Just letting you know
 

My situation has become very difficult and I am now officially separated from my husband. I'm am posting as anonymous in the hopes that he wont bother reading here and I can talk to you guys about things and not have him use it against me at a later date.

I asked him to move into a different room last Sunday after discovering stuff on his computer which shocked but didn't surprise me if that makes any sense. He hasn't been having an affair (that I know of). it was something else, but equally detrimental to the tenuous state of our marriage.

Anyway, today I started making official arrangements for the kids and me. At this stage we will stay put because three of the four of them have schools they need to attend in the area. Even if we do move, it wont be far.

He said yesterday he wasn't sure if he wanted to separate, but I am tired of him being the one to call the shots, so as far as I'm concerned, we are no longer a couple. Whether or not things follow through to the likely conclusion, only time will tell. He says he's talking to a psychologist as well as a psychiatrist to try and sort out his issues, but he's been at it for 6 months and so far nothing has changed. if anything, things are worse (obviously).

I know I own part of the blame for this failure, largely that I have just turned off my emotions as far as he's concerned. I just don't give a shit what he does anymore. He could walk out the door and never come back and I really don't think I'd care except for the effect it would have on the kids. Six months ago, I didn't think we could afford to separate. Obviously things are worse, because now I'm finding ways to make it affordable.

So now you're up to date. I may decide to get a new name on here, but who knows. If any of you want to chat, you can find me on facebook or send me a PM.

:(

Damn:(

Sorry to hear it has gotten so bad, but I'm glad you are taking steps to get control of the situation and hopefully it will eventually be better for you.

Good luck with it.

:(

Sorry darling.
It must hurt like hell.

Never had kids to consider myself, but I remember what breaking up is like.
No way back I assume?
Would he tell a different story?

No criticism implied. Just checking bridges really have been burned.

I hear you.

I am so sorry.

Sorry to hear things are so bad, especially with the holidays here. Don't know what to really say ....

I actually haven't figured out who you are yet, but...

...Good on ya that you're taking steps to make things better for you.

:thumb:

One day at a time....

I'm with Grav. So sorry.

God damn it, I go away for a couple days and the world goes to shit... can't leave you alone for a minute. :mad:

same and same. good luck

I don't care who you are.
To have shared here you must be one of us.

Which means we share your hurt. As has been shown.
Dwellars can sometimes be right arses. But they're often far better than that.

Any updates, anon? How are things going?

He's still living here in the spare room. We avoid each other mostly. The plan is for him to find somewhere else after xmas.

I am doing ok. Just lining up all my ducks. Sorting out paperwork with social security. Things change here when you separate a household tax wise, so its important to get that sorted out, and creates an official.date for legal purposes.

I have sort of broached it with the little kids. I think they will be fine. Hes hardly ever here anyway. The big kids are not too worried. They just go along with the flow.

Anyone who couldnt figure it out before should be able to do so now i suspect.

The little and big... made me *think* I know who it is.. if I am correct- then I know from other posts: you have tried talking many times- vented even more, and cried your heart out a time or twenty... Sometimes we have to do what is best for our own sanity- the kids are very resilient, and they honestly would rather a happy single mom, than a sad, angry married mom. The little ones will be fine, and the big kids- well chances are they saw this coming, and know you well enough to know you did not go into this lightly. Keep the bashing to yourself or in small anonymous rants,-- and they will see you as the bigger person in the end :) Good luck hun.

I probably don't need to be incognito anymore. He is moving out in the next week or so, and honestly, I have decided I don't care if he reads what I post here anymore. I am just so fed up with it all. He still seems unable to initiate any kind of discussion about anything, so I guess when it's all said and done, I will be the bad one because I'm the one that will be organising everything. i have even found him somewhere else to live, but I doubt he'll ever recognise any of the things I do for him, even when he is living alone. I suspect it's what he's wanted for a long time now and will not be surprised if he says that I was right about that after some time passes.

My thought - just take care of yourself, Ali. You found him a place to live, which is more than could be expected of you ... but you owe it to yourself and your children to make sure that you are managing. One step at a time.

Thanks Ortho. I am doing my best. My stress is very high at the moment, but that's natural. I'm trying to remember to take my BP medication. haha I think things will work out one way or another. For now I just need to find the right path and head down it for a bit. I think I'll just stick with doing my thing, making cakes and just moving forward. One day at a time for now.

I think things will be easier once he moves his stuff out and I can just start managing this house how I would like to have been doing all along.

Yeah, that bitch threw me out. Really, she's so vicious she even arranged for a place. No shit, did it so she could force me out of my house. Really mate, when she was done using me, she threw me away. I swear, she made all the arrangements like a pro, like it was her job.
Another beer mate?
But deep down she still wants me, mate. You wait, she'll come crawling back when she realizes what she's lost. :haha:

The above scenario was brought to you by the Devil' Advocate, pointing out any story can be twisted to suit ones delusions. So he may never understand what happen or why you got fed up. Of course that has no bearing on your plans, just saying don't expect too much.

Well he seems to be having enough counselling to break the bank, so who knows. Maybe it will help. I hope so, for his sake above all. He isn't happy and really, I don't think he ever has been since we met, and probably before that. He's just become good at hiding his sadness and dissatisfaction from everyone.

OTOH, you make seriously kick-ass roses.

I wish you were local, because I would buy a cake from you for my wife's birthday each year.

I have no splitting up advice. Just basic stuff like keep focusing on what's important. You, your kids, the household. Keep moving forward. I'm sorry it didn't work out with this guy, but you can't change other people. So just keep doing what you can to move forward. Based on what I'm seeing you post, you have got your shit together and know exactly what you need to do. So keep up the good work, even though it's stressful and hard.

Sorry to hear this, Ali.

((((hugs)))) Ali. Like you say, one day at a time ...

So you found out he has a Fetlife profile. Others here do too, maybe he even knows some of them. It must have something to do with cupcakes so now you don't trust him around yours and he has to move out. Steer his counselling towards baked goods that you don't sell like croissants or English muffins. Keep trying alternative bakery until something cheers him up and you can reconcile.

Well, my work here is done. I'm off to reunite Maria Carey and Nick Cannon. Rumor has it she may be in a bakery situation too.

Today husband packed up his stuff ready for the truck tomorrow. I guess shit just got real. Never thought I would be in this position again in my life.

Oh well.

Sorry, Ali.

HUGS! Things will get better and soon you'll see that.

I agree.

Been there. Time makes things suck a lot less.

hugs

Take notes.

So that you don't find yourself in this position in life, again.

:comfort:

Well, his stuff is gone and I cleaned out the room and other areas of the house where he's been. There's still some areas to work on, but I guess it's time to put my feet up. I made 30 boxes of cupcakes today for tomorrows market, so now it's time to rest. I have a vodka which is nice.

Max went with Daryl tonight, and i think that was a good idea. For both of them.

More room for cake supplies. You're going to be just fine.

maybe you should exorcize the ghost by baking a life-sized perfect guy cake (maybe not completely accurate proportions ;) ) and putting it in that room and posting a pic on facebook. (Then hold a massive party to eat it)

There is a precedent for food replacements for humans being therapeutic and far more useful and interesting than the original: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kmys4LH9jTE

Are you going to convert that room and start taking in studly boarders?

There's THIS studly board errr.

Kind of funny that you'd put a pic of a Samoan man, considering that's what my first husband was. Haha

I thought he looked Samoan, but didn't know. Funny coincidence.

Pretty sure mine wasn't in the same league as DJ. haha

Hang in there Ali. One foot in front of the other and all that. Focus on those cake, pies and tea parties. Soon enough you'll be able to buy the man of your dreams - for a few hours anyway ;)