I'm ashamed of myself
 

I'm a horrible person. I've had a stressful week, what with car troubles and things, and I had a crying meltdown last week and a throwing things/anger meltdown yesterday. I snapped viciously at my friends/co-workers yesterday.

I don't even know why I was so upset yesterday. But I know why I'm upset now. I apologized to my friend, and I think apologies are important, but apologies don't erase the behavior. I don't want to be that person--that moody person who thinks she can just say I'm sorry and everything is okay again.

It isn't. I'm an adult, and I should be able to control my emotions, and accept the consequences of my actions. And I do--I am just pretty ashamed of myself today. Of course--that makes me weepy and sad, which is still moody.

Crap. :thepain:

Cloud, did you not just have a hysterectomy? Couldn't this be hormonal? get yourself checked out and don't beat yourself up. it could be worse -you could still be being bitchy and be completely unaware of it.

ugh. don't want to take hormones. maybe I just need drugs, though.

Typical cat lady. :lol2:

Hey, it'll be ok, not to worry.

ha! re: "typical cat lady" -- I went home yesterday very upset, and hugged and petted my kittieboys. It did make me feel better. Animal companions are wonderful, aren't they?

Why not? You've already messed about with the body's natural balance....

I know, i hate taking stuff too, but sometimes it really is a good idea.

I hate to go to Drs too but you may want to try a progesterone cream that is readily available at health food stores.

yeah. and I really need to take my black cohosh supplements, but I keep screwing it off. and back to exercise.

crying today. at work. still. double crap.

Normal reaction. Talk to your doctor. Odds are you'll need something to balance things out. Give it some thought and maybe just try it out.

You're a nice person Cloud. I think it's important to you to have people think of you as a nice person too.

Be good to yourself.

:hug: Hope you feel back to "normal" soon Cloud.

You are not a horrible person. You are a lovely person. You are going through some physical changes that are impacting on your emotions and state of mind. Whether or not you choose to take hormones is a decision for you, but you need to recognise the effects hormonal changes may have on you and at the very least give yourself a break :P Right now you're having to deal with the maelstrom of emotion brought on by those hormonal changes and a bunch of guilt, remorse and confusion to go with them. Those last three things are of no use to you. When you've hairtriggered at someone or are having trouble managing your emotions, the last thing you need to be doing is beating yourself up about that. Those things say nothing about you the person. They only speak to your hormonal balance. It will pass, possibly faster with help and treatment, but it will pass. You're the same well-balanced, reasonable and passionate person you always were and a period of hormone induced emotional turbulence doesn't change that. In any way.

*hugs* sucks though. Not nice feeling that way.

ah, peeps, thanks for the words of encouragement. It would be nice to blame it on hormones (shrugs) but I've always been a very moody, mercurial person. I have no way of knowing if a hormonal imbalance is even present.

My doc and I discussed hrt, and he didn't want to put me on anything right away. I've been trying to manage things myself, and I still want to do that.

I haven't been exercising, and I need to exercise every single day (or 6 days a week); for balanced mood control if nothing else. I also need to take my supplements, and will look into the progesterone creme.

Whatever--I mostly do NOT want to treat my friends that way. It sucks.

Okay okay but don't beat yourself up, hey. You have apologised and no, we all know that doesn't make it OK, but it's a good thing to have done. Hug yourself, Cloud (you know we want to!).

Friends know how it is, and friends will hope that you will give them the same forgiveness when they are a little off-kilter. so quit whining and get your butt in that pool and swim some laps. Or lift weights with your piercings. or something. ;)

i'm working on it. hopefully tomorrow will be better.

:eek:

Well, that might at least get you an endomorphine high.


Be nice to yourself, Cloud.

I hope you are feeling better today ...and I also hope you realized I was teasing when i said "quit your whining" :)

You will probably look back on all this and laugh. It is due to the hormones. My mom had thyroid imbalance issues and had to have a hysterectomy all in a short time frame. We all (including her) talk about those times with laughter. We love her, so we don't resent any of her behavior during that time because we know that it she didn't do them on purpose. She's always been a nutter anyway.
There is no reason to be ashamed, but you should get help. I don't have good advice on what route is best (hormones vs meds vs herbs vs whatever) but it would be best to have a close relationship with your woman's health doctor I think.

"You will probably look back on all this and laugh..."

But it will be a maniacal kind of laughter while standing over the bloodied corpes of the people in front of you at the grocery check-out.



:D

Have I told you lately that I love you Sheldon? Ad you too Cloud. Hope you're feeling a bit sunnier today.

BWA HA HA! (brandishes bloody cleaver)

like that?

:blush:

hugs to my Cellar peeps. I'm just a moody bitch, though, I guess.

If it makes you feel any better, I finally started therapy a few weeks ago (for all of the skeletons in my closet), and I have been swinging between cranky bitch and basket case ever since.

Sounds like one hell of a three-way! :D

Pretty good, try to get a bit more echo and reverberation on it. Stretch the last few Hahaaaas out a little longer.

Like theeez:

MUAhahahaHAAAAAAAAaaaa!

And then flick a little blood spatter at the witnesses with the cleaver, if there's anyone left that is.

Moody? Throw things? Don't be ashamed. That says more about you being sane rather than imbalanced. Life is like that. Sometimes you deserve to throw something and not feel guilty about it. Your reasons for doing it were probably justified. It was rather rash I am sure, but no one was around to hurt- I am betting. You aren't a harmful person from what I can tell. I used to punch my pillows. If you didn't freak out every once in awhile I would doubt that you are human.


I don't think you need drugs just because you have emotions. It's all part of the ride.

Let's not dismiss the drugs just yet, Mr. Cruise!!! If Cloud doesn't want them, I'll take 'em!!! :-)

flakes come from Clouds, I'm told. Still struggling.

Good point Sheldon. Call me Mr. again Sheldon. I am starting to like it. lol!

Who said "flakes come from Clouds"? Want me to beat them up? :)

but snowflakes do come from clouds and are pretty.....

If clouds want rainbows they have to put up with the rain. I just learned that from a fortune cookie on facebook. I am sorry. lol!

Awesome statement! :thumb:

It's your hormones.

There are a lot of options for hormone replacement therapy.

No longer do women have the choice of nothing or taking Premarin (which comes from the urine of pregnant mares stuck in horrendous conditions.)

There are many different forms of estrogen, different ways to take it, ie creams, patches.

I read this as ice creams.

Now THAT is some smart drug marketing!

I want ice cream! I'd melt it though. I'm so hot all the fucking time. It sucks.

You clearly need more ice-cream.