Who has the most dysfunctional relative?
 

I wanna hear your Thanksgiving stories.

Me, I've got a step-grandfather (married to my grandmother for some 30-ish years, but never accepted as anything resembling a paternal relative by anyone in the family.) He's a poet, which is to say he's earned several hundred dollars over the decades for poetry, supplemented by things like working at Kinko's and collecting disability and my grandmother's social security. He wears a yellow beret everywhere, gives away copies and booklets of his poems at every opportunity, including this Thanksgiving, and is liable to start reciting them if you're not careful.

The best quote from him this evening had to do with why one particular poem in this booklet he passed out to us was so special. "I had to be magical when I was writing that," he said. "I mean, I always have to be magical for my poetry, but I tried extra hard to be magical on that one. I made a vow to the muses that, in exchange for my poetic gifts, I would never take any name other than the one my mother gave me. That's important, you see, because as a Pagan there are many rituals in which you are given a new name. And it was sometimes awkward with people, but I just had to explain to them the vow I'd made, and how I needed to keep my one true name because I had to be magical all the time."

is his name Merlin?

I think I'm the most dysfunctional relative in our family, actually. I've refused to have anything to do with Thanksgiving for years.

You got me beat. We're mostly estranged. My mother doesn't know about Thor (aged 9) It works. No disfunction :)

Thor being the only American in the family an us being the only family in the USA, Thanksgiving doesn't cause us to be nuttier than normal

Repo Man:

Everyone was on their best behavior today. It had a weird Norman Rockwell feel to it. It kinda freaks me out reflecting on it.

My family does not have to get together to be dysfunctional. Some call each other up on holidays and then they can be dysfunctional long distance. :neutral:

We came late cuz I swear the evite my cousin sent was for 1/2 hour later. So the picture taking and gathering and chatting occurred when we hadn't come yet. My nephew got tired so we left early, and that's when they took the drinks out. So, basically, we came, ate, then left without socializing. I don't think we were in any of the happy pictures. (My cousin already posted them in FB.) :rolleyes: Nopes, no dysfunction, or at least nothing extreme. There was in incident where a toddler tripped and cried. Her uncle remarked she would've been hurt except her rolls broke her fall. :confused: I turned to look but still couldn't understand what the heck he was talking about.

My cousin set me up in a dope deal and caused me to go to prison. All the legal trouble I've ever been in, family got me there.

Rolls. Of fat.:eek:

I have a druggie/alcoholic cousin who had 3 kids that my aunt (her mom) finally has legal custody to. Cousin should have no contact with the family anymore, especially to the kids. Her mom keeps giving her 1 more chance...

Yesterday she was not allowed at Thanksgiving (her sister/my other cousin forbids it), but she did call her mom that evening. She was either drunk or high or both, was outside her mom's house and wanted her mom to come home to hold onto her camera so she won't lose it (she took some photography classes and has a really nice camera). Instead of just calling the cops, her mom was going to actually go and try to take the dumb bitch to the hospital. Stupid because that will take hours, means foisting the kids off on someone else, and the dumb bitch might hurt her mom is she doesn't get what she wants. So her other 2 daughters were trying to talk their mom out of going....
It was at that point my family decided to leave.

I know that I still don't have the most dysfunctional family/family member. There is a very good reason why we didn't go to my b/f's for Thanksgiving, and he is trying to avoid it for Christmas also.

You people are so judgmental of your alternative-functional relatives.
Don't forget to them, you're alternative-functional.






:lol:

You're right bruce, all dumb bitch cousin wants is for us to cook meth and beat our kids together.

wow, Clod, that guy's got everything! A magical Pagan beret-wearing poet who is completely unbearable!

Does he ride a unicorn?

Probably.

and he jumps it over double-complete rainbows!

My rellies aren't really dysfunctional, but I have a sister who doesn't love me and I think that's pretty darned odd.
And the oddest thing is I don't think I've ever done anything specific to cause it.
None of my personal drama has affected her - I'm sure Mum tells her things which she then judges - but I've not behaved inappropriately around her or her children, no matter what was going on in my life.

I think getting divorced was part of it, but she was shady with me even before that.

This is why I dream about her all the time (usually about violent conflicts). I doubt she dreams about me.

Might be a perceived level of personal responsibility. (Not saying you don't have it, just guessing as to what she's seeing.) I spent a long time resenting my brother because, he being the less inclined of us to ever do anything, he got a lot more support from our mom in all forms, while I simply got praised for doing everything well and thoroughly on my own. To this day he is still living with her in his late 20s, and that used to infuriate me, that she wouldn't kick him out to sink or swim like my father had long ago. But in recent years she's been able to offer a lot more intangible things to me with regards to my kids, like babysitting and research and buying stupid items that are not about the money but about my inability to physically go to the store, and I've made peace with the idea that she gives to us equally but in different ways (or at least she does now that she's found something I need.) Perhaps it's really about your sister's relationship with your mom, rather than with you.

I see what you're saying, but it's unlikely. I only moved back here in 2008, and my sister has resisted my charms for far longer than that.

For example she visited my house TWICE in the four years I lived there with my boyfriend/ fiance/ husband. And one was the night before my wedding and only because she felt she had to drive my Mum there. And back then I was in a really good job. I invited her so many times, but it was always inconvenient.

If she doesn't love me because I've had mental health problems then she's only had evidence of that quite recently. And can I point out, Mum told her I was attending daycare because I was potentially a suicide risk and she did not phone, email, contact me in any way. Nothing. Six months earlier I'd sent her a bunch of fucking balloons when she was hospitalised with a cut hand! (she had to be operated on due to risk of infection because she ignored medical advice and refused earlier treatment)

Tempted to delete the above because I know how it comes across. But it is how I feel. I don't really love her - how can you when someone gives you nothing in return? - but I want her love and concern and respect so much... And it won't happen. And it hurts.

Fuck Her and feed her Fish heads SG !!!

You take care of you !!
if she wants to join the Party You can have the Bouncer give her a Hard time at the door

We save our dysfunction for the other 363 days out of the year.

SG - Your post really hit home for me.

Wasting your life looking for her approval will do NOTHING positive for you.

I have an older brother - much the same situation. He is extremely successful financially, but in the familial department he is sorely lacking.

I have taken up the zippy plan for the last few years... I still lament on the reality that I have a brother whom I don't really know well or see, but that's HIS problem. I cannot do anymore than I've already done to rectify it. It's on him now. IF it happens, great. If not - oh well, I tried.

I am sure the hurt cuts deep when there is love lost between siblings.

sorry SG & Classic :(

I am guessing that he traded the casual sex in the name of honoring the Goddess for the unicorn-riding virginity.

However, I would expect that he has seen unicorns, fairies, and would drive a Prius, if he could afford one.

I spend most of my time dealing with other people's dysfunctional relatives. My favorite, of course is the Crazy Guy Who Sometimes Sleeps on the Porch. I've spoken about him before, I think. One year when I was admitting him and going through to inventory his wallet, I found a lot of family photographs, including kid's school pictures. I really hadn't given thought to the fact that he is someone's "Crazy Uncle Jimmy." He doesn't get family visits when he's in.

I generally avoid my own family's nonsense. momwolf chose not to deal with them for many years, and I continue to do so to honor her memory. Really. That's why. Honestly. I go to the local funerals, at least. She used her Get Out of Jail Free card on the last one, but she was quite ill and and would have been difficult for her to attend. That's our story and we're sticking to it. There's really only her brother with Alzheimers and her twin brother who would call drunk on their birthday every year, and still owed her money at the time of her death.

She extracted a promise from me before she died, "Don't bury me with those people."

She's sitting on a display unit in the living room.

Not sure whether he'd choose a Prius, but he definitely can't afford one. He drives an old Mazda that he bought used and then paid to have repainted bright canary yellow (to match his beret.) Yellow's his thing.

My bad cousin was given the choice to see her children xmas eve over at my aunt's house. She didn't show. On xmas we're all over at one of the good cousin's houses for lunch. She showed up, circling the neighborhood. Called/texted her mom that she wanted to see the kids. Of course she was refused, my good cousin will absolutely not allow her in the house. My aunt offered to let her see them the next day, that wasn't good enough. Eventually she threatened to burn my aunt's house down. I'm not sure what happened after that, how it got resolved, because I was the only clear headed one to shoo the kids into the playroom to keep them from over hearing too much more drama. Kinda pissed that my aunt didn't make sure they were kept out of it when it started. As far as I know, no houses got burned down.

I AM our most dysfunctional family member! I'm a highly functioning non-functioner. Oh well.

Have they learned of the hobo thing?

No, but you know what? They might say "well I'll be damned: she's not a total lacksadaisical silly heart, she has a purpose." :lol:

Reading some of the stories fairly cheers me up, not because of the hassle or the hurt caused to others but because I thought it was only my crew that had the problems.
Seems like every family has them, the odd Uncle,batty mother,sister ,brother :D

I know that feeling! That's why I stopped going to the family reunions that way if I wasn't there they could all talk openly without having to hide around the corner when I entered the room. HEHEHE

My mother is starting to understand my long held position that being related means jackshit. If they are not friends, fuck 'em.

Given it's now the 29th and Mum hasn't spoken to me (directly or even indirectly) since Christmas Day, I am putting her forward instead of my sister.

Luckily, Dad is talking to me again, so maybe I got more genes from his side of the family or something. I mean, I know I'm a nutter if you scratch the surface, but she really is making this into a saga now.

Oh, and if you wonder why I'm not addressing this, it's because I am actually terrified of her when she's in this incarnation. She's never threatened me with physical violence - as she has Dad - but I think that's because she knows that will rouse my own temper and I'd probably challenge her to do it (and perhaps even smack her back). But she can reduce me to tears with a well-considered line. And she's had plenty of time - 38 years - to think one up.

Riding it out, riding it out...

BTW I have an appalling temper, hence the claim that I might wallop Mum one if she hit me. I'm not proud of it, just realistic. Which is one of my reasons for backing down, and in this case, hiding. Last time I lost my temper was the whole hoo-ha about me making faces over dinner because Mum was coughing. She stormed out then as well, but as it wasn't icy outside she was actually able to leave the house.

I decided never to eat with them again at that point (somethign I have mostly stuck to). I feel it was my facial expressions and inability to eat given Mum's sniping at Dad that are behind this display. Still. FOUR DAYS.

That's fucked up Sundae. If facial expressions are all it takes to bring this shit down on you, my God, what can you do?

Could be worse ,

I think all of you should just bow out of this contest gracefully. We have a winner:
Curtis Bowen©

It's the holiday season, and the yellow beret fanatic described in the first post of this thread is at it again!

The first Christmas after my grandmother died, her Pagan poet husband gave us all the same thing: a bronze-ish candle stand, about a foot tall, stylized to appear as if three abstract female figures were holding up the main plate for the candle. This was supposed to represent "the three Marys" who had departed from us: the mother, the lover, and the goddess, or some shit like that. It was from a poem he wrote and read at her funeral; I wasn't really listening.

So anyway, three years later, he emails me this morning to RSVP for our family Christmas gathering, and lets me know that he hopes to be bringing a guest, some hippie 60-year-old that he thinks he is wooing. Sure, whatever. But then he tells me that it has occurred to him that the candle holder was not really a suitable present for my daughter, and that he would like to buy it back from me for $40 (twice what he paid for it, so a great deal for me!) and replace it with something better for "the child," whatever I might choose.

1.) I am certain that he didn't give it to my daughter, because if he had, he would have also given one to my son, and I would have had three of these stupid things floating around the house instead of just one. As it is, I actually have zero, because I gave mine to Goodwill shortly after receiving it.

2.) The reason he wants to buy it back from me is because he plans to give it to the woman he is quasi-dating, and was dismayed to learn that the store he bought them from no longer carries them.

I am glad he shared item number 2 with me, because aside from the humor value, it gives me a chance to explain to him that his new girlfriend certainly does not want a poignant symbol of his late wife, which will hopefully deflect from the fact that I tossed it years ago.

Oops.
:lol:

Ha!

So, this old dude was married to your gram, but she has passed. But he still involves himself in your family? She never had any kids with him did she? So there is no real tie, neither blood nor marriage. I guess you must be all he has left. Otherwise, I'd think that he would return to his clan for family gatherings like holidays. Does some other member of your family like him and keep in contact?

I guess that's normal, but it seems odd to me for some reason. I don't know why. I guess it's pretty cool off y'all to include him. He must get pretty lonely.

I guess my mom's youngest sibling, her brother, is our most dysfunctional. I like him, but he's kind of nutty. He does civil war reenactments, has a beard that rivals the duck dynasty guys, and posts lots of weird nsfw stuff on his Facebook page. He'll go through phases of latex clad Japanese barely legals, then cool muscle cars, then bondage stuff, then some grateful dead stuff, then back to naughty bits....

My 4 maternal aunts have all un friended him over that. I keep him on, because I think it's funny. He came to Christmas one time about 5 years ago in an attempt to reconcile, but he just exudes bitterness about being the black sheep.

He's a rebel. His profile picture is him giving the camera the finger. Reminds me of gravdgr a little....

He was an aspiring actor, and actually got a role on the pilot for Homicide, Life on the streets, way back when that show first came out. He was the very first perp. A biker. Only had two lines, but he nailed them. "A simple man comes home from work and wonders what's for dinner". I forget the other one.

Edit. He was not on the pilot. It was the second episode of season one. So, not the first perp.

But he's mentioned on the wiki. That's pretty cool

http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ghost..._on_the_Street)

He played Ralph Fenwick

Apparently there is another actor with the same name, and IMDB has them mixed up. Oh well.

Yeah, but he was married to her ever since my mom was a teenager, so he's been around quite awhile. My grandma was married to him more than twice as long as she was married to my mom's actual dad... By all rights I should have called him "grandpa," since he was just as present in my life as she was, but everyone else in the family kept him at arm's length and called him by his first name, so my brother and I did too.

Anyway, you're right, he has no one. After my grandma died, he had to put a new benefactor on his life insurance policy, and he told my mom that he was "pretty sure" he had a cousin who was still alive, but couldn't find him after a few months of trying so he just put my kids on there instead (not that it's any significant amount of money, just enough to bury him really, but it was a nice gesture.)

No one in the family likes him, but I guess we all feel it would be too mean to just cut him out. Actually, not all of us--he and one uncle had a big fight about something a few months ago, and he was not invited to Thanksgiving this year at this same uncle's house. Can't for the life of me figure out what the fight could have been about, or why they would even have the opportunity for a conversation, but there it is.

*shrug* I still invited him to Christmas at my house. He's not in great health, so personally I figure he'll just die in a few more years and solve the dilemma for everyone.

bzzzzzt! is the answer all my relatives?

(Possibly Ex) Herion Addict Sister that havent had any thing to do with in close 10 years , her 4 boys ( 2 are doing great and i stay in touch with , 2 Aint worth a SHIT !!!! )
as for who wont stay in contact with me , every body else , i have reached out , and gotten no hits from cousins ( exept for 1 asking for a few grand ), no aunts , uncles , or grands left alive
We ( carol and I are the Top of the food chain ( as it were )

You're a good egg, you know

He has no one else, and he's been your step-grand as long as you can remember. It doesn't appear to be costing you much to invite him, and you're the only family he has. I hope he doesn't know how much you shrug over whether he lives or dies.

Y'all have no idea of what a dysfunctional family is. For years, this Cellar has been my family and kept me going through so many rough spots in my life. If any of you have a more dysfunctional family than the Cellar, I think you must be dreaming. I care about all of you

If the cellar is your family, then I vote for tw as the most dysfunctional

I think Lola Bunny is. See what a shit stirrer she was when she started the thread, "What Car Should I Buy'.

That was a whole new level of devious.

TW turned a nice pleasant little thread about helping her chooze a new car into a multi-page rant about how bad GM is or some such shit. I say ban him. But not just ban him, but super secret squirrel ban him.

No banning. We need to help him. How, you say?

By continuing to go through our lives making emotional decisions and not bothering with the numbers.

IMO - this is not a worthy discussion...