Fear of spiders.
 

When I was a kid spiders scared the bejeezus out of me. That fear is not nearly as bad as it was then. The only ones that bother be now are those HUGE, menacing, evil black ones that seem to never be in a web. I hate those damn things with a passion.

Before you belittle me because of an irrational fear please know this.
I fully appreciate how spiders fit into the grand scheme of things. Spiders are supposed to be like the unseen employees at Disney World. Like the guys who clean the toilets after one of those horny drunk dwarves upchucks half a bottle of Hood River vodka and then returns to entertain your children. As long as I do not see them all is good

One morning a while back I was getting my morning cup of coffee one of these evil arachnids attempted to kill me. There I was bleary eyed having waken from a wonderful nights slumber when the attack started.

I felt something on top of my foot and was confronted by one of the evil ones. The battle was on. Here is how I dealt with the "Bringer of Death".

1. drop coffee cup, scream like a 3rd grade girl, and shit self

2. take many deep breaths to regain composure

3. grab dish towel and move towards the beast

4. spider stops, and turns around as if to say "bring it on bitch". http://www.mindifidoaj.com/forum/ima...eys/spidey.gif

5. shit self again

6. drop dish towel so it lands flat with the beast under the center of it

7. fall to knees and pound on dishtowel while screaming "DIE, DIE, DIE!"

8. get another cup of coffee

9. stomp the dishtowel some more

10. get rid of body

Oh. My. Gawd.

You are me. I am you.

Though I will throw a shoe from across the room because I know that little fucker is getting ready to jump on me, if I'm within distance...and they all jump like the length of a football field, right?

I've burnt bugs with my lighter, saying "DIE FUCKER DIIIIEEEEEEEEEEE!" like some psychopath.

I'm only fearless about things I should actually fear. When it comes to spiders, I'm as irrational as they come and I will scream like a little girl, too.

Now come on people, even if you don't like me, please don't mail me a spider, to be funny. That's cruel and unusual.

I'm even half afraid of your spider smilie!

;)

I can't abide spider guts on my dishtowels, or having ever been on my dishtowels. I'd have to burn them.

Kleenex, squish, flush.

I am far more afraid of shitting myself than any spider.

Oh wait - clarify.
Any spider in this country.

I'm not mean enough to attach the photo of the huntsman spider behind the clock (hahaha, I know it's seared in your brains anyway!) but it has reminded me to print it off for a spider-shy colleague at work.

S'okay, you already know I'm teh evil.

I don't really belong in this thread, but on the off chance there are any spiders reading this, I want them to know that some of us humans don't fear you. Some of us welcome you in our homes. Some of us are grateful for your bug-eating vigilance.

Thank you.

Blame your fear of spiders on the cavemen and their ancestors. They learned to fear spiders or die. Eventually, it became hard wired into our DNA. It's instinct. The cavemen that weren't afraid of spiders got killed by the spiders and couldn't pass their fearless DNA along.

Embrace who you are. You are a human being, and you get heebed out by creepy crawlies because creepy crawlies can kill you.

"Where are we gonna put these fight or flight modules?"
"Just patch them into the nervous system and run them along the same route as light grazing touches."

Meh. Spiders in my house, not having been invited and paying no rent, deserve to die.

Thank you glatt, for your compassion. :)

I'd sooner face down the 24 robbers who came knocking at my door (along with the many other death-defying feats I've attempted...NAY, accomplished) than a spider, but spider lovers would paint me as the wimp.

So I say to you, I say "EFFF YOUUUUUUUUUUUUU stupid spiders. Go to BigV's house. He wants to marry you and have like ten thousand of your babies."

They shall feast on his eyes first, work their way into his brain, and then the rest of his bloated corpse.

Sounds suspiciously like the voice of experience. Tell us again why there is a deadbolt on your cellar door.

I've decapitated a wasp with scissors and put it's little head on a toothpick as a warning to the other wasps.

I too HATE spiders. I had one jump on me while hiking in Hawaii. I screamed and beat it to death squishing its guts and whatnot all over my leg. The next day I had a couple impressive bruises to go with my nightmare that evening.

It went something like this... (you have been warned)
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

Well, you're not seriously arachnophobic if you can look at that picture.

That is exactly like some of my nightmares.

That picture almost made me cry. At the very least, I might barf.

edit: i had to put you on ignore until this page passes, and look at your posts on a case by case basis. I really cannot look at that picture. :(

Oh yes, well I totally FREAK. I HATE spiders. I do a weird arm flailing, leg kicking dance every time I walk into a web. No matter if I am hiking or walking in the basement.
I HATE THE EFFERS!!!
I beat the crap out of myself killing a frikkin spider.

:lol:

I know. It's awful isn't it? I tell myself it's silly, but it doesn't matter.

Oh, and I tell my family and friends: if you see something ON me, brush it off THEN look at me funny and tell me there was something on me. Whether it's a spider, a fly, a blade of grass, or really tiny hundred dollar bills, if you look oddly at say, my shoulder, like there's something there...I'm going to scream and cry and wail and really embarrass you.

How hard is it to deal with whatever it is and don't give me time to react until whatever it is is gone?

See? You kids have a lot in common. Infi, why don't you show Classic your collection of hobos?

The worst is when someone says "Eww, there's a spider on your ____
"FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK KILL IT! KILL IT! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"
While doing that strange dance.

I've started it raining with that dance!

If...I mean, whenever I am surprised by a spider, I scream bloody murder. For two seconds. And then make that "oo.oo..oo..oo..oo..oo" sound for a few more. But then, I do kill it. I have no problems attacking a spider. I am quite practical after all. But damn, do I ever scream first. I am always astonished by it's inevitability and ferocity.

Daddy long legs don't bother me in the least bit, however. In fact, I think they are cute.

Go figure.

I'm the same about Daddy Long Legs. They are cute.

They're not spiders, they're harvestmen. A fine distinction, but even as a kid I noted it. (And as a kid I called them Granddaddy Long Legs for some reason.)

Plus, I don't think they tend to sneak into your house. DLLs seem perfectly content to stay outside. I don't think I've ever seen one crawling around my house. Weird.

I saw one in my bathroom just the other day and I let it live.

I've seen really spindly spiders in my shower...up in the corner. Shower spiders? Maybe related to harvestmen? They don't really bother me either. Their legs are barely as visible as one of my hairs.

Maybe I actually have desensitized myself a bit. After seeing the spiders in the deep south, maybe I got some perspective.

But those little jumping hairy spiders? SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEMMMMMMMMMMMMM.

Oh no no no no!

We might be talking about different creatures here.
The ones in this country are as attracted to lights as moths.
They flock into my bedroom as I am the last one awake and invariably have my windows open.

This leads to much jollity as Diz needs to swear at them and then try to catch them. Playing Hannibal over the Alps on my mostly naked body.

And of course I feel guilty for perverting a DLL's natural instinct to head for the moon with my dirty modern light. But it's free protein for the Diz. I consider my scratches as payment.

Sundae, you've almost got it.

Spiders go to lights because bugs go to lights. Spiders eat bugs. It's like a dinner bell to them!

OMG I thought Gaines was obnoxious sounding. He just meows loud, but it doesn't sound like the baby from Eraserhead!

Hilarious.

Gotta be different on the bugs. Our DLLs aren't attracted to light. They're blind as...well, bats. And they have no wings at any time in their existence, unless there are little Wright Brothers Daddy Long Legs working on a flying machine.

So I found this picture in the UNcyclopedia...and this is NOT the same bug I'm talking about.

An actual non-jokey website calls them Crane Fly or Daddy Long Legs.

Our DLLs most decidedly do NOT have wings. Hang on, let me grab a pic of one of them too.

The web seems to confirm there are two bugs called DLL, one a crane fly, one a harvestmen...and the crane fly IS attracted to light.

Spiders don't really chase bugs around. They build these things called 'webs' and wait for the bugs to entrap themselves.

Blimey - lost in translation AGAIN!

You nailed the creature I meant though. Not literally, as they are completely harmless and just bumble about. Despite an urban myth that they are venomous but simply can't pierce human skin (thanks Ricky Gervais).

I'm sure that's not the original No Cat, but it will do.
If I'm saying no in a lighthearted manner (not when instructing a child about running with scissors for example) I often say it like that cat.

OHNONONONO....
It goes well with a shake of the head.

ETA - when I was cleaning the bookshelves at school at the end of last term I came across at least two species of biders I had never seen before. One spindly and one more compact. And both ALMOST TRANSPARENT! Lovely little things. The spindly one was so comical I doubt even a hardened arachnophobe could have been scared.

But I accidentally squashed one, it must have been on the box of books I pulled out and directly under my fat pink fingers.
Squish, crunch.
It waved two unbroken legs in despair, so I had to put it out of its misery.
I felt like Lady Macbeth :(

If I saw this in my bathroom, tho, I wouldn't find it cute AT ALL!

Maybe I better not watch that video. ;)

Well, now we know. There are two types of bugs known as Daddy Long Legs. Who'd've thunk?

See what we accomplish when we put our posts together? God Bless Us, Everyone!

From wikipedia:
Well, I guess that settles it.
(embiggening mine)

Thank you for synops...synosp...snynops...for repeating and validating my theories and cites. ;)

So, then Al Gore is a spider?

Um, you know what?
If I saw that writhing mass of harvestmen (harvestmans?) I would scream.
GRIM.

Everything in moderation.

We have hobo spiders here. A dead hobo is a good hobo.

You're all wrong, totally wrong. Spiders are adorable. Given the choice between a spider and a dog I know which I'd rather share a room with.

Even if you don't like cuties like the one below though, have a look at this link to see some amazing photos - then tell me you don't want one of your own!

http://www.boredpanda.com/beautiful-...spider-photos/

Son of a bitch.

Now I have to ignore Rhianne and only read posts on a case by case. Please to warn of spider pictures.

Seriously, I will have nightmares.

No, not cute. No. No. No. It wants to eat my face off.

Rhianne they are beautiful biders.
I still wouldn't want a writhing mass of anything on me though.

Like I have no fear of birds, but I hated having to change at Mile End Tube Station, because the carriage I needed to be in was right under a gap in the netting that stopped pigeons roosting in the station. There were so many concentrated at that point and the sheer noise and and the confined flapping and racketing of them made me squirm.

♪ ♫ Hey, didja happen to see the most beautiful spider in the world? and if you did, was it spinning, spinning? ♪ ♫

But seriously, what doesn't look fantastic at 600X magnification?


This is an awesome brooch, infi, it's not at all a spider.

Its bite will turn you into a spider monkey!

Pictures have no effect on me. :D

I shall have his head on a pike!

Oh crap!
Do these little bastards have anything to do with Winblows error messages that mention dlls? :eek:

I took a look and I still do not want one.

Jumping spiders are almost as bad as flying sharks.
http://surftherenow.com/wp-content/u...rk_cartoon.jpg

The tarantulas are gearing up for their major fall migration in the Southwest. With any luck, I should see a few of them crossing the roads. :D

I bid this thread adieu! I wish it luck, and many years of happy posts, but I just can't be in this thread anymore. It's become the fear we a-phobes came here to lament. ;)

:lol:

Now, if we could only get I.M. out of all the other threads...!

You evil genius, you.

Strangely my only son is afraid of them as well. Weird.

There's a story here that will more than likely will unfold as I spend more time here.

It's a little tickle of a well loved and respected Dwellar.
But yes, you'll get that yourself if you're with us for the long haul :)

Wait. Who is this rihanne character? And wtf is a 3 foot?

Go slobber on someone else, assholes. Oh, I see you did your daily slobber for the day.

Ffs. Loser.

Shh! she's back. Act cool.

Oh hai, Infi. ermm, see any good movies lately?

As a matter of fact, I just watched Vicky Cristina Barcelona. Loved it.

Now watching Darjeeling Express.

No spiders so far.

Ooops, I mean darjeeling limited.

Their leg configuration doesn't lend itself to creeping through cracks in houses, but canvas tents, like at a summer camp, frequently get DLL-piles in the corners.

ahahahahahahaahhahhhaha!!!!!

I like spiders this is my spider

NOT REALLY

I now wish I never opened this thread. The pictures scared the crap out of me.:eek: I have a big fear of most bugs, but especially big ones. ALL spiders freak me out too. I also hate centipedes, crickets, locusts, dragonflys, cockroaches, you name it. So, I will not open this thread again.:worried:

BD Perhaps this thread is better.

Caution advised.

HAHAHAHAHA
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

.
.
.
.
damn - foiled again