CyberBully
 

Thousands turn to cyberbully site

Somebody call the Whaaambulance!

Clearly you were never bullied, or at least not by a girl. Girl bullying is completely different from boy bullying.

You know, anything that will eliminate bullies in the world is fine by me. Bullies suck. And kids are fragile little creatures.

Fuck classic, they're kids. Kids being bullied and made to feel shit about themselves. Whaaambulance indeed. *rolls eyes*

Oh really? please share

the Whaaambulance was for her mother's comment.
I think thats being A LOT dramatic. But ...

Then you clearly havent been parent to a child whose entire childhood is being blighted by something you are powerless to effect. You don't think watching your child shrink into a shadow of herself and start to want to die might break your heart a little? Really?

I know my mum had sleepless night and sleepless night and I know her heart broke for me a thousand times. Christ, her and dad spent more time in my fucking school than I did some years.

some folks are out there LOOKING to be victims.

just sayin'

I'm with lj. Teach your children to be strong, assertive, and eloquent. If a bully persists, teach them to punch their lights out.

No one has to be a victim if they know the best way out.

Its a fine line....I'm trying desperately to not raise nancy boys, but I am also aware of them going the other way and becoming bullies themselves.

Little turds didnt come with instruction manuals

Not that easy. I did that whole 'face the bully' stuff as a kid. One time having been bullied by a local girl for ages, aftre one occasion when she'd pushed me over or some such, my mum sent me back out the house with these words:

"Get out there and hit her back, or I'll hit you"

She never would have. It was absolute frustration on her part. I did go out and got into a fight with that girl.

That's fine and dandy and works great at 8 years old.

Secondary school is different. No matter how many of those lessons get taught, there is very little you can do if you've been ostracised by every other child in 1200 strong school. There's very little you can do as a parent to stop the hurt when your child is being harrassed and bullied by a gang of kids.

Girls in particular at secondary school age are vicious. I am a tough character. Part of the reason I am quite tough is that I experienced bullying of a magnitiude most people cannot imagine. Years of it. But they couldnt follow me home. Once I stepped into my house that's it they couldnt touch me. The idea that the twats could have followed me into the cybersphere wold be hideous.

The child has my sympathy as does her mother. This is a serious situation. There are a lot of kids driven to suicide or unhappniess by bullshit like this.

Another quick thought.

Being bullied isn't just emotionally distressing it also impacts on your self-confidence and self-image. It makes you feel weak, like a failure. You dont want to tell anyone because that just exposes how weak and unable to cope you are. The victim begins to believe they deserve it in some way: either they're so thick, ugly, unlovable, weak 'bullyable'. Telling someone about it is like confessing to something you've done.

Attitudes like the ones expressed in this thread, by adults shows me that people still don't really understand how distressing and destructive it is, there is still a negative attitude towards the victims of bullying: theybring it on themselves by being weak. I realise that's not specifically whats been said, but its clearly the implication. Some people just want to be victims? And if you only teach your children to be strong and independenet and deal with bullies in the way we all apparently shold know how to deal with them...it places the fault, the blame, the reason for bullying onto the bullied child not the ones making them miserable.

Dana, to take every case of bullying to that degree just isn't right. In the most extreme cases, I don't believe that lasts forever. Its usually a rotating thing where its Johnny this week and Mary next. When it gets to the level where it is one child over years and years... thats a totally different thing altogether. That is not what I was referring to at all. I grasp your perspective on this and I'm sorry if I was insensitive.

Bullshit, classic.
I was bullied constantly from the time I was seven till I made it to college. There were periods (perhaps a month or two long) where I was left in relative peace -- then it would start up again.

And yes, I contemplated (and once attempted) suicide. And no, home was not a safe haven.

Fuck you and your lack of compassion.

Thanks but no thanks.
Ignorance - apparently, but not a lack of compassion.

:eek:

:corn:

Columbine happened because of bullies. They picked on two kids, those two kids got guns and fought back. Fought back against the bullies and the crowd associated with them. I strongly support recent efforts to reduce bullying in schools.

I was rarely bullied in school. It happened only a couple of times, but was very traumatic. I can't imagine what it was like for kids who were routinely bullied.

In addition to glatts note, I would say that we have all read about the case of an adult female who bullied a teen female neighbor who eventually commited suicide. You never can know who is on the other end of any cyber exchange. Eva.

I'm always shocked when I see stuff like this from you, Jim. I think of you as a nice guy - wacky but fun. Then stuff like this comes along and completely floors me. It shows such a lack of empathy/compassion that the mind boggles.

He's being a dick on purpose. I ignore him.

Classic, I flew off the handle. I retract the harshness, but reiterate my judgment on your lack of empathy.

Hey stop that. He gets to set the bar here. :rolleyes:

well....dar.....that's where you're coloring in your own opinions of what kind of person I am. and you too, Pie...

that statement is, in my opinion, accurate. there ARE people out there that take satisfaction from being victimized. they need/want the compassion that they get from it.....it's passive aggression. munchausen(sp?) whatever...

I have no idea if the example used in this post is that aspect, or a legit victim. irrelevant to my point.

...the only reason i pointed it out at all was because there is a fucking website for someone to sell advertising on (mention of which made it into the article/advert, oddly enough).....is, most likely, the real reason for it's existence. opportunistic profiteering on the victimization of those 'poor poor teens' who can't step away from the computer, ignore text messages etc etc...

the website encourages a victim mentality. they benefit from it.

now call me a shit some more

i think you're full of yourself and overestimate the value of your so called honor. and i am seldom floored by it. or boggled.

i still love you though, cock.

Lj, you were trolling. Admit it. Then you can 'play the victim' after the inevitable pile-on.
:p

I find this highly ironic.

lumberjerk
 

Oh yeah? Well that badass just gave half his paycheck to kids. Kids with diseases.

I don't think lj, classic, or myself are heartless because of our comments. It's a different perspective, to be sure.

My answer was not thought out, and no I don't understand being bullied. Why was I never bullied? I suppose there are a lot of reasons: lack of qualified bulliers perhaps, but I also feel that I never put myself out there for that. I've said before I'm scarily fearless ('cept for spiders) and perhaps I've always carried myself in a way that precluded me seeming victimizable. It's also not that there weren't people in my childhood, or young adulthood, who didn't try to go there. They quickly gave up that effort when they saw I wasn't playing that game.

I do feel compassion for people, more deeply than it must seem. It is only the people I care about I seem to let treat me badly: strangers can take a flying leap because I won't be backed into a corner without a really big fight. I'm not playing toughwoman: this is just the way I am, the way I've always been.

I am sorry if I seemed to make light of your individual situations. My response was to the article, which elicited from me my first thought: stand up for yourself because no one else is going to do that for you.

I understand your point of view; and it's true, in limited situations. But it becomes neigh-unto-impossible when you have to stand up to 1000+ people for years.
Most people survive. It does leave long-term scars; bullying is one of the three reasons I will never have children. My kids are bound to be as ugly as me; there would be no hope for them.

Well Pie, I think you're adorable...you know that. :)

No, I can't imagine what you must have gone through, and again I'm sorry if I seemed heartless.

you've got me and The Mercenary confused, Pie.

:lol2:
I don't think so.

cutest ugly chick I know....

Amazin' what 14 years of orthodontia will do for you. :thumb:

I'm not looking for sympathy. I have everything I could want. If a 'bully' were to pick on me now, I would nail his ass to the wall.

What I do have is some remaining empathy for those who are still living it.

note to self: don't mess with Pie. ;)

What usually encourages a serious victim mentality is personality, combined with dehumanizing physical, sexual, or emotional abuse, neglect, or other serious adverse events during childhood.

it doesn't really come from websites

If somebody has worked out a way for a supportive caring atmosphere to make money, I salute them! I think that being relentlessly bullied for a year helped to turn my panic disorder into social anxiety disorder, but I'd never know without serious therapy. Oh well!

My experience echoes this. One of the key reasons I won;t have children is that i don't want my heart broken constantly day in and day out, like my mum's. I don't want a kid with eczema (likely) because that's just a fucking big target sign right there. But it can be something smaller. And Shawnee, you can be as fearless and plucky as y'like but if you have the misfortune to run into a particularly competant bully who can turn it into something bigger, you're fucked. Once it gets past the intimacy of your immediate peers and makes into the class, the year, or the main student body, then changing that is like turning a juggernaut.

I suspect the people who tried it on with you just weren't very good at it. Bullying, real bullying, the sort that exists in both playgrouind and office and can utterly destroy lives, child and adult, isn't about getting the shit kicked out of you, though yes that figures. Its about a character assassination that includes making you responsible for the bullying. It includes painting you axs uniquely deserving of that contempt. It usually involves the bully being painted as the 'victim' of some perceived wrong at the hands of the bullied. I've experienced it as a child. I've seen it as an adult. I've counselled people through it when it's been threatening their health and ability to do their job.

Lj. I hear what you say. BUt to me, you just add to the noise. The hazy cloud that stops people seeing clearly who actually is the victim and where the responsibility actually lies.

So come on. Hey Shaw, Classic and Jim: why don't you tell me now that I asked for it. Tell me, did I paint victim on my back? Was that me?

Bullshit, you cute chicks just don't want competition from younger cute chicks. :p

You mean they don't have an instruction tag on the bottom? ;)

Dana, did I not concede those very points?

I won't be painted ,either, as a cold heartless person because of what I said. I took another look and gave another post, was that not sufficient?
That borders on shitty, very condescending.

:corn:

Shawnee, their skin is very thin when it comes to this subject and rightly so. They are going to be prickly....let them have it. Count your blessings that you never had to deal with the inhumanly humiliating effects of being a bully's target. Ive been there too, a little bit...its hellish, and life shaping.

Well, there are things I am quite prickly about too (see: only people I care about treating me badly and make your own conclusions) but I don't expect everyone to understand that or even to care.

We have all had crosses to bear.

If I say I'm sorry if I seem heartless one more time will it mean something? Keep in mind I never say anything remotely resembling a lie.

Awww...Im sorry, I dont mean to dump on you, Im just saying we all know that you arent heartless.

Shaw, I never saw you as being heartless, fwiw. As you say, these crosses are individually tailored.

please don't put words in my mouth. I am quite capable of getting in my own trouble......

troll

Cyber Bully.

Will you two knock it off and get a room already? :rolleyes:

why don't YOU shut yer Pie hole?

Shawnee. I didn't and don't think you heartless. And yes I was being condescending, but with respect, it was in response to this condescension:


Again, it adds to the idea that people who get bullied are drawing the bully. I didn't play the game. I have never been a quiet victim.

I might point out at this time that I have bullied as well. In my defense I considered had reason. Fuck with my friends and I can be unpleasant. And creative. Impulses and ways of interacting which I have long since trained myself out of. Except in politics, obviously.

I see that Shawnee is trying to understand why she wasn't bullied when others were, not that she's being condescending.
Bullying sucks and shouldn't be tolerated, but it is. A place of solace away from bullying is a good thing, but won't really solve the problem.

This thread has made me sad: sad that people are so cruel, sad that the world can be so cold. This is a feeling I've struggled against since I can remember remembering; I've never understood that about people.

Dana, I hope you know I have the utmost respect for you. I certainly don't think you ever "asked for it" and I am sorry to give that impression. My experience is totally different. Yes, I am proud of how strong I can be. Yes, I am constantly dismayed by my weakness.

Now give me some names and addresses so I can go kick some ass. ;)

*chuckles* Shawnee, I know that.

This isn't really about me. What I am, though, is a person you know, and as such I hope that some of the assumptions that get made when it's a stranger (like in that article) are avoided. The only thing that's annoyed me in this thread was the speed with which that girl and her family were labelled complicit in her victimisation. There is a culture (in my country and in yours I believe) of machismo when it comes to bullying. One is not supposed to 'lie down and take it', one is supposed to 'fight back. Those who become victims of bullying are perceived as weak. They must be weak, because they were the ones who got bullied.

It's pervasive. It feeds into every field in life. Whatever is overtly put into the culture in terms of telling someone if you're being bullied, and it's not your fault if you are being bullied; none of that outweighs the deep cultural identification of the bullied as weak and unworthy. Darwinism in action. This is how many people see it. That macho culture makes it very difficult for people to speak out.

Me? Oh I'll speak out. I am unbullyable. But only because I got innoculated young :P

What the hell are you talking about? When did I EVER say anything remotely like that? I said that I thought the mother was being overly dramatic - does that count? I also ASKED how "girl bullying" was different. Fuckin A - looked for a little enlightenment and you, Pie and a couple others just "bully" me. great way to show YOUR empathy. Hypocrits, the lot of ya'

Then this beaut ...
So...this life altering aberration you described was something you felt compelled to inflict upon another human? Oh... YOU had reason. So that made it ok, i guess.

Personally what you all are talking about is way past bullying - its harassment. My definition of bullying would be more akin to what (no name) has been done here to certain posters...relatively harmless poking or mocking. I believe I even mentioned this in my 2nd post.

Cyber Bullies in the Cellar? No way.

Hey Merc - Go choke on yer popcorn or just STFU - mmmkay?

**gagging**

c-man:

:notworthy:

Gaging??? As in "Checking dimensional requirement by means of a gage."

I think you meant gagging and I hope it was on your popcorn. As you were. Oh and make sure you wash your hands before you touch the keyboard.

Yea that. Now join my "social club".

Bullied for most of my school life. Made me HATE school. Stopped going most of the time until college.
Most of the bullies were girls. It was that kind of town. I was taught to NEVER hit a girl. My father wasn't and I wasn't going to be him, no matter what. Bullies are the lowest form of life in school.

My only recompense, if I can call it that, albeit too late, was the fact that the 3 major trangressors did not fare too well. One was killed by her boyfriend. One had four kids, on welfare and no father in sight. The 3rd has been in and out of rehab and institutions since HS.

Fook you and your social shitclub - Its just something else to get bullied about. Kinda like being in the chess club or band or....