the lie thread
 

ok here's a fun game....

I want you to comment on this thread about how you met the previous poster. But, I want you to lie. That's right. Just make stuff up. I know how many creative people are here so come on, make us laugh! Or else...!

(for example: from drfroth and my facebook page: It was that day a few years ago when the gigantic turtle towing the trailer filled with rancid mashed potatoes and rhino eggs crawled out from under the bridge at the track. You had just escaped from the institute for the insane and sexualy malfuntioned. You tried to run, but the turtle was on you in a flash and begin knawing at your legs. The turtle was soon joined by a carnivours cow named Moolie who galloped over and took a big bite out of your crotch. We heard your screams even though they hit octaves usually reserved for small members of the animal kingdom. After saving you...we gave you a job. I'll never forget that day.)

sooooo.....guess i get to get slammed first...errrr second. no wait first here. ummm.....

I met plthijinx on a steamy August afternoon. I couldn't even tell you what the humidity level was, but his shirt was sticking to him in a very becoming manner, and even from across the lawn I guessed the sweat was running down his bak into his buttcrack and pooling in his pants.

I know he was trying to look manly, posing by the barbecue, sipping continental lager and sword swallowing sausages, but there was something about the way he was wearing those Hello Kitty sandals that spoke of an interesting duality in his nature.

I sashayed across, vodka and diet coke in a long glass sweating cool into my hand, and eyed him up and down from close range. I was freshly washed and powdered in my cream linen dress and straw hat, barefoot on the fast dying lawn. "I'm Cherry" I murmered seductively, "and you look hot."

What happened next came like a thunderclap. Well, it was a thunderclap. The two of us were soaked to the skin by the sudden onslaught of hot summer rain, warm as blood on my shoulders and on my emotions.

I can't remember too much more. Suffice to say that as they pulled me out of the oxygen tent, I asked for the latest party.

that's the spirit! (good one too i might add!!) but i cannot double post soooo....come on someone! how did you meet (or meat) SG??

I first met Sundae Girl at a post deconstructionalist/MaryKay party and tent revival. She demonstrated for us the new and startling depths to which the Brits have taken the MaryKay (originally from Texas) look and lifestyle. Keeping to her satirical commentary on the American South (with typical understated British humor), she pulled a large boa constrictor from her pink MaryKay case and allowed the giant snake to writhe around her pink poka dotted bikini clad body while she spoke in tongues or maybe she was just talking with her cool British accent.

Although Sundae's mother seemed faintly disapproving of this display, the rest of the crowd roared its approval - especially the male part of the crowd - and demanded that Sundae wash away their sins by immersing them in MaryKay Sensual Bath Oil.

I still have the pix and Sundae can pm me if she wants to find out my blackmail plans. :eek:

samiam came up to me one day at the airport. wanted to join the mile high club with sheldon. all the while thinking that "Thinks Dr. Seuss is not a REAL doctor" so i'm like "what the fuck" i'll fly this mission. as long as shel isn't focused on me. way to go sam!! i appreciate that! anyway while on climb out sam pushed shel out the door then begged me to let sam fly the plane. errrr ok i'll letcha. hell if zip can fly anyone can. only thing is when we landed? was it back at the home airport?? neeeeooooowwww!!! it was vegas. so we post drunk and rich. we hit the progressive.

I first met plthijinx when he and Sam came into my wedding chapel in Vegas. The ceremony was almost over, when Sheldon came in and started coming on to me (something about fingers). Then he started baggi--ragging me about my Elvis lambchop sideburns. Then Sam, who had previously complimented me on my sideburns, hit Shel with her purse, then he hit her with his, and shit just kinda went downhill from there.

We wound up in jail, but, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, right?

I first met Gravedigr in Mount Carmel Cemetery at 2am. He was neck deep in an open grave when I asked, " Are you putting on in or taking one out? " He looked up in an award silence. Then I notice it 1kg of uncut Colombian cocaine. Needless to say the rest of the night was kind of burly, but I would up in the Nevada desert

toranokaze showed up at the airport with this white substance in a bag and i asked him if it was cocaine. the answer was no, it;s doggie flea powder. doggie flea powder?? :confused: well where did you get that? i asked. answer? beh, i dug it up someplace. can you give me a ride back to little mexico? looking at the white substance i said, no, no i can;t. i;ve got an angel flight i have to do with a patient seeking medical care back in houston for herpegonnasyphilaids. then tora walked off mumbling something about a grave digger....huh. imagine that.

Plt was the pilot of a plane I was on going from Australia to LA. Somehow, a strange magnetic anomaly caused the plane to crash near an island in the pacific. Many people died, but many of us survived for several months on the island. I did not see plt again, until one night when a band of "others" tried to steal a pregnant woman from my camp. He was the one with the needle. We became reacquainted again one day when we were individually both asked to return to reality by some psycho. We both boarded a plane, though I believe he got to fly again ...not sure why they let him since the last one he flew crashed. He resumed his former life in Texas and I resumed mine in Colorado. :)

How original, huh?

I first met kero when he and plt were doing some court ordered re-hab. I wasn't in re-hab. I was on the corner slinging dope to the freshly fiending addicts. Plt was off pretty quick as he had to go, uh, "work out" with a prison buddy. (?) Last time I saw, kero was crawling around on the sidewalk scrutinizing every pebble and piece of lint mumbling "Is this flea powder? Wait, is that flea powder? Ooh, flea powder??"

It was sad.

I sold kero some ground up tic tacs...

I first met Gravdigr when he was receiving an honorary doctorate in Chemical Pharmacology from St Cross College, Oxford. He was being recognised for his work in drug discovery and delivered an introduction to his groundbreaking paper comparing and contrasting developments in both the American and Afghan fields, sponsored by Dunkin Donuts.

Obviously he was mobbed by both Fellows and Dons at the reception held afterwards, and which I admit I actually gatecrashed. Well, crashed into really. I managed to recognise him too, and we had a spirited discussion about whether he had any further ground that need breaking, and where I might discover some available grass in the field.

I separated him from the mob, for which he showed great appreciation, and also provided him with paper during a sticky situation in the Gents. He decided to blow that buffet, although I think that might have been the vol-au-vents. As a result the evening ended with both of us being pulled from the bed of Isis, whence we had descended via the Bird and Baby.

His connections had him released hours before me, so it was a sodden and stumbling Sundae mourning. I hope to see him again, from the moment of our separation I missed his gravity, his grace and the grand I lent him to further his studies into pharmacology.

And that was how I became a girl. ;)

sundae that was awesome!

and kero? big grin just big griiiiin! :lol2:

but really how kerosene and i met was this:

she was on a date with gravedgr at the go kart track. they were swerving, bumping, slamming just being downright wreckless and careless! i got on them for their antics but not before gravedgr sucker punched me in the nose. so what did i do? i wiped my bloody nose on grave;s pants leg and told an 8 year old girl to take out kero, which she did mind you. little did kero know that the little girl was already a black belt in aikido! so since then we have become friends to this day. although i think i met kero on a flight i had that was zapped by a UFO and caused us to crash in the pacific but maybe that was a dream.....hmmmm.

I told you not to rub that tic-tac powder on your hoohoo...

Sorry about the "he" thing. I had a feeling when I posted that...I thought it was gas.

I first met Gravdigr and plthijinx when I chartered a plane to visit my long lost relatives in the Kentucky mountains. I showed up in full hillbilly regalia (think Ellie Mae in the Beverly Hillbillies). He almost refused to take me, but I showed him cold, hard cash and revealed my stash of my finest home grown in my backpack, so plthijinx agreed to fly me back East.

We got up to cruising altitude and I broke out one of my baggies. Being a lady, I offered to share and my trusty pilot took me up on my offer. Damn, that stuff was FINE! So we broke open a second baggie, and sometime later, plthijinx managed to land us on a beach in the Virgin Islands which was fine by me. After spending a week getting gorgeous tans and drinking lots of rum concoctions with little umbrellas in them, I remembered I was supposed to be staying in a one room shack with 10 of my closest relatives, not living it up on the beach.

Reluctantly, we took to the air again, heading in the general direction of the Cumberland Gap. However, plthijinx insisted on making a stop in western Kentucky, so we could pick up his old buddy, Gravdigr. I had heard some very strange things about Gravdigr, so I wasn't too sure about this, but plthijinx insisted. We were on our 9th or 10th baggie, so I agreed. Man, was Gravdigr surprised when we landed in a corn field across from his house.

Gravdigr is always up for a boogie, plus he just had had a run-in with the local sheriff - something about a 14 year old girl and the back of a movie theater. But I thought Gravdigr was pretty cute in his flowing saffron Buddhist robe and he had a nice stash of his own, so I figured he'd be an OK traveling companion after all.

Once again, plthijinx's little plane climbed up into the ionisphere. It was hard to see much from up there, especially as stoned as we all were. On top of that, we were trying to find the little town of Goldbug, Kentucky (pop 87 - all related to me and each other). After making several scarey passes over the Appalachians with no luck, plthijinx let Gravdigr take the controls just for the hell of it.

Gravdigr swooped down low into a narrow mountain valley, and there was Goldbug! I could tell because all the men were aiming shotguns at our plane and all the shacks had at least on still behind them. Gravdigr made a crash landing on top of an abandoned strip mine, and the locals rushed over to check us out.

I could see my cousin Floyd in the crowd or maybe Floyd is my uncle - probably both. He recognized me too, and we all went off to his place to sample his latest efforts with corn likker. I don't remember much after that, but plthijinx managed eventually to get us all back to Arizona (or where ever it is he's based). I caught a ride home to Colorado with a passing Navajo and the last time I saw Gravdigr, he was chanting hare krishna songs at the airport. He may still be there for all I know.

The End

Okay, let's get a few things straight, right now:

1. She said she was sixteen...

2. It was a bowling alley...

3. It's a European lounging jacket...it was a gift.

Actually, I am quite enjoying being a girl. When does the effect wear off?

And nice, plt. Taken out by an 8 year old. And now I know why grav turned me into a girl. So he could go on a date with me!

I met Gravdigr one day in the mountains of Montana. I was there on a camping trip with SamIam. We were in a very remote area of the woods when we heard a strange noise coming from the woods. We thought it was a bear and when we saw Grav, we still thought he was a bear, so I began shooting with my shotgun, but being the terrible shot I am, I missed (with a shotgun!) Luckily I missed, though, because Grav started mumbling unintelligibly for a while and we realized he was a man who had been raised by bears. We decided to civilize him, so we put him in the back of my truck and we took him into town. Eventually, he was able to get a job as a nurse, although, learning all those fancy medical terms seemed like it took him a while. He married SamIam and I believe they had a passel of kids.

I will never forget the day I met kerosene. I was on holiday in Tuscany (or maybe I was vacationing in Cleveland.) It was an unseasonably warm (or cold) day in October (or November) and I noticed a lovely artist selling her paintings on a cobblestoned street (or the intersection of St Clair and 55th.) I inquired about the price of a particular piece that caught my eye, and she replied "you seem a kind soul, here...take this painting with my blessing. May it bring you years of happiness."

We went out for coffee (or shots of Tequila with beer chasers) at a lovely open air cafe (or the Hard Rock Cafe) and had a long chat (or rant) about the meaning of life and all the beauty in the world (or about the drunk guy at the bar who couldn't stop leering.) We exchanged phone numbers (or email addresses) and promised to keep in touch.

Some moments you just never forget.

Wait, who was I talking about?

I first met Shawnee on an elective surgery ward.
I was in for anal bleaching - I never heard what she was in for and the first rule of elective surgery is you never talk about elective surgery. The second rule is of course you show the scars to anyone who does ask.

She woke me up, truth be told. She was high on something (following her surgery I presume) and calling for beers and pot and strippers. Part of me admired her spirit, and the other part of me thought "Shut the fuck up bitch, some of us have Drainol up the chuffer and need to sleep."

As I came around the second time I was amazed to see that her demands had been granted. I started yelling for Shakespeare and afternoon tea, and possibly John Barrowman. I would have screamed til my throat bled, but Shawnee, in a fit of conscience unusual for her, informed me that her treats were actually from grateful clients and nothing to do with the hospital we were paying over the odds to stay in.

Turns out Shawnee was a go-between, matching students with available grants for a commission. Of course it was mostly the rich, who would pay $500 in order to save $1000 who were her main customers. Lord alone knows what they made of her requests for Mr Incredible or Santa Claus lookalikes smeared with engine oil to fondle (I have no idea who she had in mind) and I'm not sure whether the nurses really approved of the clouds of smoke billowing from her bed and making all of us cakle like laying hens.

But I can't deny her largesse. She left me with a pile of lobsters (cockroach of the sea she said) and a case of French Piss (aka champagne) with which she suggested I might want to douche.

I don't think I've ever met a lady with such earthy charm.
And given the suppurting sores I've been left with, I'll certainly not being going back to our meeting place.

I first met Sundae---wait, nevermind, that wasn't me...