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Riddil 01-09-2004 07:14 PM

Serious advice needed
 
Ok, normally I'm far too wordy with my posts... this one is easy.

The past couple days my posts have been hyper-logical concerning relationships. I'd reduce it down to numbers and equations, doing my best to look at it from as unemotional a viewpoint as I could.

I broke up with my girl exactly one week ago.

For months I had grown malcontent b/c she seemed materialistic. And she never seemed to want to DO anything for me, even though I did my best to draw blood from stone for her. And while I try to be the most open-minded person I can be, she always seemed so close-minded. We couldn't carry on a solid debate b/c she'd get so bogged down in the small details. And she liked Cartoon Network while I liked Fox News. She could talk for hours about the stupidest crap. And all my friends told me that I deserved "better".

But. After being together for EVERY waking moment... after just one week of isolation... I find myself in a strange place. I miss her. I mean, I was so sure a week ago. I delivered the breakup in a cool, unemotional manner.

But now...

I mean I know... I know with 100% certainty that this girl loved me. How often do you find that? While she was pretty, she was never the prettiest girl. But after we'd been together I saw a different person. And when I talked she actually listened to what I had to say. She'd gotten to the point where she was closer to my family than *I* was. She was willing to sacrifice any and every thing for me.

Did I make a mistake?

:( :( :(

elSicomoro 01-09-2004 07:19 PM

Sounds like you're going through the post-breakup yearning/delusion. Now that you're apart, and probably miserable, she seems incredibly desirable.

Don't fall for it just yet...give yourself a little more time...try not to dwell on her too terribly much at this point. You could meet the woman of your dreams tomorrow, but if you're too wrapped up in the boo-hoo over the ex, you'll miss her.

Good luck!

Nothing But Net 01-09-2004 07:43 PM

Post a pic of her and then I'll decide. :rolleyes:

Riddil 01-09-2004 08:27 PM

We're the couple on the left.

http://home.nc.rr.com/adamssl/images...kru_acosta.jpg

Kitsune 01-09-2004 08:49 PM

Re: Serious advice needed
 
Quote:

Originally posted by Riddil

Did I make a mistake?

She liked Cartoon Network over Fox News? You bet your ass you made a mistake.

Nah, just kidding -- things change and what happens afterwards is always difficult when there is one less person in the picture no matter what as you aren't used to it any other way. But if you felt the need to break up with her, it was probably for the best. Continuing on in such a relationship where you question it in that way isn't a good idea. Trust me on that one.

Give it more time, for both yourself and for her. And, when in doubt, check out the liquor discussion thread over in Food and Drink for more ideas on how to deal with these issues.

Beestie 01-09-2004 09:10 PM

Dude, I think she's possessed.

Just kidding, of course. And is that a Leprechaun on her belly?

BUT, I would ask yourself one question: "Did I know more about what I was doing a week ago or today?"

Go with the answer. Then, take Kitsune's advice.

Riddil 01-09-2004 09:48 PM

...

Right now all I know is that I've never felt more alone in my life than tonight. There's something very sobering about drinking beer all alone... knowing that she won't call, and all the friends I've ostracized because of her won't call... it makes a man feel like an island.

(And yes, I fully appreciate the juxtaposition of 'sobering' & 'drinking' in that comment)

Kitsune 01-09-2004 09:51 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Riddil
...

Right now all I know is that I've never felt more alone in my life than tonight. There's something very sobering about drinking beer all alone...

Okay, that is the warning signal to discontinue the drinking, as the safety switch has been flipped.

Go out, hang out with friends, or get creative with something. Remove your mind from it for awhile.

elSicomoro 01-09-2004 09:55 PM

Drinking while depressed=BAD!

xoxoxoBruce 01-09-2004 09:58 PM

Re: Serious advice needed
 
Quote:

Originally posted by Riddil

Snip....For months I had grown malcontent b/c she seemed materialistic. And she never seemed to want to DO anything for me, even though I did my best to draw blood from stone for her.
...........SNIP...........
But after we'd been together I saw a different person. And when I talked she actually listened to what I had to say. She'd gotten to the point where she was closer to my family than *I* was. She was willing to sacrifice any and every thing for me................SNIP

Calm down. Your occillating faster than a short post. Did you tell her "It's not you it's me"? She's probably closer to your family because most people talk about crap. You tried to be logical and rational but my guess is you finally went with gut feeling. Trust your gut.
Besides there's no hurry, this is a football weekend.:D

Nothing But Net 01-09-2004 10:31 PM

<b>Riddil</b>,

Definitely a keeper in the looks department. And you're not bad yourself, big boy. :3eye:

But you say you aren't connecting on an intellectual level. I don't know how long you two were dating, but as time goes by looks get less important and that mental connection becomes all the more so.

If you want, just shoot me her phone number and I'll try to put in a good word for you.

And what is that aerial view of the US Capitol doing on the wall? Are you a <i>terrorist</i>?

Undertoad 01-09-2004 10:45 PM

Weekend nights are always the worst.

Elspode 01-10-2004 01:12 AM

NBN is right...brains first, then looks, if you want the whole thing to have any meaning at all.

If all you want is some sex and something that you can, if you choose, call 'love', then I don't think you'll have any trouble. You seem very articulate, and you are an attractive, young male specimen. Go to a bar. Go to a Borders. Go where the women are, find one for whom there is some form of mutual attraction, and go with the flow.

My first wife was (and I hope you don't think me arrogant, it is simply true) my vast intellectual inferior...but she was a *babe* in her young days. Now, 11 years post-divorce, neither of us is much in the looks department, and she's still dumb as a post, but I'm blessedly married to an intelligent, articulate, devoted, spiritual woman to whom the first one could never hold a candle. That is because I've learned to think with the big head, my friend.

It isn't that the little head isn't pleased with the present Mrs., it is just that we have a lot going on upstairs together, and it is just as fulfilling as what goes on downstairs.

Kitsune 01-10-2004 01:37 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Elspode
Go to a bar. Go to a Borders. Go where the women are, find one for whom there is some form of mutual attraction, and go with the flow.
A bar? Borders? Are you serious? I didn't think people met new friends after they graduated, as only in school does striking up a conversation with a random person work. Try it off campus and you're suddenly viewed as a possible threat no matter what your intentions are.

Or maybe it is just my criminal face. :)

elSicomoro 01-10-2004 09:43 AM

It's just your criminal face, Kitsune. :)

Though I do have to say that it was so easy to meet and talk to people in college...easier than it is to do in the real world now.

xoxoxoBruce 01-10-2004 10:08 AM

You could buy (or borrow) one of those little "pussy magnet" dogs.;)

Riddil 01-10-2004 10:50 AM

Holy crap, this thread took an interesting turn.:eek:

Hehe... anyhow, I do feel a lot better this morning. I think the key is time. Life is a long, long ride, don't rush anything and make hasty decisions. The break-up was a well thought-out process. Now that I'm past it I should take just as much time/effort to consider any doubts I have.

*sigh*

That, and to stop drinking in some feeble attempt to replace the emotional cloud with a drunken haze. That would probably help a little bit too. ;)

Kitsune 01-10-2004 11:16 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Riddil
Hehe... anyhow, I do feel a lot better this morning. I think the key is time.
This is very good to hear!

That, and to stop drinking in some feeble attempt to replace the emotional cloud with a drunken haze.

I'm speaking from personal experience, so this might not apply, but The Great American Interstate is a wonderful cure. There is nothing like getting in the car and just driving someplace you've never been. I found that the road, time alone, and new sights were a much better escape than diving into a bottle.

That, and pulling into a Waffle House at some strange hour of the morning and refilling on coffee before continuing on the journey was oddly therapeutic. Mmm... pecan waffle.

Kitsune 01-10-2004 11:19 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by xoxoxoBruce
You could buy (or borrow) one of those little "pussy magnet" dogs.;)
Heh -- my long-time business idea, "Rent-a-Girl-Attracting-Puppy", might still take off.

Elspode 01-10-2004 11:22 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Kitsune
That, and pulling into a Waffle House at some strange hour of the morning and refilling on coffee before continuing on the journey was oddly therapeutic. Mmm... pecan waffle.
Did you check for legs? Those aren't pecans.

lumberjim 01-10-2004 11:25 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Elspode


Did you check for legs? Those aren't pecans.

My thoughts exactly. When i traveled the country, the Waffle House was by far the nastiest of all of the 24 hr joints going. Denny's looked like paradise in comparison.

Kitsune 01-10-2004 11:28 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by lumberjim

My thoughts exactly. When i traveled the country, the Waffle House was by far the nastiest of all of the 24 hr joints going. Denny's looked like paradise in comparison.

There have been good WHs and bad ones and I know the moment I walk into a bad one, so I don't stick around. The problem: where else are you going to find decent coffee at two in the morning? Unless you are lucky enough to find a Flying J or Travel America, both of which I'm a little more concerned with the a WH, you're out of luck.

lumberjim 01-10-2004 11:36 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Kitsune


There have been good WHs and bad ones and I know the moment I walk into a bad one, so I don't stick around. The problem: where else are you going to find decent coffee at two in the morning? Unless you are lucky enough to find a Flying J or Travel America, both of which I'm a little more concerned with the a WH, you're out of luck.


yes, not everyone is as lucky as those of us near philly:

99% OF THEM ARE VERY CLEAN, TOO

http://www.wawa.com/storelocator/images/loc5.jpg
http://www.wawa.com/foodchoices/imag...-coffeecup.jpg

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what part of the country do you hail from kit?WAWA'S SITE

xoxoxoBruce 01-10-2004 11:43 AM

Click on the profile, Jim.

lumberjim 01-10-2004 11:47 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by xoxoxoBruce
Click on the profile, Jim.
oh, sure, you COULD do it that way, but then EVERY one has to check.....plus, i'm sure we'll get to know kitsune a little better hearing it from him.

that, and i forgot all about the profile bit :)

Kitsune 01-10-2004 12:10 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by lumberjim
oh, sure, you COULD do it that way, but then EVERY one has to check.....plus, i'm sure we'll get to know kitsune a little better hearing it from him.
Tampa is a land of odd mixtures, as is a lot of Florida -- we have the Southern standby Waffle House, but we also have a smattering of Denny's scattered around. Specifically, though, we have few 24 hour joints which is always upsetting. Even Atlanta didn't have so many, so it has proven difficult to escape when you had something you needed to get off of your mind at a weird hour.

...but Riddil, that is what I suggest: get out and about. Staying at home is the absolute worst after any relationship turmoil.

wolf 01-10-2004 02:26 PM

WaWa Coffee is now available in the new 24 oz size ... (I think they are trying to directly compete with 7-11 in this respect. 7-11 has had the keg o' coffee for quite a few years now.)

WaWa doesn't really have anyplace to sit, hangout, peoplewatch and chat, though. This was on thing that I noticed about the 24-hour Dandy Marts on the way up by Fort Slang ... first that they have a seating area, in case you want to munch on your DandyDog and DandyPizza right there. The more astonishing thing, for me, was that there were ASHTRAYS. :eek: This made things a lot easier for the pair of CrazyGuys who typically sit there at 2am. Smoking. Inside. In a convenience store. I boggled.

I was very, very frightened to see that the new East Norriton SuperWaWa has SHOPPING CARTS.

If you need a shopping cart, you should be at the Genuardis.

WaWa is for stuff you can carry.

Elspode 01-10-2004 05:11 PM

Wa Wa's? They named this place after nitrous oxide cylinders?

lumberjim 01-10-2004 05:26 PM

i think it means "flying goose" in a Native American language...http://www.wawa.com/images/nav/nav-l...ntwawalogo.gif

note the logo

elSicomoro 01-10-2004 05:46 PM

From the company's website:

"Wawa" is a Lenni Lenape Indian word for the Canada Goose that was found in the Delaware Valley, that's why we use the goose on Wawa's corporate logo.

Kitsune 01-10-2004 05:51 PM

Wawa's?

http://www.yayas.com/images/yaya.gif

Yaya's.

lumberjim 01-10-2004 07:42 PM

duh. if i had bothered to read the site, i'd probably have seen that. see how i am? i took the logo and ran. for those of you who don;t know, the president of the company's name is Dick Wood. We sold Dick Jr a jeep a while ago.

wolf 01-11-2004 10:50 AM

1 Attachment(s)
While we are on the subject (sort of) of strange convenience store names ...

I was told about this chain in Iowa some while back.

elSicomoro 01-11-2004 11:00 AM

One of the Wawas near me (Frankford and Linden Aves.) has carts...I laughed the first time I saw them. It's not even that big of a store!

I can't believe they're accepting debit/credit cards now...I would suspect it was done to stay competitive with other convenience store chains. Of course, that's good for people that don't normally carry cash on them (like me), but now they'll start losing money on every credit/debit transaction.

plthijinx 01-11-2004 11:22 AM

Dick Wood?!?!?!? BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

OnyxCougar 01-11-2004 11:26 AM

Re: Serious advice needed
 
Quote:

Originally posted by Riddil, snipped for emphasis
she seemed materialistic. And she never seemed to want to DO anything for me, she always seemed so close-minded. she'd get so bogged down in the small details. She could talk for hours about the stupidest crap.


I know this girl loved me. She was never the prettiest girl. She listened to what I had to say. She was closer to my family than *I* was. She was willing to sacrifice any and every thing for me.

How can she never want to do anything for you, but be willing to sacrifice any and everything for you?

How can she talk for hours about the stupidest crap but really listen to you?

I'm confused.....

xoxoxoBruce 01-11-2004 01:52 PM

Re: Re: Serious advice needed
 
Quote:

Originally posted by OnyxCougar


How can she never want to do anything for you, but be willing to sacrifice any and everything for you?

How can she talk for hours about the stupidest crap but really listen to you?

I'm confused.....

That's easy. It was Friday night of the first "alone" weekend and he'd been drinking.;)

xoxoxoBruce 01-11-2004 01:54 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by sycamore
I can't believe they're accepting debit/credit cards now...I would suspect it was done to stay competitive with other convenience store chains. Of course, that's good for people that don't normally carry cash on them (like me), but now they'll start losing money on every credit/debit transaction.
And piss off the people waiting behind you that are in a hurry. :)

wolf 01-11-2004 03:27 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by xoxoxoBruce
And piss off the people waiting behind you that are in a hurry. :)
I think that particular privilege is still reserved for the idiot who tries to buy a pack of generic cigarettes using change he scraped up out of his car upholstery, mainly pennies.

Riddil 01-11-2004 03:31 PM

Re: Re: Serious advice needed
 
Quote:

Originally posted by OnyxCougar
How can she never want to do anything for you, but be willing to sacrifice any and everything for you?

How can she talk for hours about the stupidest crap but really listen to you?

I'm confused.....

Nono, both are absolutely true.

I could have asked her to do anything, and she would have done it immediately. Cook my dinner, do my laundry, dye your hair, don't call me for a week, really anything, and she would have done it. The problem is there's a definite difference b/w *asking* someone to do something, and having them *choose* to do something for you. Sure, she was very vocal, she'd give compliments or profess her feelings, but when it came to action... there wasn't much.

And yeah, she could talk for hours about crap, and I'd let her run with it. (My motto is that if you find something important enough to share, then it must be important to you, so I'll let you finish). But still, whenever I talked she'd listen with her full attention.

Yahmean?

Sun_Sparkz 01-11-2004 05:12 PM

Riddil,
I myself have just come out of a relationship much the same as you have been describing. My ex would do ANYTHING I asked, and he would listen to me very intently, but he too would talk constant crap and it often bored the shit out of me (although I never let on). Tim was INCREDIBLY good looking, But would insist on watching cartoons every morning which drove me insane. We lived together for two years, but had been together since I was 17. We were comfortable. When we were together it was really good, but not great. I loved him and was contently happy but at the back of my mind I knew there was something more out there, someone I would connect with better on a mental scale. So I made the decision to move out and move back to my dads home (6hours from Tim) and while the distance made it easier for the recovery, I started to feel much better in myself... Until he moved to live near me again, and when I was seeing him again in our social groups, I started to think I had made a mistake. So foolishly I started spending time with him alone again. But it was never the same. After having that time apart I had started to get over him and then having him back again was such a let down. I had rocked the boat too much and so much water was already inside that the decent under water was inevitable. Advice I can give you is that you make it either black, or white. There cant be any grey area as far as I am concerned because that CAN destroy the scrap of relationship that you have left. Which hurts you both even more. So I would recommend staying clear of her until you decide what it is that you want to do.

I wouldn’t worry about being alone too long if I were you either. I wouldn't argue with anyone saying you were HOT! Damn boy!!;)

OnyxCougar 01-11-2004 07:49 PM

OK!! I forgot to mention it in the last post, but mmmboy.

Kitsune 01-11-2004 11:24 PM

Tim was INCREDIBLY good looking, But would insist on watching cartoons every morning which drove me insane.

Alright -- what's the deal? I'm missing something, here. What's wrong with cartoons?

Sun_Sparkz 01-11-2004 11:36 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Kitsune
[i]
Alright -- what's the deal? I'm missing something, here. What's wrong with cartoons?

Besides the fact i find them annoying and totally unentertaining (with the exception of the simpsons of course) when you see this person you *love and respect* giggling and totally absorbed in dragon ball z or something equally brain dead, you see immaturity, and low intelligence levels. immaturity is just not on my top ten on my list of most desireable attributes to a person.

NOTE: I am NOT implying that all ppl who watch cartoons are immature or lack intelligence. Tim went with me for several years.. i doubt theres anything smarter than that ;)

Kitsune 01-11-2004 11:56 PM

Hmm. You are correct: Dragonball Z is pretty mindless. Seeing someone absorbed in it would be disturbing.

immaturity is just not on my top ten on my list of most desireable attributes to a person

Oh, hell. Sun_Sparkz, there's something I need to explain to you about males...

Whit 01-12-2004 02:31 AM

&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Now wait a minute. I like cartoons. I even like DBZ. Stuff blows up constantly, which can be pretty mindless, yet is still cool. Anyway, there's a lot of interesting character development in that show. My point is, screw you people. So there.
(Note: that last part was humor)

&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; By the by, Riddil, trust yourself. When you were in a better state of mind you were convinced this was the right course of action. Now your logic is cloud by lots of emotions and the confusion caused by having your regular routines destroyed. So, you consider that your mind was functioning better then that it is now. Don't worry, it'll straighten out and you'll think clearly again soon enough.

staceyv 01-12-2004 08:32 AM

you're good looking enough to get better and you seem intelligent. if you two aren't compatible then please don't waste your time. it's normal to feel lonely and to miss her but that doesn't mean that she's "the one". just try to learn from the relationship. now you know a few things that you can look for (or run from) with the next girl you date. once you get out there and start dating again, you won't miss her as much. in my experience, if you break up with someone once, you will never be right for each other. i dated one guy for 2 1/2 years and i loved him a lot and he loved me, but there were things about us that weren't compatible, so we kept breaking up and then missing each other and getting back together...what a waste of time. the real end of our relationship came because of the same reasons that caused us to break up the very first time. we were like a fly banging itself against a window. you CAN find someone who you are more compatible with. it might take time, but you owe it to yourself. i read somewhere that marrying the right person determines 90% of whether or not you will be happy in life.

Undertoad 01-12-2004 09:06 AM

Fine, the men can't have mind candy cartoons. The women, then, are no longer permitted mind candy magazines such as Cosmopolitan and their deep analysis of Fifty Ways to Slim Down for Summer. Your move.

Kitsune 01-12-2004 09:16 AM

:thumb: Thank you, UT.

SteveDallas 01-12-2004 09:16 AM

Next they'll want me to cancel my subscription to Maxim! :angel:

FileNotFound 01-12-2004 09:31 AM

I got a perfect solution for you:


WWW.EVERQUEST.COM

OnyxCougar 01-12-2004 10:17 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Undertoad
Fine, the men can't have mind candy cartoons. The women, then, are no longer permitted mind candy magazines such as Cosmopolitan and their deep analysis of Fifty Ways to Slim Down for Summer. Your move.
I've never even cracked open a Cosmopolitan.

And I like DBZ.

And Two Stupid Dogs.

And Dexter's Lab.

FileNotFound 01-12-2004 12:06 PM

The Anamaniacs.

Best cartoon ever. I don't think a kid ever understood half the humor in that shor...let alone Ren & Stimpy.

Riddil 01-12-2004 12:13 PM

LOL... Everquest... the sad part is I *have* considered "drowning my sorrows" in an MMO to suck up all the free time I have now. But! I have to resist. 3 years ago I walked away from a 100-hour-a-week MMO addiction, and haven't looked back. The way I see it is that MMO's don't subtract anything from your life, but they keep you from doing *anything* else to actually add to it.

So I think I'll learn to play the guitar instead. ;)

And yeah... it's funny about the whole cartoon thing. I can appreciate a good mind-numbing cartoon every once in a while. But when the person you're attached to actually schedules time out of their day to watch Sponge Bob fricken square pants... and then they feel the need to call you when it's over and explain each and every so-damn-funny scene... you get tired of cartoons pretty quickly. *tears out hair*

Heh.. it's funny... now that you've gotten me back on the chain of thoughts remembering the frustrating things in our relationship, it's all pretty clear again.

Woohoo! Let the emotional rollercoast ride on!! :p

Kitsune 01-12-2004 12:24 PM

years ago I walked away from a 100-hour-a-week MMO addiction, and haven't looked back

:eek: Damn! Are these games really that addictive? I've not touched any MMORPGs, before, but I do fear that I'd get pulled into the trap of "EverCrack".

As for cartoons, I actually hate to admit it, but every so often they are my escape. Work sucks, life gets rough and cartoons make it better either through reminders of carefree years gone by or just through the wonderful mindnumbing they produce.

SpongeBob, however, is not one of these cartoons.

The Anamaniacs. Best cartoon ever.

Amen. They need to bring back shows like that! I'm hugely dissapointed that Sunday morning stuff no longer exists.

vsp 01-12-2004 12:48 PM

I have a soft spot for "Freakazoid!", another endlessly-self-referential spoof that you all need to watch.

I still have a Freakazoid sound bite as my Windows startup sound:

DEXTER'S MOM: You spend far too much time with that computer!
DEXTER: It's my life!
DEXTER'S MOM: (deadpan) That's so very, very sad.

FileNotFound 01-12-2004 02:31 PM

Kitsune, want to find out?

I can hook you up...the first one's always free ;)

With me and the gang, we'll have you hitting 80 a week in no time.

We'll powerlevel you to 65 in 2 weeks and we'll have you in the planes in 3 weeks. In a month you won't remember the phone number of your RL friends but you'll know all your class AAs and planar raid tactics. In three months you'll dream about EQ. By 6 months RL won't seem 'real' anymore - it will become that time between EQ sessions. In a year you will burn out and quit. When you will look back you'll have no idea how any of that happened.


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