Holy Smoke Wife Perma-banned her mom today!
 

Yikes. Today my wife perma-banned her mom and told her to get out of our house, cutting her visit short by 2 days.

The final straw, as it were. Details possibly to follow. Long and complicated intro which would require some one with Clodfobble's summarization skills to make readable.

Wow...for a mum to get banned, she must have been pretty annoying.

I hope it's all for the best.

Wow. Just wow. You can do that?

rough man, gotta love family.

http://www.lolcatbible.com/images/th...476px-Gtfo.jpg

http://www.evilavatar.com/forums/ima.../banhammer.jpg

I am at a loss for words. How do you do that? Perma-ban a mother. Must have been a fairly severe infraction of the rules. Did she find those pictures?

O.o wow...

heh, my mom doesn't know about her third grandchild.......

Good on your missus, I say. It's a tough call to make but sometimes it's necessary.

My big sis is Perma Banned from our life ,
Cold Hard thing to do But nessary for Sanity

I guess there are lots of reasons for these, ummm bannings, but families are people too. I just can't imagine banning a sibling or parent from either family. There are some that I get along with better than others but, eh, they are still family.

We're still both pretty freaked but relieved. It was a culmination of a long long history of progressively worse craziness, imagined events, boundary issues, passive aggressive behavior, inappropriate actions, and general untreated PTSD and other things.

A mutual friend suspects early onset dementia, which may be possible, maybe she's just headed for a nervous breakdown.

Things are not good at the moment, she launched her attack 30 minutes before the inch's birthday party was to start and that sealed the deal for my wife.

Surprise doesn't come close to what I felt. After 38 years of her defending her mother's insanity as being appropriate to any one who questioned it, I guess she finally had enough.

So what? If they make you and/or yours miserable, pop 'em like a zit.

I didn't talk to my Dad for a couple of years at one stage, but I'm glad we're good now. Like foot3's situation, it was because of a culmination of events and actions and deeds that led to me just not picking up the phone anymore and since my dad doesn't usually do the phoning, we just didn't talk and i didn't bother going to see him.

I think the time apart was good. In a way it served its purpose because I discovered that I could in fact be perfectly happy without my Dad in my life, but in the end, I realised that he is very important to me, and sometimes you just have to let some things fly. That being said, some things also need to be taken note of. No one deserves to be treated badly. I think my Dad realised that he'd pushed the limits just a bit too much at the time, but it was a difficult time for all of us. I'm glad things are better now.

I hope your situation can have a positive outcome in the end too foot3. I'm sure your wife is carrying a certain amount of guilt over her decision. No doubt you'll support her no matter what the outcome.

Good luck to you all.

In general some degree of family connection is a good thing, but there are times when you have to make an exception. I have a step-mother who has qualified. But, wow, banning your mother, she must have really really pissed off Mrs Foot.

I haven't spoken to my mother in over 12 years. A combination of things, allowing my stepfather to molest me for 3 years, siding with my abusive ex husband, and treating me like an atm finally got to be too much in my mid-thirties.

Wow. I am semi-banning my own mother from my life. Good for Mrs. foot!

Bans are sometimes justified, but it's still a sad thing IMHO. Maybe the decision should come under review once a year - but it's your choice. Whatcha gonna do with her Christmas present now? :)

So, I have been wondering about this. Has anyone ever been asked by their parent "Do you need me anymore?"
I just got asked that question, with the follow-on trip "If you don't need me, I have no reason to exist."

(Yes, this account is a sock puppet. If you would be so kind, please do not speculate in-thread as to whose it is.)

defuse it probably.

bwahahahaha!

My mom did something similar with her birth mother 14 years ago...her and my stepdad gave her the heave-ho. She had to stay with one of my mom's sisters for the rest of her trip. There was a lot of animosity and disrespect there and it finally blew up one night a few days before Xmas 1994.

I'm sorry for you and the missus, Foot. It's a shame that it had to come to that, but maybe it will be the beginning of better times.

Best thing my friend J ever did was remove his mother from his life entirely.

I know my Sis would have perma-banned me from her life if my parents hadn't been around. One of the many reasons she thinks I am the black sheep of the family is simply because I moved out of Aylesbury - and yet my parents get to see their Grandchildren approx once a month and my bro sees them (like I did) about twice a year!

The first thing Sis said when Mum told her I'd lost my job was, "Well there's no reason for her to stay in London now is there?" This worked in my favour TBH because I hadn't broached the subject of moving back (it was the same day) but it encapsulates my sister's attitude.

For over three years I worked behind the bar of a pub which was owned/ managed by a Spaniard. He was really into Family Values (capitalised as per the Daily Mail). He was adament that no-one knew what was better for you than your daddy. Even me, worshipping my father, knew that he was (is) a man and a flawed one at that. I challenged him once re a chap called Chesh - I knew one of his daughters. In fact I probably knew him better than she did and vice versa. Benito finally admitted he was wrong - but saw that as an abberation.

Anyway, in a roundabout way I'm saying people are people. Squirting out a bit of sperm or squeezing out a baby are not indicators of good parenting. It's incredibly hard for a child to make a break from a parent and I doubt it's ever done lightly. If your wife thinks this is necessary then I am very sorry she has been put in this situation, but I hope you are very supportive (everything I've read over the last 3 years suggests you are). All my very best thoughts to her - this is in some ways worse than death.

Well, I've done this with my mom several times. She can be quite outrageous. We go through phases that there is a ban.

Nothing wrong with it. Now we know how to deal with each other. It took a lot of practice to get this boundary threshhold down.

We can deal with each other at arms length, and there are no expectations otherwise anymore. It took a lot of hits getting to this place, but it's been working for a couple of years now.

Since the recent dissolve of my marriage I was thinking of going back home. But I can't. It wouldn't work. I have to remember how things work, and at a distance is better for everyone involved.

I love my mom...I just can't be around all the time. Things get too crazy and it gets harmful, so there is no reason for me to forget it.

I've always said, there isn't anything my mom can't make worse. And it can be true at times. So I try and not let that happen.

Self-preservation and that of one's immediate family always need to come first.

But its hard not get caught up into an "enabling" role.