Quick update on MTP
 

If you noticed last week I wasn't here. If you didn't notice, don't feel bad.
I had what some might call an emotional meltdown or psychotic break or perhaps an episode. So I drove half way across the country in a mania fulled fun time looking for a place to commit suicide. I returned home though and checked into a psychiatric hospital and got on meds. I've been on "the unit" for a week and got out yesterday. I might not be around a whole lot now but that is because the meds make it hard to concentrate right now. I am working on getting better.

Pulling for you, morty

Let the meds do their work, be patient with time, listen to what the docs say.

Oh Moar. Moar you are important to us. Suicide is not a thing, because you don't know what good times are down the road. Bad times won't last, they're our brains tricking us. You are beautiful, you must go on. I beg of you. We are here for you.

Good luck mtp. Hope things continue to turn around for you.

Be betterer MTP !

Glad you figured out a better path and turned around. Good luck working on yourself. Thanks for checking in. We'll be here.

The meds are already making me feel better, and less pain! Just the grogginess and difficulty concentrating by afternoon is difficult. I'm determined to stick it through. The sleep meds they gave me allow me to sleep solid for 6 or 7 hours and I wake up mostly refreshed, so I have until mid morning before I have to take the antidepressant and mood stabilizer that make me so groggy. Its all good though, not a single wish to commit suicide in a week now, so I'm hopeful.

Oh sweetheart I knew I hadn't seen you in a while, but I had no idea it was so long.
Thank goodness you are back here to tell the story.
You know you're not alone in having had those thoughts. Many of us have been through similar situations.

Much love to you.
Look after yourself.
It's far braver to keep on living, and you have so much more to give.

Enjoy the downtime the heavy meds give you.
You're in the process of recovering from something that could have ended your life.

Gods, Moar, so glad you got help, babes.

I'm glad you're back with us, MTP. Take your time to get well. Love and hugs from across the water here ...

Hey MTP, you stick in there...we'll stick in here...and we'll all pull through this thing of our lives together. We are with you in spirit.

I really don't know what to say, MTP. You seem like a really sweet person and I hope you feel better.

I'm glad you're around to tell your tale mtp. Keep looking up. You'll be fine. xxx

Oh Moar, hon...hang in there, hang on! You are loved and the world would be a sadder place without you.

And we are here for you. Please touch base from time to time.

What UT said. Feel better and please stay with us.

Its day by day, today went pretty well and the meds didn't affect me as badly. So soon I hope...

You'll get there, babes. One foot in front of the other til you're clear.

I'm glad you were able to get back home and get help. We're all with you!

It won't always be like this.

The you-in-the-future will look back on this, from a different place. You can't experience that, but you can know it.

Very true that, Flint.

I have a friend who was in that place, and she's completely better now. The meds will do their job. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other until you get there.

You can do it.

I was at a point where I desperately wanted to run away.
To leave no trace. To disappear. To die somewhere where I would not be known or remembered.

What held me back was my cats. My boys. Not love for them, but logistics. I could not let them be harmed by what I wanted to do. And I had nowhere for them to go to be safe. They would be shut in with no food or water. I wanted to end my human existence but I could not bear for two little cat-brains to be snuffed out. Ho-hum.

Afterwards I think I posted on here, or maybe it was via PM, but Limey told me how painful that would have been to people who knew me. That I could always call on her, call her or turn up (in my memory) if things really were that bad. I never quite reached that stage again, but the fact someone, out of the many wonderful people here, took me seriously and offered a lifeline made a huge difference.

Just one person who gets how much it bloody hurts, and how close you are to smashing it all up is a metaphorical and occasionally a literal lifesaver.

Ask for Dwellar phone numbers if you have to.
You will get some.
If they're too far away to offer practical help they will still be an ear.
I couldn't have got to Limey when things were at their worst. I doubt I could even have called.
But I contacted Dani when things were just falling apart and she came.

Please don't ever think you are alone again.
We care.

Sundae - I'm glad that what I said helped. You never know whether you've done any good by saying you'll lend an ear. For you, always!
And MTP - I do know how devastated your family would feel had they lost you last week. Trust me on that, I know. I was looking out for you on chat the other day :comfort:

Thanks sundae and limey and flint, oh just thanks everyone. I'm tearing up now y'all are so sweet.

I thought about disappearing too, just parking my car, leaving all my personal items behind and walking to a hospital. Spend at least a few days not being me.
Yesterday and today aren't so great. I'm starting to think caffeine is making me anxious and panicky lately so I'm gonna cut it down, but I've been relying on it to keep the drowsiness at bay. I'm drinking green tea now so we'll see how I do.

Some bodies just can't deal with caffeine.
I know - mine can't.

I've deliberately used ot to lose weight before (when I've only needed to lose 7-10lb) and it turns me into a monster.

Even normal caffeine use leaves me prone to migraines and shakes. Sorry, I mean more prone.

If you think you are even slightly sensitive, give a two week ban a go.
I get what you are saying re being drowsy, but that might be because you are having trouble sleeping.

Caffeine gives you a scratchy, startled high at best. Find a taste you enjoy and use that instead. I have de-caff (British Tea) teabags and find I only need one or two cuppas a day now. Or Nettle and Peppermint. And I have a jar of de-caff coffee that I broach about once every three months.

I'm so sorry you went thru that sweetie. Lord knoes you're in the
right place and certainly on the right forum. There is love and
Understanding and strength here.

And what flint said. This too shall pass.

Fucking meds cost too much, don't know how I'm gonna afford them or what I'll have to take instead. Shits all over my recovery though.

Oh MTP that sux big time. I can't give advice from here, but maybe another US Dwellar has some ideas on getting round this problem?

Insurance won't pay for 2 of the meds. I will prob have to change. Which means I start all over.

But you start from a better place. It's not a backwards step it's just a side step.

Great Movie!

This is my post whore thread.

Sleeping a lot lately but not so drowsy when i'm awake. I can drive better. Although I almost got in 3 wrecks yesterday. Ooops.

Not post whore, SSOOO not post whore. It's good to hear from you - take care with them thar cars!!

Disability time is over.
I have been given the green light to go back to work tomorrow and I am so ready!
Wish me luck please! :fingerx:

Good luck !!

Oh absolutely. Good luck! Remember we're thinking of you!

Good luck honey-chile. You're so ready :)

Good luck MTP. You'll be great.

go mortay. go mortay. go. go.

Please tell me that's a pair of pompoms you're waving, Jim...

Well the first day went well but the 2nd day was such a bust my coworkers wouldn't let me drive myself home :P. One followed in his car while another drove me home. I have some nice coworkers at least. I slogged through the 3rd and am hopeful about tomorrow.

Day at a time, m'dear, day at a time.

Glad to hear your coworkers are looking out for you. They sound a nice bunch.

Take the help when its offered MTP. Look after yourself x

More take care of yourself because you are worth it

MTP, I was driven home by a very kind colleague when I had bronchitis.
No-one at school could believe I'd actually managed to walk into work in the first place, and I was told to leave by the qualified First Aiders within 30 minutes of arriving.

Mental health issues are still about health.
If these people care about you - and they obviously do - there is no shame in accepting help. It's being offered and you need it the same way I needed it the other month.

Keep going girl. Even if it's two steps forward, one step back. You're making progress.

It is okay to ask for help.

It is also okay to accept help when it is offered.

Just in case you felt you needed permission, you have it. Everybody does. It's a generally usable permission slip.

I was driven home when I hurt my foot in a rugby game. Does that count?

Just chillin. Right now I can't sleep and have to work but thats life. I'm trying to not stress about it.

Not stressing stuff is good :)

MTP! I'm sorry that you had to go through this! I miss you and care for you as well and hope you're doing better now! I'm sorry I wasn't around to offer support earlier...

So there is a new update on me, your favorite dweller.
I've attempted again, obviously failed.
Things are fractious with my family.
I still have no job.
I'm back in Texas, living with friends that I've lived with in the past.
I'm getting treatment and my friends are helping me rebuild my life.

So yeah, that is whats up.

(((hugs)))

Ah sorry mtp, I hope things start going your way.

MTP! it's good to see you checking in, but I'm sorry to hear it's been hard for you lately. I'm really glad to hear you have friends helping you. We're here too if you need to talk.

Rooting for you, Moar.

Hang in there, MTP. In some endeavors, failure is a good thing.

Nice to see you around, mort. We all deserve friends to care for us in our times of need.

Bummer MTP, keep plugging. :thumb:

You haven't failed MTP. Because you're still alive.
And Della loves you.
And we do too.