Regrets
 

http://cellar.org/2009/bawlstory.jpg
Could of, should of, would of... go on, take a chance.

Where's the part where you do, and they stab you right in the heart?

Tis better to have loved and lost....

non, je ne regrette rien!

Or the part where he stalked her, told her he loved her, and when she figuratively stabbed him right in the heart, he literally stabbed her right in the heart. That's why she's in the coffin.

My heart wasn't stabbed.. it was more of a ripping it out & stomping on the floor.

Mine was stabbed, ripped out, stomped on, run through a food processor, poured down the sink, and then ignored.

Your turn. ;)

(It's not all that bad, I'm just grumpy.)

Mine was eaten by a coyote then shit off a cliff.

Next!

Mine was at the bottom of that cliff.

Funnily enough, my crush took me on a pre-pubescent date. To a local airshow. We were 11, so it was with his Mum, Dad and two younger sisters. He was mad on the armed forces and I just had fun with his sisters.

He refused to go on the Big Wheel, crushing my hopes of bumping lips. Instead I went on with the older sister - only a school year younger than us - who quizzed me mercilessly re my intentions!

Recently I dream about Mark. Night after night. I understand why - my mind is taking me back to when "love" was simple. When it didn't depend on body shape or income or ambition. It was just about who you were.

I think my brain wants to be in love again.
The rest of me is more sensible.

There is water coming out of my eyes.

Maybe you should tell Cliff how you feel; is there any chance for reconcilation? teeeheeee :p

:lol2:

I think this is part of the process of clearing/cleaning out your system. I had, and know others who had pretty much the same things happen to them. Its like you are resetting yourself.

There is a lot to be said about that classic. Do you reset with a renewed anger in your heart that all of this is the fault of all men/women you ever encounter again, there by ensuring you will never have a meaninful relationship again? Or can you focus on your individual problems and keep it real knowing that you are directly or indirectly responsible for much of your own predicament?

Seriously - I chose the latter after much kicking and screaming. At first most things were someone else's fault. After more reflection, and alot of Crow a la carte.... Smiles come, and happiness can be followed by true joy. And there is a huge difference to me.

No Crow au Vin?
(... a crow that has been run iver by a van...)
thanks Blackadder for that one

Glad to hear it's possible, Classic.
75% of me just says, "never again" and accepts it.
The other 25% comes out in my dreams and wakes up longing.

I loved Blackadder! Another of my addictions to Brit TV. :D

You can do it SG. Listen to what people post on here. There are people her who reek of the inability to get over personal failings and project them on to anyone they dislike. Life is much to short for that shit.

That 25 percent will get you every time.

It's out there, if it isn't for you it isn't for any of us. :)

SG, I seriously never thought I'd ever find someone to love after almost 6 years of being single, but it took me that long to really honestly get myself anywhere near where I needed to be to let love come into my life again. Then I met Dazza when I wasn't even looking for love and he's helped me scrape off the last of the shit and slime from the past to the point where I can really feel that sense of complete happiness with him, even when he's annoying the shit out of me (if that makes any sense).

I just think that when you start to think you might want to bring love into your life, you're probably almost there, particularly if you're logical about your thought processes at the same time.

Bruce, thanks for the OP. I thought it was beautiful in a sad way. I guess we all sometimes have things that we just never realized until it was just too late. I think it's part of the human condition.

That 25% may be the addiction talking - trying to lull you back into its dark grasp. Saying things like "You're not worthy...You'll never succeed... I'm you're only friend... Just one drink... Rinse repeat lose years of your life. JMO.

Break the cycle! Kick it in the cunt and live!

That was so sad!

*smiles* I'm not sure I really do regrets as such. There are things that didn't go as I would have hoped. I can get quite misty eyed thinking back to younger days, and the closeness I felt to my man then. I can't imagine ever feeling that kind of closeness again...but that's ok. It was a young thing. It was almost a sublimation of the self.

I know I'll never feel that kind of intensity, because I am not prepared to lose myself in someone. That loss tastes sweet at the time, but there is a cost. An affordable cost when the years weigh light, less so when you get older.


[eta] thinking about it, I don't ever want to love someone so much that I would die or kill for them. I have only ever loved that way once. Thankfully, when that love lost its glamour, there was a solid friendship left. Solid enough that I would probably still die or kill for him; for different reasons.

You were stoned. :haha:

What, for 12 years?....oh, wait a minute..yeah.

♪ I did it myyyyyy wayyyyyyyyy ♫

Sorry. The "regrets" title touched it off.

I'm feeling better now.

To be fair to myself, I have not been in a proper relationship for 10 years now because I haven;t felt that the time was right. Oh and because no-one fancies me..
Are we talking about being in an adult and consenting situation, or did you think this was a metaphor for drinking?

If it's drink, I understand completely.
If it's love I think you might be being a bit harsh...
It kinda assumes I will be alone for the rest of my life.
Something I often assume myself, but which sounds a bit mean coming from someone else.

Have you hear the Gypsy Kings' version of that? That's what I want played at my funeral ...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7T1VQ5X-y-I (sound quality not great but the best of three online versions I've just reviewed ...) (and how do you do that video embed thingie?)

Put the part in red between [youtube] tags.

I thought it was a metaphor...

Sorry, I didn't realise what you were referring to in your post.

Sorry. One last thing.

http://www.cartoonstock.com/director..._way_gifts.asp

Love is like a roller coaster. Some people get on it and scream their lungs out and enjoy it. Some people end up covered in puke.

Some people just know better and never get on to start with.

That's not what you said last night...

:angel:

Awww, Angel... in the morning.:blush:

Reminds me of the humping/puking/eating-it-up dog.

You know what sucks is when you meet that best friend, but he's married. Then time goes by and you get married too. Then more time goes by, and his wife leaves him for another man. More time goes by, and your husband leaves you, but by then your best friend has gotten back together with his wife after a two-year separation, trying to do the right thing for the kids. And the whole time, you both know you love each other and would be perfect together. And the wife is so jealous you're not even allowed to see him, and he can't call you or even text you, because she's afraid he'll do the same to her as she did to him, and it's a comedy of errors, except it's not a comedy at all.

And then, inevitably, you move on and allow yourself to love someone else, and not long after you say your wedding vows, your friend and his wife finally stop trying to make it work, and part ways...

Well if he means that much to you, why don't you leave your husband? I know that sounds cruel, but seriously, do you really love this guy, or are you just deluding yourself with the romance of it all?

Take a step back and look at the bigger picture mate. You might find that the grass isn't all that much greener on his side of the fence after all.

Oh it's greener all right, but catch 22. The other side is always the other side.:haha:

Yep that's true...and I guess it's what I mean anyway.

Life doesn't have to be a soap opera.

The above scenario isn't exactly what's going on in my life, it's just an example of how people can always "miss" that window of opportunity.

I'm currently going through a divorce, and my best friend is going through a reconciliation. The thing is, I truly loved my husband... I wouldn't have left him for my friend. You can love more than one person at once. My husband and I have a child together, as does my friend with his wife. Sometimes you work on what you have, out of principle. I wouldn't love my friend so much if he didn't share that principle. If my husband hadn't left me, I wouldn't see any irony in the scenario at all.

I will probably never marry again, but I also don't want to put my life on hold waiting for my friend to get a divorce. That's pathetic, and borders on pathological. If he gets a divorce and we end up together, I think that it will be the best thing that could happen... but if I meet someone wonderful, I don't want to turn it down because I'm waiting and hoping, you know? Refusing the joy before you for dreams of a better joy is foolish.

Doesn't have to be... but mine still follows that pattern regardless..

I often find that people who say truisms like this about something as commonplace as unfulfilled love have been fortunate enough to lead lives that are very free of hardship. Being in love with someone unavailable is hardly soap-opera material... it's just a fact of life that many people experience. That in my case it's a person I happen to be perfectly compatible with is just a source of regret, not a source of drama. I'm 37, and I have kids to raise and work to do... I don't have time to waste on idealization, but at the same time, I know what I feel and why I'm feeling it.

I am a low-drama person. Even my divorce, and my ensuing emotional breakdown, was pretty low-drama. I hope that someday I will fall in love with someone else, and that they'll be as good a match for me as my friend, but that doesn't stop me from wishing things were different right now.

To be fair to Ali, she's been through the mill herself. It's all here on one thread or another (although history by the time she started posting) but she was single with two sons when she met her husband. She also had some family issues before this.

Not saying you should have known this, just updating you on one of the people you might be referring to (although I accept your post is a generalisation).

That's all true, what both of you have said, and you'd better believe it when SG says I've been through the mill. At least a couple of times.

It's because of this that I have the perspective that I do.

I'm lucky now, but life sometimes deals crap hands even amidst a string of good ones, so I simply cherish what I have and leave the rest to fate.

As to the love situation, I still don't believe it's meant to be that hard. I know this because I once believed myself to be in a similar situation, but I was deluding myself. Most of us torture ourselves with love at some stage of our lives. I just think it's a shame that any of us waste time on people that'll never be our own.

I second this. I have been there, too. It's quite miserable. Now, I think..."what the hell was I thinking?"

Unrequited Love:
FAIL.



lol! How obnoxious was that?
Outside of the stupid joke Tiki- are you going to grab a pair and work on your principles from there? It really sounds like you won't commit either way........Is there something principled about that? Please describe the principles as I am reading one thing, and hearing another......:)

Sounds like: waiting for the next best thing so I won't feel committed or pathological......

Unrequited love does suck, and it is fail. Definitely. But all you can do is deal with it and move on as best you can.

Cicero, I'm not sure what you're talking about... my principles? My husband left me last summer because he couldn't deal with the bustle and responsibility of family life. He wanted a simple, uncluttered life. A few months after he left, I told my friend I am in love with him... but by then, he and his wife were already planning for her to move back in.

I was hurt that he hadn't told me that this was going on, since we saw each other every day, but he thought it would be too hard on me for him to talk about it. It was too painful for me to deal with, so I pushed him out of my life and am trying to get over him and move on. That's it. Won't commit either way to what? I'm committed to living my life, raising my kids, and getting over my twice-broken heart so I can be ready to meet someone else someday.

What principles do you think I'm conflicted on?

Unrequited love sucks. I spent a year and a half pining away with a does he, doesn't he know? pile of nonsense. very disruptive. Got rightin the way of my studies. Ended up with him briefly. Just long enough to realise the love was just infatuation and I am happier single :P

Tiki, you don't sound remotely conflicted on your principles.

mine was at the bottom of that cliff with it's mouth open.

My stupid little heart is even more crushed today because I thought I could extend an olive branch to my friend, but he won't reply.

Stupid stupid stupid heart.

Well that certainly did remedy the question. ;)

I don't think you are, it just sounded like it for 2 seconds. I do hope things get better for you. :D

An olive branch to your friend? No reply? Were you arguing?

I couldn't talk to him for a while because of his wife moving back in. I said some really mean things about her, and then I told him I couldn't see him for a while because my emotions were out of control and I didn't want to say angry things to him.

So we didn't talk for a month, and then I messaged him saying that I was feeling like I could do a better job of being a friend now, and he didn't reply for a few days, which really hurt. But he's replied now, and I am feeling a lot better about things.

Yah, that reminds me of something I am learning. I am welcome to stick my toe over the line, and I am also welcome to get it stepped on when I do so. Fair is fair.

I myself, am forgetting everyone that isn't involved with the enhancement of my life. That means everyone. I, for the first time in a long time am not emotionally involved with anyone, and it feels fantastic! Love it! Love it! I am being so selfish about putting my life back together that there really is no room for a romantic nuisance.

But, I also am not like you and don't have a best friend that means a lot in the way that yours does. A lot of my best friends are women so there really is no confusion about the relationships or sexual roles. I feel for you.........In my experience, when I did date my best friend in the past, I found out quickly that the friendship was better, and the dating? Not so much. Not what I had imagined.....And I proceeded to lose my best friend of years that way.............

Enough about me:
I am glad you guys got it patched up. ;)

Thanks!

I've been divorced and heartbroken before, and I know it will just take some time for me to get happy with my life the way it is. I am fortunate to have some really great friends, and they've helped a lot!

I've dated friends before, we always just went back to being friends afterward. I guess we just had to try it out. Except my previous ex-husband... I hang out with him sometimes, but we never quite made it back to real "friendship". Too much water under the bridge.

Me too, but is is nice to have a fuck buddy... or two.:blush:

What I wouldn't give right now just for an intelligent man, who gets my sense of humour, and finds my physically attractive. Oh, and lives in driving distance.

Is it so much to ask? Really? I'll come to your house and cook steak and give you a BJ and have great sex. But it isn't as easy as that, is it? Ah well. I'm on a diet and in therapy. Maybe one day.

Agreed. It's nice to have one, but not essential. I'm happier single, too.

You're young and this desire is completely normal and rational. At my age, it's a pipe dream.