I think my Number is UP
 

A lot of weird things goingon since Jan 1st, mostly things dealing with death and loss; my cat died right in front of me, THREE people I know from meetings have died (one woman 52 - she had them take her off the vent; a man in his sixties - had a heart attack, got fixed up, the next week said, "If you don't see me it's coz I had another heart attack!" and he did - and died; and a 28 year old who OD'd leaving two kids under 2 years) AND a friend from my old married days was diagnosed in Dec and died in Jan (she was 52).

I am really thinking about this. The 28 year-old who OD'd has a last name one letter away from my last name. When they told me he was dead I thought they were talking about my cousin...

How to dispell all this negative energy?

Oh man....that's scary stuff.

These things come in threes , you should be safe

I think my number is 7.

Same thing happened to me recently Bri, with car accidents though, not deaths. Seemed like every other day for a while there I was seeing car accidents happen, or just missing seeing them happen and getting stuck in the mess. I actually said something to Jim, sorta like your post.... just wasn't comfortable with the goings on.
Fizzled out though... just went away. Haven't seen an accident in weeks. You'll be fine too.

You're the survivor Bri, not the victim.

we should all agree to put a line in our wills to notify the cellar in the event of our demise.

i find that the mere mention of this fear exorcises the demon, B. you're cool now.....breathe easy.

My dad used to say "you never hear the one with your name on it." The fact that you are hearing it all around you would mean to me that, while it is unnerving, you are safe.

You've touched on something that bugs me. I don't want to leave anything when I'm gone: posts, blogs, pix, whatever. Notifying friends that I won't be back - even if nobody would otherwise notice - is just plain courtesy. But how to accomplish it without giving a stranger usernames and passwords now? Anyone have a thought?

And it does seem that naming the problem undoes the bad juju, so rely on it to carry you through, Brianna.

you gotta figure that if you die suddenly, someone will go through your computer.

create a file on your desk top called WILL AND TESTAMENT

put a line in it about sending an email to undertoad at cellar dot org announcing your departure.

Sure, put it in your will. Nobody gets nuthin until your wishes are respected by the executer.;)

I will be redoing my will soon. Dare me to do just that?

I have a logic bomb planted in a server I rent at a colocation facility. It monitors the status of my life insurance policies and, when it detects that a claim has been filed, it'll go and wipe out all my internet postings and cancel my accounts.

...I can't decide if SteveDallas is being serious or not. Part of me is really pretty sure such a thing isn't possible, but part of me thinks maybe he's got enough geek cred to be able to pull off something like that.

Brianna, hon, you know as well as I do ...

People you meet at meetings, those kind of meetings especially, are typically not the picture of health. (Notice since you speak of both males and females I'm presuming these are the sorts of meetings where when you get up to speak the whole crowd shouts "Hi Brianna" at you before you tell your story. If I'm wrong and these are lower key survivor meetings where you sit in a circle and hug and cry at the end after meeting your power animal, well, pretty much the same things apply, but the level of sympathy is a lot different.)

The period highest risk for another heart attack is within a month of a heart attack.

And your OD chick? Recreational ODs are the cost of doing business.

Sometimes coincidences are just coincidences.

Sorry for your losses.

But Why?

I worry more about the stuff I write while I'm alive.

I'm not all that worried about the backwash that occurs after I login to the great message board in teh Sky.

Wolf is always the one with the reasonable words. :) Yeah, Brianna, listen to her. :D Honestly, I would freak out a little too if people around are dropping dead. :neutral:

I also am in an environment where people drop dead with some regularity, some intentionally.

Got a call from cops last night, in fact ... "Yeah, this is Officer Krupke, one of your patients, her friend said she was on the psych ward, I need her next of kin info, she overdosed."

So, I'm looking up the name and say to the cop, "This going to be an involuntary, you want to give me the info so I'm ready when you've got it written?"

"No, she won't be coming to you. I just need the next of kin info."

So, anyway, by the time we got through that conversation, I had figured out that we'd never seen the poor lady, and some other hospital had let her out that day. We actually have more psych hospitals and psych wards in hospitals than most places in the country. Quite a few to choose from, and a few of them have somewhat similar names.

The psych guy at the hospital that pronounced her called me like a half hour later to "give a heads up about one of your patients."

He also got told, "No, you want to gloat to the next hospital over about this."

Incidentally, we refer to that as "completed" not "successful."

You can Deal with IT.

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My family would post here if anything happened to me. They know you're my friends.

This brings back some ultima online memories. We had an ingame funeral for a player who died. He was in his late 20s and died in a bike accident. His mum informed the community when it happened.

Thanks, all; I feel better now.

The combination of the above weirdness with the winter-rain weather and struggles with my disease (mainly the one that goes, "Hi, Brianna!") just got me down and morbid.

My therapist (my CA therapist who is a true guru) says, "Don't exaggerate! You exaggerate and the Universe hears you!"

i wasn't exaggerating, all those things happened, but sometimes I get mixed up. Yeah, a string of unfortunate events but not an omen to me personally. I've been told that this disease is terminal if not arrested. I believe it.

Life is terminal, hon. Once you've got that concept licked, you're good to go and make the most of it :D

Yep, life is a sexually transmitted terminal disease.

Dunno if this will help, but it happened to me...

About six years ago, someone close to me died at the age of 32. That was a real wake-up call. I decided that life was for the living and my life at that time could hardly be called "living." It was more like torture. Drudgery. Dull, dull, dull. Annoying and pointless.

So I stopped living that old life and embarked on a new one, in a place I'd never been. Just like that. Walked away from a good govt. job and a killer condo in the Bay Area to buy a house in the woods in a different state where I knew nobody.

GREATEST DECISION I EVER MADE.

I know just walking away from your life isn't something most folks would consider, but I think more people should. Sometimes you have to step outside the box to see how miserable you've been inside it.

*hugs*

Glinda: Just out of curiosity, what do you do now?

I like this, Glinda. Good for you!

We only get one go 'round.

Tell that to the Dalai Lama.

Heh. Well, therein lies a tale. Previously, I worked for the CA State Bar, herding attorneys (Whee. Fun.). It was your basic 40-hour/week, killer benefits, can-only-be-fired-if-you-show-up-at-work-with-a-shotgun, type job. Great if you want nothing more out of life than dealing with BS bureaucratic red tape for 25 years just to secure a semi-reasonable retirement (which, given the current mess of the stock market, is most likely no longer even remotely semi-reasonable). Meanwhile, I did some freelance writing on the side.

After my big move (2004), I started pimping my freelance writing - did mostly advertising and web copy for small businesses. In early 2007, I hooked up with a Dallas auction company, researching collectibles and writing catalog descriptions for them (I used to do this work years ago in LA). Everything was FAB until last fall, when they stopped flying me out there to work, and sent things to me in the mail, instead. Unfortunately, the work load is now only about half what it's been, so I'm searching for an actual *gag* full-time job.

GDMF economy buggered up my perfect semi-retirement! %$#@! :mad2:

glinda, your bravery will be rewarded!

you helped both me and my sister with your story. thanks!

You know, I keep thinking about how I beat out the devaluation of my retirement money... When I moved up north, I cashed out my 401(k) (there wasn't that much there to start with) to help buy my house, something one should NEVER do. But I had to, to make it all work. Now, five years later, I'm a genius 'cause I got full value for that money, something most folks will never able to say.

Who knew? *wink*

I just keep telling myself "There are no guarantees in life," and then I do what I need to do to get through this day; whatever comes tomorrow I'll deal with tomorrow.

Like I said, what I did is not for everybody, but the big lesson I learned is that I really can get through pretty much anything.

There's no reason to be afraid of change or an unplanned future... So be bold! Be daring!


Anyway, I'm glad my story helped!

Well said Glin. That's how I try to live my life.

My favorite quote from one of my most favorite people:

Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing.

--Helen Keller

My greatest fear is dieing with unused vacation days and/or unspent money.

Clone thread:
I think my Number is 7

I pretty much live everyday as if I havent picked 'my' number yet...that is, I dont worry about dying. Thats not to say that I am living my life to its fullest or anything...Im much to chickenshit to really go out on a limb for that. But I do belive I am fully present in the life I am living. That is all I need.

Some day I will do a Glinda, and move to the Keys or the Islands and find any ole work I can.

I do what makes me happy mostly. Or, at least, I don't feel under any pressure to live life in a certain way. There is a freedom to not owning anything. Of course, my rather cavalier approach to life might be a little less possible if I wasn't in a country that guaranteed me a minimum income, regardless of my employment status. That minimum income is a small figure. basic benefits in case of unemplyment do not buy a luxurious lifestyle. But they minimise the wolf's access to your door. Again, easier if you're not a homeowner: benefits won;t pay mortgages...they'll pay rent, and for a limited time interest payments on mortgages...but the less you own the more help you can access. Knowing that's there if needed is enormously reassuring.

I pray that day comes soon for you (all of you!). :fingerx: There's nothing better than living the life you love and loving the life you live.

As for the money end of things, I'm earning about 1/3 third what I used to and I'm at least 99% happier. It was a very worthwhile tradeoff. :)