Lover and/or Best Friend?
 

Do you think it is better for your boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse/lover to also be your best friend? Or is it better for them to just be your significant other.

Explain too, please.

I don't know how anyone else would define their relationship, but I know my husband is also my best friend. He's the one I want to tell everything to, and do everything with. He's the one I turn to when I can't cope and he's the one I yell at when I'm at my witts end. He's also the one who forgives all my faults and loves me in spite of them...and sometimes because of them. He understands me and makes my life easier by just being in it.

I love him. I feel passionate about him. I respect him. I like him.

I can't imagine life without him. I was lonely before even though my life was filled with love and family. Now I never really feel alone even when he's not beside me (which is often). He's a presence in my life that is enduring and comforting just to think about.

He's my lover, and he's my best friend.

eta: I have to add also that I've had 'great loves' in my life before. It wasn't the same though. I was passionate about them and enjoyed being with them, but there was always things I kept to myself. I don't really know why or what is different with my husband, but I just don't even think about not telling him things. It's like if I don't tell him I'm doing something wrong.

It's this difference that makes me know that this relationship is rock solid. I never felt so sure of my own individual future until I decided to share it with Daryl.

Style points Ali!

You might have to explain that statement. lol I don't quite understand. (maybe I'm having a Cicero moment)

It was a great post, that's all,

Oh right. lol Thanks. It was just from the heart though. I meant every word. :)

55% of men say that their lover is their best friend.



62% of men say that man's best friend is his dog.



This sounds unwholesome to me.

So 7% of men are into beastiality?

Sounds about right to me.

At least 7%.

:sheep:

My husband is also my best friend. Pretty much everything that Ali said is true for me, only I don't write as eloquently. I can't imagine it any other way.

I have neither.
Probably don't deserve them.

I know I certainly don't

I don't think you need to be best friends to be lovers, but you need to be best friends to be married.

i think it goes without saying in my case.

SG, what a ridiculous thing to say. I hope you don't mean that, because it couldn't be less true.

My husband plays a lot of different roles in my life, and "lover" and "best friend" are definitely included in that list. He's.... home. He makes me feel safe, and he bears a little of my burdens just like I bear some of his. A lot of what Ali said holds true for me, as well. My husband is the person I want to hang out with, and the person I go to for advice and support.

That said, I think I have a few best friends. I have relationships with female friends that are decidedly different from the relationship I have with my husband, but still very important. We support each other and spend time together, and these women are the people I consider my "best friends." The relationship I have with my husband is somewhere above that, and that's how I knew he was the right person to marry.

Yeah, what Juniper said. 'sup SG?

(both quotes trimmed)

You two should start a greeting card company.

I used to work at a Hallmark store. Looks like their stuff infiltrated my brain. :)

Hi!
College kid's perspective!
Right now I'd say...no?

Because if you have a lover who is also your best friend, your life seems linear in my opinion. There are friends, and there are family. A lover (gray area with bf/gf) should be down the family route, whereas the best friend is definitely a friend. This separation creates a wholesome life, I would say. Family is the most important thing in life. Best friends are a distant second. Lover and friend are two different experiences you need in your life, if I were to put them together it would get messy (because I did that and it did! haha).

If you have problems with your lover, you can't go to your best friend to talk about issues, I mean you can I guess because technically it is the same person but the advice and comfort surely won't be the same.

My ex was my lover and best friend. And when we broke up I lost both and felt really alone. I would probably make the distinction in a future relationship. My parents are lovers and best friends but my grandparents are definitely not best friends.

I would actually say most of my friends in college would agree with me. Maybe I'll change with more experience and age, but right now I would separate the two.

Yea, the rest of us call that marriage.

fresh, I think when you have a good marriage, you can definitely go to your best friend if you're having problems with your lover, even if they happen to be the same person. In fact, in my opinion it's the ideal thing to do rather than get lopsided advice from someone who's only hearing your side of the story.

Communication is the key to me is what I'm saying I guess.

Of course I talk to my girls about my marriage as they do to me about theirs, and sometimes you get tips to help in difficult situations, but it never replaces an honest discussion of the problem between the two people having it. Relationships are not exclusive, even the most intimate ones. They flourish much better with loving support from family and friends.

eta: We don't have a perfect relationship. We have our ups and downs and we definitely argue about stupid things sometimes (usually because one or both of us is just tired and grumpy) but I swear that because I feel so safe in this relationship is why I know I can just be tired and grumpy and get away with it because he knows it's not about him, but if we didn't have that open communication, he'd be sitting there wondering what he'd done wrong. It's something to do with confidence in the relationship and knowing it's the one thing...the last bastion of defense between you and the big bad world...or something like that. It's hard to put into words really.

I'll also add that when I was younger, I used to talk to my friends about every little hiccup in my relationships. They'd be disected and examined until it seemed like the only choice was to throw out an ultimatum in order to solve a problem. You may know by now that this is seldom a good course of action and usually you end up alone. Compromise is the key.

possibly the second time in history.... what he said ^.

The only time I have truly been in love, not counting my recent obsession (:P) was with J. He was my partner and my best friend for 12 years. He is still my best friend.

I don't know what's 'best' but I know that any future lover I have wouldn't be my best friend, because that spot's already taken :P

I am everything but his best friend. His friends are notoriously stupid. We do everything together, yes, but I'm not doing it because we are friends, I do it because he's my husband and I like having him around.

We never "hung out". We never acted like friends before we dated. He was never a great friend, or acted like it until he got into my pants. Not that kind of relationship. We discuss it, we are agreed, we aren't friends. He's a comapanion of sorts, but i'm not going to go play guitar with him or anything, and talk about his wife. Naah. We are significant lovers. I can tell, because he still acts out when someone hurts me (sometimes). He's cute. Friends is too temporary, of a word. In both, his experience and mine.

I've been blessed by being in one relationship in my life. Ali's words describe us too.
It began when we were 16 and freshmen in high school together... and its still going strong, now we are 53.

If there is such a thing as soul-mates, I think we are.

We still accidently hurt each other occasionally, life just doesn't let us avoid it. But love does cover many failures when allowed.

A man will die for his woman if she will live for him.

Hall of Fame?

Absolutely!

Sorry Dana, I don't know what you mean?

Is there a music band by the name Hall Of Fame?

Hall of Fame thread.;)

I think that lovers certainly need to have elements of best friendship in their relationship in order for that relationship to prosper. Best friendship entails so many things - common interests, trust, innate understanding about how the other person works - things that are so indispensable in a satisfying and successful love relationship. But in my world, best friendship often entails acceptance and pursuit of any number of things that just wouldn't fly in my love relationships.

So...no, I don't think you *have* to be best friends to be successful lovers/partners. I think it might be awesome, though.

My first husband had been my best friend/blood brother since we were 15 years old. It came as quite the shock to me to have him cheat on me multiple times. We didn't date till I was in collage, but I think overall he wanted to make the friendship more than it was, but still didn't have the dating experience he should have. It has taken a lot of years and life changes to see that.
My problem is that I tend to give everything to my partner wanting them to be my best friend, and this came back at me. I ended up with a highly dependent and heavily troubled husband. Thankfully I had other friends to turn too. Just a benefit for me that the main one became a main and important factor in my life. He is a friend as well as a lover.
I do wish I had a woman friend in town to have as a best friend, but that really has never been my way for some reason. I do have a long distance one but its not the same as having someone to do stuff with. I would like to have that.

Thanks Bruce.

In rereading my post #29, I just saw how it can be read in more than the way I meant it. The timing for the two actions I mentioned is problematic when read one way. :rolleyes: ;)
I guess I oversimplified the statement of my thought. :o :D

-------------------------------------------------------------------
----------------------------------------------------
quoted from Elspode-
- I have to say from my life experience that it is awesome for me. I get home from work first typically and often can't wait for my wife to get home so we can begin sharing the rest of our day together.

I have very close female friends some might consider Best friends It is so important to have a good circle of friends your own gender. I didn't know just how important until my ex and I split. I also have a friend Flint and I consider our "Best Friend" ... I love him as much as it is possible to love a man and yet have no sexual interest in him... he is totally like a brother to us both... we even named our daughter after him, but I would have to say without a doubt that my absolute best friend is Flint. I wouldn't want it any other way. It makes life so much easier. We have no secrets from eachother... none intentially anyway. He is always the first person I want to share anything with and the first person I go to when I need comforting. He is consistantly there for me... either for fun, loving or just an ear. Flint is my favorite person... next to our kids of course. I'd rather hang out with him than do just about anything else regardless what we end up doing... or not doing. That I get to end my day with him and have amazing sex just makes it all that much more amazing.

I don't think you HAVE to be best friends to have a good romantic relationship, but if it is going to be a long term situation it I think you at least need to be friends. Sex is wonderful, but there is so much more to share.