Sycamore solves his job problem...and Slang's too
 

MODERATOR NOTE: This thread was originally titled "Sycamore solves his job problem...and Slang's too;" however, b/c of the direction in which the thread has gone, at the suggestion of Wolf, the title has been changed to one that is now more appropriate.

--syc (3/19/03)

As you may have noticed, Slang and I have not had good luck in the job market lately. But I believe that I have the answer that could make both of us sickeningly rich:

Give the two of us a show on MSNBC.

It'll be just like Buchanan and Press, or Curtis and Kuby. Except more animated...we'll threaten each other, and maybe stage some fake fights.

Then after the show, we'll grab a cup of coffee.

Sound good, slang?

I'd certainly watch it, but ummmm ... I don't have much in the way of disposable income. I don't suppose you're looking for support staff? I don't have a union card, but I do know how to run a camera ... or I could be the bouncer, you know, like Steve on Jerry Springer ... pull Slang off yah on occasion ...

Please, oh, please can I be the guy who runs back and forth to Starbucks getting everybody lattes?

~James

Without his guns, I could take slang...not an issue. ;)

Re: Sycamore solves his job problem...and Slang's too
 

Interesting idea. A blend of Jerry Springer, C and K, Morton Downey Jr and This Old Gun.

Yes! That's a great idea! I hereby dub thee "Sycamore's Personal Assistant."

Now where's my venti light note, bitch?!

Sweet. Is it cool if I fuck up the order every time? That way if the talk show thing doesn't work out, we can turn it into a wacky network TV sitcom.

~James

Why do ya think I carry guns? :D

No! This is serious business here. We can't turn this into a complete debacle...just half of one.

Well ok, but I insist on wearing my Revo shades and the postman's cap for the show.

If you think I am bad at written communications, you'll really love my verbal skills. Maybe Cam can make some really big cue cards for me, you know, like the ones Bush uses.

If yah get too outta hand, I'll take yah ALL out, and it's MY show. I shall run it as a benevolent dictatorship, of course.

Who gets top billing?

Slang: "Ah, shut up you liberal wimp!"

Syc: "Take that asshat off already, you backwater hick!"

Me...b/c I came up with the idea, and b/c the other two shows similar to this concept have the conservative first.

And b/c I can drink you under the table.

How, exactly, do you plan on convincing the network to give you a show? No offense there, chief, but maybe you should look into a public access station. :)

I wouldn't bet on that if I were you ...

Or, hey, why not a radio show instead? You don't have to worry about looking good in front of the camera, and you could broadcast it on the internet from your computer for free!

Can I light my farts at the end of the show?

That wouldn't work too well on radio, unfortunately.

What about the guy that runs for ammo? Who wants that job?

Wolf, slang himself says he doesn't drink much anymore. And I can still pack it away. *thumps his chest like an ass*

Juju, I've thought of Public Access before...shit, I'm sure there's some podunk radio station up slang's way that's looking for something different. Besides, I suspect that up in those parts, I'd be a whipping boy. Fantastic! I love climbing mountains.

If we put something flammable close to ground zero, then folks could hear shit go ablaze.

As long as the gun store is next to the Starbucks, I'm your man.

~James

To save a couple bucks on staffing, I could do that as well as pull you off each other when it went to fisticuffs ... (knowing of slang's dislike for physical labor, that will be a rare occasion. he has to get REALLY pissed off ...)

Also, I can already ID ammo types and calibers by feel as well as visual inspection. You want .45 JHP, you GET .45 JHP, not .40 Ball by mistake ... James already said he'd fuck up the coffee order, remember.

Let wolf do it. I have no fucking clue what that means.

~James

What we have now is "something different" what this area needs is something good.

There arent any Starbucks up here Perth. We do have Smoking Joe's though. Not quite the same though.

Shit, that could be a problem. I have never seen a Starbucks next to a gun store...those seem like polar opposites.

Though, I could always open a gun store inside a Starbucks, or vice versa.

"Yes, I'd like to purchase a gold-plated Desert Eagle...oh! And a cranberry scone!"

I would rather limit the action to shouting and extended piercing glares, they're much less labor intensive.

Well, shit, this is guaranteed to be good. Because it has me in it. And you. And wolf with the bullets. And James as the coffee bitch.

I dunno...fart lighting often has pretty hysterical, unintentional results. I think an audio version of the fart, followed by the 'whoosh' of flame, immediately followed by the crackling sound of pubic hair igniting and the resultant screams of pain and surprise would make for some pretty classic radio...

"It's not funny...my ass is on fire."--Mr. Bungle

True, there are good sound effects resulting from a prolonged fart and the crackle of burning hair ... and the nice thing about radio is that we ONLY have to do it once (okay, over and over until we get a version we like) then it goes on a cart and we can replay as often as we like. :)

Don't forget, gang, I am a Renaissance woman ... in addition to my wealth of knowledge about firearms and ammunition, I also have a cappucino machine which I even take down out of the closet occasionally and USE!!!! :biggrin:

We are hooked up, despite the lack of a Starbucks. I can teach James to use the machine. He'll be fine with close supervision. ;)

Oh, and I bake too ... You want the scones fresh? We'll have to have an oven put in the studio we're using.

I'll see if my boss wants to sponsor this show. Maybe we can use some of his gas to light something on fire.


I have to get rested up for the big shitjob day tomorrow. I think we can take this show to the masses and be wealthy beyond our wildest dreams. Later

You might need to change the title of the thread to "Sycamore Solves a Good Percentage of the Cellar's Job Problems" ...

With the present turbulance at the FCC, I've been thinking about my old pirate radio fantasy. I could load everything, transmitter, cappicino machine, easy bake oven, alcohol, tobacco, and firearms into a duce and a half. Set up wherever you guys need to be, hmmm maybe we could even complete Sycs state capital tour.

If this gets any more involved, someone is going to want to do a television show *about* the radio show that spawned from a television show concept.

However, steaming cappucino and fresh scones do sound rather nifty.

Wolf, done. :)

El, you want to create the theme song?

Shit, Shepps could use the money too...he can be the webmaster of our official site.

The Ham clan, Cam, and hermit can serve as correspondents.

vsp and steve can do our technology section.

Jag will serve as international correspondent.

radar can be the village idiot.

Griff...you'll be executive producer.

See...this is almost as good as my grandiose "Sycamore for Mayor of Philadelphia" plan! But more legit!

Oh, hell yes! Do you want the names Sycamore and Slang worked into it as a lyrical element, or would you just prefer an instrumental track? Are we talking hard driving and punchy, or laid back and languid?

Hey!!! How about just a bunch of techno-synthetic/acid rock noise?

Instrumental is fine...something cold, yet aggressive. Sorta like Prodigy or Machines of Loving Grace.

hmmmm what jobs are open??? Maybe I need to get in on this.

Hey, Syc...can I do the sound effects too?

http://www.lunalushede.org/slangignite.mp3

Damnit...didn't you already see that I gave you and jeff jobs as technology correspondents?

Unless you're interested in something else...

*rofl* Yes El...your services are much desired.

Hey slang...since we already have a crew here...we need advertisers. Good ones. Ones with a lot of dough. What are your recommendations?

El, Brilliant.

Syc, I think this is a LOT better than Sycamore runs for mayor of Phila ... you were in danger of actually winning that one, given the level of competition, and if you win, you actually have to do all the mayoral stuff for the next four years, even if you do it poorly, you still have to make a show of it. (It might have been cool, though, locating the new stadium complex somewhere like chestnut hill, mebbe on the old Rizzo property?)

Don't forget ... Ciara could do hair and makeup. And if you do the show, there's nothing stopping YOU from going for the John Deere Green with Yellow Trim discussed elsewhere. ;)

You're right, Wolf. I'd actually have to do real work with that gig. And then I would have had probs holding onto Griff, since he's not a city guy.

You know, The Sycamore and Slang Extravaganza would be an appropriate forum for the poetry deal.

(Actually, I would have slapped those stadiums on top of the old Byberry State Hospital, off Woodhaven Rd. Lots of open space, easy access to 95 and the Tpk. Fuck Somerton...whiny bitches.)

Advertising should be relatively straightforward from the outset. We start by approaching companies whose products we are already using ... Krups, Federal, Glock, Bic, etc. If those deals fall though, we approach their competitors, try to get them on board as both advertisers and offical product sponsors ... "Slang, by personal preference, carries a Glock, but if you would like to have the new Golden Desert Eagle widely advertised on our program, he will be open to a discussion related to trying out your product and frequently mention it's presence on his person ... Just give a couple samples to our Armorer and Baked Goods Coordinator, Wolf, and we'll get back to you about the contracts."

I definitely want Penn Dutch Egg Nog to sponsor us. Or at least Guinness. Oh, and Adidas. (I'm about due for new sneakers.)

Hahahaha OK I can do that.. I missed it... (maybe I'm not 100% used to my new handle)

I'm sending Jag to Iraq. :) Get some good pics of the MOAB dude!

Shit Wolf! This could be the perfect staging ground for "The Adventures of Mullet Man and His Sidekick Mutton Chops!"

Agreed. I think it will play MUCH better than as a series of short stories ... perhaps an animation? Kind of like King of the Hill, only set in Kensington, and MUCh cleverer.

Yer bullshitting me, right? You write and read the poetry and I’ll mock it. Then we’ll build an argument into a stage fight or something.


I like this idea.

It's your call. My only requirement is that it is catchy enough to have half the population singing it alone in their cars while commutting…….by this summer.


How about Microsoft? Bill has a lot of dough.

No, you dumbazz. The situation where everyone has a word and dances around in a moshpit.

Wolf...it's Frankford, dear. I know Frankford better than Kensington (and they're both shitholes). Although, one of the Mullet Man episodes could center around a trip to K&A...some fight breaks out on the El...I could fill in the storyline.

And it has to be bad animation...not quite stick figure, but crappy.

If we get a show on MSNBC, it's practically automatically sponsored by Bill and his crew.

Wolf. :( Syc called me a dumbazz. You gonna let him do that? (yer screwed now MOFO, my gf will <B>kick</b> yer ass)

I'm all over it ...

Just as soon as my doc clears me for driving AND ass kicking. Of course, there's always Miss Priscilla™ ... ;) I might need a little more practice at 300, though.

(Don't worry, Syc, you'll notice that my sweetie ordered an asskicking, not a killin'. I'll even allow you to specify. You want that through and through on the LEFT or RIGHT buttock?)

Only b/c I know how much you (and the other Cellarites) miss Cairo.

Oh ... okay. My knowledge of Phila neighborhoods is rather incomplete. Remember, it's a place that I've spent lots of time avoiding rather than embracing. To me, these are all just placenames where I hear shootings reported by Action News.



I'm thinking of something that would make Beavis & Buttheads' animation look really, really good. Lots of wobbly lines, and with poorly matched color values throughout. (although, if you know someone with that level of artistic talent, it might be funny to do it in Japanese Anime style.)

Anime...heh...damn, that's funny.

Action News?! Uh oh...beware the wrath of tw...wait a minute! That no good so-and-so said he listens to it...never mind.