Parenting Elsewhere
 

NPR brings you parenting habits from around the world.

Brits attach walking reins and then a wrist leash to their toddlers in busy areas. Or at least they used to. this horrified American parents when we moved here.

That habit/practice horrifies me. These days I think that maybe with some kids it's probably ideal, but for every day kids, I don't like it. The whole dogs on leashes thing of it bothers me. Yeah I know people have good arguments for it, but I've always been of the mind that if your child is old enough to be out of the stroller and walking, they should be holding your hand if it's dangerous, and doing what they're told in general.

Anyway, some people don't like the fact that I let Max catch the bus by himself to school. I guess all parents even within different cultures have different ideas on parenting and what's safe. I think generally this is ok because most parents know what their children can and can't cope with.

what if you have a baby (or two) and a toddler? Not enough hands to go around....

British streets are very different from American streets, it really isn't necessary here for the most part. I don't know about Aussie streets, but I'm going to guess they're more like American ones than British ones. I was kind of shocked/horrified that here they will push 3-year-olds who are perfectly capable of walking in a stroller. Especially when they rarely walk any notable distance. I guess it overcome the need for a leash, though. potty training is also much later here. There's no right or wrong, just cultural differences.

I wonder how many wouldn't let their kid do this or that because they feel there's a genuine danger, rather than fear of offending the neighborhood gossips?

Some do. Many don't. Usually it depends on the setting.

Like you say, the roads and streets are different here. Town centres for instance are often quite crowded and the streets narrow. I can see why some do it. Most just hold their hand though. More likely to see it if there are several children of different ages. It would only take a second for a little one to let go of your hand and be in the road.

well a wrist rein (or whatever they called them) doesn't preclude hand-holding, so it can just be a back-up. When a line of parked cars is between you on the pavement/sidewalk and the moving traffic in the street, you want that rein shorter than the width of a car in case they slip your grasp and wiggle between the parked cars.

Yep. I see a fair few parents using them. Lots don't, but lots do.

When we were toddlers, my parents would put a harness on us and tie us on a long rope to a tree in the back yard.

Sounds crazy in hindsight, but all the kids from the neighborhood would often play in our backyard, and there were 4 of us kids in my family alone, so my mom might have 10 kids she would feel responsible for. She could have put the youngest toddler in a playpen (cage) but tying them up to let them explore the yard seems way better.

Here's some completely random stranger's video I found on the internet of a similar setup.

Creepy as fuck: "Arthur tied up at the lake"

Double-creepy as thirteen kinds of gold-plated fuck: (from the info for the vid above) "Arthur being controlled"

WTFF, man??

I think you've got the wrong vibe, grav. I used a harness with my 2-year old very agile toddler when I had to fly south from the arctic at 36 weeks pregnant, without another adult to help (he was still taking call in the arctic). People recoiled in horror in the airports, but there's no way I could have run my sweet toddler down when I was practically giving birth on the spot. (Or maybe they were recoiling in horror at the sight of me; it being Canada, that was probable.)

I'm Brit by heritage and upbringing, and the use of wrist leashes/harnesses/whatever keeps your child from running under the wheels of a truck tends to be regarded as responsible. Or was regarded as such, back in the day.

My parents let me take the city bus by myself at 10 years old; my best friend's mother was horrified. I was always far more independent than my friend. Different cultures, different styles. Of course, I think the environment in which a family actually lives trumps culture. If it's not safe, you can't let your kids do what you would've allowed 'back home'.

Question: How does a kid with 12 in long legs get away from an adult?
Answer: Frequently.
Their real secret is persistence, like a canine running down a deer, they just don't stop unless physically restrained.

Because they don't have a plan or destination, just satisfying the urge to move, their next move is almost impossible to predict. That leaves only reaction so you're playing catch up all the time, especially if you take your eyes off them for 0.001 seconds.

I may be misguided because I've only had to do that for no more than a couple days at a time, and parents/teachers grow eyes in the back of their heads. Regardless, I honestly can't imagine it getting easier. Spend the whole day at the gym? Nonsense, borrow the neighbor's toddler for an hour. :haha:

Seems like a big cultural divide. It's pretty jarring for me to see. I guess it's that parents and teachers are supposed to teach children to be functional humans but the starting point of restraint, beginning at an animal level with a child, really goes against all my training and my personal philosophy. I do understand it though. I had a highly mobile child of three years in my summer program who was operating at something south of a 16 month level, almost no auditory processing, climber, pica... the works. A leash would have been useful but bad form from the standpoint of brain development.

I think you did. My only prob was the phrases. The words themselves.

Tie 'em up under the porch, if ya want. As long as they aren't using/abusing/taking advantage of their kids, I don't care what they do to/with them.

As long as they keep them away from me!:D

There was a period where we only avoided a leash by avoiding the places it would have been necessary. I remember specifically realizing that if we had to take him to an airport for some reason, I would have no choice but to buy a leash, and it upset me because I'd always hated the things. But I think like most parenting decisions, motive can make all the difference. I honestly think even toddlers can sense if you're doing something in a specific scenario for safety reasons, or if you're using the leash as a lazy substitute for self-discipline. In the right hands it can be a tool rather than a shortcut, but you're always going to be walking that line of temptation.

Avoid the leash issue by attaching one of these to the top of their head.

http://cellar.org/2014/noleash.jpg

No, not the screws, superglue or liquid nails.

Sicko. :eyebrow:

Haha...just let the hair grow and do a ponytail loop.

Word.

Yes. The trip south, via multiple flights and airports, was the one and only place I ever used a harness on any of my children. It was a pragmatic decision based on my inability to move quickly and my toddler's ability to do the opposite, and having no one else present to intervene in a public, unsafe place.

I only mentioned it because I think there are some circumstances where that type of restraint is in the best interest of the child; not because I think it should be the norm.

I have always thought those backpacks shaped like monkeys with a long tail make excellent child restraints. You can grab onto the tail if necessary, otherwise, it's just the kids with a backpack.

I guess I'm just a sook who likes the edges softened for my particularly precious sensibilities...

To we who left the empire, sook sounds kinky, Ali. :blush: Had to Google it.

I've had occasion to grab somebody's kid who was making a break for it while the adult was distracted for a second... no more. I'd try to intercept them, get in their way, herd or delay, but no touching. Times have changed, more than Big Brother are watching, and people are quick think the worst, to jump to the wrong conclusion. If I'm going to be in the sexual offender registry I want it to be for something fun.

The little fuckers are fast, and they require 100% of your attention in a potentially unsafe place. If you only have 80% attention to give, that's not enough, and you're just playing the odds. You will lose.

I've got no problem with the harness.

I've seen daycares in the city have the kids all looped to a rope. Or one of these guys.

Fun happy experience?
Attachment 48902

Or troubling?
Attachment 48901

I have to agree that intention is all.
I doubt lazy and irresponsible parents in this country use harnesses and reins.
It's the parents who understand the risks of narrow pavements, parked cars, stalled traffic, exciting things just out of reach that do so.
The rein/ harness set was our best child safety seller when I worked in a high- end nursery store. These were not parents that wanted to tether their kids to an outside pub table because one hand held a fag and the other a Bacardi Breezer.
These were parents who wanted their child as part of their everyday life while accepting that there were risks the child couldn't fathom.

FTR I very rarely saw a child at the end of their tether, literally.
Almost every time the reins were slack and there was very good child/ parent interaction.
I'd rather see a toddler on a rein than a >one year old in a buggy, facing forwards with no parental contact. That's not an either/ or because of the age, I just consider one to be less harmful to development than the other.

Really? 1 is just barely walking, if that usually. Looking out from the stroller usually seems fun to most kids I have known. I find that an odd one to take exception to.

I would think a tether could be considered as just another 'hand' to hold. Calling it a leash plays on emotional semantics.

I used the symbol the symbol wrong way round, didn't I?
Never got the hang of that.

No, you had it right. "Greater than one year." But I think realistically you are imagining a child greater than 2 years. My daughter didn't even learn to walk until 14 months. :)