Please....
 

Please I desperately need help. I just got divorced in October and I am having a difficult time surviving. I gave up everything I owned. My house, my dog, and everything in my home. The only thing I own now is my car. I live with my brother and have been here for a little over a year. I cannot bare to be here any longer. I can't seem to make ends meet. I need health insurance still, and need to pay it by January 6th. I am already working 6 days a week, but I don't make very much a year, only $13,000. In PA there is no alamony, so my husband does not have to give me anything. I am down on my luck and I need to start saving so I can get out of here. If anyone can spare anything...... please, please help me. Please send a dime, a nickel, a dollar. Ciara Myst, P.O. Box 37191, Phila PA 19148

I really don't know what else to do. After the holidays I am going to start pan-handling outside of the malls. I can't do it now, for fear of the holidays someone I know might see me. I have already lost all my dignity.

Perhaps you should look at reducing your expenses before you start begging for money. I bet you'd get much better results that way. No one here is going to give you a dime. Though if we get to know you, we may be inclined to help you with your depression.

That's a cute name, Ciara Myst.

Totally unrelated, but what do you think of the PepsiCo beverage <b>Sierra Mist</b>?

Is it okay if I send you a personal check?

Expense
 

Actually, I don't have many expenses, my car insurance, and my need for health insurance. I only make about 500 a month on paper, and 200 is for my car insurance, if I paid for my health insurance, that would leave me with roughly $100...... I need to eat, fill my car with gas, stuff like that. I need to give my brother money for letting me live here.

Checks
 

I would galdly except a check, money order, cash, whatever. Even a check for a dime. I am desperate.

Why not use public transit?

Public transit would cost just as much as using my car. My mother lives an hour and a half away and I need to visit her. Plus, I need to have something of my own. I own very little. My car being my pride and joy.

Also, i'd probably drop my health insurance before I started panhandling. Maybe that's irresponsible of me, but if it's a choice between food & shelter or health insurance, i'd go for food and shelter.

Also, if you make under $20,000 a year, the goverment is perfectly willing to give you gobs of money so you can go to college. Got any hobbies you'd like to make into careers?

.
 

Actually I need my health insurance. I have many mental disorders and my meds without health insurance is about $150, that's only one prescription. I am a cosmetologist...... that is my career. I have a hobby of making blankets, but it takes way too long to make just one blanket and make enough money to survive off of the money from it. I have sold them.

What sort of mental disorders do you have?

At $13,000 a year, I don't think you're paying taxes. How are you only making $500/month?

And you're certainly not paying over 50% in taxes.

Color me skeptical. PM me your phone number, I'll call you and we'll talk. Include your <b>real name</b> in the private message.

:)
 

My checks vary from week to week. I get paid every 2 weeks. Let me scrounge up my pay checks.

This check is for 2 weeks: $489.25 after taxes $327.71
This check is a bonus check: $7.67, after taxes $6.52
This check is for 2 weeks:$381.00 after taxes $252.73
Check for 2 weeks: 336.00 after taxes 219.45
Check for 2 weeks: 453.50 after taxes 311.70


I have OCD, social anxiety, panic disorder, GAD and various other ailments.

Why don't you cancel your cell phone?

Those numbers don't fly. At all.

Cell phone
 

I could cancel that, but need the long distance. It's $40 bucks a month

What numbers? My paychecks? I made 12,266.96 for the year so far. I make roughly $500 every 2 weeks, not every month, I made a mistake. Brain fart.

Some Suggestions
 

Hi Ciara,
I just took a peek at your website and have some suggestions for you to help you out of your predicament. For starters, you might consider getting your GED, either at night school, or at community college. Being able to communicate in proper English at a higher than sixth-grade level will be essential for finding a better paying job.

Second, it's probably time to jettison any non-essential expenses (things you'd ordinarily pay for with 'disposable income' as you seem to not have any), such as your ISP or web host. Whatever benefit you may think you derive from this is far offset by the loss of resources you could put toward truly important things, such as transportation and health care costs.

If you are really interested, I would be happy to share more tips with you on how to survive on $13,000 per year -- which happens to be the magic amount of my salary (by choice). I have three kids and left an unpleasant 15 year marriage because of my husband's pernicious mental illness. We live in a nearly-paid-for house in a nice suburb in Maryland, my kids are well-fed and clothed, I drive a reasonably safe, functional vehicle, we all have health coverage, and I am home with them when they are not in school.

I have never had to panhandle or even ask friends for a dime (although, I admit, my ex pays child support, but remember, there are four of us living here).

My gut says you are full of it, but if you are not, I wish you the best. Come to think of it, I wish you the best, even if you are full of it, because that's just the kind of person I am.

Good luck.

I actually graduated from high school. I went through 12 years of Catholic school. Thanks for making me feel worse than I already do. I already feel like trailer trash. This computer I am on was a gift from my husband. I don't have internet access on my own. My brother has a high speed wireless DSL line, I don't pay for cable either. He pays all the bills.

You don't need to see your mother, and you don't need to have a phone. You need food and shelter. Are you really going to pick the former before the latter?

How much would you have to spend on public transportation?

.
 

Maybe I should just take my bottle of nerve pills and die. That would solve all my problems. And yes, I have had problems with thoughts of suicide. I have no pride, I am trailer trash I suppose. I have lived without heat, I have lived without my father who was murdered when I was 4. I was picked on my whole life. There just is no more me left. My problems cause me to wind up in a deep depression and causes me not to want to get out of bed. So hard to be happy anymore. Thank you all for making me feel great!

You're asking for handouts, and you have a #!/@**! CELL PHONE??!
 

See, here's a prime example of an area in which to shave expenses; I have the economy local service and subscribe to a no-fee long distance service for 0.45 cents/minute. My total monthly phone bill (with no family closer than 250 miles) is $26/month. Voila, instant $14/month savings for you!

Here's where the writing skills would come in handy again: write a damned letter instead of yakking on the phone.

I rescind my earlier best wishes; you obviously are full of shit.

Check your options with respect to medical assistance. You can be on MA and still work. Check with the Phila dept. of public welfare.

It is also possible for you to get low or no cost treatment specifically for your psych issues. Contact Philadelphia Crisis (215-686-4420) for the name, phone number, and location of the mental health center closest to your place of residence.

What else are you spending you money on?

Aaah, a marketable skill . . .
 

Perhaps you could generate some cash by "performing" this on your website. Your brother, who can afford DSL fees, could invest in a cheepie webcam. Your performance would be bound to generate some interest, but not mine.

Bye.

.
 

I need to get to bed. I need to get up at 7:30 for work tomorrow. You all have a great night. I will be back tomorrow. Any other questions for tonight can be sent to my email ciaramyst@hotmail.com I will try to answer them in the morning before work. Tomorrow night I will be back on.

And another thing ...
 

If you are not making enough at your current job, you have, essentially, two choices.

1. Get a second job.

2. Get a job making more money and quit the current job.

Decide what your priorities are ... if you want the car, and the phone, and the whatever, you have to work for it.

Given the current description of your status, I hope your car is roomy enough to live in.

Oh, and how much xanax are you taking a day?

I am not on xanax. I am on Lorazepam.

Re: .
 

If you base your self-worth off of what other people think of you, then you won't have much self-worth at all. Give yourself permission to be arrogant enough to love yourself on your own.

Heh. I just had this vision of a pan-handler talking on a cell-phone and carrying a make-up bag.

"Uh, yeah, hold on one second, Larry. Excuse me, brother, could you spare a dollar for a sister who's out of luck? What's that, Larry? Ya don't say!! Uh huh. Uh huh. Hey, that bastard stiffed me! You punk! Say, I went to this killer website the other day..."

You dodged the question ...

So how much Ativan are you taking.

And what else? If you're not being treated with the right meds, you're not going to function at your most effective level.

Are you getting scripts (from ONE doc) or are you supplementing your dosage with more casually acquired medication?

And are you drinking in addition?

.
 

I take the lorazepam on my bad days. When I am freaking out and such. I do not take them on a daily basis. I have been in counseling. I take 37.5mg of Paxil.

No, you take 37.5 mg of Paxil CR. How long have you been on it at that dosage?

Re: Cell phone
 

There are cheaper cell plans.

But...

A cell phone is a convenience, not a necessity.

And if you need long distance service that badly, buy a phone card. You usually end up paying less per call than you do by using conventional long distance services from a home phone.

Also, if you are still making payments on it, plus insurance, gas, and maintenance (and parking fees, depending on where you live in Phila), supporting a car is much more expensive than SEPTA. A city transpass is $70/month. An Anywhere transpass (allowing you to access the entire SEPTA system) is $163/month. This is already less than the $200/month you are paying for your insurance alone.

(Funny thing, I just read an article on cyberbegging. I didn't expect to see an incidence of it here.)

from your weblog:Are you really thinking about buying a house? How can you afford to buy a house when you have to charge groceries to your credit card?


There's also this quote:
Not wanted to. Had to! World would have ended otherwise. And how about that entry where you spend nearly a hundred dollars on Christmas presents? I guess you needed to do that, too.

Okay.

So I went and did some reading of Ciara's webdiary.

First, I have to say that I totally DON'T get the concept.

What is it that compels people to share the minutae of their lives with complete strangers?

The idea that someone is actually reading your diary entries is so embarrassing to you that you're worried about continuing to post your secrets? Why would you post any information you actually considered "secret" in the first place?

Buying xmas presents for the dog you no longer own, while touching, seems to be one of the unnecessary expenses we're kind of pointing out to you here. You need to eat. The dog probably has enough chewie toys. Trust me. He doesn't know it's Christmas.

I missed the thing about the powerball tickets ... damn that is goofy. If you find yourself unable to live without the excitement of holding a ticket, just buy one. You're not increasing your chances with any kind of statistical significance by buying 10, you know.

Set up a website like that disgusting woman savesomething.com, might work.

Wow! Is the US divroce system that harsh? Here it's the other way round, it's usually guys that get done over, bigtime.

So, you make $300-$500 a month. Your car insurance is $200, and your health insurance is $200. This is easy. Eliminate both! That saves you $400 a month. Cancel your cell phone and buy a phone card. Take the money you would have spent on gas, plus a little of the saved $400, and buy a transit pass.

Stop beating yourself up. Stop playing the victim. Invest $13.95 in the book, "Life Strategies" by Dr. Phil McGraw. Remember Life Law #7: Life is managed. It is not cured. You're never going to be completely without problems. That's how life is. The key is in learning how to successfully manage it.

A lot of the time it depends on who has the better attorney.

Pennsylvania is a "no alimony" state, which means that there is no requirement that spousal support payments be made by the more highly paid spouse to the lesser paid spouse. (Customarily this means the ex-husband pays the ex-wife until she remarries, but I have seen a few go the other way.) PA state law ONLY requires child support, but with a decent enough attorney, you can get either some spousal support, or a lump sum settlement at the time of the divorce. Many folks, though, are so deep in the hole that what they do at the divorce is split the debt evenly between them.

.
 

Thank you for all your input.

Ciara, some of what I say may sound a bit harsh or sarcastic...I apologize in advance.

If you live in the same area where your p.o. box is set up (South Philadelphia, right?), then you should have absolutely no need for a car, unless you work in the far-flung suburbs (e.g. Frazer).

You won't get away with much panhandling at a mall, unless you go to a place like Franklin Mills. There's only one guy up there, and he's got a Parkinson's-like condition. It could be all yours, until I get to that point where I have to panhandle, then I'm going to walk up there and steal it from you. And forget panhandling in Center City...they've been toughening up down here...all the panhandlers that used to roam where I'm at (5th and Market) are gone. Perhaps you could try a place where they may let something like that slide a little more, like Trenton or Camden.

Lastly, you might want to set up a Paypal account. That way you can put a link to it on your site, and if anyone wants to donate, it's easier for them to do so, rather than send something through snail mail.

If you want charity out of the Cellar, stick around for a year; we are very generous, but only to people we know and can trust. You understand.

I have never met anyone with PAD GAD SAD and PD all at the same time. If the Paxil CR isn't doing the job -- and you are at the highest clinical dosage -- you should still be trying to find something that works for you. Getting the brain chems right is tricky, but the good news is that they are coming out with new drugs all the time.

If it IS doing the job, you may still have anticipatory anxiety. The medication may control the actual problem, but you may still be expecting the anxiety to pop up. This is something that talk therapy can cure, but of course it is expensive, and not well supported by insurance.

You can solve it yourself, though. The most important thing you can have is a positive, optimistic mental outlook. That may seem impossible right now. But all good things will come from PATIENCE. If you can string along a few positive months in a row, you WILL come out of it a stronger, better person and a lot of the troubles that dog you will just disappear. And you ARE capable of that, no matter who you are or what you think.

"The Feeling Good Handbook" by David Burns is one good book that everyone recommends to develop your positive side.

.
 

Merry Christmas everyone!

Wow, that's SOME JOB you've got!
 

Or are you just giving us a giant job?

Yesterday you told us you had to get up at 7:30 today to go to work -- to the job where you work 6 days per week and earn $13,000 per year. I'd like to know what job pays minimum wage, yet still allows employees time and access to post messages on the internet?

To those of you who are REALLY working today, I wish you the best. Wolf, maybe sometime my kids and I will get some cookies to you on Christmas day. Have enjoyed your posts immensely.

I'm going to enjoy the $14.00 worth of gifts my guy and I are lovingly sharing today.

Peace to all, even you Ciara.

.
 

That was not yesterday. I had to get up at 7:30 to work on Christmas Eve. DOH for you! Check the dates on the time stamp.

Hah hah.

That was a bit funny. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

Ouch! Alright, I yield . . .
 

. . . and toast to your obviously superior intellect and powers of observation.

Clearly you are too clever to be what you say you are. The only explanation I can imagine for your behavior here, other that simply having too much time on your hands, is that you are actually an undergraduate student completeing a project for Psych 101: "How an Electronic Community Responds to the Annoying Inappropriate Whining of an Interloper: a Multivariate Analysis."

So, if you've gathered enough data, I guess it's time for you to run along and do your double regressions and be on your way. Perhaps you'll post your findings on your website and let us know when it's available for our amusement (" '. . . and several respondents who displayed immediate disproportionate hostility. . .' Hey! That's me!")

The only question I have is, if anyone actually sends you money as part of this experiment, will you refund it, or will you use it to offset your costs related to the project? Oh, I know, you'll donate all proceeds to a women's shelter, for the benefit of people who actually need the money.

Good luck in your studies. Next time, you might want to consider that whole informed consent issue, even though it skews the results.

I have carefully reviewed all of the information posted thus far, as well as Ciara's weblog.

I must dispute your proposition that she is a psychology undergrad. Even she seems to have more sense than that.

Psychology undergrads frighten me. The ones that immediately go on to grad school frighten me worse.

Only the fact that they will graduate and get $17K/year jobs as case managers for dangerous loonies gives me some amusment.

I get to sit across from them in an interview room and say, "So, you started last week, didn't you ... did they tell you your client raped and murdered his last case manager? Oh, they told you she quit ... that's right. SHE did. He murdered the one before that ..."

Of course he didn't but where's the fun in that. I can't pull stuff like that with CLIENTS, after all.

Coffee out my nose!
 

Wolf, thank you! I had just taken a big slug of coffee when . . . well, there goes the keyboard!
*wipes tears from eyes*

I hope you have many such opportunities for this type of 'fun' in what is otherwise a highly stressful, overdemanding, and, no doubt, underpaid job. I couldn't help but get a picture in my head of some stern supervisor reproving you with "Now, how many times do I have to tell you: Don't play with your food."

I have pulled a few fast ones on the undergrads who work for me* but anything I could get away with pales in comparison to what you can pull off! And with such a deserving group. The only ones who might be even more fun to play with are social workers-in-training.**

Thanks again.


*The students I work with have sense of neither time nor history; I have actually convinced them that I both sang background vocals for Country Joe Fish at Woodstock AND was instrumental in the invention of the transistor, which COULD be possible were I an incredibly precocious and timelessly hip 75 year old. I'm 40.

** General disclaimer: Psychologists and Social Workers are wonderful people who perform a valuable set of services for our society. They are just so easy to make fun of during their earnest, idealistic larval stage.

Re: Coffee out my nose!
 

:D I love a job well done!

You hit that particular nail right on the head. I spend a fair amount of time in my supervisor's office answering to such events. I've reached an agreement whereby I take it easy on our own staff. I promised to use my powers of human manipulation primarily for the forces of good.

This is sometimes difficult. The temptation, you know ....


Particularly then. It's interesting to seem them later on. The ones that are fluffy going into it are the ones that burn out fastest. You can smell their fear.

I went to gradual school late. I came from another field entirely and kind of just "happened" into working psych. I got a lot of experience and then started a program. I knew very clearly what I was getting into. Seeing those little girls (and they are almost invariably girls) who have never seen a live psych patient on the hoof gettin' all the book larnin' without any practical experience before completing their degrees is a sometimes sad experience. They get the idealism sucked out of them somewhere in the third week of their practicum placements, if they've managed to get into anything other than slow-paced private outpatient setting. This is, of course, after it's too late to change their major to marketing.

But I do, from time to time have to remind myself, "except under certain, special circumstances, people are not toys."

Re: Coffee out my nose!
 

An accurate assesment considering she probably got to do the intake on the 19-year old gorm who was in for binding his 16-yo sister with handcuffs and duct tape and raping her at knifepoint.

Strangely, that's not a story familiar to me ... not unlike a lot of what I deal with, but that's nasty, even for here. Hopefully that beast is up the juvie-jail or the real jail.

Re: Re: Coffee out my nose!
 

Is that three weeks and headed for the door, or three weeks and a whole new attitude?

That's three weeks, and then get a job as a bank teller, and meet someone, get married, and tell occasional stories about "that time I worked in a psychiatric hospital."

Alternate track: become heavily involved in women's studies, feminist social psychology, and hit the research grant trail.

.
 

Hi.

Just checking this out.

You need to get your priorities straight. Go back to school, you'll feel better for it. Get rid of the car. I get by on $7,500 per year, and that's Canadian $$$. I live with one room mate. Also as was pointed out previously, the Gov't will give you money to go to school, nearly all colleges and universities offer a health plan included in cost of tuition here, so check it out, the American ones might as well. BTW I would sell my computer before I would beg for money, last year at the end of the semester I went 24 hours without food before I even considered using the student food bank. Lucky for me though my tax credit came through. Don't blame your past for your present problems. I still suffer minor problems with depression but I refuse to let it control my life. Also you might feel better and happier if you don't rely on others so much. You will feel better if you take care of yourself.

Cyberbegging
 

Since there is now an article about this, the market is probably saturated.

Oh well ...

Onto plan B ...

Nah...I'm going to do my own in the form of "donations." :)

Apparently, Ciara isn't doing too hot these days...

I just spent a few minutes catching up on her travails ... She's assiduously pursuing her webdiary, but apparently has given up on us here. (Yes, I really do speak this way in ordinary life. Okay. I punctuate my sentences with a lot of short words of anglo-saxon origin.)

(I had initially thought that perhaps she decided not to pay the internet bill in order to meet some of her other, more important obligations, but apparently not)