How far is too far?
 

Maybe it's too soon to post this thread, but the recent events on this forum have really got me wondering about what's right and wrong about posting pics on the internet, or sharing them via pm.

After the initial post about the drama, I asked Dazza if he cared about me posting pics of my boobs etc online or in particular this site, and he said it didn't bother him at all. In fact, he didn't say so, but he seemed to get a bit turned on by the thought. I wouldn't care if he posted pics of his private parts online, particularly on a site that we both went to (not that there is one but you get my point). It's not something we've ever discussed, but I've never posted anything online since I've been with Dazza that I felt ashamed of or thought he'd have a problem with. Turns out I was right, and I guess that was somewhat of a relief after what's just happened. (yes I know there's more to it, but I'm just sticking to the pictures thing here for myself)

For those of you in relationships, do you tell your partner about the pics you post online? Do you ever post anything you think they might not be happy with? Do you think it's right that a partner has a say in what content you choose to share online?

Personally I think if you're in a relationship and your partner isn't happy about it you shouldn't do it. I don't think it's a control issue although on the surface it may seem that way. I think it's about respecting what is good and right according to you and your partners moral values and if there's a discrepancy, then it's not just that issue at stake. It must surely cover many other aspects of your lives together. That's my way of thinking about it anyway. So it's more than just whether or not you're breaking trust or offending your partner. It's about what each of you is willing or happy to accept in order to live a good life together. Fortunately, Dazza and I seem to have similar ideas on this, but it must be tough for some couples who love each other, but have different ideas about this sort of thing.

I could be a little on the conservative side but I considered the whole thread to be getting into dangerous territory long before it did.

I'm not saying 'I saw it coming' because I didn't see it coming. But that what happened did happen didn't come as a big surprise - not so much the who but the what.

Whether I'd have a problem if my wife wanted to post NSFW pics - I suppose I would - it turns privacy inside out. I don't impute that opinion on anyone else, it just doesn't work for me.

Shortly after the thread started - maybe a third of the way into it, something changed.

I don't tell him what I post; OTOH what I post is G-rated.

As you've said, each couple is going to be different, and between two people there will be differences. The meat of the coconut is this: what constitutes "OK" behavior and "Not OK" behaviour needs to be hashed out by the couple. Doesn't matter if you're monogamous, polyamorous, whatever. For the partners to be able to trust one another, there must be agreed-upon guidelines and the guidelines must be observed, whatever they may be.

So, I say yes, partners should have a say; not so much from an aspect of 'controlling' one another, but from an aspect of 'I'm not going to post this out of respect for the relationship' or 'I'm going to talk this over with my partner before posting it'.

I didn't really want to rehash what's been said in the other thread, just for the record. It just got me thinking about my personal relationship and what I think is ok.

We have no secrets. but we don't have bods of gods either...

I already said I wasn't doing it...but honestly, I think my DH would be more upset about my posting stuff about our personal relationship than he would about posting photos. Talking about him behind his back, so to speak. I have a bad habit of doing that and not knowing where to draw the line. I always have, whether it's online or in real life with my friends.

All wives do that with their friends, Juni. :haha:

Blokes just make locker-room boasts.

Much difference?

Yes, much difference between locker room boasts and bitching about husbands.

Ever hear a guy in the locker room boast about the ugly chick that was a lousy lay?

Eh. We we do it and don't care much about what other people think but we respect their boundries. We have a relationship that is comfortable enough to enjoy how we look to each other and we occasionally share those pics on line with others. We have no secrets from each other and she knows about every pic I have posted and I know of every pic she has posted. We have fun with it. We are comfortable with our bodies, and our relationship. No worries. We go to nude beaches when we can, sun bathe nude in the privacy of our yard and on our boat, and have gotten nude with other couples in our hot tub. All of it social, rarely ever sexual. It has been like that our whole life. Some people are not comfortable with it and you have to respect that and what their boundries are for themselves and what they expect from others. I made a decision that I was not going to have hang ups about it and I raised my kids not to have hang ups about it either (I think).

I've always said: If you got it... flaunt it. We should all be proud of who we are.

How far is too far?


When her screams take on that raw, jagged edge.

I've pretty much stayed out of the Dwellar NSFW threads, because I know my wife wouldn't appreciate me even reading it, let alone posting anything in it.

I've stayed away from the NSFW threads too because I like the smiley people I know in the RFN thread, etc. Somehow seeing people nekkid seems to change the dynamic for me, and I like you all the way you are. As fas as me or my SO, neither of us would be comfy with each other sharing pics with others - to us that is a personal, private thing to share with your partner, not the general public. (Or your family, whih I kinda sorta consider youse guys.)

glatt and Queenie - I'm right there with both of you.

Me four. Though I have snuck the occasional look into the nsfw thread (morbid curiosity?)

I go tot he WTF NSFW thread, cuz they're strangers. My SO and I are okay with looking at other people naked, as long as we don't knwo them. Is that strange?

I should probably stay out of this as people have lost a lot a respect towards me but I would like two put my 2 cents in on this matter.
I do respect the women that do post in the nsfw forum as they have worked very hard on their bodies and they should have the right to post them with there significant other or spouse knowing about it. Usually if they are doing that boundaries are set and they should be respected.

You're fat!



See, that was too far. /thread

So, it would seem that from the responses here, most people consider how their partner will feel about what they're doing and act accordingly, even though some of us have more relaxed views about nudity and publicly sharing it.

I'm actually surprised that no one has said they'd do it or would if they wanted to, and bugger what their partner thinks because it's their body and their partner should have to learn how to deal with it. Is there no one here that feels that way???

Red, when people are emotional they sometimes do and say things they'd otherwise try to keep to themselves. I'm sure most of us here can understand the anguish you and labrat have been going through lately. Most of us have been cheated on before, and I'm pretty sure that's how you're feeling, and labrat is feeling remorse because she probably thinks in a way that's what she's done. I say these things for those who seem to think your actions have been unreasonable. You've apologized for the things you did and said which were inappropriate. I think that means it should be left at that for now and you should be given the opportunity to move forward from this, with the support from all of us for your marriage that you must surely need right now.

well, aren't you just Mr Perfect Husband Pants?

I'm not going to go into too much detail, because this is a public forum, but I've been in shoes similar to Labrat's. Quite a few years ago, I was on some risque forums along with my partner, and we posted NSF pics of us individually and together. We did not communicate the boundaries clearly enough, I suppose, or maybe I deliberately misinterpreted them (in a pickled brain sort of way).

Interactions were had one-on-one in cyberspace that should never have happened.

It nearly ended our relationship, but I swore not to interact privately anymore, or post NSF pictures. I unjoined all of the communities involved. I also quit drinking, as my judgment had clearly been impaired. I've never broken the promises I made them, including not touching another drop of alcohol. He made similar promises. That was 6 years ago.

I am not a prude and there are some very NSF pics of me (and us) floating around cyberspace, but I do believe that my relationship is more important that posting pics to strangers.

I can say that a simple photo, text, IM, or chat has the potential to evolve into something that might hurt ones partner unless you're careful and communicate clearly with one another.

I could do better.

I agree... best to have clearly defined boundries... well communicated and not leave your partner in the dark about what is going on... I think thats where the problem occurs... it becomes a secret thing and that can destroy trust... as long as it is all out in the open whats the big deal.

Personally- Flint and I have no secrets... so its all cool. I know about Pretty Much everything and so does he... so its all cool

I've mostly been in monogamous relationships, and I've also been poly. IMO the most important things in any type of relationship are honesty and communication.

That said, I've never thought twice about posting NSFW pics of myself and I've never discussed it with my partners. I would, honestly, have been stunned if, in my monogamous relationships, my SO had found out and objected. By "stunned" I don't mean I would think they were wrong... it's just never occurred to me that they might have a proprietary sense about images of my body.

That stands for publicly posted, non-sexually-graphic images... simple nudes or other provocative photos.

Private messages are another topic. That opens a one-on-one relationship with the recipient that, for me, would require discussion and disclosure with the SO.

In my own relationships, deception has been the most painful and destructive thing I've encountered. It's often really tempting to tell your partner what you know they want to hear, and then do what you want to do under the "what they don't know won't hurt them" theory. Unfortunately, that theory is deeply flawed; what they don't know hurts the relationship, and both people in it.

I dont think many have lost any respect for you, Red. I think there is more concern for you guys than there are untoward feelings.

To me personal NSFW is all about context.....my partner is fine with a random picture of my arse or boobs, but a full length picture of me with a face and doing bad things.....thats personal

I'd like to stay away, but it's part of the job. :lol2:

That was good, Bruce. Very good.

It's a dirty job, but someone's gotta do it.........

Bruce is hoping I'll wear the kinky underwear he sent me.
I would. I mean - I will. When it arrives :yum:

I rest my freakin case.

Oh hey. Anyone who wants to send ME racy underwear, I'm Victoria Secret size M and I like the hipsters and the cheekies...

Just sayin'. ;)

Can they be edible?

Just don't fill up on appetizers.

The main course is the reason for the season.

Heeeey, where's my freakin' underwear?????


...strangely enough, I have used that sentence waaaay too many times.

I bought you some, but I eated it. :o

Noted.

Great handwriting for a blind man.:rolleyes:

that wasn't his hand...

OH!

Damn, Im stoopit!