Teaching how to drink beer
 

Elizabeth and I have a quandary. We have been trying to teach her chickens to drink beer, but we are having very little success. These are the same transgendered chickens I have discussed earlier. Does anyone have any ideas?

BTW, we have been conducting some fascinating psychological experiments. I believe we are making some outstanding discoveries in chicken psychology.

Have you tried German dance music?

I won't ask why but have you mixed it with corn meal?

What about a number six? First, you pull a mike the headless chicken on them, then get a funnel!

others, myself included, have had great success with this recipe.

Put the beer on the other side of the road.

Seems like an obvious solution right there

Hide the beer away. Lock it away if possible. Provide the chickens with rudimentary tools.

Worked for every teen party I ever went to.
I'm sure escapees from Colditz learned their skills trying to break into their parents' secret stashes.

Anyway, photos pleeze.
Elizabeth and chickens and you (probably best not to photog beer in case the chickens get internet savvy)

But those kids at the party weren't chicken, "I'm NOT CHICKEN I TELL YOU!!"

Uh...That ain't a Number Six.

Colditz - I haven't thought about that in years. Great book.

We have learned a few things. You have to open the bottles for the chickens. They will not drink it straight or eat it mixed with scratch. The secret is bread. Soak the bread in beer and they love it. Interesting note, after they have their beer they sit around and "growl". No clucking or crowing, only strange growls.

Two questions:
1. How much beer do they need to consume before they produce beer infused eggs?
2. What happens if they become alcoholics? Are there any programs?

you're really bored, aren't ya, Sarge?

Yep. I'm rather lost without the military. I don't seem to have an identity anymore. I have one slim chance of getting a deployment to a non-austere area for 6 months, but it is a hail Mary pass and would be the very last one. Without the military or police, I have no friends or life

You have friends.
And you have family.

Therefore you have a life.

Life is what you make it. Somebody said that. The key word here is make.

Make your life, don't wait for it.

Hell, if it don't suit ya, don't even accept it.

i could teach a dead man to drink beer. send those chickens over here!

'raise your hands
raise your voice
give the chickens
another choice'

After I "went down" on duty and ended up in the hospital for a few days, the hand writing was on the wall. I have enrolled in online classes and I'm hoping I can land a job as a park ranger.

Sarge. I've never met you, but you are a fully rounded person to me, without any "military". I know you've spent a lot of your life in military service, but to me you are a panda shaped guy with a quirky sense of humour, with a lot of love for your children (your own and those you've chosen), a man who cares a great deal for his friends, and a man with an intense sense of honour and justice. Please do not feel that the end of your military service is the end of you as a person. As far as I can see, it is the beginning of a whole new adventure for the lovely man that you are. x

Limey, you always say the nicest things. TY. Back to the chickens, does anyone know how we can teach them to smoke crack??

Hey it doesn't just go for the ladies.

Sarge, you never know what life will bring around. But one thing I know for sure, life ain't the top of the mountain, it's the hike up it, that gives it meaning.* If you could see the view from the peak, without that hike, what's the point?

You didn't think there was gonna be a hitch in the path? Well what fun is a path, if there ain't a hitch in it?

So, now, what you thought was gonna be adventure #1, becomes adventure #2. T'ain't nothing wrong with that. The story isn't done, you continue to write it. I can't wait to see how this story comes out.







*this is not my original idea in any sense, the philosophers** have already figured this part out. But that's even better, don't listen to me, a lot of people find this to be the case.

** Albert Camus, "The Myth of Sisyphus"

Perhaps you should get a veterinarian to prescribe some medical marijuana and first teach them to smoke that. Just sayin ...

OK...I see what's happening. I'm picking up what Sarge is laying down.

First, he wants advice on how to get the chickens drunk.

Now, he wants advice on how to get them cracked up.

Sarge, just fuck one of them chickens already.

Marijuana is not a gateway drug.

No one said it was. Where medical marijuana is legal, crack still is not. If they don't find pot appealing, then consider something that may make all of them chickens jailbirds.

You forgot to tell him to break one wing so the chicken flies around in circles while he's doing it to enhance the experience.

Well, I didn't know they were spinners.

Seriously, chickens have a very flexible moral code, no big wup.

Polka? ....I barely touched her!