Shit from my desk
 

I talked before about things I found in my desk, but I can't remember where, so I'll put in here. I don't understand why I can't remember, I have a perfect memory, or my name isn't Ralph.

Jerry Penacoli was an evening news anchor in Philly for about five years before moving on to what Wiki calls, “actor and entertainment reporter”. Before he left town there was a story widely circulated that he paid a wee hours visit to the ER to have an errant Gerbil removed. I don’t know anyone who actually believed it, but it was a running joke for years, that never had to be explained. There was also rumors of Richard Gere having the same plight.

In that atmosphere I acquired a bunch of these lightweight chains with a fine spring loop on each end. The total length about 5 inches.

http://cellar.org/2016/gerbal jerk.jpg

Sick fuck that I am, and in the previous mentioned atmosphere, I invented the Gerbil Jerk™©®, a recovery leash for your shaved Gerbil. I put them in small plastic bags with a fancy label, and gave them out around Christmas.
I gave one to a friend in Dallas who I only see once a year, and the following year he returned the favor, with this.

Home made paper envelope...
http://cellar.org/2016/butt1.jpg

With a home made hand crafted card inside...
http://cellar.org/2016/butt2.jpg

containing the message...
http://cellar.org/2016/butt3.jpg

He should not be allowed to fly, or handle sharp objects, until he's checked out by a board certified shrink.

Now *that* is some Art right there.

He also made a short video of me, doing standup, in Vegas, naked.

If you're gonna be naked on video in Vegas, it's probably better to be standing up.

Yeah, I am. It's only 428KB, but it's an SWF(Shockwave Flash) file.

That's some quality shit right there!

Gerbian...:lol2:

Well it's on my desk, I was checking my computer's prostate a found these.

One more...

I was digging through a seldom explored drawer containing candles and incense, and found these two cassettes. Late at night after everyone was pretty spaced, these would wake up the crowd with a lot of smartass retorts and laughter. :fumette:

My drawers have been seldom-explored of late, too.:(

"An Historical" bugs me, though I suppose it's technically allowable based on your pronunciation of "historical".

I bet the content would bug me too.

I'm sure it would, unless you were as fucked up as we were. :haha:

I was cleaning out an old computer pre-donating to goodwill and found a folder of charts. These 5 pertain to the holidays but unsourced and mostly undated they're only for amusement, rather than information, now.

Here's some on pot, same caveats as above...

Some random subjects...

Around the world...

Miscellaneous crap...

What on Earth is that pie chart doing on the CBSN pot graphic?

:D and the last one as well! Dumb graphic designers sent in to do a statistical analyst's job.

Both those cases look like...
Hey Harry, we have to do a visual for _____, drag out stock chart #______ and pretty it up. Doesn't have to make sense as long as it's colorful. :lol:

Percentage of people in the year the chart was made who had tried pot - 51%
Percentage of people in the year before the chart was made who had tried pot - 43%
Percentage of people in 1997 who had tried pot - 34%

I did figure out what they were trying to say, despite the pie chart.

I was asking why the pie chart was there. A pie chart is for when all options are mutually exclusive, and all options are listed (or the common options, plus "other") and therefore all percentages add to 100%.

The "51%" wedge of pie is considerably less than half of the pie on that graphic.

Agree, the information is there but the pie chart is bonkers.

Here's another undated gem I found.

You have an interesting desk, xoB.

I've had numerous correspondences with local, state, and federal governments, but this one dazzled me with acronyms.
After 30 years of buying Federal Flood Insurance there was suddenly a five fold increase in the cost. Google gave me the name and address in DC of the acting director. I wrote and told him, nay nay, I was not going to pay to replace million dollar homes, built on barrier islands, every five years.

Joe is an unusual name for a woman. Especially with an E at the end.

Most likely 0 out of a 1000 births when she was born.
Attachment 63407

I had always assumed if I met someone who said their name was Joe, their real name was Joseph... or Mr Earl. ;)

Fuck I'm lost, again.

Still.

Letter ends with "feel free to contact Joe. She's great."

Well, I can still read. Maybe. I get that "Joe" refers to Joe Cecil, a member of Mr. Connor's staff.

I am confused by "Earl".

Being confused as fuck is just something I'm gonna hafta get used to, the doc says.

That's right it does, then it says, HER number is....

Yeah. But Grav is right. Who is Earl?

♫ Well, now, they often call me Speedo
But my real name is Mister Earl
Umm-hmm-hmm♪

♫ All for meetin' brand new fellas
And for takin' other folk's girl
Umm-hmm-hmm♪

♫ Well, now, they often call me Speedo
'Cause I don't believe in wastin' time
Umm-hmm-hmm♪

Damn whippersnappers. :crone:

:smack:

this

Got a new driver's licence today and while filing the old one with all my past picture licences(looks haven't improved) I found this business card.

Y'all get to keep your old licenses? They take ours back.

I have all mine plus I only renew every 20 yrs.

They poke a couple quarter inch holes in them and give them back, but you don't have to keep them. I have them from every four years back to 1986 for the pictures.

Possibly the best photo ever taken of me is on one of my old licenses. Wish I still looked like that!

That can work both ways. At Boeing we had picture badges issued when you are hired. For the women who worked there awhile the hairstyles sometimes became an embarrassment. For the men the hair that went away did the same. :haha:

The early ones are better, you'd never pick me out of a lineup today from them.

Exactly. This is me 30 years ago, but no one would ever know by looking at me today!

https://i.imgur.com/g5kMP7s.jpg

Wow, hot Glinda. I can see why you'd want to roll back the clock, nobody looks that good for long. :blush:

*blush*

Hubba hubba

^My exact thoughts.^ Stop reading my mind. You stop it right now.

You are Hot Glinda from now on.

So let it be written, so let it be done.

:love:

I mean, "Wow!"

She Cute.

:biggrinlo

Just remember, I'm 30 years older now. Don't go off the deep end! :p:

But Glinda, we had already established you're a hottie... :yesnod:

:rolleyes:

Yes, but . . . I'm an old woman now! Things are sagging! I have a menopause belly and bird legs! :(

When you've got, you've got it, even if it ain't where it used to was. ;)

Heh, that's the end I like.

And besides, I'm 30 yrs older than I was, too. At some point.:D

Opened a can of worms yesterday. :facepalm:

But anywho, I found this and can't remember if I ever posted it.
If so, posted twice will make it easier to find when you want it.
It works... I've done it... in leather.

I want to see a blacksmith do that in steel.

I think you have posted that before; in fact I think you made the color version specifically for that thread.

:yesnod:

I'm sure you're right about posting it before but the sloppy coloring was done with markers way back when I got it.
I would have done a neater job with photoshop for posting. :lol: