The Cellar - The apocalypse is nigh!

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- - The apocalypse is nigh! (http://cellar.org/showthread.php?t=28382)

The apocalypse is nigh!

Tomorrow morning, my time, in fact. We have less than 24 hours.

Well, maybe.

This is our actual Prime Minister.

Quote:

... Whether the final blow comes from flesh-eating zombies, demonic hell-beasts, or the total triumph of K-pop...

:lol2:

Yes, she is joking, and doing a promo for a show on the government radio network (tripleJ), but if you read the comments, it seems not everyone gets that. :lol:

She is awesome. I love her. And I love her accent.

NASA says no.

NASA's swamped with panicked dumbasses, and so takes a social media approach, as well as a FAQ (excerpted here) to soothe the sheep.

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Question (Q): Are there any threats to the Earth in 2012? Many Internet websites say the world will end in December 2012.
Answer (A):The world will not end in 2012. Our planet has been getting along just fine for more than 4 billion years, and credible scientists worldwide know of no threat associated with 2012.

Q: What is the origin of the prediction that the world will end in 2012?
A: The story started with claims that Nibiru, a supposed planet discovered by the Sumerians, is headed toward Earth. This catastrophe was initially predicted for May 2003, but when nothing happened the doomsday date was moved forward to December 2012 and linked to the end of one of the cycles in the ancient Mayan calendar at the winter solstice in 2012 -- hence the predicted doomsday date of December 21, 2012.

Q: Does the Mayan calendar end in December 2012?
A: Just as the calendar you have on your kitchen wall does not cease to exist after December 31, the Mayan calendar does not cease to exist on December 21, 2012. This date is the end of the Mayan long-count period but then -- just as your calendar begins again on January 1 -- another long-count period begins for the Mayan calendar.

Q: Is NASA predicting a "total blackout" of Earth on Dec. 23 to Dec. 25?
A: Absolutely not. Neither NASA nor any other scientific organization is predicting such a blackout. The false reports on this issue claim that some sort of "alignment of the Universe" will cause a blackout. There is no such alignment (see next question). Some versions of this rumor cite an emergency preparedness message from NASA Administrator Charles Bolden. This is simply a message encouraging people to be prepared for emergencies, recorded as part of a wider government preparedness campaign. It never mentions a blackout.

Q: Could planets align in a way that impacts Earth?
A: There are no planetary alignments in the next few decades and even if these alignments were to occur, their effects on the Earth would be negligible. One major alignment occurred in 1962, for example, and two others happened during 1982 and 2000. Each December the Earth and sun align with the approximate center of the Milky Way Galaxy but that is an annual event of no consequence.

Q: Is there a planet or brown dwarf called Nibiru or Planet X or Eris that is approaching the Earth and threatening our planet with widespread destruction?
A: Nibiru and other stories about wayward planets are an Internet hoax. There is no factual basis for these claims. If Nibiru or Planet X were real and headed for an encounter with the Earth in 2012, astronomers would have been tracking it for at least the past decade, and it would be visible by now to the naked eye. Obviously, it does not exist. Eris is real, but it is a dwarf planet similar to Pluto that will remain in the outer solar system; the closest it can come to Earth is about 4 billion miles.

Kids that can't sleep, parents talking about killing their families in advance of the unspeakableunimaginableomigod. I'm not sure NASA's actually doing good here, interfering with Darwin...

Now all the fun's out of it.

Science. It's what's for dinner. Wait, that's the GMO foods thread.

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Originally Posted by BigV (Post 842241)

Science. It's what's for dinner. Wait, that's the GMO foods thread.

Yeah, because in this End of the World Thread, you're for dinner!

I'll have you know I have been eaten by zombies twice already this morning.

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Originally Posted by ZenGum (Post 842281)

I'll have you know I have been eaten by zombies twice already this morning.

That's the downside of recreational umm meds.

You clearly didn't heed the CDC web site advice on the zombie apocalypse ...

Okayyyy ... the CDC web site is down (I was going to attempt to link to it). The zombies' strategy is strong!!!

Quote:

Originally Posted by BigV (Post 842231)

...parents talking about killing their families in advance of the unspeakableunimaginableomigod...

If they're dumb enough to buy this shit, that may be a good thing. Cleaning the gene pool.

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Originally Posted by footfootfoot (Post 842284)

That's the downside of recreational umm meds.

No, that was the giant spiders.

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Originally Posted by orthodoc (Post 842285)

You clearly didn't heed the CDC web site advice on the zombie apocalypse ...

Okayyyy ... the CDC web site is down (I was going to attempt to link to it). The zombies' strategy is strong!!!

:eek: !!!

So according to BigV's NASA FAQ I will probably have to pay my December mortgage

that holds only for people who want to stay in their houses.

I already paid my December rent, so the world needs to keep going at least until Jan. 1.

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Originally Posted by BigV (Post 842399)

that holds only for people who want to stay in their houses.

There's the rub

Dogs are driving cars in New Zealand.
It's a sign, I tell you, a sign!

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Originally Posted by Sundae (Post 842594)

Dogs are driving cars in New Zealand.
It's a sign, I tell you, a sign!

can you verify this?

Or are you just going on one of your wild accusations tangents again?

I resemble that remark.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/vide...-zealand-video

Now you need to teach your dog too.
But don't tell him (her?) where the liquor store is, mmm-kay?

You don't have to worry about me.
Diz is far too selfish to do my shopping.

GREAT!

I'm ever so sorry I doubted you for one nanosecond, Sundae. Shucks.

I would like to teach Autumn how to drive but I'm afraid she's too apt to go gunning after small animals like squirrels and will ignore all safety/road rules in pursuit of such.

I wouldn't mind pets driving. After all, i did have Toonces, the driving cat. (He COULD drive, just not very well.)

The best thing about pets driving? No thumbs: no texting.

I've heard of cats fucking dogs, but not dogs driving cars.

Cats and dogs? Pics or it didn't happen. :eyebrow:

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Originally Posted by xoxoxoBruce (Post 842662)

Cats and dogs? Pics or it didn't happen. :eyebrow:

What? You missed the entire Bush administration? That was 8 years of cats fucking dogs.

But everything is on youtube apparently:

If the dog is driving, does the human have to run barking after the car? Or ride in the back with their head out the window?

I'll pee on the tires.

Breaking news ... it's the 21st here already, mighty thunderstorms have rent the sky and fiery asteroids have pummelled the earth, breaking open cemetery crypt doors and unleashing a wave of zombie monsters. Vampiric drop-bears riding chupacubras have taken over the city centre and are conducting rituals to release Cthulu, destroyer of worlds, to take part in a breeding program with Godzilla.

Pardon me, but I'm off to put on some clean underwear. It's important to keep up your standards in times like these.

Better tidy up, too. It's important that the house be clean when Godzilla steps on it.

Almost 10am and still here. I have a feeling I'll still be here this time tomorrow. lol

I think we should all just ACT like the world has ended.

This is disappointing. I was really hoping for a chance to <censored>. That would have been fun.

I can understand that l123. You've never been censored before, and now you'll never get your chance. Sorry bro.

Uh-oh.

Well, we were wrong, the Apocalypse is here. Oops.

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Barricade your doors, forget your true self, and embrace your mutations: triple j's Max Lavergne shares his advice on surviving an eat-or-be-eaten post-apocalyptic world.

It's the end of the world!

It's funny how for months - YEARS - we all of us made a bunch of knowing jokes about the Mayan calendar and the approaching apocalypse but never really expected it to happen, and yet here we are, sitting at our computers on Friday, December 21, 2012, with our civilisation crumbling around us and demonic horrors destroying all we've ever known.

It's hard to not feel a little foolish, watching hordes of slender ghouls ushering crying thousands into the fire pit at the base of the Great Obsidian Obelisk and knowing that we could have been more prepared, but it's the boat that we're all in.

Luckily for you, your friends at The Drum have prepared a few handy hints to ease you into Oblivion. Let's discuss them before the generator fails and your computer goes dark forever!
DO NOT BOTHER STOCKING UP ON CANNED FOOD

Wow another thread where this is apropos...

Attachment 42194

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watching hordes of slender ghouls ushering crying thousands into the fire pit at the base of the Great Obsidian Obelisk and knowing that we could have been more prepared,

That's just Christmas shopping.

I thought that was Fashion Week.

I am disappoint.

all my cash is gone; it went into planning for this very day.

very disappoint.

I'm still hoping for the way wolf described it, as an "end of an age" major cultural shift. She once put forth the ideas that 1.) at the end of the previous age, the conquistadors arrived, and/or 2.) the Mayans worshipped corn, and one could fairly say we do as well, with the way we put it into every consumable good.

I'm open to the societal rejection of HFCS, or alien conquistadors, whichever. But I'll be pretty busy with regular life today, so I'll just keep checking back in this thread for news, okay? You guys be my eyes on the ground.

Such nonsense. Everyone knows the world will end on a Friday; but, common sense should tell you that it will be on a Friday the 13th.

Maybe we've all died and just don't know it, in which case I am disappoint. Driving through snowstorms should not be part of the afterlife.