One Hundred Tiny Prizes
 

This might be the last Christmas I have with my father AS my father.

So I am slowly trying to accrue a pile of presents for him and Mum.
Nothing expensive - for example one of Mum's will be a book of stamps. Which is how they're sold here, it's not a book about stamps! But she will use them because she's like me (or rather I'm like her) and likes to send things through the post.

Plan is to get lickle things every fortnight.

And then, on Christmas morning, give them a big bag of prizes to open. Like you had as a child every Christmas. We had real presents, which were under the tree and wouldn't be opened until we came back from Mass. But even when things were tough, we always had a stocking or a sack, sneaked into our room (which the three of us usually shared because there were rellies staying).
That is the magical feeling I want to recreate.

Sadly, it's harder to buy for Dad than Mum. His whole world has shrunk. He's lost interest and pleasure in so much. But I guess he'll get with the excitement regardless, in the same way a child will laugh at a joke they don't understand just because everyone else is laughing.

And I can make Mum happy.
So far I've bought her matching shampoo, conditioner and hair oil (see what I mean about tiny prizes?) shower gel, a biscuit tin and a face mask.
Dads has a book and an eggcup. The book is totes amazeballs though. Can't share in case I decide to get one for someone's Secret Santa.

I'll keep thee updated.

Sounds like fun. The first Christmas after my dad left us we three kids put together a Santa sack of gifts for my mum and hung it on her bedroom doorknob to find on Christmas morning. She burst into tears ... in a good way ...

I can feel a swell of tears just reading these posts.

You're gonna have months of excitement!

The last couple of Christmases, my Dad had trouble opening packages that were properly wrapped. I wrapped all his gifts in tissue paper and put them in one box. Made it easy for him, but each gift was hidden until he peeled the tissue paper off.

I hadn't thought of that, Bruce.
It would be a good idea for Dad.

I always over-wrap even for the able-fingered. Tissue paper will make so much more sense.

Daddy's egg cup.
He might not remember, but I do - Uncle Ted (oldest brother) was a driver in Africa in WWII, and he was qualified to drive a tank. My father idolised him.

(I didn't buy from this website, but hey, may as well connect to them rather than steal their image).

And yes, Dads loves a soft-boiled egg for breakfast.
Thinking of getting Mum a corresponding egg-cuber. Because she likes her eggs poached, and manages that very well thank you. But she does like a boiled egg sarnie. And how much more convenient to have it square to the sides of the bread?

That's cool. :thumb:

After dinner (noon) at my grandmothers, my uncles and older cousins would all pull out their pocket knives to cut the scotch tape on gifts. If someone' knife wasn't sharp enough and accidently tore the paper, they would be the butt of jokes on Easter, the 4th of July, and the following Thanksgiving. :haha:

Got my Vistaprint items through.
A notebook, notepad (as in paper, not electronic) and envelope stickers.
All the same theme, featuring ladybirds (ladybugs) as Mum has always considered them lucky.

She's never used stickers before, but I think she'll like them. They came highly discounted when buying the other items. It's a bit like the ubiquitous sales at DFS (British furnishing company). You always buy something you didn't intend to because you think it's a bargain. But I really do think she'll get a kick out of them.

Have to take a pic of the biscuit tin I bought her.
Carboot sale. But it's totes marvs. A revolving Christmas tree which plays a tune. Originally M&S, so it's made to last - even if she regifts it to the charity shop in the New Year. 50p!
It'll be the focal point in their room on Christmas Eve. Because it would be a waste to buy even a mini-tree.
And I will obviously fill with biscuits. Although they'll probably be bought from Otley market at a discount!

You could maybe get a load of packing peanuts(polystyrene or biodegradable equivalent nuggety things) free from a store and bury very lightly wrapped gifts in them in a bag or a box if unwrapping might be an issue

I think he'll be okay - and excited - with tissue paper this year.

But that's something I will mention to Mum for the future.
It's kind and exciting - bringing to mind bran tubs and lucky dips and all that.

His decline has been steep. He met Carruthers in December last year but had no idea who he was last week, even with prompting.
He doesn't know I spent two months in a mental health unit, but he does remember I "stole" his Bacardi in 2013 (I did drink it, I admit).

Got my tissue paper through - bought from eBay because they sell Christmas things all year round and they're much cheaper in the Summer. Red with sheep for Mum, green with penguins for Dads. Very happy with it, means I don't have to label them, just wrap as I buy and I'll know who they're for even if I don't remember what they are!

Also, my most expensive present arrived - engraved tumbler.
It says Keep Calm Dads and Drink Whisky.
I know it's an overused theme, but it's of his time.

I found out AFTER I'd ordered it, that he mostly drinks Bacardi and pineapple now. Mum doesn't like him to have spirits, and he always used to drink whisky neat. So if he's had a good week she mixes him a small measure of white rum & pineapple juice on a Saturday night.

Ah well. He'll read the inscription, laugh and be pleased, and then forget what it says and who bought it. Maybe Mum will put it out for him in the mornings as a juice glass (orange, no alcoholic content!) She'll like it anyway.

So much easier to buy for Mum. So many tiny tiny prizes she will understand and love which are about thought not money.
Even if I put a lot of thought and effort into a present for Dad, he will "tidy it away" and/ or forget it, who bought it and why. Fuck dementia. Sideways.

Shouldn't have bought the glass. Should have just found some random items in the Pound Shop as it'll mean the same thing. But it won't. Not to me and not to Mum. To us that's like buying a generic card and not even writing a message in it (yeah, we're weird about cards - not those we receive, just those we give). And we still love him. I think we both have a lot of adjusting to do.

ANYWAY.
Hotel booked. Train tickets booked. Christmas Day trip down the Thames booked (oh, we're going to London, staying in a hotel Grandad once worked in). Mum has chosen a steakhouse for Christmas Eve dinner and we're lunching at the hotel.
All sounds wonderful. I just have to stay sane, sober, safe and remember she's ;osing her husband who has been in her life since he was before my father, if you get what I mean. I need to love her and look after her as much as him. And I don't mean by buying her presents.

Hon - if it makes him smile and he gets a kick out of it, even if it's fleeting, then it's worth it. That he'll forget about it soon after just makes that moment of receiving and knowing all the more valuable.

Buy the stuff that strike your fancy and don't spend the next four months second guessing yourself. http://cellar.org/2012/nono.gif

What Dana and Bruce said.

Really stalled on what to buy Dad.
Mum's list is already much longer (un-bought, so I can decide not to buy some).

I don't want to buy him "tat" as they'll have to get it back home, and Mum will have to dispose of it.
Yeah I know, over-thinking. I should have done this years back.

Will get Steven to do a recce and find out what toiletries he uses - I know he now has very sensitive skin. That way I can wrap things like talc*, shower gel etc separately, whereas I'll make Mum's into a bundle. He never was one to count presents I suppose, I realise I think of him as very childlike these days, even though he presents as an older slightly-befuddled man.

* I'd get him some anti-Monkey Butt Powder, one of my fave pressies ever (thanks Bruce) but he's so cold and dry most of the time. I was fat and sweaty at the time and it got me through TWO Summers, used sparingly!

Anyone who's been through dementia with parents (in the early to mid stages) have any ideas? He's not at the comfort-blanket stage, but I fear he's past the Newspaper from When You Were Born stage.

Videos/DVDs of his favourite TV shows (my Dad loved Open All Hours)? You might find things of the right vintage on EBay/in charity shops for a steal?


Sent by thought transference

Thank you!
They Sky+ Dad's Army every week, have done or years, and Dad still laughs at the same things. But on your suggestion I looked around the internet and saw things like Dad's Army socks (he always needs socks) and a book I can get 2nd hand, so even if he never reads it won't cost more that £3 etc etc.

Exactly the sort of thing I wanted - meaningful, not immediately disposable (Mum would read the book) and/ or useful.
Knew you'd come through.

But all suggestions considered.

I worked for a while in an old folks' home. There was one old dear who laughed at my jokes and also appreciated that I could tell her the same jokes the next day and she'd find them just as funny all over again! Whatever your dad loved will not pall (for him. Your mum may have a different opinion). CDs of music? Favourite comedians?


Sent by thought transference

Any "tat", your Mom can ditch before going home and he won't miss it. ;)

Here you go, a dad gift. :haha:

Is he diabetic/off his food? If not, handmake some chocolates and just wrap them nicely, individually. Make things like you did when you were a kid. Get some pictures from when you were little and put them in frames from carboot sales.

He is off his food, sadly.
He'll occasionally perk up and clear his plate, but Mum can't predict it, and she's with him 24/7.
Whenever I've been there, even the offer of a chocolate, or some really good cheese has been met with, "No, I'm okay." And that is sad, because the way to his heart used to be through his stomach...

I bought a little bell from the carboot sale - 50p.
Will drive Mum mad :p:
That'll be the first thing that goes to the charity shop!!!
Although maybe I'll talk to her quietly and suggest she uses it instead. In their enormous flat, the sound will carry much better than a shout. She can ring it from the computer/ dining room and I bet he'll hear it in the living room (half a mile away). Then again, he'll probably pick up the phone or try to work the intercom...

Blew up this photo for Mum.
Attachment 53148
Going to get a blank frame from somewhere like Hobbycraft and decorate it. Saw a lovely idea using only glue and egg cartons. Either that or wallpaper offcuts, sanded down to make a shabby chic look. Can you sand something down with a nail-file? I have more of those than I do nails...

I think nail files would be too fine. Sandpaper is cheap.

Okay. probably a poor attempt at budgeting then!
Save the nail files, buy sandpaper.

Although only if the egg-cup flowers don't work out.
Because I can get those free. I have glue here, and I'm almost certain I know where it is.
Almost.

Also, Mum might not get the shabby-chic/ distressed thing.
She might just think it's knackered.

Oh, sorry - meant to say - if Dads still wore ties that bowling tie would be spot on.
One of m favourite photos of him is one where he's a young man in horn-rimmed glasses, bowling for the work's team.

Use the egg whites for glue.

Nah, talked to a man on the market.
He's happy to let me have one of the big trays he sells eggs in. Never underestimate the super-power of a good bra.

Right on, Bra.

Daddy bowling:

Looks like they're bowling in the hallway of somebody's apartment building. :eyebrow:

Looking at it in light of that comment... yes it does!
Then again, many pubs had backrooms which they'd turn into "skittle alleys" to bring in extra money. It was darts in my barmaid days, pub quizzes now - although those were already in ascendancy back then.

The hardest thing is not talking to Mum about all this. I'm so happy and excited. But if I tell her what I've bought Dads I ruin the surprise. Partly because she'll guess that I'm doing the same for her, partly because she'll get as much of a kick out of Dad's prizes as he will.

I so wanted to tell her last night that I was working my way through The Only Way is Essex box-set. But couldn't. Because it's actually for her. What? It was second hand so it's not like I broke it open or anything. Oh, you mean why am I even watching it?
Shaddup. You're just well-jel. \/\/hatever...

Actually this was such a cool find, because she didn't get into it until I moved in, so she's never seen the first episodes. She watches it when she irons because Dad hates it. Gets him out of her hair. She has baskets of ironing to work through now; six series worth!.

I don't know your Pop, so I can't be specific here. But, as a Dad, I get a certain amount of joy from the knowledge that my children have put some thought and effort into getting a present for me, irrespective of the actual gift. I like gifts and surprises, of course. But knowing they were and are thinking of me fondly is truly the best part.

do the pound shops sell mini plastic ten-pin bowling sets?

They may do. I wonder. It might not even be a disposable present; Mum used to play skittles when she volunteered at the home for people with dementia.
She might be up for a couple of games on the carpet.

Then again, she'd be the one setting them upcollecting the ball and having to get up and down.
That would piss her off quite quickly, when it's actually for his benefit. Maybe she could get the twins involved when they come round. She always says he completely ignores them.

An answer from Mum re the bowling alley question.
Bless.

Poor Mum. She told me last night that Dad can no longer remember their wedding day. She said she knows she shouldn't be upset about that, but it was so important to them both, and such a happy day. Given it was so long ago, she'd hoped he'd retain it as a memory for longer. I said some soothing things, but it's so hard for her.

Srtill, in minor but better news, bought Mum a Miss Army Knife from the carboot sale yesterday.
As Carruthers pointed out, it does not have a device to remove stones from horses shoes. But then I suspect the mirror will be more useful to Mum.
50p.

Nope, it's a spike for splicing stranded rope into itself, like when she's making a noose. ;)

"Miss Army Knife"!

hahahah!! pretty cute!

This has got to be hard on your mum.

Okay, so I didn't end up getting them 100 prizes.
I never really expected to. It works out about 15-16 each, although I have fudged things a little by bundling some of Mum's. I've already admitted I found it harder to buy for Dad.

I haven't wrapped them yet. Following the excellent suggestion that I wrapped in tissue paper to make things easier for Dad to open, I realised it made the wrapped presents more fragile to transport. So I will wrap in the hotel, less potential ripping - I can just bundle things all in with my clothes.

The final reckoning. I may have to ETA this for a bit, as I had nearly finished the list previously - with links for things I thought were worth seeing/ were not easily explained for cultural reasons, when the library computer shut the Cellar down on me. It took me a while to recover, I can tell thee. Especially when I was hearing "We Wish You a Wombling Merry Christmas" for the fourth time.

Mum:
- 1 tin containing 2 smaller tins inside. was tempted to claimn one for my earplugs, but that would only mean I lost all of them at once instead of in pairs.
- 1 tin containing bodywash, facemask, shampooo & conditioner - bought before the cancer diagnosis obvs
- Ant & Dec celebrity masks
- Turkish Delight
- Selection of cards for her to send to friends for birthdays and encouragement - a bit more rudie than they sell in M&S!
- Miss Army Knife
- Queen For A Day inflatable crown - to match Dad's fro his birthday
- Poppy earrings, bought from Harrogate Show in the Summer
- Christmas bauble with body butter inside - bought after I knew she's have chemo to combat dry skin
- Vistaprint items - personalised mailing labels, post-its and notebook
- Diary for appointments - requested as the one I bought her last year was so useful
- Photo of me me me
- Raspberry Schapps with glitter, for when the girls come round
- Shot glasses for same (okay I won these in a raffle)
- Square egg press, put warm egg into it and it makes it into a cube to slice for sandwiches
- Chocolate egg & soldiers
- Decorative owl

Dad:
- Trainset in a tin
- Father Christmas glasses with attached moustache and beard
- Whisky truffles
- Dad's Army socks
- Dad's Army book
- Keyfinder - whistle and it beeps
- Glowsticks - mostly to lay on floor to bathroom when in unfamiliar places
- Glow in the dark tape - may help at home
- Re-usable handwarmers
- Wind-up hedgehog
- Scent spray for bathroom ("No Shit, Sherlock!")
- Tissues printed with £20 note symbols
- Glasses cleaning wipe which can be attached to a keyring
- Tank boiled eggcup with cutter for toast soldiers
- CD of Terry Wogan "Janet & John" stories from the Radio 2 morning show he always listened to

Looks like a terrific haul! Well done on a really interesting and varied selection!

Sent by thought transference

Yes, stuff wrapped in tissue have to be in a sturdier box, which may or may not be wrapped, or a bag. Even a plastic grocery bag will keep tissue wrapping from abrasion with each other, as well as the cold cruel world.

It's like the best stocking ever!