My strange mother in law
 

I don't think I've mentioned my MIL here before, but today we had a delivery of meat from her and I just think it's weird. There was 6kg of pork sausages. 1 whole king island rump. 2kg of beef mince. 1 leg of lamb and half a leg of ham on the bone. At christmas, she sent us 2 whole legs of ham. Now I'm sure most of you have seen the size of a whole leg of ham on the bone, so you know how much space they take up in the refridgerator. Luckily for us, we were able to clear out some space in the 'drinks' fridge downstairs. Another time she sent us a few kg of prawns, and she also sent us half a dozen bottles of asti riccadona. One time she sent a couple of bottles of bourbon.

My MIL is an alcoholic and she often calls when she's been drinking and carries on. When she found out I was pregnant she was pissed off. Now she's happy about it. I'm not sure of the reasons for either. When we were planning our wedding, the thing she was most interested in was if a certain couple of colleagues of Dazza's would be there because she wanted to get into a fight with them (we're talking about a woman who can hardly walk and is wheelchair bound against a 6 foot something tall bloke and his equally tall wife). On the other hand, she gave me almost all of her mothers gold jewellery when she passed away last year (I'm talking thousands of dollars worth) and she says she really likes my Dad and his wife (who is a Phillipina) but at the same time almost, she'll bitch about 'the asians taking over australia'. One of the first things she ever asked me was what religion I am. Luckily for me I'm catholic, and Daryl was worried about her finding out my boys are dark skinned because of her racist attitude. On that note, she recently referred to my boys as pickaninees (which is a term for black kids) and I was pretty pissed off about it.

There's lots more, but I just thought I'd put things down that come to mind.

How weird is your MIL?

Did your MIL, by chance, go to public school?

Just asking. 'Cause over here racism and prejudice are "core curriculum."

Don't have one right now THANK GOD! The first one was a psycho. The "hopefully" next one seems wonderful - - - so far.

Well, if you're an example of private school education, you're no better from what I can tell. Smart arse responses don't make you better, or don't they teach you that in private school?

eta: and it's nice to see that you were definitely listening the day they were teaching you about generalizations and how productive they are to society.

Mine passed away last year, and in the last few years, she was fine, but in the beginning HOO WHEE! She was english, upper class, finishing school, all that nonsense. I met my husband when he stayed at the hotel I worked at so he married "The help". We had our rough times, but eventually she worked her panties out of the bunch they were in, and everything was fine. Plus they can't live forever, right? :eyebrow:

The very first thing my future-MIL asked my future-husband when he told her he had a new girlfriend was, "What kind of Christian is she?"

Also, she constantly explains what's going on on the television, in case the other people in the room don't get it. "Oh, he's upset because he doesn't want her to marry the other man!" This is, I think, a result of being a preschool teacher for 30-some years. After awhile, narrating the world around you becomes habit.

Oh and I have a story about the pickaninnie thing. My best friends Grandmother, when they were in a Hometown buffet restaurant in San Diego, filled with black people, says "Oh look at all the sweet little pickaninnies! Keep in mind this was 1985, not 1885!

pllllfftttttttttttttt!

What makes you think I went to private school? I went to public school. Were you absent the day they taught about making assumptions? FYI when you make an assumption you make an ass out of you and umption.

pppppfffffffffffftttttttttt!

Oh yes. Affectionate racism. It just makes it so much better doesn't it? ;)

I want to say it was around 1991 that my great-uncle tried to convince my little brother that he was calling his "slingshot" by the completely wrong name, those things were called "n---er shooters."

OMG...I've never heard that before. Times have changed I guess. At least, for those people who are private school educated. lol

When I met my DH, his mom had serious medical issues and had been an invalid for years, and I guess the condition, her meds, and severe lack of mental stimulation made her kind of loopy. She was a sweet lady, and I'm not talking trash about her, but you couldn't have a conversation with her. It wasn't dementia, she had a fine memory, but her mental processes weren't quite linear.

She's gone now, bless her soul. Now my FIL, who is his own special brand of strange, is quite hale and hearty at 78.

Ali, I think the answer to all the craziness is she's an alcoholic--your words. As an alcoholic myself, I think I can say probably half the time she doesn't know what she's doing or saying. She probably sends the meat over because she may feel remorseful (constant companion to the active alcoholic)

when alcoholics do what we call "drink and dial" they may be in a blackout and have absolutely NO memory of even making the call, let alone what they might have said. The next morning they having nagging doubts, flashes of what might have happened, feel impending doom and are depressed, tearful, and cannot handle these emotions...so,they drink some more to make it all go away. She will always be an alcoholic and the ONLY cure is to stop drinking. I am an alcoholic currently going to daily AA meetings, have a sponsor and am working the steps. If an alcoholic does NOT do the steps, they have very little chance of recovery. Oh, sure, an alcoholic can stop drinking but the alcoholic THINKING is still there until they get help. I love being around sober alcoholics....they TRULY understand me.

I hope she finally sees the light and gets real help. God bless!

What you say is true about her reactions etc Bri. Unfortunately, it's incredibly unlikely she'll ever change. She also has emphysema (sp?) but refuses to stop smoking and she also has osteoperosis, probably caused in part by drinking too much all her life. She was never the best mother either, so Daryl isn't particularly close with her which is a shame, but I understand after the things he's told me.

I guess miracles happen though. She was supposed to be dead by now, but apparently had a new lease on life when she found out Daryl was getting married. Maybe the baby will give her another reason to think about what she's doing with what she has left of her life. I hope so.

I don't know what's up your arse today foot3, but I'm glad you've gone to bed or passed out by now. All I can assume (for the sake of not thinking you're just a plain old every day arsehole) is that you just decided to pick me this time round.

Next time I'll just ignore your stupid handle.

Forgive me if this is out of turn Ali, but I think you were over harsh in your initial reaction. A flippant comment is not the worst sin in the world and hardly unusual/out of place in a Cellar thread, even a pretty serious one. It was a witty aside that made a comment about racism in schools. Not an attack on you or an attempt to reduce the situation itself.

For myself I had an interesting situation when me and J were together. His dad is adorable. I love his dad. A thoroughly nice, gentle, clever, funny and affectionate guy. His step-mum is also lovely. She can be a tad prickly from time to time when stressed and is.....in her own way mad as a hatter (to look at, think someone from 1920s Berlin crossed with a little 60s Carnaby class) but very sweet and generous and never shirked from the difficulties of bringing up a deeply troubled 11 year old step-son. I got on well (and still do on the occasional visit) with them. His actual mother, however, was another matter.

How many people here have had the fun experience of going to work for their partner's estranged (but recently back in contact) mother, only to have her burn down her own business and try to fit them up for it? How many people here have been arrested at 6am on a Sunday morning, stuck in a cell without any shoelaces or belt, held for several hours of heavy questioning until they start to believe maybe they did drop a lit cig into a basket? How many people here have sat in such a cell, wondering if they might actually go down for a ten year stretch for an arson they were fairly sure was nothing to do with them? Now, that, my friends is a mad MIL (only an honorary MIL, as me and J never made it official).

Fortunately, it turned out she had form on the whole arson thing, so that was that. I was 20 at the time. Scared the shit out of me.

Next one!?!? What, did you go to public school? :eek:

lol - yes I did xoB. I surtinly dun did.

Check the other threads he posted in at around the same time yesterday Dana. This wasn't the only thread, and definitely not where it started.

Yes it is. And thanks Dana, that's why you are on my christmas card list.

OK, so you carried the tripe to two threads then regardless of where it started. If you start something, why should you expect to come off looking holier than thou? You weren't funny. You were being a shit IMO and that's why I said what I did.

If others find your comments amusing, good for them. I did not.

eta: and to clarify, it started when I responded to your post number 28 in the Chinese market stall thread.

Hang on. Are you saying that footfootfoot is really squirell nutkin? Or is squirell nutkin really footfootfoot?

Yes. It was an alter-ego openly created a long time ago for drunk-posting purposes, but it has been awhile since he used it.

Squirell nutkin is my churlish, and apparently unfunny, sock puppet. See his first thread.

I am not the first one to be the brunt of Ali's humor impairment/paranoic/grandiosity attacks nor will I, or Mr. Nutkin, be the last.

I am amused at how seriously she takes everything.

Clodfobble, again is more concise and informative than I. I envy her ability to coherently put together thoughts and convey them in a readable manner.

When that sound thing is no longer fulfilling , you should take up writing; you'd kill like a champion.

I must admit, Ali, to being a tad confused as to why you think he was being a shit with the public school comments. I fully accept you have a reason, but I just can't see it. He seemed, to me, to be making a satirical comment on the state of public schooling currently. I may be wrong, of course, but there didn't appear to be a personal attack in the initial comments at all.

Whatever, you are just as entitled as anyone else to take offence at something another dwellar posts and for your own reasons. Just puzzles me is all.

Just forget it Dana. It's not worth carrying on with. You thought it was witty. I did not. That's the end of it.

It's not even worth discussing.

For the record, I have never seen humour in people taking the piss out of others. It's why I don't like shows like 'The Chaser' over here. In this place it's given me the spurious title of someone who is 'humour impaired' etc. Who cares? Not everyone gets along, nor will they ever. I'm just as happy to be different as the same, and I don't really care if people like me or not because I do or don't find something funny. I find humour in different things than the mainstream posters here I guess. It's no big deal. I'm pretty sure someone else will be accusing me of being anti-american again soon. Whatever. Who cares? Same place same shit. Nothing ever changes.

depends on the protagonists and the situation. Humour is entirely contextual. My point was, and I'll drop it after this comment: he didn't appear to be taking the piss out of anyone by commenting on public schools being breeding grounds of racism.

The only thing that can ever change is your own self (and I don't mean just you, Ali) it's the only thing anyone can ever change and it's damn hard work.

I just get the impression that you are a bit unhappy and that's perfectly within the realm of usual human conditions. I wish you well and I wish you peace but mostly I wish you some serenity and happiness.

Now, if you feel I've stepped out of bounds by "making it seem you are this or that" you'd be wrong. I am only posting from my experiences with some of your posts. If you ARE happy and I am wrong, I apologize. But my wishes for you remain the same.

Thanks for your thought Bri, but I'm perfectly happy with my life. It's pretty good actually. I've been lucky.

Unfortunately mud sticks, and a few things I said in my early days here don't seem to come off regardless of what I say or do.

People said I shouldn't have an opinion on US politics so I've basically stopped commenting (more or less) in politics or current events.

People say I have no sense of humour, but maybe I just don't put enough smiley faces in my posts.

People say I'm anti american, but I can tell you that's a lie whether you believe it or not.

The problem with this place is, people like to pidgeonhole people because it makes them feel something. Maybe safe. I don't really know. Of course, it doesn't just happen here. It happens on most internet forums because once you say something, it's there for good and those who decide they've an axe to grind will never forget it.

I haven't posted on here too much over the last 6 or 8 months up till the last few weeks or so because I was just tired of it, and then the first time I have a slight issue with something someone else has posted it becomes a big deal. It's not necessary and it doesn't say anything about me or my well being. Basically I'm tired and grumpy most days lately, but that doesn't mean I'm not basically a happy person. I have the same amount of sadness as everyone else more or less. There have been bad things in my life, but everyone has bad stuff happen from time to time. Maybe I do harbour some anger at some people here after sharing a couple of bad things that've happened to me and then had people basically tell me to get over it. I didn't see anyone telling you to 'just get over' your cancer. I don't mean to personalize this post in a bad way, but it's true. Some people get support from this site, and others don't so much.

Bri, I know we've had words in the past and regardless of who was right or wrong, or even if we both were, it's in the past and I don't hold any grudge against you. I honestly don't, and I'm very happy you're doing well. You have the right to comment on anything i post just as everyone else does, but really to be honest with you, this whole discussion is upsetting me. I don't think I deserve it. I really think foot3 knew what he was doing when he made very similar comments in threads I was posting in and he did it to stir me up. I foolishly responded and I just don't think it's fair that I should be the one to look like I'm being unreasonable.

Anyway, that's it for me. Once again, thanks for your thoughts, yours too Dana; and foot3, I'm not angry at you either. If it makes you all feel better, I'll just accept that I should have just ignored you or laughed at you. Unfortunately for all of us I do have an issue with the whole public versus private school debate and I take it very seriously because it affects so many kids who really aren't responsible for their parents decisions.

Yebbut... you thought the Dolphin/Shark thing was all about you too.....

So did I. You tellin us otherwise?

it was about you. just not ali.

(your ex was talking one night.....)

Ali, I want to apologize for the many mean things I said about you and/or your beliefs, etc. I drank A LOT during my cancer (and even before) but I cannot blame all my previous hostility on that. I think people here DO support you and like you for your input and opinions----we all need each other so we can grow and truly become a united global world. I do not wish to upset you further and won't post again about this but I truly do regret egging you on or calling you vile names and I hope you can forgive me. That's all I can do. I'm glad you are happy, Ali. Communicating thru a message board is difficult, at best, as you cannot read body language, voice inflection, etc. and I tend (tended?) to be more of a sarcastic master than an understanding, compassionate part of this community. I'm sorry for that and I know I have more to offer. Why not just start a-fresh? Every day is a new day.

Peace.

Sounds like a plan to me Bri. Let's wipe the slate clean huh? (actually, I already thought we had, but a declaration is just as good)

You've made my day. Thankyou.

I wanted (needed) to make the public declaration as I was in the wrong. I must live this way and apologize for my assholeness in the past. It brings me peace and I"m glad it has cheered you.

Now. On to Dana!

(see how alcoholics make everything about themselves? Still a selfish wench, I am.) Anyway, good luck with the strange MIL. Trust and it will work out.

I'm sure I had my part to play in the whole thing Bri. It always takes two to tango, and I'm pretty sure I said some pretty nasty stuff to you too. We were both idiots. How's that for fair? ;)

Drunk typing is often a big mistake. I haven't done too much of it on this site, but I have done on other sites, and it usually ended up with me looking in the next morning and thinking to myself "WTF?".

Good luck on this new phase of your life. Sounds like it's all looking up for you and it's about time.

:grouphug: now back to your regularly scheduled making fun of MIL's

I thought I'd share this message that I got last night from my cousin in reference to his MIL.

His wifes father has moved in with them as he has a terminal illness so the family is under a fair amount of stress at the moment. I had said something comforting to him via email, and this was his response.

I thought my ex MIL was a bit of a fruitloop. Blimey - I had no idea. She was just a slightly scatty 60 year old. Nothing like the MILzillas you have.

Bri is it really awful of me that when I read your happy smiley posts I picture you with your eyes rolled right up into your head? I'm sorry - it's really positive and I'll get used to it.

I don't believe any of that Ali. You are a good egg. Keep posting.

Agreed!

Thanks Merc, I'll keep posting even if it does annoy the shit out of some people. There's one or two people here who annoy the shit out of me too. I've decided to employ the ignore feature for that reason. They never post anything of substance anyway, so I'm not going to miss much.

Thanks to you to Dave. I think you must be my number one fan these days. ;)

I have done that and it has improved my reading and participation significantly.

So this in no way compares to your crazy in-law issues, but I was recently reminded of this incident:

My uncle-by-marriage has long been notorious in my family (at least my half) for the inappropriate comments he tends to make. Usually just something uncomfortable that can't be responded to. My brother got married last year and everyone was meeting at the church. I was in the kitchen with my nanny (grandma to some) and he walks in, this is how he greets me,"Hello Melissa, I haven't seen you in ages, you sure have gained a lot of weight." Most awkward thing ever. Even more so because I had gained about 10lbs over that year, but I thought I was carrying it well and my clothes covered it. I just sputtered something back, excused myself to go help the bride. As I walked away though I could here my nanny,"What is wrong with you? She looks perfectly fine, you never ever mention....!" After that he's always really careful to compliment me on something when I see him.

My late Great Aunt Alice was the same.
Nicknamed Fatty Alice (by us behind her back) because my Grandmother was also Alice Doyle, so it was a way of telling them apart. Really it was a cheeky in-joke because she was stout at the time, and she had a habit of mentioning my Mum's weight when she saw her. She got to comment on mine over the years too - and my hair colour/ style. Her favourite phrase was, "Oh you are funny" said in a genuinely bemused way.

One time which we will always remember was when she was looking at holiday photos. Mum & Dad took Grandad on holiday to Spain (while he was still well enough). There a picture of Mum & Grandad on their balcony, having a drink. Mum is in a swimsuit and shorts. Fatty Alice said, "You didn't wear that in public did you?!" Really shocked, like it was pasties and a fany pelmet.

Mum was really upset. She's not a small woman, but she is conservative in her dress. The swimsuit was perfectly respectable attire for a woman of her age and size, and the shorts covered anything wobbly.

It was one of the anecdotes I brought up after her funeral, when we were all sitting round talking.

We did love her though.