Superstitious People - Dealing With them
 

So here's the situation. I'm engaged to my GF, I've known her since I was 7 year old and we've been living together for about a month now. In the past our relationship has been smooth and perfect. We never argued or anything.

She's always been a bit supersticious, but it never bugged me. I thought of her interest in astrology and palm reading somewhat amusing. Yet there is far more to it and it's starting to drive me insane...

She has a notebook filled with things that one may dream about and what they may mean. She has firm belifs that getting married on a leap year is bad luck, in fact there are specific months on which one must get married. If she gets hick ups or red ears, its' because somebody is thinking about her - she HAS to figure out just who it is...gee who could be thinking of me at this hour. Yes little things, but they annoy me.

What really pissed me off was that last night she complained of some tingling in her back and blamed it on...computer radiation from my laptop (never mind that she told me that I shouldn't put my laptop on my lap...cause I'll get infertile?! Gha!!!). I told her it was all BS and she started telling me that she read it in thousands of magazines etc. I eventualy snapped and we didn't talk anymore last night.

This morning when I left I was still pissed off at her and she showed no sign of giving in. I was at the doctors till about 1pm so when I came into work I had 3 emails from her waiting for me pointing to some page from 1996 ranting about "computer radiation" the whole thing written by a loon, a page about how computer kill eyesight (really? I'm 20/20 and been behind a PC since 14 an avg of 120 hours a week)...and yet another copy of the 1996 article. Ok I'm pissed...but whatever, spam is worse. Then she calls me up...and starts ranting about how computers emit tons of harmful radiation, I tell her that I'm an MCSE and built more computers than I can remember, I know everything there is to know about PCs. She still won't give in, I'm at work trying to stay as calm as possible, I ask if the sole purpose of her call is to argue with me, she said yes, I told her I had no time for that bullshit and hung up...

It's all sounding silly but illogical things drive me insane. I do not believe in god because it can't be scientificaly proven, I like logic and science. I like things that make sense. The quickest way to piss me off is to insist on something totaly illogical...and she mastered it.

Not once before in my life did I ever expect to be pissed at her, yet now I'm furious, I hung up on her and today instead of going home I inted to go out with some friends instead.

I just don't know how to deal with this. She seems to have NO desire to give in and no interest in any compromise. She claims to know for a FACT that computers emit hazardos levels of radiation and laptops are also very dangerous. In fact she looks at me like I'm the biggest idiot in the world when I say that computers do not emit any harmful radiation etc...

I love her and was always sure that she'd be the one I'd spend my life with yet I just can't deal with this shit... I actualy asked my mother for advice...geez I never do that...I'm confused

So what I want to know is this: Can you "cure" superstition?

For the recrod. Yes computers do emit some radiation, yes it is somewhat 'harmful' but I get more radiation from 5 minutes in the sun then from years of PC use.

You can't change her, so don't try. You can only change yourself. If you don't want to change yourself but want to stay with her, then learn to deal with it.

Don't try to impose your will or beliefs on her, she will only resent it. Sounds like shes trying to do the same thing. Make her realise that you don't buy it and agree to disagree.

Your girlfriend is obviously a fucking retard. People that illogical are better suited to being panhandlers. That you're with her speaks volumes about how secure you are as a person. Send her my way for a couple fucks and then I'll throw her out on the street where she should be.

You have been on the computer 120 hours a week since what I'm guessing is a long time ago and only now does this come up?

Its been my experience that when little things become huge things its because there really is something huge behind it. That is has come up only one month after moving in together may not be a co-incidence.

Better find out what it is.

If I HAD to guess, I'd say she's jealous of the computer but that is pure speculation on my part.

I suggest getting a woman's point of view. Paging April :)

dave, WTF is your problem anyway?

What am I your target of the week?

"Oh it's monday. Time for a new poster to piss on...."

Go play some Q3 or something with a rocket launcher up your ass

I used to play MMORPGs heavily and take work home before she moved in. I have quit MMORPGS in Feb, and have played games for a total of 3 hours in the past months, during those 3 hours she was out shopping. No I can't say she's jealous of the PC. She spends more time on it at home than I do.

It's an interesting view of it but sadly it's not that. Unless she wants me to quit my job or something.... She did mention that I should go see if I'm still "fertile" seeing how I spend so much time with computers at work, especialy the big ones in the dreaded data center..sigh

I was just treating you how you treat April. I thought it was the kind of feedback you like, since it's the type of feedback you give.

And it's actually Tuesday. I know that being with your girlfriend has dumbed you down substantially, but reading a calendar I thought was still within your grasp.

I was assuming you switched targets on a weekly basis and monday seemed like a logical place to start.

If you do switch targets on a daily basis then I am relieved that tomorow you'll go piss over somebody else, preferably the resident retard, april.

I will continue my trend of "being an asshole to fucking retards". Easiest way to get me on your side is not be a fucking retard.

Thats a nice trend. So why are you being nice to april who by all means is a fucking retard while I am a fucking asshole.

Are you sure you're not getting a bit mixed up here?

'cause I have a certain empathy for people who mean well. And I just don't see any evidence that you do.

(Look at it this way: April <b>obviously</b> has a lot of problems in her life. She doesn't need you as another one.)

Aww you got a soft spot. How touching....I think I feel a tear..wait no..nevermind...

Yeah she's got problems..no shit. She brought them on herself. How is having a baby before you can even provide for it "meaning well" how is continuing not to use condoms "meaning well"?

Wake up and see through the "Oh woe is me" bullshit. She's just another soon to be single mom draining wellfare retard.

Going to be a graphic designer my ass...know how many of those get jobs after college? No walmart doesn't count as a real job..

I just don't know what you see in April. I just see somebody who's sitting on her lazy ass at school looking for ways to kill time. Read a fucking book, I'm sure there are THOUSANDS of books you can read on how to raise your child. How many have you read so far? 1? 2? 3? No not brochures. BOOKS.

'sallgood dude. You ever ask for help?

(Yes. Twice now, in two threads.)

Get what you give.

(At this point, if I were running the Cellar, I would disable posting on your account, because you've made it clear that you want help but are unwilling to give anything useful back to the community. The Cellar needs people like you like you need a position of responsibility. That is to say, not at all.)

In that case I'm very fortunate that you're not running the Cellar. But quite frankly if I lost posting privilege I'd not be too devastated. Last I checked there are no forum blockers here and I have no interest in staying where I'm not wanted.

Yet while I have posting rights I will continue to post.


I also find it odd that you talk of "giving back to the community" and parade about proudly with your "I flame the people I proclaim to be retards!" banner.

Yeah I see you were very helpful to your newfound netfriend April. Your good advice to date is:

Try to do the right thing, April, and most of the time it'll end up okay.

Try not to look at him as an ass. It doesn't really help. It's not a positive feeling. He has a different opinion, and he's not being particularly helpful or productive. That's okay - people will do that. It's just maybe not exactly what the conversation needs right now. You've said that you regret it and you know it was wrong; that's all you really need to say. If you can recognize your mistakes, then you have an advantage over the people that can't (which is most, believe it or not).


Very good. I applaud you! The rest was just attacking people who disagreed with you... I suppose it's cause they were retards.

Do you feel intimidated or something? Have I taken your "job" of flaming the retards away from you so now you flame me?

In the end if you feel that my posting right should be removed. Fine. I can deal with that. I assure you that I'm not in the least intimidated by the prospect. I'm full of myself enough to believe that it will be your loss and not mine.

I'm hardly a super-valuable user. But I have given back to the community in a number of ways. I treat it with the respect that it deserves. I help members in the community when I can. I've given financially (see the PayPal link at the bottom?) to help support it.

When someone disagrees with me, it's disagreeing. When I disagree with someone, it's attacking? Perhaps you should re-read what I've posted. Ask Dagney if she feels as though I attacked her or she got the impression that I just strongly disagreed with her.

Yes, that's it.

Actually, I appreciate people that flame the retards, because it cuts down on my workload and gives me more time to pursue more useful activities. I stated very clearly any issues I had with you; if you have not picked them up, your inability to comprehend written English is the problem. Not listed was "I am intimidated". I'm not the type to be intimidated by self-important kids with retarded girlfriends.

Yeah, you're probably right. We're probably better off now that we've got you. Please don't leave; I'm just not sure what we would do or how we would manage. What we really need right now is an arrogant immigrant feeding everyone's insecurities. Praise Allah for FileNotFound!

So you're saying that if I PayPal...say $50 I can be a total jerk for a month?

Sounds like a good deal...can I get some details.

Oh as far as your problem with me, I believe it was that I didn't like Quake 3. I was afraid that it'd break your heart, seems I was right.

Also, please shine some light on why you feel that it's important to point out that I'm an immigrant.

I have no problem with you not liking Q3. My issue is with you being an ass. I thought I made that pretty clear, but as you've demonstrated a few times now, you're not able to read properly.

I pointed out you're an immigrant because people come to this country when their situation somewhere else is less than ideal, and even though they're different, they're generally accepted and welcomed. I find it ironic that someone who has been through as much as you presumably have would be so quick to be such an asshole to another person that's struggling with life.

CAN YOU FEEL THE LOVE IN HERE, PEOPLE?

There's also a subscription model if you want to re-up regularly.

Re: Superstitious People - Dealing With them
 

Counter her arguments with facts that you have obtained from the internet, library, etc. In fact, if at all possible, give her so many facts that counter anything she has to say, that she'll HAVE to "fall back" and think about what's she's told you.

At least, I'd hope it would work out that way...Good luck in however you handle this. :)

I think you should dump her. I know it's hard, but you deserve so much better, and you surely can't spend the next 20 years like this.

I'm with juju. You have no reason to believe that every disagreement you have won't turn out like this, and that's bad news.

She seems concerned with sterility (yours) so get tested. Also remind her if she gets pregnant, she'll have to lay off the computer, "for the baby".;)

I think I understand your problem. Beestie alluded to it earlier but you were so busy feeling sorry for yourself you apparently didn't notice.

If you spend 120 hours per week at the computer, even if you average only 6 hours of sleep a night that's only 6 fucking hours of free time per week!

If she really is your GF, it's a cry for attention, dude. Go pork her like she's Petunia and see if her backache doesn't get better.;)

And shut off the fucking computer once in a while.

Re: Re: Superstitious People - Dealing With them
 

This will not work, because as FNF's post and Beestie's response have suggested, the real problem is not 'harmful computer radiation'. The real problem is probably not her being superstitious, either. The chimera has grafted both of these minor disagreements into itself. The argument about harmful computer radiation will be invincible until the problem behind it has been resolved.

I ask if the sole purpose of her call is to argue with me, she said yes, I told her I had no time for that bullshit and hung up...
Re-read this. There is a problem on both ends of the line.

I'm furious, I hung up on her and today instead of going home I inted to go out with some friends instead.

I tell her that I'm an MCSE and built more computers than I can remember, I know everything there is to know about PCs
With a mindset focused on causing problems, this will sound elitist and not trustworthy.

The quickest way to piss me off is to insist on something totaly illogical...and she mastered it.
So the reason that this has become a problem is because she knew that it would irritate you. If it did not, then something else would be the problem.

NO desire to give in and no interest in any compromise
Then it isn't an honest problem.

The 'harmful computer radiation' problem is a distraction from the real problem. I would estimate that the real problem is not superstition, either.

Since there is a problem with both of you, the easiest way (although not necessarily the most solid way) to solve this is to solve the problem on your end. I don't know what the problem is. It will probably crop up elsewhere in your life, but since romance and such strong emotion tends to blur reason, the problem might be easier to diagnose in areas of your life other than your romantic relationship.

Re: Superstitious People - Dealing With them
 

Yes computers do radiate. I have a meter to measure this. Radiation has never once been proven harmful. In fact the original Scadanavian study that claimed electricity caused diseases was years later discovered false - once the author's data was finally studied. However no headlines reported that condlusion was fudged. That radiation has never once been corrolated with any disease. That back ache is more typical of something far devious - old age. I have had a few and don't blame the moon.

However get into a car and start it. The radiation meter is almost pegged. If your computer is causing he problems, then automobile dashboard must be killing her.

Do you have central air conditioning or an electric stove? That wire inside wall or underneath bedroom floor is then a greater threat. Worrying about the computer is nonsense if she first will not come to grips with greater threats - such as fields from an electric iron that consumes maybe ten times more current.

The problem. It is how propagandist are so successful. Once someone believes a fact (even without any justification), then that believer will hold all others to a much greater standard. No matter that the belief had no logical reasons. Tons of logical facts cannot change that 'convinced' mind. Again, this is why propaganda is so successful.

I don't have a good solution for this. If she will not acknowledge that the electric stove and automobile dash board is a greater threat (as demonstrated by meters), then logic would probably be useless.

It is what has been changing in America. Superstiton and supernatural beliefs, miracle herbs, nonsense health foods, magic diets and a pill to solve an a nutrition problem, etc are increasing. Logical fact be damned.

Re: Superstitious People - Dealing With them
 

God's <i>absense</i> has never been proven either ...

We may have a winner here.

Perhaps if he obtained one of these meters, that would be proof enough? Where can one obtain them, and at what cost?

NO, NO, NO there is absolutely, positively no excuse for calling someone at *WORK*, to argue about anything.:mad:
I feel the same way about calling someone at work to chit chat but that's just a personal thing and not a serious transgression.

Okay. You're probably right.

Nonetheless, I think that the line is still worth re-examining.

Re: Superstitious People - Dealing With them
 

I have access to a variety of medications ...

Superstition? No, not really.

Delusion? Sometimes.

i agree with the underlying issue theory. you seem to value logic as an essential trait in friends etc - so how do you expect an illogically minded girl like this to not drive you into a homicidal rampage within a few short years? are you truly in love with this person? do you really know her? it sounds more like you are basing this relationship on the fact that you have known this girl for a long time. that is no substitue for knowing her well your unwillingness to compromise and your escapist attitude of going out with friends rather than confronting the issue suggest that you may have better luck with a pet than a mate right now.

I have been in relationships with women who were into stuff like that... one girl was into all kinds of oddball alternative remedies. For instance, she'd put water in different colored bottles and place them in the sunlight. The water would apparently take on the color's "energy," and the water in each colored bottle became a cure for a particular set of ailments. With another girl, I learned after awhile that she talked to "angels" all the time, and had vivid memories from past lives.

I'm not outright saying that this stuff is bullshit, because I do reserve a little piece of my brain for allowing the supernatural to be possible, though forever condemned to "highly doubtful." But I am saying that such beliefs are not compatible with my logical mind.

I gotta say, I always wince when I see someone tell a story like this and people respond with "dump her!" They have so little information with which to offer such heavy advice. The only soul I can speak for is myself, but here's my relationship philosophy, for what it's worth. And it's worked very well for me.

A relationship requires five things to survive:

1. Absolute love.
2. Absolute respect.
3. Absolute honesty.
4. Mutual ackowledgement that relationships require effort (and are worth the effort).
5. Both parties put their partner's feelings first.

If any one of these aspects is missing or incomplete, I know the relationship is doomed. Everything else is just details.

These five things ensure that the parties are compatible, and are both prepared to compromise at all times. If both people put their partner's feelings first, each will get what they want from the relationship without feeling they made any great sacrifice.

Hope that helps you to organize your thoughts on the matter. If not, sorry for wasting your time.

you two don't seem compatible. if you are the logical, scientific type and she is all into astrology and superstition, eventually you are going to end up hating her and in her mind, you will be the dummy (even though you are really the one who's right) and she'll end up hating you too.

Unless the answer is "I don't know."

maybe your GF is jealous about all the time you spend on your 'puter and has started looking for reasons that you shouldn't spend time there....maybe you should hang up your keyboard for a few days and spend the time with her...see if she lets up. barring that, maybe only use it when she's not around.

my hubby had a puter that he spent more time with than the time we spent together...i eventually dressed it in a red satin bra, a wig, and big red lips....then blamed him for having an affair. it was a humorous event, but the angst behind it was the same.

oh...and don't mind dave.... he aint housebroke yet, but we really like him. think of him as hazing.