The Cellar Tupperware Party
 

Cicero arrives first to Shawnee's Cellar Tupperware party. She brings with her Vienna sausages in a port wine sauce, and a bottle of the best Merlot Walmart could provide.

"Who is coming?" she asks excitedly. Shawnee replies that she invited everyone, just everyone, and that she hopes for a good showing; the 900 piece container set just came out in mauve, and it will be hers with sales of only forty thousand dollars.

As the cream cheese/dried beef roll-ups bake at 350, the doorbell rings. It's LJ and jinx. Lj is drunk and waving wads of cash in the air "Where is the jello mold and the cake cozy? I'm here, and I intend to buy." Jinx pushes him through the door and lj falls onto the couch. "Ahhhh" lj sighs, "Where's the remote?"

SG peeks her head into the room. "Is this the right house?" she inquires.

It was then we knew the party had just begun...

just then, Brianna rudely pushes her way thru the front door.

"Where's SG?!" she demands.
"That randy wench just fellated MY xobruce!!"

Shawnee points out that the 12 ounce covered mixing bowl is a perfect receptacle for things one would rather expel than ingest.

lj farts in his sleep. but don;t worry.....there's no flavor.

Shawnee's cat sniffs curiously around lj's ass. The cat seems to be thinking "mmmmm, chicken."

The doorbell rings, and footfootfoot comes ininin, bearing gifts of beerbeerbeer and chipschipschips.

wolf won't show up for the actual party, but will put in a good-sized catalog order because she needs more Spongebob Squarepants sandwich holders, a butter dish, one of those Mickey Mouse Popsicle Makers, a serving center set, one of those corn butterer gadgets, a cereal keeper, and maybe some of the tall, thin storage containers, and the cake decorator set.

I despise the "parties" themselves because they tend to be a thinly veiled attempt at forcing other people to "host" one of these "parties."

Anybody having a Pampered Chef any time soon?

What about a Tastefully Simple (one of my patient's ex-daughter-in-law does that stuff, so I can't see anyone in anything near my region, since she's fairly high up in the pyramid?)

Sundae meanwhile is cowering in the kitchen, her fear of confrontation running too high even to apologise to Brianna.

However her highly active guilt gland soon makes her poke her nose out in order to check if anyone needs a drink, because she's been taking swigs of the Baileys she brought with her to calm herself down, and is worried she'll have to start on the baby oil next - she packed for the wrong party.

Still, at least she'll blow a lot of money of stuff she doesn't need, to make up for Bri blowing up over her blowing Bruce. So Shawnee wins anyway. Sundae makes a note to ask Big V for the number of his dentist.

"Hello, is this the zoo? This is BigV. May I have the walrus exhibit please? Thanks. Yeah, you won't believe the number and variety of buckets I'm looking at here. You'd better hurry, they're going fast."

koo-koo-kachoo

Limey, not knowing much about these events, has turned up bearing all of her tupperware, much of which has gone a tasteful shade of orange in the service of preserving bolognaise sauce. And a bottle of Arran whisky ...

You are the walrus?!

Nah, that's Jim Carrey.

lol! I have great taste!! ;) Mmmm...don't forget that I brought the container of deviled ham. Oh and salmon meat-loaf. Kimichi on the side.

Riiight, so I will be sure you aren't looking when I throw my plate away...wait, you don't throw Tupperware away. CRAP! What to do...

Oh, and be sure to try my green jello surprise.

I notice you came empty handed....;)

Nah nah nah, talk about coming belongs in the orgy thread!

Hmmm...No one invited me to that party....It must have slipped everyone's minds....

I guess I'll just hang out with Shawnee and this mason jar full of pickled okra. :)

Okra - bleurgh!
And if you have it in a Mason jar you need to be at Shawnee's party!

BTW, no-one was invited to the orgy. We all just crashed in from the brawl.

Well if you don't like pickled okra, I brought pig's feet. No worries! :)

I wasn't exactly invited to the orgy...I was sort of pushed through the doorway to be shocked in horror at the sight of Zenny humping a couch. But no worries, he'll be over here, soon enough, I am sure.

I'm not sure I could attend. I can't think of a Tupperware party without thinking of the ones my mom had periodically when I was a tyke. First, they were in the Living Room. This was intimidating enough by itself--it was usually closed and we weren't allowed in. There was a "den" for TV and general tomfoolery.

Second, all kinds of plates & cups came out of the cabinet that were never used, at least not at any meal I was privileged to be at.

Third, it was made very clear that we would be a) out of the living room; b) on our best behavior; c) quiet; or we would be d) sorry.

All things considered I think I'll stay home. But it was nice of you to invite me.

Shawnee nods knowingly, and wonders if she should tell SD that it was probably a woman's sales party, but the wares probably weren't of the tupper variety.

She then sidles over to the buffet table for some jello surprise and some pickled okra. She then decides some surprises aren't funny (what was IN that jello, case?)

Okra: Nature's single serving tubes o' slime. Can tupperware even hold them?

Case notices some of the other guests and perhaps even the host of this party might actually discover the secret ingredient to her jello surprise. Panicked at the notion, she attempts to distract her fellow tupper-wielders by singing very loudly and badly to the Neil Diamond record that is playing (Shawnee has a record player, too!)

"SWEEEEET Caroline...DUNT-DUNUH!"

Cloud, about to knock on the door, with her hands full of jello shots, hears the Neil Diamond blaring through the windows . . . and hesitates.

Case hears some shuffling at the front door and stops singing to go see who it is. "Cloud!" she exclaims, brightly ", I was hoping you could drop by!" Case leads Cloud into the kitchen, fully relieved that nobody has yet determined the secret ingredient.

Cloud pastes a smile on her face and quickly--quickly!--passes around the jello shots, hoping that a few of those will dull the pain. Or at least let her change the music without anyone noticing too much!

and oooh! she spots the food! and all the lovely little Tupperware samples.

Footfootfoot brings squirellnutkin as a chaperone and asks how much tupperware he'd have to buy in order to wake up next to shawnee123 in the morning. Then he asks if LJ can spot him a couple of C notes till payday.

Meanwhile squirell nutkin has polished off all the Walmart Merlot he can find and most f the jello shots and is trying to crawl up under Brianna's Sweater. He falls asleep due to the warmth and dark.

SamIam with soda sprayer still in hand, stumbles in from the brawl across the street. "Can I get one of these in tupperware?" she asks brightly. She sips her okra flavored jello shot and spies squirellnutkin's tail hanging out of Brianna's shirt. Believing Brianna to be under attack by a rabid animal, Sam aims her sprayer at the small creature. "Wet T-shirt contest!" yells foot x 3.

I won't say it's impossible, but if it's true, they did a great job of covering their track with actual Tupperware purchases!

bri tears off her (currently) wet T shirt, gives squirrell nutkin a pat, and then yells at SD, "Steve! Dallas! Enough of your effrontery! This is a Tupperware Party! No nostaglia allowed! On your knees, slave!"

SD, being the kinky nerd he is, gets on his knees.

Shawnee jumps up. "I have just the thing!" she scampers to her tupperware pile, and comes up with......

...a tupperware ballgag!

Umm... exsqueeze me.. I didn't actually show up.

Squirellnutkin leaps up and tries to hump it. Shawnee screams and flings both of them across the room only to have them land...

... across the street, in the house where the cellar orgy is taking place.

I think we may need to merge these two threads. Either that or we are having a very sexy tupperware party, and a rather tupperwarish orgy. Not that there is anything wrong with either of those.

One of my cow orkers is a rep for those kinds of parties.

Their samples might come in handy at your regular job.

"Ohh for #$%'s sake, you are not Jesus, I am not Satan, I've told you a thousand times to shut the #$%& up, here, have this."

Tupperwhore?

Sundae Girl says, "I tried to get down and dirty with Bruce, but suddenly a whole host of delivery people came in to cock block him. So I settled for coming to Shawnee's as I figured no-one would cramp my style here."

With that she tucks into the Domino's Sizzler that she brought across from the orgy. Well, the pizza delivery boy managed a different kind of delivery and left with a smile on his face rather than the money. Waste not want not!

"Hey Shawnee! You got any pizza specific Tupperware?"

These two parties must be separated! I brought deviled-canned ham and pigs feet to the tupperware party. Naked people around both of these items, I am sure, is against all gods. And if it is not, it should be. :p

Hey, do you have a storage container large enough to hold two Hitachi Magic Wands for disinfection purposes?

Shawnee looks around at the melee and smiles: they like me, they really like me, then remembers she's not Sally Field.

Then she sneaks over to the orgy, you know, for research purposes, leaving Cicero in charge.

Man, this jello is gooood.

I still thnort every time I read "tupperware ballgag."

That's some funny shit!

Great band name!

Tonight only, Tupperware Ballgag!

Supported by Concrete Codpiece.