I need to whine
 

I'm sure my ID is obvious, but please allow me to stay anon to protect my offspring. And me, maybe...

In addition to losing my job (and health insurance for me and my 3 college kids) this month, I learned today my 18yo son is being dumped by his (very expensive out-of-network so completely out of pocket 1/4 of my income) DBT therapy center for being distracted, disruptive and uninvested in his therapy (which hasn't made a blind bit of difference). There is nowhere else to go. His last place/psych couldn't help and recommended DBT. the two other possibilities for this are also out-of-network and have major waiting lists (we waited about 4 months for this one) His diagnosis is ADHD, spectrum and depression. He's aggressive, frequently fails to take his medication, lies blatantly, is hooked online..... I am not perfect but I don't need or deserve this and I really can't take any more. he's barely scraping through college (no surprise, wouldn't be doing that well if not for my reluctant occasional intervention), He was fired from his p/t lifeguard job within weeks....

MAKE IT STOP. I surrender. I failed, I give up. Whatever it is I need to do/say, I just want it to stop. I swear I'm not a bad person, I don't deserve it. Even if I were a bad person, I'm sure I must have already endured enough punishment the last couple of years.

Ok done whining, thank you. Ignore me, carry on....

I'm sorry, anon. It sucks and you have every right to be sick of it.

Your right enough is enough, you're to be commended for not being in a straight jacket. What's on the menu for next week, maybe something smaller like a bunion or something.

I think you mentioned some time ago he was a problem, taking a much larger share of your attention than the others when it came to schoolwork. Has he gotten worse or just reaching the age and point in life where it's most important to be on the ball?

You're an achiever, I get the impression the other kids are too. It may come to a point where he just hears a different drummer and you can't do anything about it. The one thing that's most important for you to do is understand this is not your fault, you did not fail. He's an almost adult human and you know what they're like. He's your son and you will always love him, but you may not like him.

I'm sorry anom. :( You can't live his life for him and it sucks that he won't put in the time on himself.

Oh fuckitty fuck fuckington mc fuckdoodledoo!
But what Bruce says is right, mebbe this boy runs differently to y'alls.
If the therapy was making no difference then perhaps that's why he was uninvested in it. Keep safe from the aggression and the lies and try to let him do his own thing for a bit, while you get on with yours?
Oh, and you ARE perfect ;)

It was easier when I had a partner in crime. It was all easier. I could've leaned on them, Healthinsurance would not have been an issue and assholeboy did not dare behave the way he does now :/ As the store went to 50% off today, I was consolidating stuff and found myself thinking "ooh, I could get one of the super expensive craft beers for partner-in-crime as a treat... oh wait....

dammit

I hear what you’re saying. I would whine too.

you guys rock. This is such a nice community. hang in there anon, you got this :D

You deserve a good LOUD Primal Scream!!! Several Times.

I just had to kick him out. He's staying at his brother's tonight :(

Read this; then, go down to the third entry here and note that it mentions landlord/tenant issues.

Thank you, a good heads up. However, I have a right to be safe from violence.

I was reading a story about a woman who spent years taking care of AIDs victims during the last few months because their parents wouldn't.

But one Father said this...
You're doing it right, Anon, it may not feel like it sometimes but you are. You love him and owe it to him and to Beast, to let him know he's fucking up. It may sink in or may not but you know you've tried your best.

It could be that it's just time. You do have the right to be free from violence. Peace Anom you did your best.

Such a tough decision to have to make. You did right. You have a right to be safe.

Sent by magick

Anon, that sounds really hard. I'm sorry you are in this place, but you know you did the right thing.

Bleh. It can seem like Life is serving extra shit helpings to people sometimes. You get through it. Keep going! Sorry you're in a tough patch. As always, anything I can do, just reach out.

You absolutely have a right to be safe from violence. Good for you.

Long time whiner, first time poster, in this thread at least.

sorry anon, I'mma let you finish...

I don't have your troubles, and for that I'm grateful. I'm sorry you have them though, fucking knucklehead children, amirite?

My whine is about this SHIT attitude I have. Didn't used to be this way, and it won't be this way in the future, cuz it's not sustainable. It ranges from distraction to loneliness to worthlessness to suicide. The attitude, obviously, since I'm sitting here typing this shit. It's like quicksand, a tarpit, a briar patch. It catches and sticks and all my efforts to free myself further entangle me.

Being alone makes it worse. Ironically, being not alone makes it easier to be distracted from the important life work I have to get done to, you know, keep on keepin on. I just hate it.

I can't seem to help my own self.

I do reach out, all lines are busy now, so there's this sorry ass post. fuck it. Here's your mic back.

I know exactly what you're saying. We all know shit happens but nobody warns us how often. Sometimes it feels like continuous,
Sisyphus is a candyass compared to us.

I found salvation in a website (I think it was death clock but there are others) that told me I will die on Oct 6th, 2021, so I just have to hold on awhile longer.

I hope you can find your way back to normal... well, at least acceptable to you... without going that far.
Maybe it's all in your accepting what is as OK.
Maybe not trying so hard to change it will let it change itself.
You know, just deal with one day at a time.

Disclaimer:
I wasn't even on TV, didn't stay at a Holiday Inn Express, and full of shit.

I feel for you, anon. The obligations have to get met, but the obligations make it feel even worse.

But anonymous or not, as a dwellar, I can say for sure that you're not worthless to me, anyway.

I hear ya. I am constantly in my own damn way and it sucks. Stepping back and nurturing a sense of gratefulness can make headway. Believe it or not in this moment there is always something to hook on to.

There are, indeed, times when life just piles all the shit on, and sucks away your attitude and it's all just too much.
You've said this is temporary. You will come out the other side. And meanwhile we're all here for you.

Sent by magick

You don't have to do anything.

*I found salvation in a website (I think it was death clock but there are others) that told me I will die on Oct 6th, 2021, so I just have to hold on awhile longer. *

Mine comes up Friday December 16th 2061. 41 more years. I'm cool with that.

Hmm, somehow you get nearly 2 years more than I do... I'm supposedly going out in January 20th 2060, a couple months after my 79th birthday. Feels low.

Yeah, mine was shocking. January 19, 2041. They have me clocking out at age 73. Actuarial tables say I have until 79.5 if everything is average. If my health and lifestyle are factored in, I should have until 83 or so.

28Jan31 is my day.

Did you choose optimistic? I am the Grand optimist.


https://open.spotify.com/track/23dSG...RjuMEu4Ui1-PkQ
My uncle Willie was 91. I'll be 91 in 2061. Long as I make it to 2050, I'm ok with it. I wanna see them figure out cold fusion.

That’s why people like you!

I just used the default.

But I’m optimistic. And everyone is blown away when I tell them something about my age. I mention having a kid in college and they can’t believe it. They think I have a grade schooler just like them.

You're skinny. I wouldn't fight you. Skinny guys fight till they're burger.

What would be the point of fighting a guy with no good eatin' on him?

They told me I should have died 17 years ago. :crone:

Monday, December 29, 2025

Seems fitting that it's a Monday...And cold.

There is no respite. I ran away. Went on vacation. far far away, by myself. for the first time ever. Just booked flights and a car, no other plans....

Day One. Day fucking One.... (which I spent flying then driving from airport to potential fun place) The little shit who swore faithfully he could be adult etc etc etc... stayed up til who knows when playing vid games....

....... and so on Day Two..... fell asleep at the wheel on the way to college and rear-ended someone, rendering the car undrivable. His college is a 45 minute drive. The radiator got fucked because the car was still awaiting repair from his last crash and had no front bumpers (repair scheduled for his spring break in 2 weeks...)

So..... on my way to the first thing I decided to do on my getaway, I saw an interesting market and stopped to take a look. because I could. I could do anything that took my fancy.... I made my first pass through the market to see if it was worth any time..... and then got a text that he'd crashed....

1) I have spent more of my vacation dealing with this shit than vacationing
2) I have an awesome friend who rescued the little shit, helped deal with getting the car out of the pound, and has taken the fucker to school every day and gotten him home again (I had to print and sign and get notarized a document and email back to the cops to get the car out to be towed from pound to repair shop when I was on a subtropical island trying to enjoy nature, she got cash to pay the $300 town and impound fees....)
3) He was surprised when I said he wouldn't be able to attend gaming club at college tonight because it would not be ok to ask my friend to go get him late at night instead of at 5pm after class (on the same day she took him there at 8am)
4) Please make it stop. Without fatalities.
5) This vacation is only 7 days so I can be back in time to be with him for a speeding ticket hearing next Tues to try and avoid the three points.

Fuck numbering shit, I'm just whining in an unstructured fashion now. I was gobsmacked he actually passed his driving test.... But unbelievably grateful. But he's terrible. so many accidents last year, Psych decided prob needed ADHD med booster before driving home from school. Seemed to work. But since starting Uni in September, he has two tickets for parking, two for speeding, and two for causing crashes. He has 3 points already, case on Tues is to avoid 3 more, new crash new points.... 12 is done. Done is no way to get to college. Done is probably a good thing. For other road users. But not Uni is a very very bad thing. He is skirting failure AFIACT but really really wants to do this course

I severely doubt he will learn anything from this incident, just be angry and bitter and assuming that others will help him out

He is capable of driving well. He is not capable of doing it if no-one is watching

Sounds like a bicycle is looming on the horizon, maybe an electric one later.
I think a vacation from the phone would be most refreshing but I guess mothers aren't allowed that luxury.

SonofV has no license, for his own reasons. Being unable to drive is an inconvenience, but not career ending... Like a car crash could be. For that matter his licensed older brother had driving shit like you described, and grew out of it.

Do not despair.

Easier said than done, but doable.

Maybe a target, a goal, that not having a license would preclude. Have to want it bad though not just a whim.

Mine was living miles out in the country the license was the passport to freedom, as there were no electronic(or any other) distractions and no public transportation.

Now I'm livid for you. I'm seeing the same irresponsible bullshit from a kid I'm close to. There seems to be no end to blaming others for his problems.

They both probably need an apartment, a community college, a job, and a bus line. The kid I know can get and lose jobs like nobody's business and is always pissed at someone for his life.

I had Pete send a picture of the Lowes Help Wanted sign to basement kid's mom. I'm turning into a cranky old-timer. Get off my lawn!