I Shouldn't Judge You But I Will
 

Dear Aunt of Soccer Team Member,

You have behavioural problems with your adopted three-year old. You confide this to everyone. I just watched you give him a bottle of Mountain Dew to drink when he cried because his Gatorade (large) was all gone. At 7pm. And then you got pissed with him when he got all excited and knocked it over and it didn't have a cap on. But you ignored it when he said he wanted to beat you up and then started punching you.

You sorta suck as a parent. Jus' sayin'. I know you love them (the bio dau, the adopted son, and the fostered troubled niece and nephew). But you have too much going on. You are spending all your time/attention on the older fosterees and neglecting your babies. A Gatorade/Mountain Dew cocktail is not a good babysitter.

Are you related to Steve Schirripa ?

It's hard to sympathise with people who choose to allow children softdrink in the evening

I don't believe so. But maybe he'd marry me? "Steve The Judgmental Bastard" is exactly how I felt (I had to wikipedia him). Caffeine and sugar for a 3yo in the evening and a complete faliure to deal with the consequences? Dick.

--Parenthood

Substitute parental designator where needed. ;)

As my mother says, you need a diploma for any job save being a parent.

At 7.00 PM, a 3 years old should be eating his last meal for the day and prepare for bed.

And, sugar and cafeine in such are not very healthy even for for a full adult.

Procrastination Special!

Folks, I'm avoiding a huge nasty task that's hanging over me and has to be done today. So in order to avoid it, I'll be offering free judgments all day! Just give me the bare bones of the scenario, facts not necessary....

Great!

My ex-boyfriend: commence with the judging! (and please, be harsh)

He really didn't ought to be spending his money on that shit, his priorities are all fucked up. Someone needs to open a whole can of whoop-ass on that dude. After he gets a haircut. And the hypocrisy! OMG! Does he not realise what a complete tit-wadded-fuck-fest of a human being he it? Jeeze. And he drives like a granny with dotted-line-aphobia.

ok, here's one.

We are trying to figure out our plans for the summer. Camps, vacations, etc.

Friends of ours moved to London suburbs (near Windsor) for two years last summer. They have asked us several times to come visit them. Have an extra bedroom, miss us, etc. So we finally figured out that we can probably swing it in August. It will be expensive for 4 tickets, but it's a once in a lifetime kind of thing, so why not? We'd spend several nights with them, and then go traveling on our own for a week or so.

So we email them that we can come in August, and they are sending all these signals like we aren't welcome now. They aren't coming out and saying it in concrete terms, but they are definitely sending a chilling vibe.

WTF?

Should we just tell them never mind, and make other plans instead?

Oh I totally hate people like that. No, you should damn well land on their doorstep without warning. Chances are they've been spinning you a whole line of bullshit about how awesome their life and house is and they don't want you to find out that their daughter's up the duff to a chav meth-head and their "thatched desirable residence" is a former council house with grass growing in the gutter.

:lol: .

OK. we can breathe. I started the task, and the tax return is due today, not two weeks ago. here's hoping it's a doddle....

Please to judge my hard heart and sarcastic sense of homer, I mean humor. Shoe me, I mean, show me, the arrow of my wheys...ahem, the error of my ways.

Why am I seeing Monster in a Lucy type booth with a sign, Judgmental Bitch Judgments $5 ;)

Hihi....I need this today. :D Here goes:

An ex, broke up with me via email, said I can call to talk but didn't pick up my phone calls. After 2 years, I emailed cuz I didn't want to think back to something sour (please spare the judgements on me. :p:) He was nice but after a few emails, he just stopped replying. WTF? I was trying to be nice, I don't want to get back together. :rolleyes:

sarcastic sense of homer? WTF is that?
No hard heart at all. I expected nothing different from you. Your opinion of me has no validity in my life, nor mine in yours, I'm sure. Funny how you find it so easy to see only what you want to see regarding my posts this year. You conveniently missed reality though. Thats ok. See whatever you want.

Um, what?

He's bipolar and needs to be on antidepressant medication. he's just in denial about it and you are the messenger he is shooting. Also, his penis is crooked and he's been putting it places you don't want to think about. And that on top of the fact that he can't organize his sock drawer never mind a coherent thought. He needs a good slap with a wet kipper and be made to realize that it's entirely his fault that Nirvana's rellies' baby shower invites are all fucked up.

I was recycling :D

#antidepressantthread

Oh crap, my heart just stopped for a minute.

(note to self: recognize homer.)

:)

Your puns are puny, your humor is homo, and your shoes are shilly. You need to bland up and make sure you include the "looks see i just told a joke" after the punchline. Nobody likes a smartarse who thinks their humor is so freaking special that it doesn't need pointing out with fluorescent pink highlighter.

And now you've been judged.

sorry :o

(slinks away in shame...or would if she had any shame glands.)

Homer isn't teh ghey.

No solly needed. I needed the jump start. :lol:

OK, I have the tax return, but this is a generic. where's the prepinted one for my organization? the pile I last saw it in isn't there any more, and neither is the bag/file it might be in. i knew I should never have tried to make my desk more organized -now I can't find anything

aha! I have it.

I'm failing in my procrastination today. Although i haven't actually started on the form yes and it must be filed today

Thank you...:p:

The form is ready to mail. Obviously this is the cure for procrastination.

Have I been in a coma and it's actually April 14th? Or maybe this is something special for furrners?

this is Michigan withholding for businesses

You can judge my fucking bank. I want to file my taxes and get my refund, but I'm waiting on forms that the bastards are required by law to send by January 30th, but every year they come sometime in March. I want my money, bitches!

Well, you could report them.

http://www.irs.gov/help/article/0,,id=96730,00.html

1) Be (indirectly) direct. Something like, "You don't seem that keen. Let us know if it's bad timing..." It gives them an out, so they might be honest if it's a problem. Or they might admit is really is the timing (someone else might be promised their time) or a downturn in finances or something else you can work round. They might worry that you need a tour guide, necessitating time off...

2) Do come! I'm free all August so I can at least meet you in London for one meal! I'd be able to advise you on bus & Tube tickets and decent places to eat and perhaps my insight into things you've planned to see.

I might even be able to hire a car and collect you from Windsor on a quick tour of Aylesbury Vale. There's nothing staggering here, but if you're making the most of your airfare by staying longer for example you might like to see Waddesdon Manor or Claydon House or have a proper afternoon tea at Hartwell House Hotel. I worked there in my late teens/ early twenties and amongst other claims to fame it was the English home of Louis VIII in exile from the French Revolution. Happy to help anyway, as will other Brits, if you want to go slightly off the beaten track.

3) Just come already.

Oh, I'm pretty sure I know why they are being all distant now. They don't have their summer planned yet, and they don't want us to be putting them in a position to make plans now. They want to travel at some point too, and might want to be gone in August. Plus they have one set of parents there now for several weeks, so they are probably sick of house guests right now and can't stand the idea of having more, even though in August they would probably feel differently.

It was bad timing on our part to mention it with them now, but the summer camp deadlines are this week, so that's when it came up for us. We don't need to finalize plans for a while, so we'll let it marinade for a bit.

I appreciate all your offers! If we do go, I'd love to meet you, Sundae.

A very close second choice would be to go up to Maine and go camping with my parents. Our kids are old enough now that I can take them on my favorite hike in the world. Climbing up a mountain with a lake on top for swimming and tons of wild blueberries to feast upon. Here's a picture of me and my younger siblings scrounging for blueberries.

That was then, but now there's a Walmart on that far ridge, next to the McDonald's with the bright plastic patio furniture.

Fuck 'em then Glatt.
In a nice way.
If'n you can save money by doing Maine then do so - you have plenty of time to do Europe as adults - give the kids something they'll love rather than flying them halfway around the world for something that they might not appreciate (not a comment on your children, I know they are smart.)

Put the money saved into their college funds...
Or better yet, renew your vows in London with it :)

And I hope to do this job for years yet, so I might not be able to host anything, but I have all school holidays free and hopefully at least enough for travel/ a meal.

TIL that marinade can be used as a verb.

What's TIL mean? Is that like LOL?

Today I Learned.

Harrumph. That's one of those words that's only a word because enough people were using it wrongly that it's considered evolved. Used to be--in the good old days--when we walked a mile uphill both ways in the snow--that the noun was marinade and the verb was marinate. Next you'll be telling me it's acceptable to spell judgment with an e... rassa frassa kids these days...

Clodfobble's bank is clearly marinading her tax documentation in a cesspool of incompetance brought on by them all being People of Walmart. The situation will only be resolve when People Of Walmart is officialy recognized as an ethnicity which qualifies them for a free goverment brain cell top-up program. In the meanwhile, her bank manager needs to get his lazy ass out of the leather seat of his golf cart that bears his imprint all too clearly, repay the money that he "borrowed" from Ms Fobble's account and get her damn paperwork in order and in the mail stat. And then maybe request a refund from the "university" he bought his banking degree from.

See. That's what I was thinking when I saw that. But I looked it up in the on-line Merriam Webster, and they have marinade as both a noun and a verb.

I meant to type marinate, but I wasn't thinking. I'm pleased to see my mistake is actually correct.

You can wordify anything if you just verb it.

Hahahahhahaaa! I feel the same way about "irregardless."

IT'S NOT A WORD. People use it to sound wicked smaht, but any fool knows that "regardless" suffices and needs not no "ir." :lol:

Oh, and "anyways." Why do people feel the need to add the S?

What, this is not the What Words Are Pissing You Off Today thread?

'Scuse. :D

I can be. I'm all done with judging for now (well at least in this thread...), might as well reuse/recycle, save the environment.....

Okay then, in two steps I saw two words that irritated me.

The first was on a Subway poster - Do the Math! - advertising their sub of the day. No. In this country the abbreviation of mathematics is maths. Don't start trying to import American spellings. Otherwise I will expect an American level of service.

And right next door a professional sign outside a hairdressers advertising Heena Designs on a list of beauty services. Does no-one check their proofs any more?!

Dude, I thought "maths" was just an internet meme.

A (spoken) local car commercial that really bugs me: WE'LL SAVE YOU AT LEAST 3 TO 8 HUNDRED DOLLARS.

No, you'll save me at least 300 dollars. Apparently, at the most you'll save me 800 dollars. Basically, you'll save me anywhere from 3 to 8 hundred dollars.

The whole of the UK is just an internet meme. It usurped the threat of gypsies to small naughty children. "Now then, little Chuckie Spunkwagon the third, you behave yourself on that thar porn site or you'll be in the UK and spelling everything with a u before you know it". Everythiung.

Short answer - no. I've seen many spelling and grammar errors even from major media providers.

Did you mean to use Little Chuckie Spunkwagon in the hobo naming thread? U, U, (who u callin' a U U?)

Saw another one today.
Handwritten card outside a temp agency, advertising for a cleaner.
"Applicats enquire inside"

Didn't make me cross. In fact it made grin all the way through the shopping centre, and people smiled back, so it made my day.

I'm now training Diz to be an applicat.

Please. Make. Me. Stop!

At an old apartment there was a space where they didn't want anyone to park.

They laid out the lines and the letters all nicely and professionally, painted with the proper type of paint:

NO PAKING

I haven't been able to pake since.

People who can't spell shouldn't run the world.

They don't, they ruin it.

People who can't spell shouldn't ruin the word.