Here's the story
 

I finally recieved my meds. I had 2 biopsies this week. The first was on my prostate and the second was on my shoulder. My low cortisol levels have asllowed me to develop a pretty nasty staph infection.

I disappeared because I felt like I was making a fool out of myself by appearing pathetic. I can't stand pity. Out in the real world, I'm a pretty hard nosed old school cop or in the National Guard my guys swear R. Lee Ermey is my twin. What I'm getting at is I allowed too many people to see how soft or vulnerable I really am at times. I couldn't stand that. Be it pride or arrogance, the mean old son of a bitch role is all that I have.

That being said, some of you might be puzzled because you have seen videos of children's projects I participate in. Children are my soft spot. They melt my heart. God help you if I catch you abusing a child.

I disappeared just like I did for awhile after I made a complete idiot out of myself when Cassie left me. I even took medical leave from work.

Plthjinx, Tulip, Merc, Dana, and SC. I appreciate you checking on me. I'm back at work, semi-light duty. Look over this post, it is rambling but somehow in my mind it makes sense.

Glad to see you back -did you get the biopsy results yet?

Glad you're back. Your hard-ass credentials are still intact.

Glad you are here, Sarge.

Big Sarge, whatever persona you display, that's up to you. You fit in here, and you were missed.

It's good to see you again.

Welcome back BS! :-)

Wow, irl you are a bad MoFo?? You totally stumped me Sarge...your heart is just too damn big....;).

Oh i can believe he's a Bad MoFo.

I also think he has a heart of gold.

Missed you, Sarge. Glad to see you back.

BTW, my family loves Ermy's Lock n Load show. We watch it on Netflix. Have you seen those?

Hiddy-Ho neighbor

Nice to see you back here you old bastard :heart-on:

Welcome back, Sarge :)

Missed you Sarge, as I said in PM.

You mean a lot to a lot of people here.
As I said, we don't know about your persona or your outer shell, because here you type what's in your mind. So it's a shortcut to the real you - and here you come across as kind and open hearted.

I can't say my soft spot is children (I'm not sure I have a soft spot that way - my red-hot-spot perhaps is inequality) but I will say that working with them is the most worthwhile thing I have ever done in my life. Being a good father, and protecting children in general in no way compromises a Tough Guy.

For goodnes sake don't ever think expressing your emotions here is pathetic.
Perhaps breaking down in the supermarket and telling the cashier all your issues might be a little suspect. Or getting on the bus and hugging the driver, telling him about your past and why it makes you respect him. But coming to the Cellar and offloading is normal and appropriate. And certainly at the level you have shared with us. You have not made a fool of yourself. You have not made an idiot of yourself. You are a decent human being.

I just won't have a conversation with you about capital punishment ;)

Hi Sarge! Glad to hear from you.

Welcome back.

Your dreams were your ticket out.

I thought it was the blue pill?

Unfortunately not approved by VA insurance.....

Are you sure of that? The Blue Pill® is covered by many insurances, but the Controlling of Birthing Pills are not.

(thread drift to my favorite soapbox)

Are those the red pills? I don't know, I use barbed wire.

I have never thought of you as foolish or pathetic, Sarge. Far from it.

And you shouldn't confuse pity with sympathy, and/or empathy.

We like ya dude, and we hate that ya hafta be going through this shit.

[punches Big Sarge on shoulder, cause that's as close to a man-hug as I think he wants.]

I'm very glad to see you're still around.

I think Zen wants to hug you Sarge....quick, get out your no-hugging stick!

Man-hug? That reminds me of one time in Iraq. We had been in country about 10 months when....well, I guess you just had to be there. Nevermind

Damn glad to see you back sir! *salutes*
On my droid at a gig, typing on it is kinda a bitch. Autocorrect and all. So insert your fav. Line from full metal jacket here. A JELLY DONUT?!?!?

Isn't Maanhuqg a city near Kirkuk?

Glad to see that you're okay. Stay and don't go. :)

Good to see you back here Sarge. Everyone's already said what I'm thinking here. Don't go away again, hey?!

That was just to keep warm, though, right?;)

Right?

Grav, there is actually no need to take your clothes off for that...

but we were so cold...nevermind, what happens in the desert, stays in the desert

Sarge, biopsy results, stat!

Prostate is benign, but I swear it must be the size of a grapefruit!! My cortisol levels make it difficult to fight infection. I do have an adrenal gland tumor also which affects metabolism. So currently I have confirmed pituatary & adrenal tumors plus 3 epididymal cysts. I'm still on Bactrim for the infection. Yes I'm worried, but mainly over the high probability of a medical discharge and not being able to deploy again.

I've realized I'm not happy unless I'm deployed. It is the only time I really feel like I'm at home or belong. I'm not suicidal by any means, but I'd much rather die over there versus a long suffering illness. I know it doesn't make sense. I have become closer to some of my troops than I will ever be with anyone else. That includes my kids. I miss it so much

Aww sarge. Don't let the worry get to ya. IF you do get discharged, you will find another way to be happy. I'm sure of it. But now is not the time to even worry about that. Concentrate on getting better so that you don't get discharged. Wish you the best of luck.

The benign enlarged prostate alone presents a problem travelling in military aircraft. If the aircraft depressurizes at high altitude, your prostate can expand causing incapacitating pain (called a hot potato). Military aircraft aren't always in position to make an emergency descent; or, turn around and go back if there are complications. Yet, this is probably the least of your medical concerns. I hope you care enough about your troops to not make yourself a liability to them. Until you get these issues resolved, find yourself a place with the rear detachment and stay here.

(A former 18D4H F1 W8)

I'm on Title 32 Status (Active Guard) at this time. I left active duty last year.
35F4LRU
31B40

Don't forget they changed the MOS codes

Well good news about the benign prostate. As for the rest, I wish you all the luck in the world getting it resolved/sorted better and quickly and inexpensively as possible.

Now's the time to identify Active Guard positions in your area that would remain CONUS should your present position be deployed again before you are ready. I believe you can still work one grade up and two down from the TOE/TDA authorization. There may also be Guard civilian tech positions that would count towards fulfilling your Guard obligation. The idea being that your retainability may be enhanced if you're in a position that's not likely to be deployed. The Guard may be more flexible in your situation than the active duty military.

To the best of my knowledge, my old CMF MOSC(s) remained essentially the same when they revamped the system: PMOS 18D4HW8, SMOS 18F4LFR. The "H" Identifier is Instructor qualification. The W8 ASI is Military Free Fall qualification. The F1 ASI became the 18F MOS. The rest you recognize. I broke the codes down by function rather than by precedence (e.g. L takes precedence over H).

Your series didn't change but mine did. I listed mine so you would know what I do in the military. Years ago mine used to be 96 and 95 series. I'm not on AGR status or Technician. I'm traditional. When we mob, we have to go through med evals. I received waivers for lupus and ptsd on the last 2 deployments because I had things under control. Now, I'm looking at a med board that will likely retire me because I have 24 years in & they don't retain non-deployable soldiers

Is the the military version of "biggest penis"?

Monnie, if you are referring to the MOS codes, I'll readily admit sexobon and merc would be the big dogs since they were both special operations. Plus merc was a lieutenant colonel. I'm just a sergeant first class. sexobon was special forces (green beret). When I gave my primary and secondary, I was identifying myself to sexobon as noncombat arms

35F4LRU identifies me as a senior intelligence analyst and a graduate of the defense language institute (russian)

31B40 identifies me as a platoon sgt or section sgt in the military police

so I was right ;)

I wasn't trying to make myself look more important. I'm sorry if it came off that way. I've always been open about my rank and what I do. Big Sarge is a nickname I've had for years. It doesn't equate to any special deeds. They call me that because of my size

No you were not.

There's a common misconception among civilians that everyone in the same branch of service (e.g. Army) understands what everyone else there does based upon their job titles. Only about 15% of those I've come across IN the Army actually knew anything more about what I did other than that I wore a different color hat that signified steely eyed killers. That's why I provided links to an Army website that spelled out my job descriptions (unclassified). SF is a minority regiment that few even in the conventional Army are exposed to. Before Big Sarge's time here as a Dwellar, I posted similar information for Merc after I saw indications that there were some shared experiences (though neither of us will publish OCONUS missions on a public website). It turned out to be an entertaining thread. I posted under my previous username [my current name backwards]. I hope you enjoy it Big Sarge: Do you own a goat?

Thanks sexobon.

bump

for the past several years, 1st army has been using hogs. they are sedated before they receive the wounds

and to us civilians it's double-dutch so it's far more entertaining to believe it's a knob war :D

BUMP

again

lets get back to sarge