose poems are shitty

Radar will, one of these days see
That everyone thinks that he's crazy
but his limericks are great
though, I'm sure we'd be mates
as i skip his long posts cuz I'm lazy

A computer geek name a stevedallas
named a part of his anatomy "Alice"
it wasn't his knuckle,
and you might just chuckle
if I told you that it was his phallus

This is as fun as can be
cause radar just doesn't see
he started this crap
and made such a flap
taking it personally--unlike me.

Lady should try to abstain
From working her poor little brain
I feel some concern
That her noodle might burn
For her thought is too tough to maintain

Notice I’m writing these poems very quick
It’s not really that hard of a trick
My brain just works very fast
Feel free to compare and contrast
With Lady who isn’t too slick

I'm sure Lady knows this is all jest
But still I'd like to make a request
that she search far and wide
for someone to confide
that she knows Radar is the best. :)

He may be the best at annoying,
irking and flaming and toying,
but when it comes to the facts
about whom he attacks
he has no idea where he's going.


:p

I can take it... and you still didn't fix the rhythm on the one about stacyv! :cool:

yeah, it's clunky, steve.....i tried all day to make it work....how 'bout a little help?

My facts are unbiased and true
Aimed in the right direction too
A few unemployed
May feel somewhat annoyed
'cause I know far more than they do

I suppose I could be much more kind
To those who I've left far behind
But what fun would that be
I'd much rather see
Them so upset that I am maligned.

Don't worry my message board friends
There's no need at all for amends
It's all been in fun
I'll not be outdone
'less I'm so old I'm wearing "depends"

I'm no good at this stuff... I'm an armchair critic! Radar seems to have the fount of inspiration.

a young trollop named staceyV
laid her heart out for dwellars to see
hoping we'd sympathize
instead she was crucified
we spit on her soul, don't you see

MY version:
i came to the cellar to see
if a kind hearted soul could help me.
i got some advise and some people weren't nice,
but of spit on my soul, i am free.

twas my husband who was doused in phlegm,
and that's why you won't see him again,
but i'll stick around , though to hell i'll be bound,
and i know when to shut up, the end.

Yeah, some dwellers can be rather cruel when their advice isn't considered the last word, can't they?

lunchtime limericks
 

eating my sushi
it smells quite profusely
i put on my fish sauce
shove it in my mouth with force
tastes much better than meusli

lunchtime limericks
 

sipping my coca cola
rotting away my molar
till last sip since first
it will quench my thirst
i hope it dont give me an ulcer

wiping my face with my hand towel
so the crumbs on my face dont look foul
i am so full of food
i dont want to seem rude
but i have to go empty my bowel



*eww!*

i just want to get in the bed
and as soon as i lay down my head,
i just want to sleep, but the coffee, it keeps
me awake, but the man that i wed,

the man that i wed had some booze,
it's the vodka that he likes to use,
he's asleep like a baby, i'm thinking just maybe,
some alcohol i should abuse.

calcium and a warm shower
will help you sleep - no dont cower
listen to what i tell you
you have to believe me its true
drink milk and sleep like a flower*

[ only refers to those flowers which sleep in pm hours, all other flowers are void and will not be valid with this voucher ]

its Friday!!
 

only 45 minuits to go
before thats the end of the show
the weekend is here
its time for us to cheer
because rum is about to flow!

Rev Head
 

I just brought a little new car
a Hyundai excel will go far
they tell me its crap
but I turn my back
now I can burn up the tar!!

Ode to Radar
 

There's something I just gotta tell ya, this fella -
He talks all the time about Radar
He says 'He's my guy,
I'll go get some KY'
So I told him, 'He's straight - get a Gaydar'

...detector

Catwoman has said that I'm gay
To that there's one thing I can say
I've got a great wife
For the rest of my life
And that is the way it will stay

Her beauty's above and beyond
We've got an unbreakable bond
She's got style and grace
And a beautiful face
So don't even try to respond

You know I'm a talented guy
But not matter how hard that you try
You've got to beware
You're so ugly you'd scare
Frankenstein if you walked by his eye

Of course I am totally straight
It's my inescapable fate
I was born that way
I'll never be gay
The opposite sex is my mate

I think your detector is broke
And points to the wrong sort of bloke
I just like the chicks
And don't want no dicks
And that my dear friends is no joke

You've told everyone you're a cat
So sleek, so sexy and all that
We know it's not true
and something's askew
'cause you're really just ugly and fat

This game is becoming a bore
and typing these poems is a chore
So I must say adieu
'cause my time here is through
I don't want to do this no more

Poor Radar, accused to be butch
Longing for his own sex's warm touch
When it comes to the gay
There's just one thing I'll say
Methinks thou dost protest too much

Cause the line starts to get kinda blurry
When you come across all full of worry
And you can't find a mate
You find worthy to date
So outside your own culture you scurry

Oh dear I think Radar's mistaken -
Thinks that I said he likes to be taken
But I said he was straight -
What a futile debate
Think the old boy just needs a good shakin'

There's something else that needs correcting
I'm accused of mistaken detecting
Told my cat-like description
Is wilful encryption
When in fact I'm incredibly sexy



;)

Undertoad is just fucked in the head
"outside your own culture" he said
He should join the triple K
'cause the words that he say
Makes everyone wish he were dead

He tells lies about me finding dates
When in fact I had much on my plate
I turned many girls down
From all over the town
'cause I wanted to find my soul mate

I traveled all over the world
In search of the one perfect girl
Who I knew I would love
And fit me like a glove
And whose kiss would make my toes curl

Luck happened upon me one day
When my travels brought me out her way
My first reaction
Was total attraction
That has lasted to this very day

Now a geek with no girl at his place
Has the nerve to bring up her race
He'll claim it's her culture
But he's just a vulture
And his actions are quite a disgrace

This racist and stupid dumb ass
Can do nothing but whine and harass
He can't get a date
So he'll just masturbate
By sticking his dick in a bass

My wife is so great that he's pissed
He's got no one to love but his fist
Though he often would wish
That his poor little fish
Would stop wiggling around to resist

Undertoad has been schooled here today
I defend him when some say he's gay
Whether guppy or whale
The fish were not male
no matter what others might say.

Radar's an intelligent guy
I'm sure his IQ is quite high
But his heart is so small
It's just no heart at all
So we never will see eye to eye

Radar's just being an ass,
by jumping UT--that's so crass:eek:
On the fella's own board!
Radar's just sore,
'cause of UT's smackdown, what a gas!:p

i am extremely impressed
by the manner in which they addressed
their issues in line with the rhythm and rhyme
so keep going! i think it's the best.

Standing in the middle
Of this non-sensical riddle
I gasp amazed
That no one comes to my gaze

Chilling in the cellar
People of all the globe
Come to talk and holler
About their crazy flow >(flow=Life)

remember the good ole days?

Well, start us off ya mug.

There was a young lass called Brianna
Who had quite a workman-like manner
She said, "What can I do
When I'm nuts for a screw
But pleasure myself with a spanner?!"

There once was a young Sundae Girl
With hair like the sun and a curl;
A Man chatted her up
And asked her to sup
But for nought as she wanted an Earl

When the weather's hot and sticky
That's no time for dunkin' dickie.
But when the frost is on the pumpkin
That's the time for dickie dunkin'.

Not a limerick, but I posted it anyway.

I clicked on this thread unaware
Of the insults that here would be shared.
Some comments were witty
and some were quite shitty.
Not all showed a limerick flair.

A dwellar named for the lime
disparaged our flair for the rhyme
Don't be so picky
here, have a lime rick-y
and a visually punny old time.

If true, Radar's in love with his wife
So, Ut, why all the strife
Who cares where she's from
or is this a blogrom
Radar you're crazy but have a great life.

a saucy young lass called ducknuts,
when asked if she liked rounded butts
and dared by sir noodle
won't care if she's sued'll
drop trou' and post her half-bare butt up

there once was a shut up and die

that had his cock glued to his thigh?

he liked to go jogging
instead of a flogging
that way it won't shoot in his eye

:clap: :clap: :clap: