I'm in the nut house..
 

my dog is gone. Killed. right in front of my eyes.


I am not doing so well.



I am drinking.

you know that is not going to help.

you know you know.

but I am bereft. I am soooooooooooo sad. I let her down. She was my baby.


i hate myself. and i hate the bitch who ran her over.

my baby. My Autumn



srsly-----I want to die, too. I hate myself. i can't keep anything good going. I ruined two perfectly good marriages, I killed my dog, my one solace.


I want a vegetable life. I deserve it.

You didn't let her down. It's just one of those things. An accident. If you did it on purpose hoping for this result, then you would have let her down, but this was an accident. You didn't want this.

My baby, who was until 12;45 alive and well and happy...

Trilby, this was not your fault. It was a terrible accident but an accident -- you cannot blame yourself.

Please take care of yourself. We are here to lend an ear to your grief.

Trilby crap! not in your control to prevent your dog from running in the street. Control what you can, I hate to think that you would use your poor dog as an excuse for the only thing you can control [not drinking] :(

Must be something in the air.

Best Friend buried Annie day before yesterday. Ran over by a neighbor.

Trilby, please - call someone who can come be with you physically. One of your sons; other family; AA (I know they didn't come through last time but try again); crisis team. If no one else, call crisis team to make a home visit. They might actually be your best choice.

You are not responsible for what happened. But you need someone with you right now. Please call your sons and let them know. And keep posting, we're here.

snow is falling on Autumn's grave.

I have support====my sister is a longtime dog love who has been thru this many times.

my dad came over to bury her and my mom's been on the phone as well as my sons.

Icannot tell you what that JRT meant to me. It went beyond words.

PS I'm drinking with valium on board. so far----no relief.

Trilby, please look after yourself. It is awful that you have lost your friend, your Autumn, but it was an accident and not your fault. Grieve by all means, but do not blame yourself and please look after yourself for your friends. We are all hurting for you.

You are lucky you could bury Autumn. My dog died last wed and the ground here is too frozen. So I have to think about him being in a box in the outside freezer. I loved that dog so much he went all over the United States with me. He was 13. I woke up to him seizing and he died on the way to the vet. They never live as long as we would like. I miss him so much :sniff: Breathe I know how hard this is for you...

Tril, every dog owner has had their dog get away from them, run through an open door, or escape from a garden where the gate's beenleft open or just seen something across the way and taken them by surprise.

It happens. However careful we are as owners, we cannot be 100 % vigililant to all dangers at all times.

Incidentally, earlier, when you asked about carrot running off and I said he doesnt get much of an opportunity to run off and not come back, because he isn't allowed off the lead.I thought afterwards that was probably a clumsy thing to say. I didn't mean because I am uber careful and making sure he isn't at risk of running off...that is a risk with any dog, especially a young one, but it's a necessary risk for most dog owners to take and it's one I take with him often. He's only not allowed off the lead because of his hip dysplasia. But because of that I don't really have a good take on how well he will respond to emergency stops and call backs.

You didn't take any greater risks than any dog owner does every day with their dog. Because you cannot protect against every eventuality and you cannot be permanently primed for disaster. You are no more responsible for this than a parent whose child has forgotten what they've been told about road safety and gone running into the road after a ball is responsible for their tragedy.

You don't deserve this pain.

You didn't let her down, this was not your fault. Not at all.

Hun, I just went through the car accident part, and the horrifying image it created, While we were lucky, please understand how devistated I am to hear you have lost your baby. I am so sorry.

Last I checked, it takes two to be in a marriage, and if you are thinking you you ruined it... think again. You left for a reason, you just can't remember what it is right now. when we are hurting we look back at all the bad and hardly ever remember all our accomplishments. We all make choices in our lives, some good, some good at the time... and then some bad ones too. Its what makes us, well US. You have helped so many people on here alone, I need to make sure you understand you are valuble, needed, and respected. I think over the years I have been on this site, you HAVE kept something good. Your integrety, your freindship and willingness to help others. Thats huge!

Take a deep breath, and find someone to talk to. Remember all the good times with your sweet baby and honour her the best way you can. She looked after you... now you have to look after YOU, for her.

Wss^

No more drinking.

That does not honor your friend. It is self destructive, and you wouldn't like your loved ones to do that, would you?

Don't double the tragedy. Hate on me if you wish. Stop drinking.

The drinking and valium are giving you no relief yet because they're not going to do that at all. You know they will, in fact, make the suffering worse and last longer. You are punishing yourself with the booze, not looking for relief with the booze. You don't deserve punishment. You are loved, and you deserve love.

I knew she was a terrier; I deserve nothing.

Immma gonna takeapp ,my vapiou, and drink

I don't car - I ;pfe ot

Don't beat yourself up because Autumn's instincts took over. She loved you for all these years; you deserved every ounce of that love for all the caring you showed her in return.

You owe your late dog to feel every moment of grief to its fullest. You shouldn't steamroll over your feelings. They are worthwhile, and a part of life.

Without the down, there is no up.

OK, I’ll bite. You loved Autumn and it’s all your fault.
Then don’t you think you owe her more than getting fucked up so you can forget about her. That’s what you’re doing, not punishing yourself, just dishonoring her.

So straightened the fuck out and do something in her memory. Volunteer at a shelter, do something good for the community, stop being selfish. :mad:

Pay no attention to the poster above, he is bitter scorned. You have the right to deal with this any way you want to pensive Trilby.

Take care of yourself. Hurting yourself won't fix anything.

Dogs live shorter lives than humans so it is almost inevitable that they will die before we do. Grieving is healthy, but hurting yourself doing it isn't.

Dogs and landlords: if people aren't killing one, they're killing the other.

Y'know I've had dogs pretty much my whole life. Barring a short spell as a kid and another spell in my 20s I've been around dogs.

In that time, and across several dogs I have experienced so many close shaves. The times one of them has got out and got into the road or seen a rabbit on the walk and vanished into the distance after it.

One time, as we were coming back from the woods, as the path brought us out onto the lane, Pilau saw a landrover and he was off. In an instant he was off, chasing and trying to herd it. By pure luck, that car was already slowed because they were looking for a particular house that they were visiting. But it clipped him and he was very fortunate not to be seriously injured.

Or the time he ran off after a rabbit and went over a cliff edge. Again, very lucky to survive without serious and immediate injury.

Carrot has gone flying into the road on several occasions: lke when I opened the door to take a parcel deliveryand he ran sytraight out, pastt he guy and through the open gate into the lane. Mere seconds after I got him back in a boy racer in a souped up hatchback zoomed past the gate at about twice the speed limit.

They were close shaves. Every single one of them was, in theory, entirely preventable. But nobody is 100%. Nobody. Not even the best and most experienced dog owners (like my mum for instance) are 100%. Just not possible.

If that incident with Carrot in the lane had gone badly wrong, and I'd had to come in here and make that post: what would you say to me? You'd tell me it wasn't my fault, and that I hadn't let him down. And you'd be right. No matter how much the guilt settled onto me, you'd be right.

Autumn was your girl. And she would be appalled to see you suffer so.

I miss her so. I just went to the bathroom and she always came with me to guard me from the underwear gnomes...

...thank you, everyone for your kind words and wisdom.

i'lll be in my bed for the next few days.

I loved you Autumn.

Look after yourself Trilby. Its important. Xx

*hugs*

We're here when you need to talk. Rest up now.

Thanks for checking in.

Be kind to yourself.

:comfort:

Very glad to hear from you Trilby. Please take care, please. 'sgonna be ok. Eventually.

I am so glad to hear from you today, Tril. You had me worried. Sad to hear about Autumn

I was glad to see your post.

Stay in bed if it helps. It's a rough mourning, losing a beloved pet. Remember you are loved.

God to hear from you, Trilby. Sending hugs.

Sending wishes for peace your way, Tril. Take care.

Spoke to Bri today. Still in pieces of course.
Have told her to call or post whenever she wants to give her pain a voice.

Am truly relieved to see Tril post here, and that Sundae has managed to speak to her. My heart goes out to you, Tril. Coddle yourself and stay in bed all you want. X


Sent by thought transference

She's spoken to Dani too, as a recently bereaved pet-owner.
Sorry to talk about you as if you're not here babba. But I think today will definitely be a duvet day for you.

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. Losing someone you love is extremely difficult. Mourn but please don't blame yourself. You may not be able to accept it now and no reason can alleviate the pain. However, we all have to use reasons and religion or whatever help us get through life, where there are so many unexplainable things going on. Don't think the lost of Autumn as your fault. Maybe it is his time to go. Even if you had a lease on him, he may go some other way. I hope you'll be able to feel less pain in the near future.

HUGZZZZZZZZZZZZ

I'm sorry I missed this when it happened. Let yourself feel the pain of loss then recall the sweetness of your friend and keep that.

Trilby, I'm so sad reading this thread. Losing a beloved pet can be almost like losing a family member. It helps me to write a little poem or story about the 4-legged friend whose loss I mourn. Maybe doing that would help you also, especially since you're a good writer.

Hope you get beyond the drinking plus pills very quickly - like yesterday. I'm sending good thoughts your way.

be well and strong woman! this, like other things, shall pass and get better. remember i got locked up for crimes i did not commit and lost my mother august 1st of 2007 while i was on hiatus from society. that sucked major balls. but you know what? i got past the pain and today am happy and thankful for such a great woman in my life and i remember her always....everyday.

:hugnkiss:

Letting yourself feel the pain and anguish helps you heal later. It's important to grieve and get angry and go through the steps. Be good to yourself, nurture and care for, and let time pass.

((((((((((((Trilby/Bri)))))))))))