If you had died today..
 

what killed you?

Doesn't have to be epitaph style, or prose, or even remotely amusing, but have fun if you fancy..... It kinda oughta be related to your day, though.....

Mine for yesterday:

Here lies monster, and her fat.
Met her match chasing the cat.

And today:

As Hector's hockey team (Storm) scraped a draw against a team who have only won so far, their parents get frantic. Storm fans try to leave without making eye contact, but as fans are returning the (beads in bottles) noisemakers to the bag, one falls out and rolls under the foot of the oppo parent walking past the home team bleacher (the one ominously mutterring about the reffing sucking and not looking where he's going), causing him to trip and land heavily on the far end of the aluminum bench where monster is holding the bag for the noisemakers. She and the noisemakers are catapulted onto the ice right in front of the Zamboni. The noisemakers were caught by the amazing Storm Goalie, but alas, the ice now has an interesting finish.

Very interesting Monster.

I hope that really does not happen, on several levels. It would be a shame to loose you on the ice. I hope the parents are better sports then that! How rude and ungracious it is to make excuses in front of the winner of any contest. No matter how good you are, you lost because the other man/woman/team is better. You tell them so, and thanks for the opportunity. Have a little class. I hope the other teams parents can figure this out.

If I would have died today it would have been like this:

He rode long, and he rode hard.
Too bad he rode in front of a car.

hehe, thanks, we didn't even win (tie), but hockey is brutal, parentally-speaking -and this is house hockey, no travel. We allowed ourselves to be entertained by the visiting fans rather than enraged. It appears that the closer you get to the Joe Louis, the more seriously you take it. (It was a Detroit team, as was our last, similar experience). We don't usually play Detroit teams until play-offs, but the league is experimenting with a new bracketing format this year...... works well for skill level, not so well on the parental-passion level..... :lol:

Sorry about the car.....

Today?

Here lies Clodfobble.
Turns out that head cold was meningitis.

Here lies Clodfobble, her head hurt
First came blankets, now under dirt

Buried under an avalanche of paperwork.

The ethics approval application form I just did ran to 31 pages. I had to supply electronic and hard copy, so they'd have my signature.

31 pages buried Zengum
Used to be vocal, now he's dumb

if i died today it would have probably being the crazy driver that thought the boarders of the road, otherwise known as sidewalks, are merely a recomendation not to be taken seriously....

either that or a bombing. this might be an israeli cultural thing, but a comidian i remember joked about it as being "the little terrorist within all of us". you go through a public's place security, and noticed they didn't check throughly and you could have totally being carrying a bomb and they wouldn't have noticed. you get that little satisfaction that you could have outsmarted the security guard... only to look behind you at a suspicious looking guy getting the same treatment, and think "god damn it".

Yesterday woulda looked like this:

Hi this is Sundae's brother logging in.
She asked me to do so in case of illness or accident - lucky this thread was here.

Unfortunately she died this afternoon walking home from school. No-one is totally sure what happened, but it appears she was sneezing so hard from having the sun in her eyes that she lost her balance. Sadly, she was next to a fence of iron palings, and as she had always fearing, she fell sideways into them, pucturing her head and neck.

Apparently the ensuing fountain of gore traumatised a number of her beloved pupils. Which isn't really how she'd like to be remembered, but I expect she will make the front page of the Bucks Herald this week. Which is nice.

It'll take more than the front page to mop that mess up!

Haggis and tatties

Reports of my death will be greatly exaggerated.

Death? DEATH? I heard he was torn apart by radioactive wild dogs and the pieces hurled into a furnace which was blasted into the sun on a nuclear powered rocket!

I completed the Tough Mudder yesterday. Today I sneezed and my hamstrings snapped causing me to fall over and drown in the shower.

Today I died of boredom during the second half of the Wings' game.

Today I died of pork overload.

oo-eer, missus! phnarr phnarr

Today was a pretty good day and so I decided not to jump off the Walt Whitman bridge. My grisly body will not be found on the Jersey side across from the airport. The nightly news will not show my Facebook profile picture.

well, not for that reason, anyway......

Walt Whitman and Jersey in the same thought and you decided to live???

Rolling the ambulance, contracting MRSA or C-diff, stabbed by a psych patient, shot for the drugs in my squad on any number of the sketchy streets here in Akron, or even at our station where there was a double homicide a block away last month. Good times.

you coulda saved some of those for the rest of the week.....

Accidental drowning due to falling asleep in the bathtub. The kitties request that donations be sent for their cat chow supply in lieu of flowers.

What does one say to the God of Death?

"Not today!"

As always, I got killed today by a car whose driver doesn't understand what crosswalks mean.

It's like Groundhog Day, except your day is always over again by 7:45 in the morning.

Not yet 9am
Here in Michigan
and already poor monster
was drownded by the rain
in January.

He always wanted to do such and such,
Spex died - he ate too much

...drive faster before you have to wait [20sec that feel like] an hour for the evil old lady whose going to cross the road just so she can make you wait and ruin your day [clearly having no plans of her own]?

A giant snot-man put a snot-pillow over my face and suffocated me.

My head exploded at the apparent inability of 5-7 year olds to pick up after themselves.
Turns out it looks nothing like David Cronenberg thought it did.

The explosion I mean, not the inside of my head.
I'm not sure he's ever really considered the latter.

I couldn't stand my house and my half-assed existence anymore so I torched the place and went down with the ship.

I died of an apparent self-induced MSG overdose during my lunch hour. What a way to go!

You and my son should be pen pals.

Died in a bizarre gardening accident, at least we don't think it was auto erotic asphyxiation...

Classic dealt with the insurance company
More painful than a stinging bee.
Had to go and kill some guy named Fred
then shot myself in the head.

I died like a dog for no good reason.

On the sidewalk?

There was nothing sweet nor fitting in my dying.