I have left The Cellar
 

Years ago, I joined this band of good-hearted oddballs.

I am now leaving.

A long time ago, there was a funny thread and, thinking she would be amused by the humour, I shared it with my mother. Instead of cutting and pasting the text, I just shared the link.

She decided to start lurking. This has made it impossible for me to share anything personal of myself here, or share anything that I would not want to share with my family, and so has greatly reduced my interaction here. I have told her any number of times I don't like this, but to no avail.

I have also repeatedly made it clear I would not like it if she joined the cellar.

Well, she just did. I am now not all all comfortable interacting here. And nothing can be done about this.

So, fuckit. I'm out. You've (mostly) been great, and have provided me with valuable continuity in my social life over considerable changes and upheavals over the last six years. I'll miss that, and you.

Carry on, good luck with your various lives and challenges and joys.

I'm off to change some Facebook settings so this doesn't happen again.

Farewell.

Fuck, what? You're one of the best posters here!

Awww Zen, i will be very sorry to see the back end of you. :( What a shame. Are you sure you and your mum cant find some equillibrium? Hmmm...i guess you wont answer that. You dont strike me as the sort to say farewell and then not leave.

Email me some time if you'd like to stay in touch. mcpheecompany@bigpond.com. i will miss you. Xxx

Noooooooooo! :(

I can IP ban her if you prefer. That might make the point.

Oh Dear, I did not think you minded me joining. I can't remember you asking me not to.You have shown me various posts and we have laughed over them together.

I had no intention of letting it be known we were related or tell anything about you personally.

I will bow out gracefully...you are one of the most interesting and appreciated posters here, whereas I would just nibble around the edges. I can't match your insights or wit and choose not to deprive the Cellar community of them. I am proud of you, Son.

Please don't leave the Cellar, they love you here.

And goodbye to the friends who were welcoming me here.

There you have it man. You're sticking.

I let it slip about this place once when talking to my mom. She got all excited wanting to know the name and web address, and I shut her right down. I was like George on Seinfeld, with my worlds colliding.

:tinfoil:

This announcement is completely out of character for Z,
and I'm absolutely convinced that the Obama administration
is intercepting all of Z's transmissions from Oz.

It is a sock puppet controlling this thread due to Z's creatlon
of the PRISM thread.

Z's intellect, sense of humor, and purity-of-heart will overcome,
and his postings will resume soon once UT sorts out the errant IP addresses.

this looks unfixable to me.

motherfucker.

the lurking is the core problem, the joining was just the last straw. ip bans can't prohibit lurking. I will miss you ZenGum, and your departure will be a tremendous loss to the cellar as a whole. I hope some accommodation can be made to your satisfaction, but I can't think of anything I can do to make things better.

I don't know many places my kids hang out, save facebook, where I am their "fb friend". what kinds of filters, if any, are placed on the feeds I see, those are up to them. there have been a couple other feelers/casual inquiries, like instagram, etc when it came up in conversation. I don't follow my adult kids very closely online, commenting ... once a month perhaps, viewing a couple times a month? I love my kids dearly, but I like them to have their own lives; FUCK, that's been my prime directive as a parent (and uncle and youth leader/coach/teacher) all my adult life. they'll give me what they think I need to know. and that goes both ways--they're not my fetlife fellow kinksters, right? they're not on my okcupid wishlist. it's a matter of mutual respect, they've learned from my example. I hope I never find myself in this situation, as a parent or as a child.

I accept that this forum is public, just as a coffee shop is public--the analogy has proven apt many, many times. If I knew my kids didn't want me to hang out in the same coffee shop they hung out at... I don't know. I was going to say, "I'd respect that", but then I thought, what if they had the best coffee in town, what if it was most convenient for me, or most economical, etc etc. I could visit when they weren't there, blah blah blah. I guess the analogy does have its limits. my point is that I want my kids' to be happy, to feel respected more than I want my pleasure of being so close to them. there are some things that I used to do that I just can't anymore, kiss them, cuddle them, pet them and coo over them. that used to be very gratifying--when they were babies. it's just not right now, despite my memories of how wonderful that new baby smell was. they let me hang around just as much and just as close as *they* want. if I encroach further, they'll just retreat.

Old Bunyip, it turns out, sadly, that your math about your signature was right after all. :(

huh.. I've had the opposite experience.

i've told my sister, mother, brother, father etc about this place for years. forwarded links to threads, etc....

at this point they know what I'm talking about when I say 'the cellar'... and their eyes no longer glaze over... but none have made any attempt to join, to my knowledge.

also.... I didn't know we had a Bunyip! My siamese cat was named Bunyip. he was the best cat.

Wow this makes me sad for both involved. :(

Me too :(

HarshGum is Harsh.

It's not like you share your sexcapades, or addictions, or your pyramid schemes, or the number of hobos you've murdered. I mean, really, not very many of your 'close friends' here even have a clue what you look like. Mostly you make puns and comment on current issues, and occasionally remind us what is wrong with America. ;)

Sorry ZenMom. I hope you can forgive him on your deathbed. :right:

As for me, I talk about the Cellar to my family, but I don't really use the name much, and they don't know who I am here...and if there IS anything I've posted that is personal about my family, and could be recognized, and I don't want them to hear it or I'd just TELL THEM, I've posted it anonymously, just in case.

Ditto. Mum has come round to the idea that y'all are real people because of the GTGs and the help I have acknowleged for many years now. And I have photos with me in them, so if she knew the term catfish she wouldn't worry about that either.
But she'd never come here. I I am very glad of that. She has her people to vent to, I have mine. And also I'd hate to hurt her with some of my past posts; posting when tired and emotional doesn't bear sober scrutiny.

I tried to get my bro to join, but he has his own forums to play with. I suspect he uses them more for information exchange than social support.
There are things on here I would never say to him, but if asked I would admit them. He has instructions on what to do if I am unexpectedly hospitalised or I die.

Mum has Limey's landline and Dana's mobile, but I wouldn't want the onus on them to spread news like that.
Me too.
Me three.

Nothing at all against Bunyip, but I do hope we get to keep Zen.

Awww, really sad. To me, Zen's posts always kept the cellar a sane and grounded place. I understand and respect his dilemma. Good luck to you, too, Zen.

Zen, please dude, don't leave. Please. Re-up. Change your name. But don't leave.

Also, this:

I liked that.

Also, Zen, if your not back in two weeks, Old Bunyip is gonna make with the naked babby Zen pics.

So...:right:

I have also repeatedly made it clear I would not like it if she joined the cellar.
This is not the case. Zen was ambivalent, but when I suggested it, asked me not to reveal our relationship etc.

He also never said he had problems with me "lurking" (a value laden term for being a guest to this site.)

I was too shy to join earlier, but, like Zen, enjoy wordplay and the conversations of like-minded people.
I agree this is out of character for him and I hope he returns to you soon.

Meanwhile...can anyone suggest a similar site I could join?

Man, this really sucks. I'll miss Zen lots :( Hope he's ok.

Also: sorry it's worked out like this, Bunyip.

Seems like you guys might need to have a cuppa and sort this out. Obviously the message given hasnt been received with the same intent which is a bugger, but these things happen. I say that because i cant imagine zen telling us all a lie, but its easy to believe that maybe he wasnt as clear as he thinks he has been. We all have that problem from time to time.

I hope you guys dont argue too much over this. After all, we're just a bunch of freaks on the internet. ;)

UT has often described the Cellar as a crowded tavern. Okay, so it's not a relationship destroying revelation that not everybody wants to go out drinking with their frickin' mom. Or how about invite the whole family to a group therapy session? Sound like FUN?

Family members, we love you, but fuck off.

You will be explicitly, repeatedly, and forcefully invited here if we want you here. No need for confusion. You don't go to a movie you don't have tickets for.

Oh, no. Zen, I'll miss you. :(

So, Zen is really not coming back? :sniff: I hope he and his mom sorted things out.

This is bullshit. Zen, just come back with another name. Ma won't know, and we can spread the word that it's you privately.

But can he really come back, after sharing us with his mother, passing us around like we're some kind of gigolo? Well yes, I suppose he can, but we'll have to raise our price.

Mom, you can hide it in a hiding place where no one ever goes, put it in your pantry with your cupcakes. It's a little secret, just the Bunyips affair. Most of all, you've got to hide it from the kids. Coo coo ca-choo Old Bunyip ...

It seems my biggest mistake was to email Zen joyously to tell him I had joined the Cellar and what my name was.

You were all so welcoming, but as soon as Zen had a hissy fit, I was the one in the shit. I did not know that family members may not join...or is it any blood relative? I know there are spouses on here.

I have been very unhappy about it all. I had long wanted to be part of your community. Zen rarely contacts me, so "having a cuppa" and sorting it out is unlikely, even if I tried.

I thought I could come to the Cellar as an adult in my own right. Where do you think Zen got his sense of humour, wordplay and a bit of his intellect? I don't care if he has a shed full of dead hobos...he lives his own life without me censoring him.

I'm sorry that he has said he has left, for your sakes, but don't take it out on me. It was his choice. Our relationship has been as two adults, not mother and son, for most of his life and he has made his own choices without me interfering.

Please don't blame me for what has happened, I was quite hurt that some Cellar people, so supportive in many ways, allowed their anger at his choice to spill onto me.

So I have found another place to go, where crazy travelers like I am fit in.

I don't blame you, Bunyip. I thought Zen' reaction was over the top and uncharacteristic. He's a really good guy, and honestly I find it refreshing that he is not perfect. However, I respect my parents and would not publicly humiliate them.

alsoI said that there is relatively little we know about Zen, personal-wise, so i didn't see what sorts of things he would find he had to censor. What's the difference of you reading his posts w/o joining or joining and reading his posts?

obviously every family dynamic is different, I do hope you two work yours out. i

Parents make you emotional. They just do.

Also, it's probably not about killing the hobos, it's probably about fucking 'em. That's a lot more embarassing in a parent/child relationship.

Please don't leave, Zen

I told one person about the Cellar soon after I joined, and he was banned after only a couple days. Never again. On the other hand, I share much of what's on the Cellar. When I shared the story about the dwarf Gordon Ramsey doppelganger porn star who was found half eaten in a badger warren, a friend said "I think you have a different internet than the rest of us do". Hey, that makes a good tag line.

huh.

I think you have different friends than the rest of us do.

I have different eyes than the rest of you do.
But they're mine.

Which is why I cringe at the idea that I might want to look at something with different eyes.
Noes!!! These eyes are mine and I don't want to have to go through surgery just to try out someone else's, when the colour might not even suit me.

Same as keeping my eyes on someone; no thanks.
What if they don't wash their hands after going to the toilet?
And then they accidentally touch my eyes?

Far more hygienic to keep them where they are.

Sundae, you should always look through as many eyes as you can.

You'll see more.

Not that I do that...

...but, I should.

have a chat with Infi...she must have loads of spare hobo eyes in her freezer...

Bunyip, I hope you don't feel badly about this place. Sometimes the peeps here give me the shits too. some of them are arseholes imo. Most are pretty alright though.

I think most were just a bit shocked that Zen would just leave. Don't remember if I mentioned it, but my 16 yr old son is a member here (not that I think he ever visits these days) but personally I don't care if he does or not. I don't have secrets from the kids that I share with the rest of the world. I'm pretty sure he thinks he has secrets that he's keeping from me though. lol More fool him really, but that's kids for you. ;)

Thanks, Ali.You are beautiful. Zen does keep his cards close and I respect that.
It was a shock to me, too. I just hope he is OK, he probably would not appreciate me getting in touch ATM. I hope he keeps in contact with some of you by PM.

Ex-squeeze me? How do you think dead eyes will help my smiley-customer-facing-retail-position? Also I must needs draw your attention to my previous comment about surgery. You think I'll just pop mine out with a rusty spoon and sever the optic nerve?

Think again sistah.

Tried that once, after I spent the night with Mick Hucknell... Very painful. I still have ginger flashbacks.
You're right on that Bunyip.

But as Ali said, your circumstances are pretty uncommon. Usually we judge newbies purely on merit. Anything which appeared personal after Zen posted was based on the fact that we were losing him. He's one of the stalwarts here now.

I just realized the plot twist: Old Bunyip IS Zen.

Well, there was one confusing post where it sounded like he was talking to himself, or about himself in the third person. But I assumed I was just reading it wrong.

This is the post that confused me.

Bunyip was quoting Zen's original post.