Dear cellar,
 

I'm going to take a little time out, I think. I'm sure I'll be back, maybe sooner maybe later. Don't keep dinner waiting, but leave the key under the mat. Sundae, I'm sorry. Others, I'm not sorry about ur finger or anything else.

wait a minute!

Monster don't go we love you.

Whut? Why? Nooooo.

Well, crap.

:(

Hold on a second, I had something very important to tell you...

If you read this, Monnie, don't go.
I came back to edit my post because I was hurt and also angry.
I then came back to PM another Dwellar - connected to the post, but not in criticism of you.

I'm glad I came back though, because otherwise I would have had no idea this thread existed and for one I would hate it to look like a tit for tat move and for two I'd hate to think I had anything to do with you not being a part of the Cellar.

Don't go because of me.
I was also going to take a break. And still will.
But mine was because I was weepy, and frustrated, and realised if a post here could make me cry then I wasn't in a fit state to post.
Seriously - it's not a case of "my reason to leave is better than yours"... but, hey, it is :)

I'm sure there are reasons for you to decide to take a break that aren't apparent here. You know mine, but I tell all anyway. But the small part that comprises our exchange - don't think about it.

As above - I'm retreating a bit because I have my own issues.
Had a medication review today that was s'posed to be 15-30 mins and ended up over 90. That's fine - they get paid for it. People here don't.

Would it help if I sent you some biscuits?

Seriously - I'm withdrawing here too as well.
I'm snappish and unhappy and very aware that I'm over-sensitive.
I'll be back when things are better.

You are both loved, you imperfectly wonderful human beings, you. Do what you need to do, feel better, and come back.

hold on!

LJ, get over the EAD.

Enough already. :rolleyes:

what EAD?

Don't be a wuss monster! We all know (including SG) that you said what you did from your heart and didn't mean any offence. We all put our feet in our mouths at times and cause pain for those we care about inadvertantly. That's what being a human being is all about. You're not bad or irresponsible or any of the things you might be thinking about yourself. I hope my post didn't make you feel that way. I just honestly really knew how SG would feel when she read it and wanted something supportive there for her to see at the same time. I hope you can understand that I wasn't trying to be negative to you. I also hope you give up this silly idea of taking a break and just keep on posting.

After all, who will Bruce swear at if you aren't here? ;)

Girls, girls ... hugs to you both. You know we'll be here for you when you get back.

Nobody leaves here with out my express permission and/or anal sex!

I missed stuff, obviously.

I miss the anal sex, too!

I'm mulling stuff, not dead. Ali, whatever you said, don't worry, I didn't actually read it.

You know, it's hard to take a break from the cellar when you have it set as your home page. :lol: I'm going to mull some more, but seeing as I've still been letting it bother me all day, i don't think ignoring the cellar is working either.

In fact ok, I'm done mulling. Here's my problem -it's interfering in my real world. I'm a problem-solver type. (and extremely frugal). When someone posts that they have a certain problem and then offers evidence of problem-causing behaviour, it's hard for me to keep schtum. I do try -I try very hard. But some of you are very special to me -much more than a bunch of pixels on a monitor has any right to be. Beest will confirm that that particular issue has been bugging me in my real world for a while and so I sat and spent several hours trying to word what i needed to say in the best possible way. because it needed to stop being in my real world. But that didn't work, it's still there, just in a different format. I need to distance myself -yes it's about protecting me, not you lot- but I don't know how to do that. Maybe when i go on vacation there will be no internet and time will work it's magic. ch'yeah. OK I'm going away for a bit more. But probably not long. i should take up something less addictive. Like heroin.

But that's the same with any group of friends. From time to time the fact that you care about them means they have an impact on your thoughts.

Gee, you mean I could have written just about anything and it wouldn't have made any difference? lol And here I was trying bloody hard to be diplomatic and everything!

If people keep ignoring my nice posts, I'm going to go back to posting every random thought that pops into my head without thinking about it first! :D

eta: about your dilemma with real versus interwebz, I think the two really don't have that much of a distinction these days. People are less and less weirded out when you say you have a friend in [insert country here] that you met on the internet. I think it's really just another way of having a circle of friends. I don't think there's anything wrong with worrying about your internet friends. I think it's nice that you do. I think it's nice when anyone does.

I think that's what make the cellar special. Because people here really do form true friendships whether they ever get to meet in the flesh or not. Don't fight it. Just go with the flow. :)

Honey?

My mouth is dry.

Honey. I'm thirsty.


Umm...

[ Water Runs ]

There you go. honey.


When I said
I was thirsty.

it doesn't mean
I want a glass of water.


It doesn't?


You're missing
the whole point

of me saying
I'm thirsty.

If I have a problem.
you're not supposed to solve it.

Men always make the mistake
of thinking

they can solve
a woman's problem.

It makes them feel
omnipotent.


Omnipotent?

Did you have
a bad dream?


It's a way
of controlling a woman.


Bringing them
a glass of water?


Yes.

I read it
in a magazine.

See. if I'm thirsty.

I don't want
a glass of water.

I want you
to sympathize.

I want you to say.

''Gloria. I. too.
know what it feels like to be thirsty.

I. too.
have had a dry mouth.''

I want you to
connect with me

through sharing
and understanding

the concept
of dry mouthedness.

HaHa! (I can still say that, right?) There's the whole Mars/Venus thing in a nutshell!

Sometimes when I'm thirsty I actually do want someone to bring me a glass of water. How's my poor husband ever going to know the difference if he sees this??? lol

I'm just relieved to hear this is about stepping back and taking stock. I was concerned that monster was PM-ing naked pictures of herself to other dwellars and I didn't get any ... again.

Well there was that too. OK I can't stay away, it's proven (but I did try, really, I logged offf and closed the window many times), but i am determined not to care so much ...oh wait, it was the Fuck Coma thread that made me need to post.... Hello my name is monster and I'm a dwellarholic.....

i'll send you some fancy cookies if you'll stay?




oh....

JI-IM!


:lol: you bad boy. What she really wants is a glass of water.




There's another cure for spousal dry-mouth, though.

No what I really want is some good... oh wait, I'm still not posting here.....

Get off your fuckin ass and get it yourself.

Why? If you really do care, you won't... that's what friends are for.
For what it's worth I agreed with you 100%, but couldn't say so because I believe I'm partly responsible.:o

Oh yeah...ME!!! You just don't get much luckier than that. :rolleyes:

EXTRA ... EXTRA

READ ALL ABOUT IT ...

ALI GETS LUCKY WITH BRUCE!

:lol2: that'll be the day!

You can log off anytime you like.
But you can never leave.
Welcome to the Cellar Pennsylvania.

This is probably completely inappropriate at this point, but what the hell..... (more hairy than a rickroll hehe)

Ahhh.. Ally Sheedy.....

I came back to get contact details from my PMs.
I did think I might be sucked back in - you've been my peer group for four years after all - but in the end I only read some things that hurt me more.

Again, it's no doubt my perception that's awry. Which means there's nothing to do but take a hike.
There hasn't been a waking hour where I haven't thought about the Cellar. I even have a couple photos saved for you - not of me or Diz for once (a church billboard which says, "it's not all about the Sundae's?!" holy greengrocer's Batman!) But if it turns me into a bitch it's not right to be here - and I have been angry as well as upset.

I have postal addresses for most of the people I care about.
Anyone who wants an email or the odd postcard can PM me - I'll check my PMs occasionally.

I'm being melodramatic.
I know.
But it hurts, and it feels real to me in a difficult time.

You know what?
I typed all that, went away and metaphorically kicked myself in the head.

Sod that.
There are people I care about who I have addresses for.
But there are plenty of people here I care about.
I'm stupid to hide in my own hurt and cut my nose off to spite my face. And one thing I don't acccuse myself of is stupidity.

I think I've got the issue out of my system - mostly.
I still don't think I should be the only Dwellar called to account for irresponsibility - it occurs in many forms.
If other people aren't picked up on weight issues, drug use, alcohol use etc, I don't think it's fair if I have to think every time I post about my personal life either. And let's face it, 99.9% of what I post about is my personal life.

But I need to grow a thicker skin, stand up for myself more without collapsing into tears. And IF I have to justify what I spend, I will do - after a while, other Dwellars will be bored by it and ask questions as to why it's necessary.

Mostly I've been hurting because I've been away.
And yes, that's melodramatic too.
You's an addiction.

I'm glad you are back. :)

ditto

You aren't...

Ignore that bit...

I'm glad you are bad too. :D

Now where are those cool pictures?

I'm glad you're back too. And I promise not to care publicly again.

Ahhh...NOW it all makes sense!



(Gonna get shot for that one!)

Y'know, my local friends (as opposed to my Dwellar friends) regularly see me munching down sweets, crisps, heavily sugared and coloured and flavoured goodies...and almost as regularly some of them comment. They know, because I have told them, that such food makes controlling/dealing with eczema much harder. I am an extremely hedonistic person. I am not good at denying myself something once I have latched onto wanting it. I end up eating far too much junk and after a while my system says 'No!' and I face the consequences...and then I am good for a while, until the junk starts to creep back in.

They know this. They know what I am like. Sometimes they can be a pain, keep bringing a downer onto my smarties and dairy milk. But from time to time it's kind of nice to know they're watching out for me. They know who I am, they know my little areas of weakness and danger zones. As indeed, I know theirs. They don't make the same comments to other friends whne they are munching a bag of crisps in the pub. But they may well comment on other stuff with them. That's just a thing of mine. And my friends know me enough, and care enough, to be watching for those pitfalls with me.

Sometimes, good friends nag.

*smiles*

I'm glad you're back m'dear. We want you here as you are. However that is at any one time.

I'm pretty sure no one wants to rehash it all now.

How bout we all just move on? :)

There's nothing to see here.

That problem's easily fixed by you ladies providing pictures. :D

Not by me - the implant keeps me on an even keel hormonally and I don't menstruate :p All my issues are purely emotional...

Monster you can care - of course you can care.
And in all the time I've known you I've accepted it and taken it on board and at times I've realised I was wrong and acknowledged you were right.

But there is a line.

And Dani, I do know what you mean. I know that different things are danger signs for different people - of course I do. My issue was that this was not a danger sign for me. It was not about getting into debt, not paying bills, leaving myself unable to afford basics. And neither was getting a prepacked meal from M&S and some supermarket flowers. For my parents who I love and who I'd missed. It was not tea at the Ritz. So I did feel picked on, and that my personal choices were being held up to unfair scrutiny.

If I tell you I'm drinking again - yes. Come at me all guns blazing.
I have a problem with drink.
Even in situations where I say I've drank and controlled it, it's worth reminding me. Glatt did it to me around Christmas, and it pissed me off, and he was right. Someone (maybe even someones) raised the same issue re my cider experiment, and it pissed me off and they were right.

But I am living within my means. I have savings, a small amount put by for emergencies, for the first time in a looooong time. I am paying back my debts. I've shelved my dream of having a holiday this year - I am being realistic. My parents are happy with what I contribute to the household. One person I care about is owed money by me and will be getting that at the start of August.

I'm past the hurt and the personal aspect. I just don't want to have to watch every line I write here. I bought a Torchwood book this week. I want to be able to share that in the Torchwood thread. And in the What I'm Reading thread. It was second hand, and I got it out of the library before I bought it, but I don't think I should have to write that.

I took some pictures in Milton Keynes this week. It was the first day out I'd had in a long time. It was pissing down rain but I walked miles and miles around the shopping centre, and chilled out in the Bucks countryside on the way there and back. The bus costs money. I don't want to have to hide that. I didn't have a McDonalds. I didn't buy the skirt I fell in love with. I didn't go to TFI Friday's for cocktails. I'm pleased with myself for that - I was tempted. I want to be able to share that.

Ali is right of course.
Except that I didn't take her advice.
I'm not all that reformed a character - I still wanted to get my point across.
I will let this go. Honest. Right now.
After I've said all the above of course.

In 10 words or less:
 

If you can't handle getting feedback, don't share stuff.

I don't think that's a fair statement.

There's been plenty of times when I've read something someone's said and have thought they've been making the wrong choices but have held my tongue (fingers) simply because it's not up to me to tell someone else they're being a knobhead, no matter how gently I might try to couch my words. There are a number of issues I feel very strongly about but which I rarely comment on simply out of respect for the other poster.

There is no need to be hurtful towards someone who's already hurting. It's as simple as that. If it's good enough for one, it's good enough for all. If not, this community is not the one it claims to be.

In 10 words or less:
 

Basing your happiness on other's opinions isn't a good idea.

In ten words or less
 

Being a smart arse isn't always helpful.

In more than 10 words
 

When someone shares something which is a struggle to them, they are open and vulnerable. People can either be aware of that or be arses about it.

Maybe it's different in the US, but I can tell you that over here, unless you're a very close confidant you have no right to tell someone else what to do unless they ask for your opinion. It's considered bad form and is generally unwelcome.

Okay, I call bullshit. Being "nice" to people isn't what is going to help them. Giving your honest feedback is more kind, in the long term, than looking the other way. And I preface all of the above with the understanding that what we are talking about are comments posted on a public forum--which is explicitly an invitation for feedback.

The "both ways" that can't be had is whining about your problems and then lashing out at people for having formed a context, and making observations based on that context. Crying out for help and then not liking the response you get. Whose fault is that, really?

And don't lecture me. Do they have something called "tough love" where you are from? Google it.

This is the most pointless thread I've ever posted in.

How about basing your opinions on other's happiness?

I agree it's pointless.

eta: What I'm telling you is not bullshit. It is simply different to the standards you live by.

Yes we have tough love, but it comes from those who actually do love us. Otherwise it's just criticism.

I'm not lecturing you. This is an open forum as you say. I happen to disagree with your stance in this case and I'm telling you why. I do realize you're not the only one who has the same opinion so these words are not just for you. If they were I'd put them in a PM which is where I think it would have been aproppriate for the issue which started this particular shitstorm to have been discussed. Not on an open forum.

If I thought one of my friends IRL was doing something stupid and felt I couldn't just sit by and watch any longer, I wouldn't go and sprout off my opinion in front of a crowd of people. I'd take them aside and say it quietly to them. My opinion in someone else's personal matters is not anyone else's business but that of the person involved unless they turn around and ask in front of everyone.

What right people have to criticize your actions is exactly why I personally do not share the shitty stuff with people online on an open forum. When you feel shitty already, you don't need someone dumping another load on in front of the masses.

That's all I have to say in this thread.

This is a public forum. It is, by definition, something that happens in front of the masses. That is it's purpose for existence.

Its gonna happen, there are just those kind of people who will do it. And they are the kind that you just shut off when they do it. It matters not. It all has to be taken in stride here on the open interwebs.

Not to worry, I don't masturbate anymore either.

:p

From my observation you always say things in the spirit of fairness without any personal favoritism or bias. I might be wrong but I don't think so. It is the thing I respect about you.....oh and then your humor too. Great lady, great heart.

I came back thinking I missed some finer point. lol ! funny