Tears
 

have *great* bokeh.

What?

is it teers or tares?

Okay, so I wikipediaed, and I'm still not sure where you're going with this, unless it's the soft focus the world takes on when you're crying ...

What happened, BigV?

What?

That doesn't sound good. :(

We've got a ton of shoulders here, waiting and ready when you are.

What Wolf said ...

Hey BigV - whatever it is, we can help you carry it, mate.

I have no idea what you just said V.

Here if you need an ear.

Drop in with the story brother.

All right amigo, what the heck was that?

BigV...been wondering about you after hearing about flooding in the Seattle area.

We're here dude.

Some background on bokeh here.

Share when you can, V.

Maybe it is about tires.

I love caustic threads..It builds dramatic tension...:)

Now spill it...:)

I signed Tink's divorce papers the other night. The clock is ticking now.

I feel immensely sad and exhausted. I am confused and worried about the uncertainty of my future, our future, our childrens' future. I feel angry. I feel hopeless.

I feel like a failure.



We've been at a juncture like this before. I had more fight then. I had more hope. We reconciled and life was good. But I was wrong. Life wasn't good, life still sucked, I just focused on the good. I was ecstatic that we had turned back from the brink. I'm more confused and uncertain of myself and my judgment than ever. I was so wrong.


Now, I don't really know what to do. I'm drifting along, spun around and bumped as I'm carried ever more swiftly down the river to the falls below. A couple times I've been capsized and held under by the force of the current against the rocks on the bottom--extremely unpleasant. I want off this river but the canyon walls are steep and high. The falls approach.

Soon you'll find the strength and courage. That or an Angel will scoop you up and take you to heights you've never imagined possible. Hope springs eternal.

Till then you have your friends. Talk to them, be with them, lean on them and allow them to help you through this.

Oh, BigV, I am so sorry for your pain. My prayers are with you tonight, all my love-vibes and hopefulness...oh, I know this pain. I am so very sorry. Please let us help you.

Don't think about the things that overwhelm you. You can put those off, now. Just think about what you need to do, day to day, to get by.

I'm so sorry to hear that V. I've had friends in your position and my heart goes out to you.

Let friends and family help. Take care of yourself. Eat comfort foods and do stuff you enjoy doing.

Sorry V. I am going to therapy. You should take a crack at it. It couldn't hurt...much.

Sorry to hear this V !

Things suck Now but they will get better.

Hang tough

Shit. :(

weather report:

Clear and cold.

*Frowns* Ach V, I'm so sorry mate. You'll get through it. I know that sounds like so much trite nonsense, but you will. Undertoad's right: don;t focus on the overwhelming whole. Just go day to day. It isn't the end of the world. It feels like it, but it isnt. It probably feels like it should be.

Keep talking to your friends. Try not to seek meaning in what's going on. There isn't any. It's just life and where you are at. You won't be there forever. It isn't success or failure, it's just life.

The trick now, V, is to try and get through it without hurting each other too much, and without burning bridges of friendship for the future. You have children together, therefore this will not be a complete break. That makes it tougher in some ways, but it also means you're more likely to stay in each others' lives long term. That is an opportunity for a continued friendship if you are both able to take it. Be careful with each other during these early days.

Obviously, V, I don't know truly where you're at. When me and J split, there werent kids to think about. But it was worth the effort of being careful to be able to pick the friendship back up after the dust had settled. It doesn't have to mean a complete loss. You don't lose each other you just change what you mean to each other. That change will happen naturally, but it's up to both of you if you want to guide it to something positive and valuable.

I may have said too much here. It maybe too soon to hear this. If so I'm sorry. And good luck. You'll be ok.

Focus on continuing to be a great Dad right now. You can handle this.

Damn, V that bites. The thing you really want to avoid right now is a long-term perspective. Just focus on making today as good as it can be and block out thoughts about tomorrow or after.

As with any injury, physical or psychological, focus on stabilizing and not what you are going to do next.

What I tell myself when things crash in on me is that if I have to be miserable maybe I can make someone else happy and get a little joy from that.

Sorry this is happening to you but do know that you will heal completely from this. Don't worry about when just know that the pain, as bad as it is, will not last.

Exactly. And don't think of this as a rejection in any way, in any sense of the word. People are difficult and large and full of contradictions, relationships are weird, things happen, we can't predict the future.

BigV, you're a good guy, and I'm sorry you are going through this. Everyone I know who has gotten divorced has made it through the tough times and gone on with life afterward. You will survive this. Follow the advice others have given you. And just take one day at a time. Your kids need you, so be there for them. The bonus is that will give you something to focus on.

Sorry to hear that V! Damm. Hang in there dude. You are a strong guy. Like others have said the most important thing is to keep your mind and body busy when awake. The more you sit and do nothing the more time you have to think about depressing thoughts. Stay busy and on the go. You can do it. You will make it. Many here have gone down the same river, including the falls, and they have survived a better stronger person. Be there for your kids as much as possible. Good thoughts your way.

:(

I second all the good wishes and words of advice given here, BigV. All I would add is that the issues between you and Tink are just between you two and nothing to do with your children. Do not bring your children into it, and in all your dealings with and communications to your children focus exclusively on your relationship with them, never your relationship with Tink.
I'd give the same advice to any parent going through a divorce where there are children involved.

Or, you could snap out and kill everyone in Seattle. No? That's not BigV?
Right! You haven't changed, your circumstances have changed and you will adjust to that... Just like when it gets cold, you may not like it but you dress warmer and life goes on. You'll handle this and life will go on.

Don't neglect your job, don't neglect the kids, and most of all don't neglect your health...



... and don't neglect us, ya Boy Scout.:p

I repeat what others have said V.
I know you must feel broken right now.
Believe it can mend because it will.
There will still be joins - scars - but you will be whole again one day.

And you are a father. Regardless of where you are and who you are with, you are a father not just to your biological child, but to the (two? I think) children that you have been there for day in and day out.

They all love you. You are one of the defining influences in their lives. It is more important than money, work, even hurt - pretty much everything.

I'll bet it hurts like buggery now. But it won't be quite so painful for ever. My heart goes out to you completely. Look after yourself, look after your children as well as you can. And remember that you tried your best. Some people simply can't be together. This is not a judgement on you. You worked at it and it wasn't possible.

I'm sorry to hear this, V. I know you had worked hard for a better outcome.
We're all thinking about you, bud.

That sucks balls V.
Like others have said, only way to keep your head up eis to focus on one day at a time. Take care of yourself.

Crapsticks. I can't believe I missed this thread till just now.

Take care of yourself as best you can. You know we'll be here for you when you need us.

Miss you.

The walls are clearing. The shelves are emptying. The boxes are accumulating.

Hugs, Big V.

V, you are a good man in a tough situation. Seattle rains misery, but one day, when you're not looking for it, there will be a patch of blue there, and you'll see it, and appreciate it, and it will grow.

Then it will just be rain, again.

Lots and lots of love V.
You've given it out, you'll get it in return.
Divorce isn't the end, even when it feels like it. It's a beginning.
And the relationship you have with your children lasts forever.

Hang in there brother, we are all pulling for ya.

It gets better pretty fast... and the new person that emerges will be fascinating.

Sorry to hear about everything, V. I watched my brother go through it. I doesn't matter why or who's to blame (she was)...it still sucks. But things will get better with time.

V, How ya holding out? I know about the other thread but historically things are not as they always seem to be. I thought I would drop a line and say I was thinking of you and hoping all was well. Out.

The clutter is being removed and the light of a new chapter has begun to filter in. Try to embrace it. Its a new beginning, whether by choice or not.