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Undertoad

02-24-2009 11:48 PM

Dear Cellar:

It was suggested that I post each "Contact Us" to its own thread. Then everybody can answer the message and I can send the answers to the person.

We start

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Fromhttp://mail.google.com/mail/images/cleardot.gif: kim @ The Cellar
Subject: The Cellar Contact Us Form - I have a question
http://mail.google.com/mail/images/cleardot.gif

The following message was sent to you via the The Cellar Contact Us form by kim.

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I was thinking about getting a monkey and i was wondering if monkeys are legal in california and if certain types of monkeys are legal in certain states?

Thanks,
Kim

Aliantha

02-24-2009 11:50 PM

Dear Kim,

I don't think you need a monkey.

The Cellar.

lumberjim

02-24-2009 11:56 PM

kim,

It realy depends on what you intend to DO with the monkey. If you intend to eat it, it is NOT legal in California, but legal in Kentucky. If you intend to MARRY the monkey, you can only do that in Oklahoma. If you just want to keep it as a pet, you can do that in any state except Mississippi, provided you get a permit.

BigV	02-24-2009 11:56 PM

Bonjour Mme Kim:

Do you have a laaaahzhanzce fhor zat meeenkey?

Bon chance!

Teh Cellar

Nirvana

02-25-2009 12:04 AM

Dear Kim ,
Don't you like your face?

wolf	02-25-2009 01:06 AM

Dear Kim,

Spanking the monkey doesn't involve an actual monkey.

Offer void where prohibited by law and good taste.

Except in Nebraska.

ZenGum

02-25-2009 05:27 AM

Monkeys are legal in California, but only for medical purposes.

You may marry your monkey, but only if it is a heterosexual relationship.

classicman

02-25-2009 07:55 AM

Kim,

Thank you for your inquiry. Good luck with your monkey.
Just don't spank it, that can cause blindness - or so I'm told.

sweetwater

02-25-2009 08:01 AM

Kim,

Nobody 'thinks' about getting a monkey, they just get them on impulse. If anyone 'thought' about them and the hassle they can be, then they'd leave them in their environments and picture-books.
Also, you wouldn't look good in a yellow hat.

glatt

02-25-2009 08:30 AM

Kim,
Monkeys are evil. This is well established fact. Don't be foolish. Get a nice mutt instead. You will be happier.

Trilby

02-25-2009 09:52 AM

Kim,

I'd have to see the look on the monkey's face before I would feel comfortable about advising you on purchase.

Love,
Brianna

HungLikeJesus

02-25-2009 10:10 AM

Dear Kim,

Quote:

Originally Posted by juju (Post 27415)

I don't understand the whole pet thing. Seems like slavery to me.

LabRat

02-25-2009 10:28 AM

are you going to actually send this back to them? if so, i vote for sweetwater's. the yellow hat bit made me laugh out loud. :2cents:

Shawnee123

02-25-2009 11:07 AM

Dear Kim:

See, the thing about monkeys is...you never really have a monkey; ultimately, the monkey has you.

May I suggest you start with Sea Monkeys and see how that goes?

Sincerely,

Teh Cellar

footfootfoot

02-25-2009 11:30 AM

Dear Kim,
We have a saying: "Monkey see, monkey do." If I have to spell it out for you in plain English that means if your monkey sees you, which is highly probable given that you are his owner and caretaker, then he will feel compelled to do you. Is that really what you want? An inter-species relationship? Please think this through.

Cicero

02-25-2009 01:00 PM

Dear Kim-

Please consider buying a houseplant and keeping it alive for at least 2 years. If that works, get a dog and keep it alive as well. Then you may move your way up to a husband, and if that works....You will legally have a monkey in any state.

sweetwater

02-25-2009 01:46 PM

You don't suppose Kim wants the Cellar monkey, do you? The top of the page would look nekkid without it up there.

classicman

02-25-2009 01:56 PM

Call in security!

ZenGum

02-25-2009 06:26 PM

I say we send her ALL of these replies. :lol:

Undertoad

02-25-2009 06:33 PM

I've just pointed her to the thread.

monster

02-25-2009 07:48 PM

Kim,

Go for the trunk monkey. they're probably not legal anywhere, but hey, like that matters....

wolf	02-25-2009 08:14 PM

My suicide class presenter from last week showed us a couple of trunk monkey videos. He used these and other really cool videos to get people back into their seats after breaks. Very few stragglers that way.

He would also scream "Pay attention to me, pay attention to me, it's all about me, I'm an attention whore."

I didn't actually learn anything really new about suicide, I had the class 10 years ago when it was new and the presenter was the guy who developed the class. It was free to attend (homeland security money funded the class) and I had a very entertaining two paid days off work, as well as free lunch and continental breakfast. I did buy my own morning coffee, as I am well familiar with the brew served up at the Fire Academy. One of the important things they train the fire recruits in is how to tolerate fire house coffee. I'm not saying it's bad, but they also train the county's HAZMAT people there.

capnhowdy

02-25-2009 08:25 PM

Kim,
Sure. They are legal in all states, as long as you can provide typewriters for them.

Pie	02-25-2009 09:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by capnhowdy (Post 538893)

Kim,
Sure. They are legal in all states, as long as you can provide typewriters for them.

Someone tried the experiment.

Quote:

But after a month, the Sulawesi crested macaques had only succeeded in partially destroying the machine, using it as a lavatory, and mostly typing the letter "s".

Eventually the six monkeys - Elmo, Gum, Heather, Holly, Mistletoe and Rowan - produced five pages of text which consisted mainly of the letter "s".

But towards the end of the experiment, their output slightly improved, with the letters A, J, L and M also appearing.

However, they failed to come up with anything that remotely resembled a word.

Happy Monkey

02-25-2009 10:08 PM

I like monkeys.

classicman

02-25-2009 10:30 PM

lol

capnhowdy

02-26-2009 07:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Happy Monkey (Post 538926)

I like monkeys.

Very funny. Thanks, HM.

SteveDallas

02-26-2009 10:08 AM

This New York Times article couldn't have better timing, Kim.

N.B. The article states that "there are many thousands of pet primates" in the US. I personally would have written it as " . . . thousands of (non-human) pet primates."

Undertoad

02-26-2009 10:31 AM

Quote:

When Higgins was 3, he slept with the couple, often awakening Bob in the morning by climbing to the bedroom rafters and dropping onto Bob’s stomach. On one occasion, they got in a wrestling match, and Higgins put one of his “steel-like fingernails” through Bob’s scrotum.

game over man

classicman

02-26-2009 10:44 AM

monkey stew anyone?

lookout123

02-26-2009 02:59 PM

Nut-k-bob?

Griff

02-26-2009 03:39 PM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i-6L_...eature=related

Elspode

02-28-2009 12:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pie (Post 538918)

Someone tried the experiment.

But after a month, the Sulawesi crested macaques had only succeeded in partially destroying the machine, using it as a lavatory, and mostly typing the letter "s".

Eventually the six monkeys - Elmo, Gum, Heather, Holly, Mistletoe and Rowan - produced five pages of text which consisted mainly of the letter "s".

But towards the end of the experiment, their output slightly improved, with the letters A, J, L and M also appearing.

However, they failed to come up with anything that remotely resembled a word.

This is why an infinite number of monkeys and an infinite amount of time is specified.

Datalyss

03-01-2009 10:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Undertoad (Post 538642)

Dang UT. She sent you this via the Contact Us page? I thought that was for Cellar-related stuff.

BTW, thanks for correcting my login info.

capnhowdy

03-01-2009 10:47 AM

Monkeys ARE Cellar related.
:eek:

classicman

03-17-2009 01:21 PM

CHIMP ATTACK VICTIM'S FAMILY SUES FOR $50 MILLION

Quote:

The family of a Connecticut woman brutally mauled last month by a 200-pound chimp that went bonkers is seeking a staggering $50 million in damages against the primate's owner.

Charla Nash's relatives filed a lawsuit in Stamford Superior Court today against Sandra Herold, which accuses her of negligence and recklessness for owning "a wild animal with violent propensities, even though she lacked sufficient skill, strength and/or experience to subdue the chimpanzee with necessary."

The Cleveland Clinic in Ohio, where Nash is currently being treated, said the 55-year-old woman lost her nose, lips, eyelids and hands during the Feb. 16 attack in Stamford.

Doctors said Nash, who remains medically sedated in critical condition, also suffered brain damage and may be a candidate for a face transplant due to her extensive injuries.

Herold told police immediately after the incident that the pet, named Travis, was rambunctious that day and that she gave it Xanax, a drug prescribed to people for anxiety, to calm him down.

She called Nash to her home because the chimpanzee had gotten out of the house and Herold needed help getting him back inside.

Herold, 70, has since said she did not give the primate Xanax.

The 15-year-old chimp was eventually shot and killed by police, who are weighing whether to file criminal charges against Herold.

Joseph Gerardi, a lawyer representing Herold, would only say that his client was named as a defendant in the legal documents.

Travis, a former TV star, had appeared in commercials for Coca-Cola and Old Navy.

Travis lived like most people - and even took his own bath and drank wine from a stemmed glass. He also brushed his teeth and watched TV.

Connecticut cops had dealt with Travis in the past, including a 2003 incident when he escaped from his owners' vehicle in downtown Stamford for two hours.

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