I can't do this anymore
 

I can't I can't I can't.

No matter what I keep getting hit with more, while listening in staff meeting to how caught up everyone is so they read through our procedures and found some things that need fixed. OH GOOD GOLLY THANKS FOR DOING THAT.

I can't even see straight right now...there's so much in front of me and EVERYONE is calling about these emails and I'm getting it from all sides.

Why don't they just fucking kill me? I can't fucking do it all. But everytime I think I'm getting somewhere there's more.

While, again, I listen in staff meeting about how someone with one fucking thing to do is so caught up and wow do they work hard.

I'm not going to make it. I am not going to fucking get through this. I. Am. Not.

Leave. Either sick for the day, or permanently. No job is worth the distress you are going through.

Sent by thought transference

Yes. You will.

Do it for spite.

Also, try not to take on their expectations. If your day isn;t long enough to do the work they think you shold do, just do the work the day is long enough for. Let them shout and hollah and send shitty stressy emails. You have a day and you have a certain amount of work you can fit into it. End of story.

did you get the song I emailed you a few weeks ago? You should give it a listen

Shaw, I gotta think Limey is right. NOT worth that kind of stress.

Thanks guys. I'm trying so hard. I don't see why no one gets it. Besides my friends. ;)

Jebus I'm sick of my stomach roiling. But I can't just quit. I will lose so much money...not just wages but my 200 hours of vacation they have to pay me when I leave (unless I walk out) and any chance to get unemployment.

I would end up cashing in my pubic (sic....on purpose) employees retirement but it has to be 3 months since termination.

I am seriously losing it. I thought I could do this. But it keeps getting worse and worse. And I am trying, I am trying so fucking hard. Have I mentioned how hard I am trying.

I'm fucked.

go home sick.go to the doc, get another note. do what you have to to get out of there today.

tmorrow's another POS you can deal with after you get a break today



then take the owed vacation every tuesday and thursday til it's used up. it's no good to you banked. tell them you're taking it or they better pay you for it, then you can leave.

You're not fucked.

You just need to do the work you can do in the next few hours, and then go home for the day. You don't have to do it all right now.

Everyone is calling you? Just answer the phone and talk to them one at a time. They are giving you more work? Fine. Just add it to the pile. You'll get to it when you get to it. And you won't be rushing. Just focus on the work you need to do for the next several hours until quitting time.

Do you speak up in these meetings?

I like Monster's plan.

Sent by thought transference

I do speak up. I've been speaking up, over and over, to every tom, dick, and consultant they've brought in since the Reign of Terror ended. I try to explain calmly that they have me spread too thin. The attitude I get back is that I'm not trying hard enough. And if you're really dumb (smart) you can do one or two things and spread them out through the day and get praised for being so on the ball.

Right now I can't concentrate. Someone wants this report (and there are a million problems) and these emails need to go out (thousands of them according to our pre-audit) and they're all fucked up and not working and every single person on earth is asking me about them. I have to once again fix my time sheets from my Cuckoo's Nest time because she keeps saying they're wrong so I have to try to find all my electronic leave requests and figure out if any really ARE missing (and the online form isn't letting me edit so I keep creating NEW forms) and L wants the COPC report that is also going wonky. I can't keep my head on one thing. And I have to go through the 200 pre-audit files to prove that NO they didn't get the fucked up cancellation letters (just another stupid "dear student just in case we haven't told you five hundred times you have the right to cancel this loan if you decide you don't want a big screen TV" which don't work right either and as it's all programmed behind the scenes in some bunker called IT where they look at you like you're stupid like all tech support people do. And also prove that they DID get the goddam notification letters because they get sent out daily...if not daily FOR every day for students who have accepted a loan...it's all right there but I've had to explain three different times that we are talking about two entirely different emails.

And I've got PTSD about asking for help anyway due to the Reign of Terror, and I figured something out: when I started NO ONE was doing this job, and my ex boss threw everything at me that never worked right, that we've never been compliant on.

BUT NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR THESE THINGS. If Polly Wolly can plan an event for 60 people and also talk a lot about stuff she doesn't know...well she's a real go-getter. Monkey is a lazy complainer who is fucking up EVERYTHING. So I ask for help. "God you look stupid. Are you stupid? Why can't you answer my question? Do you know anything at all?"

Put in writing. Timeline it all. First off so you can feel clear about chronology in your own mind, but secondly, because the next time you're having to explain all this shit you can say here, and hand them a couple of pages of printed notes.

Work out roughly how much time each task/set of tasks takes, note down how long you spend on each phone call and each email (reading and responding). Do that for a week, like doing a food diary, but for work.

What you need is evidence. You need to be able to put that estimate of how long your regular tasks take, how many other tasks land on youand how long they take, how long you spend answering email queries and phonecalls, how long to research and write each report.

Let's see how many hours of work they're expecting you to do in the hours they pay you to do them, how much work you actually do and how much work is left undone to cause a bag load of unnecessary stress because it should never have landed on your in the first place.

Document everything. Seriously, it's little black book time. Get everything down on paper in a measurable and dateable form.

Oh and take a fucking holiday! (see Monster's Infi vacation thread).

They owe you the time, you need the time, spend it recuperating and looking for another job.

Just do your best. You know what your best is and at what pace and duration you can deliver it. YOU are the expert on what your best is. If you're doing your best, then you're doing what needs to be done, and the rest is not your problem.

So, don't tell them those things. This might want to make you throw up right now, but when someone asks you for yet another thing, just smile and say, "Sure, we'll get that done."

It doesn't have to be all in a perky way or anything, just kind of smiley. And if they ask when it will be done, but you aren't sure, say "...I'll take a look at that for you and let you know very soon!"

If someone comes up to you kind of annoyed, because they've been waiting awhile for the thing they want/need, say "I am so, so sorry. Things have been a little crazy around here, but it's in the works."

This won't solve everything of course, but the more reassured that people feel (even temporarily), the less likely they will hound you and throw negativity your way. It will help calm things down around you, and allow you to organize your stuff. For reals, try it out.

When asked to do several hundred things at once I would look at my boss and say, "You know no one can possibly do all that in 8 hours/40 hours/whatever. So. What is YOUR PRIORITY here? What would you like first, then second and I'll let you know when the third thing can be started but I need your priorities. Surely you know one nurse to ten patients hooked up to IV's and chest tubes takes such and such time...even a doofus would know that" then smile.

Or, craft a plan to quit while getting the most benes. You can live on welfare and food stamps for three months till the other money kicks in---it's hard but with friends and family you can do it. When can you take your 200 hours of vaca? Why haven't you taken it? Do you want to cash it in and need to wait a certain amount of time? I always took my vaca immediately so never had any banked.

And termination doesn't guarantee unemployment benes; though you know that.

PLAN. then do it. LEAVE. You are working in a hostile environment. take THAT to the fucking HEAD of the college. The BIG BOY. I never fussed around with middle management bullshit types when things went wrong (I mean I would go to them once so I could say "yes, i followed the chain of command") but I ALWAYS got the head honcho to hear my story. Even when I worked for the state. I said, and I quote, "You are all thugs." too bad, so sad, glad you're mad. In five months of my leaving that place closed. HA!

^wss^

I had hoped that 'this time' things would get better. I haven't totally counted that out, but I also haven't counted out that this could be my last day.

Vacation time accrues with every pay period. I never had many times where I could say "it would be a good time to take some vacation" and hence I would instead get sick (both physically and mentally) and take sick time. Now, it seems, I can't even use 15 min. personal time if I happen to be late (and I'm typically here earlier than a lot of folks who live like two minutes away...and I have that long commute through the gauntlet to hell.)

So, after today, you're right. I need to make plans. I will undoubtedly take a pay cut. I will undoubtedly not have the bennies I get here. There's the rub. Money isn't everything, I know I know I know...but living paycheck to paycheck had its own stressors.

I ran into the woman that the Reign of Terror put through the ringer before getting rid of her (I haven't been through anything like what they put her through...it was sinful) and she told me she was so beat down before she left here that she's taking baggage to her new work, without realizing she's doing it at first. However, she is very happy and has a new career and even looks better.

I'm doing better, but I know I have a long way to go. I will bide my time here for a while, because I need to keep working on my coping...until I feel strong enough for leaving. If they accelerate that process by popping a cap in my ass, I will deal with that...but that offers a little more freedom and hope for compensation than me walking out.

Blue, I do try that. I mean, it is what it is (I know, cliche) and I can't do more than I can do...but that doesn't mean much if they don't acknowledge it. They think I'm just sandbagging.

The interim Dir seems to be an advocate for me. That could be illusion: he could just be THAT good...but if he is the person he seems to be I *think* he is picking up what I'm throwing down.

So thanks again everyone for putting up with my continued rants. I knew that there would be no easy fixes, but I still get very overwhelmed, and feel scared (of the unknown of losing this job) and am wracked with anxiety. But I'm doing better. Venting here has helped more than y'all could know. Hearing others' stories helps more than I can say.

p.s. the precious minutes spent typing this were while waiting for the results of a test run on one of my processes I'm trying to fix...so work is actually occurring as I type...as it usually is. :o

You'll get through this infi and you will find something better.

Sorry, I don't have any awesome advice for you. All the other cellarites have said pretty much everything.

All good advice, Infi. In the meantime do some meditation (OOOhhhmmm) or drugs. :p:

I have tons of medication. Oh, you said 'meditation.' Ahhh well, I've killed two boids with one stoned.

Hahahha: so would THIS make you paranoid? Int Asst Dir: will you be here until 5? Yes, I will. OK, just checking.

Huh?

Granted, almost everybody and their dog takes Fridays off, and the rest wander out about 1:00, and I DO have to cover for all of them up front (another way they've helped me fix things and do my job (not)...give me TWO days a week to cover their every whim, when traditionally NO ONE ever had more than one back up day a week, and get nothing else done.) That's probably what it's about, but it may be the start of Infinite Monkey's Excellent Adventure.

Yeah, that's almost certainly just a coverage question. She probably assumed others were going to be there until 5 and they surprised her by announcing they were leaving early, so now she's just checking everyone.

Short interesting piece on quitting.

http://www.nytimes.com/roomfordebate...-quit-your-job

Calculating abandonment!


I LOVE it!

Do that!!!!!

File all the papers you need to file to let them know about the hostile work environment, the personal harassment, the public dressing downs, etc.

Then mention Dyer, Garofalo, Mann and Schultz. I told this to a woman at a hosp. they were trying to fire and SHE GOT THEM AND SHE WON!!! I shit you not.

ALWAYS get the TIGER on your side. :tigersmilie: Just a phone call from them scares the snot out of people. I thought they only did personal injury though.

I've documented just about everything. And...FMLA. I would have faith in my chances if it ever came to that. But I hope it doesn't. Think 'm stressed now? Can you imagine me in a courtroom? Then again, you pretty much hand it all over to the lawyers, not unlike "letting go and letting god." ;)

Thanks for that article, Griff. Really hits home!

Breathe... concentrate on the air coming in thru your nose hold it for a micro second then let it all out thru your mouth > lather rinse and repeat! :)

PM us your boss's (all of them) emails and we can send them this article....

http://www.webmd.com/balance/stress-...src=RSS_PUBLIC

I take it you aren't in a union Infi?

No. No union.

Bugger.

Because the lass you mentioned and to a lesser extent yourself sound like you have grounds for a case of 'constructive dismissal'. If that's something you guys have over there?

My friend chose not to pursue, which I've never spoken to her about but I will (if we ever get around to meeting for lunch) because I know how she documented and had been in touch with an attorney throughout her whole ordeal.

I know another person who sued for something about her civil liberties. I don't know what it was about, her not being a minority or anything, but she won. I suspect it might have been mental health issues. So there's that.

IF anything happens I do plan to present all my stuff to an atty, and ask them if it's worth pursuing. It just might be.

Can't hurt to get someone to look at it, aye.

Incidentally, saw this on Fb and thought of you :P

My hair can look like that some mornings, after tossing and turning and stressing all night. And my hair is baby-fine and below my shoulders...and it will STILL do that! I must look hilarious when I sleep. :lol:

Cool then you can buy that big fat house on the hill.

Also re-watch American Beauty for some ideas ;)

We closed at 6 pm today. They just sold 2 more cars. I will be here until 9. I've already worked every hour we've been open this week because Mike its on vacation. I can do this. I have done this. One deal at a time. I don't like it none though.

Go Jim Go!

I am still employed, btw. And i accomplished a lot today. Thanks for helpin' out, all y'all!

Foot, trying to figure the ref in AB. I own it...a two pack along with The Virgin Suicides.

I'll figure it out. A few beers later. :)

I just hit the imaginary LIKE button on post #39

And, like, i like your like! :)

re your article griff....

their third point about a lack of covetousness about your boss's job being a possible bad sign. possibly. In my case, I've never coveted my boss's job, who the fuck wants that shit--not me. I was content to be competent at what I did. but that's just me, and that's just my experience.

Anyhow.

infinite monkey, I know you'll find your way out of this shit. It's tough, but you will do it. I'll help however I can, and lots of other folks here can and will help too. You can do it.

I agree about not coveting your bosses job. Hell no, i don't want that shit! That's all ambitiony and gumptiony. I am perfectly comfortable at the level where i am. Those jobs are for people who are really good at climbing that ladder. We need those people too, i am just not one of them. :)

SRSLY. HoF stuff. ****especially**** if you know it beforehand.

Cheers to you imonkey.

Just getting in my car. Those last two deals were good ones.

ka-ching~!

I couldn't take it any more either

Today was beyond rough. So I called an unlimtedsimian and there was no reply. then right when I was feeling really down and alone and like I'd e better off dead if only I could pass on my responsibilities to reliable people and in danger of bursting into ters in the middle of a crowd for no reaseon evident to an observer............... i got a call back and I felt a whole shitload better just being able to be weak and tell my story and have a little whine. And realise how stupid the whole thing is. My coworker didn't perform as hoped either. And she's young and skinny and gorgeous and unjaded....... and I have to take her home at the end of the day. axctuallly, she took me home tonight -how scary is that?

thanks, IM :)

Are you State Civil Service, by any chance, Infi?

Thoughts from the Army guy: Are there lives at stake? If not, don't worry bout the little stuff. Most of job life is little stuff. I'm the ops guy for a unit rotating into A-stan sometime around August. I go home every day with something left undone, some things get finished, some get worked on, some get round filed, some get blown off on purpose. Maybe there is an art to figuring out what shit can be forgotten about and what needs to worked on and finished.

Very smart very reasonable and very healthy attitude Joe. I love hearing sanity like this anywhere, but it is especially satisfying and comforting hearing it from someone who is protecting me and my family.

Ali posted this on Fb (from Science is Madness) and it seems to fit here:

years ago, when I worked as an adult lit tutor, my manager and friend, Christine, shared a technique she used to stay sane when the pressure started to seep into her homelife. She had a little box, and each evening she thought about the various things that day that were stressful, or incomplete, or badly done and hanging over her. And as she thought through each thing she mentally placed it in the box and then thought about the next one. Once she'd filled the box she didn't allow herself to think about those things. She left them at work in the box in her desk drawer for morning. Anytime after that if she realised her thoughts had turned towards work stuff, she banished those thoughts with the knowledge that they were in a box in her desk.

Worked for her.

Dana, that is close to what worked for me in my first management job.
I had so many things I thought I must keep up with,
that family life really suffered with all the office ruminating I was doing.

Back then there were no computers or emails or smart phones.
But the small pocket dictating gismos were around, and I found that
whenever something popped into my head I could talk into the thing,
and then forget it til the next work day.

My kids had a saying when I went off to a corner to dictate something:
"Dad's talking into his thumb again"

Simple, but it worked, and I started enjoying family life again.

What a great bunch of posts to wake up to! Yes i just got up. Healing saturday: go out for a late breakfast, library, grocery...then home to lounge and read and watch a movie or two.

Thanks for all the kind words and advice! I am slowly gaining perspective. :)

And monster, you're my favorite monster. ;)

You chill out and have a great day, infi!

She's MY favorite Monster, step off. You're playing me too close. ;)

I'm not my favorite monster though :(

I just got into trouble. Again.

That look, that tone: you are failing. You are not committed.

Happy Monday. Thanks for getting all that stuff done Friday.