My mom is gone
 

I'm sorry, I don't know how else to make this announcement. As some of you know, my mom was diagnosed with inoperable pancreatic cancer earlier this year. It was over 3 months ago that we felt it was time to bring in hospice (and for her to acquiesce to such...she was so strong and independent.)

Hospice expressed, in these last few weeks, that they hadn't seen a body hang on like hers did. While this afforded us more time with her, as that time went on we began to see the mercy in her body letting go.

I was fortunate that I wasn't working: I was able to be her transportation to daily radiation treatments, and chemo treatments. It's so hard to see some fucking asshole like cancer attack such a wonderful human being. We all know there is no rhyme or reason.

My dad is doing OK. He was the epitome of the phrase 'in sickness and in health.' It was so very hard on him too, but if inner strength were the first thing they saw in each other I wouldn't be surprised.

Thanks to those who knew what was going on and offered kind words. I couldn't come on here and say much. Sometimes I wanted to but with every word I typed I felt like I was discounting the incredible loss I would soon be dealing with.

My mom was funny and beautiful and smart and kind. She believed in the concept that 'it takes a village' and not just the village that raises the child, but the village that is there for each other in life's struggles. Her village was amazing: lifelong friends, new friends, extended family, us...and it is this village that will get me through this. I'm blessed to be her daughter, to be my dad's daughter, to be the result of all that came before and made them the parents they are.

I look around and all I see are things mom gave me: trinkets I'd like, books about my favorite things, even a little picture she printed off the internet of a long ago newly found photo of Anne Sullivan and Helen Keller (personal heroes of mine.) No one else will know me like my mom did.

I thank you for listening to me. I will collect the warm thoughts, even the unsaid ones, and they will keep me aloft through the coming days.

I miss you mom.

Oh honey. My deepest condolences. I'll be thinking of you.

My heartfelt condolences, it sounds like your Mom was a truly beautiful soul.

Infi, all my love to you and your family.
Thank you for writing such a moving post.

Dear infinite monkey,

I am terribly sorry and saddened to hear your news. I wish there was something I could do to help. If well wishes and Internet hugs count and give you comfort, you have those in abundance. I wish healing and comfort and peace to you and your family. I'm so sorry im.

So sorry to hear of this IM. It is the saddest thing of all when good people leave this earth.

That was such a lovely tribute, Infi. I'm sorry for your loss.

I'm really sorry. You are such a good daughter. She was fortunate to have you in her life, just as you were fortunate to have her in yours.

You'll get through this, and we're here when you need us.

IM, I'm so sorry to read of your loss. You clearly had a close and loving relationship with your mum, and the love you had for each other will continue to give you strength in the years to come. You are in my thoughts. X


Sent by thought transference

IM,
My thoughts are with you, you are a beautiful person and your mom took no small part in that.

I'm sorry for your loss and the pain you are going through, I know it might not help but we are all here for you.

I'm sorry for your loss IM.

You're a living testament to mom's funny and beautiful and smart and kind. We'll remember her through you.

IM, I'm so sorry for your loss. Your post is a beautiful tribute. Thank you for sharing with us. Please count us as part of your village as well. xx

I'm so sorry for you loss and a big loss it is. I'm glad there's a village for you. We're also here for you.

Thank you everyone. Minute by minute...hour by hour...day by day.

Your words meant so much to me.

I don't want to stick my foot in my mouth so I'll just 'she's in a better place now Im that's all that matters."

So sorry Infinite Monkey. I am not the best with words, but please know that heartfelt condolences go out to you and your family. Your description of your mother was touching and beautiful. It was also very descriptive of how so many of us see you. Virtual hugs, thoughts and prayers to all of you.

Waaaaaah I'm so sorry :cry: if only I was just a little bit closer.

I'm very sorry for your loss. I lost my father this year and my mother two years ago. No matter how old they are, it's always too soon.

So sorry for your loss IM. There is nothing harder than losing your Mum. Specially if she was one of the good ones. Deepest sympathy. Xxx

I'm so sorry to hear this, Infi. Eventually the loss won't be so all-consuming. Remember, you'll always have that place in your heart where she lives.

Sorry for your loss , i lost my Mom to the same shit in 96 ,
Ok a 1, and a 2 and a FUCK CANCER !!!!

Infi, I can't tell you how sorry I am for your loss.

I think your mom, and Baby's mother died on the same day. 28th?

Also: Fuck cancer.

I'd like to say something poignant and comforting. I just have no idea what. I have not been through what you're going through. I only hope you will find peace with it as easily as can be. It's inevitable that this will happen to me, to you, to all of us. I don't think that helps at all though, knowing we share..or will share the experience. it seems like you have to both keep the person you lose and let them go simultaneously. sorry, shaw. sigh.

Thanks so much everyone. I can't tell you what your words mean to me.

You think you're prepared, but you never really are. I'll miss her the rest of my life.

Each of your posts felt like you were saying these kind things right to my face. I love you all for that.

Grav, mom died on the 29th. Did your girlfriend lose her mom on the 28th? Please extend my condolences and give her a big hug.

Today we meet to talk to the hospice chaplain and to go through some pictures. I will have my family around me, maybe even a big giant cuddly nephew dog.

:thumb:

Monkey, my condolences.

So sorry L. My condolences to you and your family.

Baby's mother passed about 12:30am the morning of the 29th (my best friend's/her ex-bf's birthday). She extends hers to you as well, Infi.

I have never seen a person cry as hard as that girl has.

So sorry, infi. Lots of hugs to you and yours.

That's so sad. I can only imagine. My heart goes out to Baby and Infinite Monkey.